Hard time finding relationship, too picky?

  • Meniketti96

    Posts: 7

    Oct 01, 2015 7:29 PM GMT
    Hi,

    I've tried everything known to man. Grindr, Jack'd, OKCupid... Whatever. None of it seems to be really working out for me. I know that those aren't necessarily the best places to find something with substance but where else can I go? It seems that some people are looking for relationships but it never seems to work out. I feel like my standards aren't that ridiculous: Nice, masculine and decent looking. Honestly the first two are the most important. It feels like in my area everyone online is some sort of extreme personality type. A considerable number of guys on there are very feminine, not that there's anything wrong with that, just not what I'm attracted to. Another portion of guys seem to be very conceited and almost to the point of "bitchiness". Walk around acting like they're all that. And sometimes it's just a lot of baggage... For instance this one guy I met told be he was engaged to be married to an abusive partner after sending him to the hospital 15 times, is still getting over scars from being molested as a child, and said that if we were ever in a relationship, and I gained more than 5 pounds, he would leave me (all of this discussed our very first meeting). I guess it's just that I'm a very simple guy and I need a very simple person.

    I just don't know what to think. I know there are normal guys out there but do I just attract the wrong ones somehow? I want someone like my friends but just with an intimate type of relationship. It seems that everyone I've met has some sort of "thing" that just turns me off. I just want someone calm, easy-going, and who I can build something with. Am I too selective? Is what I'm asking for irrational? Should I just give up? I'm genuinely anxious to hear all your thoughts.

    Thanks,

    -J icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 01, 2015 7:37 PM GMT
    Does your "monogamous relationship" know how you feel?
    and
    Do you think your age has anything to do with it?
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    Oct 01, 2015 7:48 PM GMT
    Meniketti96 saidHi,

    I've tried everything known to man. Grindr, Jack'd, OKCupid... Whatever. None of it seems to be really working out for me. I know that those aren't necessarily the best places to find something with substance but where else can I go? It seems that some people are looking for relationships but it never seems to work out. I feel like my standards aren't that ridiculous: Nice, masculine and decent looking. Honestly the first two are the most important. It feels like in my area everyone online is some sort of extreme personality type. A considerable number of guys on there are very feminine, not that there's anything wrong with that, just not what I'm attracted to. Another portion of guys seem to be very conceited and almost to the point of "bitchiness". Walk around acting like they're all that. And sometimes it's just a lot of baggage... For instance this one guy I met told be he was engaged to be married to an abusive partner after sending him to the hospital 15 times, is still getting over scars from being molested as a child, and said that if we were ever in a relationship, and I gained more than 5 pounds, he would leave me (all of this discussed our very first meeting).

    I just don't know what to think. I know there are normal guys out there but do I just attract the wrong ones somehow? I want someone like my friends but just with an intimate type of relationship. It seems that everyone I've met has some sort of "thing" that just turns me off. I just want someone calm, easy-going, and who I can build something with. Am I too selective? Is what I'm asking for irrational? Should I just give up? I'm genuinely anxious to hear all your thoughts.

    Thanks,

    -J icon_smile.gif


    Your profile says you are 19. I can't imagine you've done more than a cursory inspection with your years of experience.


    Patience!

    Try a gay youth group, like a gay student union. At 19 I went to Dignity a Gay Catholic group by the U of M. I meet some great people there, They were more serious Catholics than I was though. One sweet boy, Terry, was at St Thomas and was planning on becoming a Priest. He was such a beautiful person in and out. Sadly I lost track of him when I moved to CA.

    You need to meet people, not on hook-up sites....or the internet. Real people, near by.


  • Meniketti96

    Posts: 7

    Oct 01, 2015 8:50 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidDoes your "monogamous relationship" know how you feel?
    and
    Do you think your age has anything to do with it?


    I don't know why it says that I've never been in a relationship. Maybe it does, there's not a lot of guys my age on these apps and so people may be put off because I'm a little younger.
  • Meniketti96

    Posts: 7

    Oct 01, 2015 9:03 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    Meniketti96 saidHi,

    I've tried everything known to man. Grindr, Jack'd, OKCupid... Whatever. None of it seems to be really working out for me. I know that those aren't necessarily the best places to find something with substance but where else can I go? It seems that some people are looking for relationships but it never seems to work out. I feel like my standards aren't that ridiculous: Nice, masculine and decent looking. Honestly the first two are the most important. It feels like in my area everyone online is some sort of extreme personality type. A considerable number of guys on there are very feminine, not that there's anything wrong with that, just not what I'm attracted to. Another portion of guys seem to be very conceited and almost to the point of "bitchiness". Walk around acting like they're all that. And sometimes it's just a lot of baggage... For instance this one guy I met told be he was engaged to be married to an abusive partner after sending him to the hospital 15 times, is still getting over scars from being molested as a child, and said that if we were ever in a relationship, and I gained more than 5 pounds, he would leave me (all of this discussed our very first meeting).

    I just don't know what to think. I know there are normal guys out there but do I just attract the wrong ones somehow? I want someone like my friends but just with an intimate type of relationship. It seems that everyone I've met has some sort of "thing" that just turns me off. I just want someone calm, easy-going, and who I can build something with. Am I too selective? Is what I'm asking for irrational? Should I just give up? I'm genuinely anxious to hear all your thoughts.

    Thanks,

    -J icon_smile.gif


    Your profile says you are 19. I can't imagine you've done more than a cursory inspection with your years of experience.


    Patience!

    Try a gay youth group, like a gay student union. At 19 I went to Dignity a Gay Catholic group by the U of M. I meet some great people there, They were more serious Catholics than I was though. One sweet boy, Terry, was at St Thomas and was planning on becoming a Priest. He was such a beautiful person in and out. Sadly I lost track of him when I moved to CA.

    You need to meet people, not on hook-up sites....or the internet. Real people, near by.




    That's a good point. Perhaps I've been relying too much on the internet and not enough in the real world. Thanks for this advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2015 9:22 PM GMT
    You might not be too picky - but "relationships" are rare as hens teeth with men of your age.

    Perhaps concentrate on your education or career for a while?
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 02, 2015 8:18 AM GMT
    I feel you man. Been going through the same thing. But I've discovered guys our age are air-headed and shallow. There's very little beneath the surface.

    I hate it when people say you should just focus on something different, as if you're not a whole person with more than one need in your life. I understand the need for a relationship, but shitty people, especially gay people, seem to abound
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2015 10:55 PM GMT
    I think it's normal to be picky in choosing your mate/bf. But you know, you do what you do, they say that love is a battlefield, you'll go through so many **assholes/frogs in order to find your prince charming. Lol, whatever you want to call it. I don't think guys should *lower their standards and settle for less for the sake of being in a ltr. I mean, I'm having fun being single/dating around. But yeah, I think your main guy will just pop up when you stop looking.
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    Oct 02, 2015 11:54 PM GMT
    Def try looking for older guys like 25-26 plus. Most 19 yos just live in the moment and want to get fucked up at parties. My biggest mistake in dating ever was falling for someone your age lol. Never again.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Oct 03, 2015 3:54 AM GMT
    I can tell you that 99% of gay men have felt the same you do, and are just as simple and normal like you! the problem is the large majority of that 99%, early in life and through time, either give up hope too quickly on the work and effort it takes to find love. The sad part is that most don't realize that love is not just about getting it but giving it also!

    I've had my share of failed relationships, and I can honestly say that most of it was my own fault, even if it wasn't! But unlike most I don't perceive "faults" as a weakness, but rather an inner strength in the works yet to be unleashed!

    Sadly most look for the easy way out, like hooking up, sex, fuck buddies, and countless other thin/superficial layers made up of basic human needs. Being human goes beyond acting on one's own animal instincts, you know. But when those layers build up they create one huge and thick wall of ego; often very hard to knock down later in life.

    My dear Meniketti96 don't just let the strings of your guitar/inspirations get you notice, or give voice to who you are! don't forget to also use your own voice! you being picky is not a bad thing; you are simply expressing how you feel, and that is a good thing!!
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    Oct 03, 2015 6:26 AM GMT
    Let's propose just for the sake of argument that you're picky. What's next? What are you gonna do? Change your taste in men? Not going to happen. Try to look better? Do it already!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Oct 04, 2015 12:13 AM GMT
    You're trying too hard to make something happen. Kick back, take some deep breaths,then move forward.
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    Oct 08, 2015 10:24 AM GMT
    bachian saidLet's propose just for the sake of argument that you're picky. What's next? What are you gonna do? Change your taste in men? Not going to happen. Try to look better? Do it already!


    Why is it that every reply you always connect it back to working out or be on steroid to be more buff?? lol Jersey shore situation complex. hehehe icon_wink.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Oct 08, 2015 9:51 PM GMT
    ^

    I'm not doing the tan part I guess! icon_lol.gif

    We have this "can we change our taste in men" before and overall consensus is that you can't.

    If your standards are too high and you can't lower them, what's the obvious conclusion?
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    Oct 08, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidI think it's normal to be picky in choosing your mate/bf. But you know, you do what you do, they say that love is a battlefield, you'll go through so many **assholes/frogs in order to find your prince charming. Lol, whatever you want to call it. I don't think guys should *lower their standards and settle for less for the sake of being in a ltr. I mean, I'm having fun being single/dating around. But yeah, I think your main guy will just pop up when you stop looking.


    Yes don't settle for less, however, the thing that most gay men fail to realize is they aren't realistic when it comes down to finding a boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2015 1:32 AM GMT
    bachian said^

    I'm not doing the tan part I guess! icon_lol.gif

    We have this "can we change our taste in men" before and overall consensus is that you can't.

    If your standards are too high and you can't lower them, what's the obvious conclusion?


    You hire a Rent boy and paid him a monthly fee ??? icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_twisted.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2015 10:36 PM GMT
    ^

    rentboy.com is down!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2015 10:40 PM GMT
    bachian said^

    rentboy.com is down!

    You needn't fret - there are other rent boy sites on the net.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2015 3:42 AM GMT
    Meniketti96 saidHi,

    I've tried everything known to man. Grindr, Jack'd, OKCupid... Whatever. None of it seems to be really working out for me. I know that those aren't necessarily the best places to find something with substance but where else can I go? It seems that some people are looking for relationships but it never seems to work out. I feel like my standards aren't that ridiculous: Nice, masculine and decent looking. Honestly the first two are the most important. It feels like in my area everyone online is some sort of extreme personality type. A considerable number of guys on there are very feminine, not that there's anything wrong with that, just not what I'm attracted to. Another portion of guys seem to be very conceited and almost to the point of "bitchiness". Walk around acting like they're all that. And sometimes it's just a lot of baggage... For instance this one guy I met told be he was engaged to be married to an abusive partner after sending him to the hospital 15 times, is still getting over scars from being molested as a child, and said that if we were ever in a relationship, and I gained more than 5 pounds, he would leave me (all of this discussed our very first meeting). I guess it's just that I'm a very simple guy and I need a very simple person.

    I just don't know what to think. I know there are normal guys out there but do I just attract the wrong ones somehow? I want someone like my friends but just with an intimate type of relationship. It seems that everyone I've met has some sort of "thing" that just turns me off. I just want someone calm, easy-going, and who I can build something with. Am I too selective? Is what I'm asking for irrational? Should I just give up? I'm genuinely anxious to hear all your thoughts.

    Thanks,

    -J icon_smile.gif


    If someone told me they would leave me if I gained 15 on a first date and it wasn't an obvious joke, I'd excuse myself to the bathroom and run out the back door.

    If you're 19, you just need to get in line and keep trying. You haven't even begun to pay your dues :p I didn't meet a great guy I was compatible with (nor was I actually ready to) until I was 31.

    Don't stress about it. Work on friendships. Date casually but don't let those failure get you down. Be selective and confident. Straight people have this same problem so it's not you or your sexuality.
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    Feb 10, 2016 6:42 PM GMT
    I'm holding out for the one lol. I should go on that show the bachelor gay version. icon_eek.gif