Anyone else feeling surrounded by people who want you to always take the lead on everything?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2015 12:09 AM GMT
    It could be my personality but I feel like at work, with my family, with friends and with dates people always expect that I am going to make the decision or put in the majority of the effort or initiate communication etc. Whether it be calling my parents or addressing a concern in the office or making the decision about where to go on a date or planning the details on a trip.

    Maybe its a vibe that I give off. I don't mind being in control, but I hate being responsible for how other people feel.

    Anyone else go through this?
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Oct 05, 2015 12:15 AM GMT
    Always make the decision and let them know, that you are open to having them make the decisions and if they dont like what you are doing the job is theirs.
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    Oct 05, 2015 2:09 PM GMT
    Such is my life--fucking exhausting, but then again, I go ballistic when the flakes just can't get it together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    Apparition saidAlways make the decision and let them know, that you are open to having them make the decisions and if they dont like what you are doing the job is theirs.


    nice:
    very experienced man, very well expressed.
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    Oct 05, 2015 3:10 PM GMT
    What I find out is that when you assume the planning and decision making for others they get complacent, even lazy, and look upon you as a mere service. And expect this to become your recurring obligation. But they're still quick to criticize if you didn't do it to their complete satisfaction.

    It's at that moment I tell them they should have briefed me more thoroughly, expressing their exact wishes in more detail and thinking it through. Which of course is nearly equivalent to having done the whole job themselves in the first place.

    You either give me a degree of autonomy and butt-out, or you take the job yourself. I'm not your subordinate, unless you're paying me.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Oct 05, 2015 4:44 PM GMT
    Yup. This is how corporate world functions.

    The complacent, gray and silent majority seeks a leader whom they are happy to entrust with their concerns, and who, they hope will lead the change to better THEIR positions.

    If he succeeds, it was ALL their achievement: they were wise enough to entrust him with their plans, wishes, etc. If it were not for them, nothing would have been achieved anyway.

    If he fails, well, he was a loser to start with, and he messed it up.

    So, you learn NOT to fight other people's battles.

    Being very frequently confronted with similar issues in the past, I have designed a simple strategy:

    "So, guys, what's in it for ME?" This stopped the suckers dead in their tracks, and they went for the search of a willing victim.

    SC

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    Oct 05, 2015 4:50 PM GMT
    Nope most people couldn't care less about my opinion until they magically become there opinions lol.

    I also find that the people most eager to offer there opinion are usually looking out for themselves in tell guise of looking out for the group. Lets go here on such and such date normally translates to, "I've always wanted to go here and it doesn't interfere with my schedule so it's best for all of us".
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    Oct 05, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    That only happens to me with my friends. I cant complain though after I said I wanted to be like commander shepard lol.

    I cope by letting my bf plan when it comes to us
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2015 7:10 PM GMT
    I agree that laziness is a big part of it. Planning stuff is work.

    Janet wanted to be in control. I wonder how her new album is doing...