Are odd roommate scenarios a red flag/deal breaker for you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2015 8:22 AM GMT
    At 28, I feel I'm getting too old for certain "situations". By old, I mean...at a point where if I'm gonna date someone, it needn't be like some fraternity house setup. I went out with someone who is stable, professional, and sexy. He's SEVERAL YEARS OLDER, and I don't mind. He's a cutey. But, he made and cancelled some plans for next weekend citing roommate change of plans icon_eek.gif

    Funnily enough, the night before I was laying in bed thinking to myself that I don't know if I want to take this along any further. Something about it doesn't seem right, but he explained it pretty thoroughly that the guy is just renting out his basement. But, on top of that there's another family member residing with him icon_confused.gif

    I know I can't knock anyone's living situation (then again, I can if it involves me because I live alone), but in MANY cases, it's turned out it was more than a roommate. It was an ex, or they had some weird kinda thing going on between 2 or 3 people. Or it wasn't nothing going on, but there were always arguing or jealously from one roommate who liked the other roommate. Those kinda situations aren't conducive to building something with another man, when you got other men living around you. The suburban community I live in, everyone either lives alone, or they are married/partnered. I don't know why so many gay men always have these weird living situations going on all the time. So in this situation, I'm about to keep looking.

    I had weird roommate situations, but I cut all that shit out. Or when I did it, it was very temporarily from the get go. I don't let non of my friends come live up with me anymore. I don't care if they're homeless. I was taken advantaged by 2 homeless guys last year, that I believe a man needs to live on his own even if it's in a lil 5x5 trailer. I can't fight and argue with another set of balls, hormones and raging testosterone who I don't love. just don't see why 2 gay men should be living together, unless it's something kinky going on.

    What y'all think? The rising rents and COL these days are emasculating the male culture and forcing men to live in these testosterone laden situations, and people wonder why shit doesn't last anymore. Well it's not going to when Sylvester has 3 roommates in a 3 bedroom apartment icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Oct 06, 2015 1:17 PM GMT
    red flag in my opinion.

    Not sure why he would have to cancel plans he made with you for a roommate situation. That doesn't even makes sense. Also, considering the fact that you are already struggling with the decision to move forward with this guy id say cut your losses early and find someone less complicated.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Oct 06, 2015 1:48 PM GMT
    Why would I change my weekend plans because of a roommate? If you were planning to spend the weekend at his place, you can simply switch places for more privacy, since you live by yourself. Other than that, a roomie is just a roomie, or more precisely a housemate, so there is really no reason to change any planning that matters, say, a weekend with your date.

    I always valued my privacy and have been living on my own since I was 18. Most of my dates shared for a number of reasons. Money being probably, the most important one. The other guys insisted that they did not want to be 'lonely', and did not like living alone, etc.

    If a dude wants to cheat on you, he will. He does not need a roomie or two for that. So, you either trust him or you don't.

    The real issue here is how important is the time he is spending with you for him? If a dude is canceling his weekend plans just because his roomie is back in town, and that happens to be so important... you are getting the message, and should leave him to enjoy the company of whom he feels is more important to him.

    A few peeps, str8 and gay alike have a nasty custom of believing that friendships are about providing free lodging whenever they need it.

    I have a home in a very popular resort, and so far, a number of guys I know have asked if they can come and stay with me. Sure, I have two guest suites nearby, and can accommodate from 1-7 people at any time.

    Being that I do not own the electric company, city utilities, tax office; and that I, too, pay for my housekeeper to keep the places running, I suggested that they pay a superfriendly 'friends and family rate', enjoy very cool suites, have their privacy when they need it, and spend tons of time with me if they want to. Well, the 'friends of free lodging' ran for the hills. icon_lol.gif Pretty much as I expected them to.

    This only shows that we all have tons of friends who are happy to enjoy the benefits of the friendship without offering anything in return. So, they answered their own questions.

    SC

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    I don't blame you; what the other said pretty much covers it. You work too hard to be independent, why would you then want to complicate your life with someone who clearly isn't there yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    just recent rents have increased dramatically, like 10% per for the last 3 years. Compounding so maybe they are double now.

    on the other hand post recession wages have not increased.

    People are finding they are living closer together...

    I would talk it over with your date.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2015 2:53 PM GMT
    pellaz saidjust recent rents have increased dramatically, like 10% per for the last 3 years. Compounding so maybe they are double now.

    on the other hand post recession wages have not increased.

    People are finding they are living closer together...

    I would talk it over with your date.



    Having roommates alone would not necessarily be a red flag (although it is annoying). In NYC that is about the only way most single people can afford to be there.

    It is the idea that he'd have to clear his schedule with said roommate that raises eyebrows for me. Unless there is some entanglement there (or if there's a tie-on-the doorknob type arrangement, and frankly that would get old pretty quick) his roommate's whereabouts should not affect the guy's ability to date.
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    Oct 06, 2015 10:52 PM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 said
    It is the idea that he'd have to clear his schedule with said roommate that raises eyebrows for me. Unless there is some entanglement there (or if there's a tie-on-the doorknob type arrangement, and frankly that would get old pretty quick) his roommate's whereabouts should not affect the guy's ability to date.


    Exactly, it just seemed shady right off the bat. I gotta leave this scruff and Grindr crap alone. Every time I meet someone from these apps, it's always something. I really don't know why people hang out on these apps if they're not looking to meet or already got something going on.
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    Oct 07, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    Gays and there drama lol. Now I see why so many gay dudes refused to believe I wasn't in a relationship with my roommate when I had one.

    Personally as long as the person has a degree of autonomy then I don't have a problem with odd roommate situations. Sometimes people aren't able to live on there own for a while. People go through bankruptcies, divorces, lay offs, get incarcerated... I won't turn a man down simply because he has made a mistake or two or isn't perfect. As long as the guy is honest, and open I can deal with odd situations.
  • Relajado

    Posts: 409

    Oct 07, 2015 5:26 PM GMT
    In Europe, most people share apartments and have roommates though?

    And maybe his roommate doesn't know his sexuality?

    Not a lot of drama here and very shallow to leave someone because they share an apartment icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2015 6:06 PM GMT
    Relajado saidIn Europe, most people share apartments and have roommates though?

    And maybe his roommate doesn't know his sexuality?

    Not a lot of drama here and very shallow to leave someone because they share an apartment icon_confused.gif


    Its very common in the US for gay men too look down on other men for having a roommate.
  • Relajado

    Posts: 409

    Oct 07, 2015 10:09 PM GMT
    How ridiculously shallow and unbelievably absurd.

    Then those same people aren't people I'd ever want to associate with tbh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2015 10:11 PM GMT
    like who cares, you love to fuck around around like a true prostitute, find another one, like you have morals