Not having guy friends?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 11, 2015 6:59 AM GMT
    I don't really have a booming social life what with my social anxiety and frankly, not many people whom I call "friends" but I have thought about this for some time now.

    When I do socialize, I've realized I can connect more with women than I can with men. In fact, I try to avoid talking to guys.

    I just feel that I have nothing in common with the "normal" straight guys and I feel that since I have a feminine sense of self, they'd just judge me anyway. With women, I find that they are more open-minded and accepting to someone like me.

    But I have wondered if this would effect a possible boyfriend in the future. I wonder if he'd be turned off that I can't socialize/interact well with other guys... icon_neutral.gif

    What about you guys? Do you connect better with men or women? Do you have more male friends than guy friends? Could you date a guy who didn't have any male friends?

    I'm just curious is all.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 11, 2015 7:36 AM GMT
    I connect very well with girls, but I do have guy friends. I always thought I'd avoid straight guys, but once I got to Cape Town where people are more accepting and open-minded, I made a plethora of straight guy friends and they don't seem to mind that I'm gay at all. The guys that I consistently don't get along with are gay guys, actually. Straight guys (the nicer ones) are far more chilled and less judgmental than gay guys atually
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    Oct 11, 2015 8:18 AM GMT
    Yea I don't get along with gay males. They are either dip shits that see me as threatening, or want me for just sex. My boyfriend is the only exception as he bothered me for 2 months before I caved in and offered a date if he would just leave me alone.

    I feel like I have nothing in common with gay guys I hate the term "Girl" in used to reference EVERYTHING. I hate the show RU Paul. I find the bars and clubs absolutely gross and a waste of time.

    Women are awesome, they seem a lot more emotionally in tune, which for me is a great thing. As we can talk more about deeper topics which I enjoy very much. Men, not so much, they don't really stimulate me intellectually, other then my male college professors, but they don't count, as they are getting paid to do so for it.

    Over all I connect more with women, as men just always have sex in the brain. I mean it gets fucking boring eventually, and men always question why it never worked out for them. (try talking about things other then sex? possibly could fix that issue for them). The only male I can say I connect to on a very deep level is my boyfriend. As my friends go, we've been scattered by the four winds. We all live in various places NYC, LA, Miami, Atlanta, so I don't have very many friends who are around me anymore.

    Could I date a guy who didn't have any male friends? yes, why would that matter to me? sadly all my boyfriends friends are all straight guys, I mean they're nice to me.
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    Oct 11, 2015 8:49 AM GMT
    BloodFlame saidI don't really have a booming social life what with my social anxiety and frankly, not many people whom I call "friends" but I have thought about this for some time now.

    When I do socialize, I've realized I can connect more with women than I can with men. In fact, I try to avoid talking to guys.

    I just feel that I have nothing in common with straight guys and I feel that since I have a feminine sense of self, they'd just judge me anyway. With women, I find that they are more open-minded and accepting to someone like me.

    But I have wondered if this would effect a possible boyfriend in the future. I wonder if he'd be turned off that I can't socialize/interact well with other guys... icon_neutral.gif

    What about you guys? Do you connect better with men or women? Do you have more male friends than guy friends? Could you date a guy who didn't have any male friends?

    I'm just curious is all.


    The bold above pretty much summarizes why you don't have straight guy friends. And by the way, notice how I omitted the word "normal" from your original post since that word is irrelevant. Anyhow, I believe the reason why you get along more with women is because you have more things in common with them. Will it affect you having a bf? I don't think so as long as he understands where you are coming from.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 11, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    BTW bloodflame I looked at your profile and whatever your workout is it's working. you've come a long way from a being extremely skinny to being well defined! #MyInspiration! Well done.

    Treat yourself to a cookie
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    Oct 11, 2015 1:23 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    BloodFlame saidI don't really have a booming social life what with my social anxiety and frankly, not many people whom I call "friends" but I have thought about this for some time now.

    When I do socialize, I've realized I can connect more with women than I can with men. In fact, I try to avoid talking to guys.

    I just feel that I have nothing in common with straight guys and I feel that since I have a feminine sense of self, they'd just judge me anyway. With women, I find that they are more open-minded and accepting to someone like me.

    But I have wondered if this would effect a possible boyfriend in the future. I wonder if he'd be turned off that I can't socialize/interact well with other guys... icon_neutral.gif

    What about you guys? Do you connect better with men or women? Do you have more male friends than guy friends? Could you date a guy who didn't have any male friends?

    I'm just curious is all.


    The bold above pretty much summarizes why you don't have straight guy friends. And by the way, notice how I omitted the word "normal" from your original post since that word is irrelevant. Anyhow, I believe the reason why you get along more with women is because you have more things in common with them. Will it affect you having a bf? I don't think so as long as he understands where you are coming from.


    Exactly. Nothing wrong with that at all.

    I have a bit more guy friends than girl friends but all of these people are from school. I can't say whether I connect more with men or women, it depends on the individual.
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    Oct 11, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    When I was a kid, I played "smear the queer", rode my bike and played in the dirt with other boys. I played hopscotch and miss mary mack and jump rope with girls. I played four square and hide and seek with both.

    As puberty hit, however, I noticed that those boys I played with growing up became way more serious and reserved almost overnight. As voices got deeper and bodies more muscular they suddenly cared about their appearance and how girls perceived them. They didn't express sadness, empathy or fear anymore. Just laughter, rage or silence.

    I didn't have the overwhelming need to impress girls all day like other guys. Since there wasn't the level of sexual tension, my behavior was pretty indifferent to girls (except the few girls I had crushes on). I got picked on and called a fag sometimes. While most guys bulked up to impress girls, I bulked up to defend myself and deflect some of the attention away from me. I pretty much spent my high school and college life trying not to be picked on and trying to gain the respect of other guys lol.

    Then when I went on to corporate America, I worked in a "good old boy" type sales company. It was a sausage party but not in the hot way. But I realized that I wanted to compete with the alpha dicks and douche bros and make money too. So I learned the lingo and played the game and became successful. I could take shit but I gave it back just as hard and this made me confident. People seemed to really respect the more confident version of me. And along the way I made some really good friends who happen to be all straight dudes. And they are my best buds now 10+ years later.

    I work in HR now and around mostly females. While I can relate to and interact with men and women equally well, I feel most like my natural self when I'm around straight or bi guys. And when I go on dates, I've noticed that I click better with guys who have straight guy friends.

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    Oct 11, 2015 6:39 PM GMT
    Building on what woodfordr said, I think it's a valuable thing to try and make friends with men whether they are gay, straight, bi or otherwise. The world is made up of all kinds of people who have knowledge, skills and experiences that you can learn from. You're a man yourself. Therefore, there should be some kind of common ground for you to make conversation about with other men.

    Of course, it's not going to work with all guys. I too find it a bit difficult to be friendly with guys who are all about sports, cars and not much else. But one way around that is to try and show interest in what they like the most by asking questions. Showing interest in another person is one of the most effective ways to make friends because it makes the other person feel important and respected. Like I said, it's not always easy, but often it's worth a try.
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    Oct 11, 2015 7:24 PM GMT
    I connect better with guys in that all throughout my childhood, I was mostly friends with them. I played sports in middle and high school, trading card games, and video games. Made fun of other kids who were "fags" and disrupted class with my buddies. None of which many girls did. Though, it was also because I wanted to fit in and hang around the "cool" guys. I feel bad about it now.

    It's still the same. I still can't stop myself from saying "dude" or"man". Swearing as if its second nature, and joking about stupid things.

    Oddly, my best friend is a girl.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Oct 11, 2015 7:54 PM GMT
    I don't really have any close female friends. I have female friends, but none that I socialize with on a regular basis.

    I don't know about other people but I really need a purpose when I'm hanging out with people. It can be to play a game, get drunk, or eat one of the meals of the day. I'm not saying all girls are like that and I absolutely have tons of male friends who'll want to do the same, but I really hate sitting in a café and loitering around with a friend. As soon as I finished my cup of whatever I just feel like I'm taking up space for other customers and can't really ever relax.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 11, 2015 10:04 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidSnip


    I see. Well, I can see where you are coming from. As far as gay males go, I'm not certain if I mesh well with them. I've only met two other gay males in my life.

    1 - He used to be shy and easy-going. But then he became more talkative and kind of dismissive (blowing people off).
    2 - Very catty and rude. He was okay at times but most of the time, he was a big gossiper.

    I liked #1 more since it was easy to talk to him and he was relatively nice and funny before he started being dismissive. The second guy was very uncomfortable as I hate negativity.

    And when I said I mostly get on with girls, I don't "queen" out with them. In fact, most of the women I talk to tend to be in the artsy/creative side lol.

    giodude saidsnip


    Well it's cool you were able to meet some more open-minded guys. I think that perhaps outside of the US, men are more friendly/welcoming to gay men? (excluding the obvious countries of course).

    And thank you for the compliment. I'm really trying lol.

    woodfordr said Snip



    Interesting story. icon_smile.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 11, 2015 10:07 PM GMT
    Very interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Oct 11, 2015 10:46 PM GMT
    I'm super intimidated by straight guys. This is mostly because I find them pretty sexy. Same for gay guys. There's always an element of sexual tension, or at least competition.
    With women there is no sexual attraction. You have no desire to be with them, and couldn't care less if they were into you or not. It lets you relax and be yourself.
    Plus women are definitely generally better conversationalists. And empathetic. Where as a guy hearing your problems would tell you to man up. A woman will actually sympathize with you. In short, woman friends are awesome.
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    Oct 11, 2015 11:49 PM GMT
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    Oct 12, 2015 12:49 AM GMT
    I have friends that are all over the gender and orientation spectrums and I think the only people that really make me uncomfortable are narcissists who have to be outrageous and draw attention to themselves (and me by extension)... they can be very macho or very fem, doesn't matter, I don't want to be your entourage.

    My boyfriend did not have close male friends when we met. Most of his friends are female.

    Most of my friends these days are straight married or committed couples where I'm friends with both of them. I have a handful of gay male friends, most of whom I have been friends with for a long time.

    Last year my BF met a partnered gay male friend at work who he's become close to. They live right near us, so we attended their wedding and hang out as a group with his husband quite often now.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 12, 2015 8:23 AM GMT
    BloodFlame saidVery interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?


    I feel like I need to ask you an important question: Blue eyes, red eyes, dark magician or harpie lady?

    Because I've always thought that I was a dark magician kind of guy, but recently harpie lady has been just entering my thoughts a lot and I'm starting to question my identity icon_razz.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Oct 12, 2015 9:23 AM GMT
    Most of my guy friends are straight with the exception of my best friend.
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    Oct 12, 2015 12:58 PM GMT
    giodude said
    BloodFlame saidVery interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?


    I feel like I need to ask you an important question: Blue eyes, red eyes, dark magician or harpie lady?

    Because I've always thought that I was a dark magician kind of guy, but recently harpie lady has been just entering my thoughts a lot and I'm starting to question my identity icon_razz.gif


    Harpies were OP for awhile. At least last year. I think the dark magician is making a comeback though with the new support cards. Yup. I just outed myself as a nerd. No shame though lol
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 13, 2015 3:52 AM GMT
    giodude said
    BloodFlame saidVery interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?


    I feel like I need to ask you an important question: Blue eyes, red eyes, dark magician or harpie lady?

    Because I've always thought that I was a dark magician kind of guy, but recently harpie lady has been just entering my thoughts a lot and I'm starting to question my identity icon_razz.gif


    Hmm good question. I think I'd go with Red Eyes Black Dragon because he had an awesome design though Dark Magician and Harpy Lady would follow after. Blue Eyes White Dragon had a cool design on the card but in the show... He was not what I expected hhaha.
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    Oct 13, 2015 5:49 AM GMT
    I think we all typically connect best with who we have things in common with. For me I'm passionate about bodybuilding and lifting, so I usually get on well with guys and girls who have that same drive..gay or straight.

    Another poster mentioned women being able to have deeper convos then men and I do agree with that. With a lot of guys, the range of topics you can discuss with them are so limited..it's nearly impossible to establish deep connections.
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    Oct 13, 2015 12:27 PM GMT

    Another poster mentioned women being able to have deeper convos then men and I do agree with that. With a lot of guys, the range of topics you can discuss with them are so limited..it's nearly impossible to establish deep connections.


    Some of the appeal of a "straight" (not really so much about his orientation here as the stereotype it represents) guy friend for me is that you DON'T have to get all deep or PC. They just want to have a good time. I have been around serious activists and volunteers so much in the past few years that I missed the chance to just goof around.
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    Oct 13, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 said
    Another poster mentioned women being able to have deeper convos then men and I do agree with that. With a lot of guys, the range of topics you can discuss with them are so limited..it's nearly impossible to establish deep connections.


    Some of the appeal of a "straight" (not really so much about his orientation here as the stereotype it represents) guy friend for me is that you DON'T have to get all deep or PC. They just want to have a good time. I have been around serious activists and volunteers so much in the past few years that I missed the chance to just goof around.


    I hate PC..I have a lot of thoughts this forum would not agree with and I'm not saying that every convo must be an intellectual debate..but have opinions on things and know how to express them. Stereotypical straight guys can do that.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 13, 2015 7:16 PM GMT
    tmac said
    giodude said
    BloodFlame saidVery interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?


    I feel like I need to ask you an important question: Blue eyes, red eyes, dark magician or harpie lady?

    Because I've always thought that I was a dark magician kind of guy, but recently harpie lady has been just entering my thoughts a lot and I'm starting to question my identity icon_razz.gif


    Harpies were OP for awhile. At least last year. I think the dark magician is making a comeback though with the new support cards. Yup. I just outed myself as a nerd. No shame though lol


    I love Dm for his support cards and the general spellcaster type. I also like harpies because of their history, their powerful team dynamic/ field swarm and because theyre pretty! But I mostly love harpies and DM is because they're not reliant on this Pendulum summon shit that Konami vomited. That ruined the game for me entirely.
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    Oct 13, 2015 7:32 PM GMT
    giodude said
    tmac said
    giodude said
    BloodFlame saidVery interesting perspectives everyone. I think I have to add that when I was a kid, I did have more male friends. I was into the hot wheels, trading card games (Yugioh lol), video games, and tag/fighting. But I was always soft and "meek". I was the kid who people would call "faggot" or "fruit" because I talked softly and kept quiet most of the time though I did have a bit of temper if someone really pushed me to it.

    I think it's because of this, that I came to resent "normal" guys because they were the ones who always picked on me for not being like them. And I suppose it could have stuck with me into adulthood...?


    I feel like I need to ask you an important question: Blue eyes, red eyes, dark magician or harpie lady?

    Because I've always thought that I was a dark magician kind of guy, but recently harpie lady has been just entering my thoughts a lot and I'm starting to question my identity icon_razz.gif


    Harpies were OP for awhile. At least last year. I think the dark magician is making a comeback though with the new support cards. Yup. I just outed myself as a nerd. No shame though lol


    I love Dm for his support cards and the general spellcaster type. I also like harpies because of their history, their powerful team dynamic/ field swarm and because theyre pretty! But I mostly love harpies and DM is because they're not reliant on this Pendulum summon shit that Konami vomited. That ruined the game for me entirely.


    Amen. Pendulum was stupid. I was already miffed by Synchro and XYZ but I lost it with Pendulum.

    Nowadays it can take a full minute for one turn because of all the mass summons someone has to do, compared to before. It's crazy.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 15, 2015 9:24 AM GMT
    Romero23 said
    ShiftyJK08 said
    Another poster mentioned women being able to have deeper convos then men and I do agree with that. With a lot of guys, the range of topics you can discuss with them are so limited..it's nearly impossible to establish deep connections.


    Some of the appeal of a "straight" (not really so much about his orientation here as the stereotype it represents) guy friend for me is that you DON'T have to get all deep or PC. They just want to have a good time. I have been around serious activists and volunteers so much in the past few years that I missed the chance to just goof around.


    I hate PC..I have a lot of thoughts this forum would not agree with and I'm not saying that every convo must be an intellectual debate..but have opinions on things and know how to express them. Stereotypical straight guys can do that.


    Well, it's an open forum here so you shouldn't be too scared to share whatever is on your mind.