Anyone in a open Relationship or was?

  • MartinMPL

    Posts: 481

    Oct 12, 2015 11:57 AM GMT
    got few questions due to curiosity

    .how long did the open relationship last
    .and if you are still in one how long have you been going for?
    .do you plan to be monogamous when your like 90 ?
    .do you prefer monogamous or open? why and why not?
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    Oct 12, 2015 5:47 PM GMT
    Open relationships are not for everyone. Successful open relationships typically have rules of conduct to which the people involved must adhere diligently. Open relationships require a measure of trust and integrity.
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    Oct 12, 2015 5:49 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidOpen relationships are not for everyone. Successful open relationships typically have rules of conduct to which the people involved must adhere diligently. Open relationships require a measure of trust and integrity.


    integrity? now that's an interesting word to use for an open relationship.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 12, 2015 7:57 PM GMT
    MartinMPL saidgot few questions due to curiosity

    .how long did the open relationship last
    .and if you are still in one how long have you been going for?
    .do you plan to be monogamous when your like 90 ?
    .do you prefer monogamous or open? why and why not?



    For men, monogamy isn't natural. We are programed to have sex with multiple partners in order to preserve the species. It's simply coincidental that we are attracted to the same sex, making it impossible for us to preserve the species. No problem. Heterosexuals make more babies, every day.

    My opinion is that, anyone who insists on monogamy fears that they will lose their partner to another man.

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    Oct 12, 2015 8:46 PM GMT
    I was in an open relationship but it caused a lot of drama. My ex wasn't an honest guy and only agreed to it because he thought I would cheat or leave him if he didn't agree. Had we had open honest discussions it would have been just fine. Communication from him was the main source of conflict in our relationship and why I have no respect for him today.
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Oct 12, 2015 9:04 PM GMT
    You may disagree, but for many people, an open relationship is pretty much the definition of compromise, which to them would mean compromising integrity, ie: "I want loyalty AND be able to fuck on the side"
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    Oct 12, 2015 9:20 PM GMT
    Webster666 said
    MartinMPL saidgot few questions due to curiosity

    .how long did the open relationship last
    .and if you are still in one how long have you been going for?
    .do you plan to be monogamous when your like 90 ?
    .do you prefer monogamous or open? why and why not?



    For men, monogamy isn't natural. We are programed to have sex with multiple partners in order to preserve the species. It's simply coincidental that we are attracted to the same sex, making it impossible for us to preserve the species. No problem. Heterosexuals make more babies, every day.

    My opinion is that, anyone who insists on monogamy fears that they will lose their partner to another man.



    I think it might be a cultural thing. My boyfriend and I are both heavily integrated in our Asian roots. In Asia monogamy, respect for our elders, respect for anyone really is heavily ingrained in both of us. We both watched our parents grow old together and they are still happily married, for the elderly Asian people out there Divorce is out of the question. While here in the states, there are more divorces then marriages. I feel like the life style and culture is what makes men here non monogamous.

    To say that monogamy isn't natural for gay men but it is for straight men is a bit of a hang up, because in the end of the day we are all men after all.

    fix-it.jpg

    I think we just live in a shitty generation where monogamy isn't as practiced. Because there was a time and period where monogamy was heavily practiced. Sadly the wisdom is slowly dying off along with the wise. I thank my parents for showing me how to be monogamous by watching them for the majority of my life, to see two people happily content with each other, and not let our greed take over us to always seek more then what we already have.
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    Oct 12, 2015 10:54 PM GMT
    I think, Mesmer, your responses truly reflects your upbringing and experience. There are a few things I would like to challenge based on your responses:

    1. Being monogamous doesn't equate to being greedy. It has nothing to do with greed but everything to do with boundaries and being happy with the situation regardless of your circumstances.

    2.From your point of view, monogamy coincides with the past. This is partly untrue as I want to point out that many civilizations and previous communities of men have practiced nonventional relationships to sustain and futureproof their society.
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    Oct 12, 2015 11:02 PM GMT
    SirAndy saidI think, Mesmer, your responses truly reflects your upbringing and experience. There are a few things I would like to challenge based on your responses:

    1. Being monogamous doesn't equate to being greedy. It has nothing to do with greed but everything to do with boundaries and being happy with the situation regardless of your circumstances.


    2.From your point of view, monogamy coincides with the ast. This is parfly untrue as I want to point out that many civilizations and previous communities of men have practiced nonventional relationships to sustain and futureproof their society.


    1. really? I totally view it as being greedy or unsatisfied. *shrug* like why need to open it in the first place if you are content?

    2. Yes but for centuries monogamy has been practiced, and has been passed down from generation to generation. What I'm trying to say is that our generation is very what's the word, self entitled. Especially from many failed relationships I've seen my friends had to go through due to the fact that either one of them felt that they are entitled to happiness even if it means finding it from outside the boundaries of their relationship.

    What I'm trying to say is just do what you want, but don't call an open relationship having integrity. Because there is nothing moral about it.
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    Oct 12, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    There it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Oct 12, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    Webster666 said
    MartinMPL saidgot few questions due to curiosity

    .how long did the open relationship last
    .and if you are still in one how long have you been going for?
    .do you plan to be monogamous when your like 90 ?
    .do you prefer monogamous or open? why and why not?



    For men, monogamy isn't natural. We are programed to have sex with multiple partners in order to preserve the species. It's simply coincidental that we are attracted to the same sex, making it impossible for us to preserve the species. No problem. Heterosexuals make more babies, every day.

    My opinion is that, anyone who insists on monogamy fears that they will lose their partner to another man.


    Perhaps this can be viewed as evidence that there really is no "heterosexual/homosexual" in Nature. Spreading seed, having babies populates the earth, which could explain why men do it.

    But there is no reason for homosexual men to act this way since copulating with another man produces nothing. If Nature recognized an actual homosexual, there would be no practical reason for the promiscuity.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Oct 12, 2015 11:24 PM GMT
    MartinMPL saidgot few questions due to curiosity

    .how long did the open relationship last
    .and if you are still in one how long have you been going for?
    .do you plan to be monogamous when your like 90 ?
    .do you prefer monogamous or open? why and why not?


    I won't go on about how virtuous monogamy is, but an "open" relationship gives me the impression of a lack of discipline, responsibility and a kind of childish avarice. Sort of like being a spoiled child in a sweets shop, except the target is not candy, but favorite sexual antics.
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    Oct 12, 2015 11:35 PM GMT
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.
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    Oct 12, 2015 11:41 PM GMT
    ditto icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 13, 2015 12:33 AM GMT
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes I we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.


    I empathise mate but same can be said: "I hear more failed stories of failed closed relationships than I do with successful ones.

    Honestly, it would be nice to turn this into a healthy constructive discussion as I believe it concerns many people. I do think your representation of open relationships is skewed by your experience and upbringing (which is totally acceptable as we base our decisions and outlook from it). Now I would like to mention that there is so much more to relationships than physical. People with open relationships can and will dissect the emotional from the physical which allows them to have a healthy relationship with their partners. Now our definition of integrity or healthy WILL differ and that is fine - we didn't live in this world just to have the same opinions.

    The point of relationships is first and foremost emotional (having that companionship and security). That is the whole point of a relationship. The biological and physical aspect comes later (which is also important). Now when that person slept with you (I'm assuming it is just to hook up), you two came into a physical investments to the experience. If the other party has any way misled you that it is more than physical, then the blame is on the person, not to the circumstance that is on open relationship; if on the same note, he gave you a confirmation that it is just physical, but for some reason you wanted more than just a hookup, then the responsibility is on you to accept that you made a mistake creating a higher expectation than the reality. As adults, we have be upfront and clearly communicate our intentions, otherwise it will be muddled through and people end up being hurt.

    To say that men in open relationship don't care about people they 'drag down' with is only plausible when the said person never was honest with their hook ups that it was only physical.
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    Oct 13, 2015 12:47 AM GMT
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes I we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.


    I empathise mate but same can be said: "I hear more failed stories of failed closed relationships than I do with successful ones.

    Honestly, it would be nice to turn this into a healthy constructive discussion as I believe it concerns many people. I do think your representation of open relationships is skewed by your experience and upbringing (which is totally acceptable as we base our decisions and outlook from it). Now I would like to mention that there is so much more to relationships than physical. People with open relationships can and will dissect the emotional from the physical which allows them to have a healthy relationship with their partners. Now our definition of integrity or healthy WILL differ and that is fine - we didn't live in this world just to have the same opinions.

    The point of relationships is first and foremost emotional (having that companionship and security). That is the whole point of a relationship. The biological and physical aspect comes later (which is also important). Now when that person slept with you (I'm assuming it is just to hook up), you two came into a physical investments to the experience. If the other party has any way misled you that it is more than physical, then the blame is on the person, not to the circumstance that is on open relationship; if on the same note, he gave you a confirmation that it is just physical, but for some reason you wanted more than just a hookup, then the responsibility is on you to accept that you made a mistake creating a higher expectation than the reality. As adults, we have be upfront and clearly communicate our intentions, otherwise it will be muddled through and people end up being hurt.

    To say that men in open relationship don't care about people they 'drag down' with is only plausible when the said person never was honest with their hook ups that it was only physical.


    No. People's personal experience shape them for a reason, whether we want to or not, it's a force that we can't evade from. I'd rather not give any men in open relationships a chance are you kidding me. I swore on that very day I'd never open my relationship and make another guy feel what I've felt. And if my boyfriend were to ever want to open our relationship, then for me it's better that I just end it. Because if he wanted to sleep with other guys then I don't want to be part of any of that, because that is not who I am.

    I honestly thought that when we said that we would agree to disagree that was the end of that subject.
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    Oct 13, 2015 12:56 AM GMT
    Cheaters will cheat no matter how much freedom you give them.
    An open relationship can be as abused as a monogamous one.
    Be with an honest guy no matter what kind of relationship you try.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes I we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.


    I empathise mate but same can be said: "I hear more failed stories of failed closed relationships than I do with successful ones.

    Honestly, it would be nice to turn this into a healthy constructive discussion as I believe it concerns many people. I do think your representation of open relationships is skewed by your experience and upbringing (which is totally acceptable as we base our decisions and outlook from it). Now I would like to mention that there is so much more to relationships than physical. People with open relationships can and will dissect the emotional from the physical which allows them to have a healthy relationship with their partners. Now our definition of integrity or healthy WILL differ and that is fine - we didn't live in this world just to have the same opinions.

    The point of relationships is first and foremost emotional (having that companionship and security). That is the whole point of a relationship. The biological and physical aspect comes later (which is also important). Now when that person slept with you (I'm assuming it is just to hook up), you two came into a physical investments to the experience. If the other party has any way misled you that it is more than physical, then the blame is on the person, not to the circumstance that is on open relationship; if on the same note, he gave you a confirmation that it is just physical, but for some reason you wanted more than just a hookup, then the responsibility is on you to accept that you made a mistake creating a higher expectation than the reality. As adults, we have be upfront and clearly communicate our intentions, otherwise it will be muddled through and people end up being hurt.

    To say that men in open relationship don't care about people they 'drag down' with is only plausible when the said person never was honest with their hook ups that it was only physical.


    No. People's personal experience shape them for a reason, whether we want to or not, it's a force that we can't evade from. I'd rather not give any men in open relationships a chance are you kidding me. I swore on that very day I'd never open my relationship and make another guy feel what I've felt. And if my boyfriend were to ever want to open our relationship, then for me it's better that I just end it. Because if he wanted to sleep with other guys then I don't want to be part of any of that, because that is not who I am.

    I honestly thought that when we said that we would agree to disagree that was the end of that subject.


    And that's why there's Different spectrum of relationships. If it doesn't suit you and prefer monogamy, then go for it as monogamy will make you happy. If both individuals are comfortable enough in open relationships and fully devote themselves to it, then I don't see why should I judge them for what makes them happy. Their relationship is no way inferior to monogamous relationships.

    Also I thought we just leave it to agree to disagree until you replied to it and I'm just giving you the same gesture.

    AND I totally agree with above comment, 'cheaters will always cheat' no matter what. Best to know how to identify and weed them out.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:04 AM GMT
    I don't see why people have to be so judgemental about other people's relationships. If it works for them it's really none of your business. And to assume that everyone in open relationships lack integrity is juvenile and ignorant. (Some) people in open relationships are simply more evolved and are able to separate sex from love. If you're threatened by your boyfriend getting a blowjob you have more problems than you likely realize anyway.

    I can be in either type. If I'm in a monogamous relationship, I just think of creative ways to keep things interesting with my partner. If I'm in an open one, I simply stay within our agreed upon boundaries, which in my case (everyone is different) would be: it must be casual sex only. no sleep overs and never seeing the same person more than once. And of course no going to dinner together or anything that would resemble a "date." That being said, I will probably never be in another open relationship because that's just not where I'm at in my life at the moment.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:34 AM GMT
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes I we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.


    I empathise mate but same can be said: "I hear more failed stories of failed closed relationships than I do with successful ones.

    Honestly, it would be nice to turn this into a healthy constructive discussion as I believe it concerns many people. I do think your representation of open relationships is skewed by your experience and upbringing (which is totally acceptable as we base our decisions and outlook from it). Now I would like to mention that there is so much more to relationships than physical. People with open relationships can and will dissect the emotional from the physical which allows them to have a healthy relationship with their partners. Now our definition of integrity or healthy WILL differ and that is fine - we didn't live in this world just to have the same opinions.

    The point of relationships is first and foremost emotional (having that companionship and security). That is the whole point of a relationship. The biological and physical aspect comes later (which is also important). Now when that person slept with you (I'm assuming it is just to hook up), you two came into a physical investments to the experience. If the other party has any way misled you that it is more than physical, then the blame is on the person, not to the circumstance that is on open relationship; if on the same note, he gave you a confirmation that it is just physical, but for some reason you wanted more than just a hookup, then the responsibility is on you to accept that you made a mistake creating a higher expectation than the reality. As adults, we have be upfront and clearly communicate our intentions, otherwise it will be muddled through and people end up being hurt.

    To say that men in open relationship don't care about people they 'drag down' with is only plausible when the said person never was honest with their hook ups that it was only physical.


    No. People's personal experience shape them for a reason, whether we want to or not, it's a force that we can't evade from. I'd rather not give any men in open relationships a chance are you kidding me. I swore on that very day I'd never open my relationship and make another guy feel what I've felt. And if my boyfriend were to ever want to open our relationship, then for me it's better that I just end it. Because if he wanted to sleep with other guys then I don't want to be part of any of that, because that is not who I am.

    I honestly thought that when we said that we would agree to disagree that was the end of that subject.


    And that's why there's Different spectrum of relationships. If it doesn't suit you and prefer monogamy, then go for it as monogamy will make you happy. If both individuals are comfortable enough in open relationships and fully devote themselves to it, then I don't see why should I judge them for what makes them happy. Their relationship is no way inferior to monogamous relationships.

    Also I thought we just leave it to agree to disagree until you replied to it and I'm just giving you the same gesture.

    AND I totally agree with above comment, 'cheaters will always cheat' no matter what. Best to know how to identify and weed them out.


    Yes it makes them happy but does it make all the guys they bring into their relationship happy? What I'm judging isn't the act of them doing it. What I'm judging is them not being completely honest with the ones that are considered 3rd wheels. Like why can't they be honest about it in the beginning. Back in the dating scene I praised men who said open relationship on their profiles they were honest and to the point and I would gladly block myself from them so possibly a different square could show up on their list of people that might be open to that sort of thing. But what I will judge is the men who will hide it and not speak about it to the 3rd wheel. Like keeping us in the dark. If I would have known I was going to sleep with a guy in an already open relationship I might not be the way I am today and might see things in a more positive attitude. It only takes one time to ruin something for someone.

    Never again, I don't care. I will judge those who lie to others about their status on their relationship. So the game for open relationships is- as long as your partner knows about it that's what makes it alright, but it never occurs to them that maybe it's not alright to the people they decide to sleep with, because they don't have any sort of moral fiber to decline such an offer? Yea no that's not alright.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    Your list is pretty common in open relationships:

    " it must be casual sex only. no sleep overs and never seeing the same person more than once. And of course no going to dinner together or anything that would resemble a "date."

    But I think it's a pretty shitty way to treat the "other guy".
    If I'm going to be okay with my partner having sex with someone else, I'd prefer that he treated the guy like a human being.

    If you fuck 'em you can buy 'em dinner.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:43 AM GMT
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy said
    Mesmer said
    SirAndy saidThere it is. The flaw in your argument. Basically monogamy equates to being moral while nonmonogamous relationships are immoral. I think YOU have to get off your moral pedestal because clearly other views ' of nonconventional relationships won't persuade you to consider or acknowledge the possibility of happy relationships from all spectrum.

    We just have to agree to disagree.


    As a note, I prefer monogamy.


    No I think I'll stay on my moral pedestal because it hasn't derailed me in my life for one moment. I feel really bad for those who have little to no self respect for themselves as I see them desperately scrape whatever love that comes their way. And I feel really bad that men are slaves to their own bodies, that it even hinders them from developing a meaningful bond with another entity other then themselves. I hear more stories of failed open relationship then I do with successful ones.

    For some people like you (apparently) you see me as arrogant, however, my point of view is that others are just promiscuous. And I don't really understand the whole point of a relationship if it wasn't to be monogamous with one person. I mean at least add Polly in that term because that's technically what it is. What I don't condone about open relationships is that they have to bring others into their mess. I slept with a guy but never told me that he had a boyfriend. I asked why he never told me, his reasoning was because his boyfriend is okay with it. And I was?! Just because you are in an open relationship doesn't mean the people he sleeps with don't have feeling on that issue of their own. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. And for a moment I finally knew what if felt like to be the "other guy" and trust me it sucked. Men in open relationships from my personal experience don't care about the people they decide to drag down with them. So it's not like I'm talking out of my ass on this topic for nothing.

    yes I we shall agree to disagree. I'll be happily monogamous with my boyfriend, and you go do your thing. Have a happy life.


    I empathise mate but same can be said: "I hear more failed stories of failed closed relationships than I do with successful ones.

    Honestly, it would be nice to turn this into a healthy constructive discussion as I believe it concerns many people. I do think your representation of open relationships is skewed by your experience and upbringing (which is totally acceptable as we base our decisions and outlook from it). Now I would like to mention that there is so much more to relationships than physical. People with open relationships can and will dissect the emotional from the physical which allows them to have a healthy relationship with their partners. Now our definition of integrity or healthy WILL differ and that is fine - we didn't live in this world just to have the same opinions.

    The point of relationships is first and foremost emotional (having that companionship and security). That is the whole point of a relationship. The biological and physical aspect comes later (which is also important). Now when that person slept with you (I'm assuming it is just to hook up), you two came into a physical investments to the experience. If the other party has any way misled you that it is more than physical, then the blame is on the person, not to the circumstance that is on open relationship; if on the same note, he gave you a confirmation that it is just physical, but for some reason you wanted more than just a hookup, then the responsibility is on you to accept that you made a mistake creating a higher expectation than the reality. As adults, we have be upfront and clearly communicate our intentions, otherwise it will be muddled through and people end up being hurt.

    To say that men in open relationship don't care about people they 'drag down' with is only plausible when the said person never was honest with their hook ups that it was only physical.


    No. People's personal experience shape them for a reason, whether we want to or not, it's a force that we can't evade from. I'd rather not give any men in open relationships a chance are you kidding me. I swore on that very day I'd never open my relationship and make another guy feel what I've felt. And if my boyfriend were to ever want to open our relationship, then for me it's better that I just end it. Because if he wanted to sleep with other guys then I don't want to be part of any of that, because that is not who I am.

    I honestly thought that when we said that we would agree to disagree that was the end of that subject.


    And that's why there's Different spectrum of relationships. If it doesn't suit you and prefer monogamy, then go for it as monogamy will make you happy. If both individuals are comfortable enough in open relationships and fully devote themselves to it, then I don't see why should I judge them for what makes them happy. Their relationship is no way inferior to monogamous relationships.

    Also I thought we just leave it to agree to disagree until you replied to it and I'm just giving you the same gesture.

    AND I totally agree with above comment, 'cheaters will always cheat' no matter what. Best to know how to identify and weed them out.


    Yes it makes them happy but does it make all the guys they bring into their relationship happy? What I'm judging isn't the act of them doing it. What I'm judging is them not being completely honest with the ones that are considered 3rd wheels. Like why can't they be honest about it in the beginning. Back in the dating scene I praised men who said open relationship on their profiles they were honest and to the point and I would gladly block myself from them so possibly a different square could show up on their list of people that might be open to that sort of thing. But what I will judge is the men who will hide it and not speak about it to the 3rd wheel. Like keeping us in the dark. If I would have known I was going to sleep with a guy in an already open relationship I might not be the way I am today and might see things in a more positive attitude. It only takes one time to ruin something for someone.

    Never again, I don't care. I will judge those who lie to others about their status on their relationship. So the game for open relationships is- as long as your partner knows about it that's what makes it alright, but it never occurs to them that maybe it's not alright to the people they decide to sleep with, because they don't have any sort of moral fiber to decline such an offer? Yea no that's not alright.


    And that's why I mentioned above that the blame should be towards the individual that are not so straightforward before and during the encounter. You cannot displace this blame to the idea of open relationships as doing so would paint everyone under the same canvas with the same brush.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2015 1:48 AM GMT
    ^ I will paint my canvas the way I see things. I'll be the first one to admit this, because I don't care. But on the topic of Open relationships, I'm very much damaged goods and there's nothing you can say that will ever fix that.
  • Hypertrophile

    Posts: 1021

    Oct 13, 2015 2:02 AM GMT
    My last relationship of four years was an open one. I just didn't realize it at the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2015 2:02 AM GMT
    Mesmer said^ I will paint my canvas the way I see things. I'll be the first one to admit this, because I don't care. But on the topic of Open relationships, I'm very much damaged goods and there's nothing you can say that will ever fix that.


    Not trying to fix, just enlightening you about alternative scenarios and another way of thinking. Your mentality towards open relationship is final and no one is trying to change that. We are not asking you to try open relationships but to objectively look at the bigger picture. You have your views, we have ours. I'm sorry to hear someone hurt you, but at least it gave you an honest representation on what you want in a relationship. For that I commend you.