Do you find it hard to meet guys outside dating apps?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2015 12:04 AM GMT
    Hey guys!
    Long time reader, but first time posting icon_smile.gif

    I've been living in New York for more than a year now and to be honest, if it wasn't for Tinder and sometimes Grindr, I'd have zero dates so far.

    I haven't been to many gay bars in the city and no one ever really approaches me in those places. I don't live in a "gay neighborhood" either, so I'm curious if you guys have met anyone in the real world, especially those who live in big cities, and what did you do/where did you go.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 15, 2015 9:41 AM GMT
    I have to say that in my little experience, I haven't had luck meeting guys offline. As an admitted feminine guy, I know that fact alone is a ringer for the automatic rejection bell so I prefer online because at least there, I can lay it all out without feeling weird.

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    Oct 15, 2015 10:33 AM GMT
    Id think any area in New York is a gay area. just like west Hollywood is only a tiny fraction of the gay exposés of LA, and Wilton Manors Florida is where most of the older gay white guys reside, .but it doesn't exclude all other neighborhoods.

    I really don't understand why guys on apps sometimes say they "don't do the bars". Why not? What reason is there to not go to a bar? If you go alone or with the right people, there won't be drama or drunks. Now, I did wrote recently wondering if it's worth it to go...but that was more of a anecdote of a previous night out.

    I honestly can't just sit and live my life on a dating app. Going out, even to a gay bar, tends to feel more real. The problem with these apps, is those guys are out juggling and dating different guys across the site and in real life.

    When push comes to shove, when I look at guys who I've communicated with for months and years, they were met at a gay bar. Guys from apps usually fade away after a couple dates, but then again...I think it's all down to location. Guys in smaller gay cities are old fashioned and conservative, thinking people from apps can't be taken seriously. So they play it like its a goddam scratch off. whereas the bigger cities...you tend to atleast get to an in person meeting.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Oct 15, 2015 1:45 PM GMT
    the gym...
    ask friends to set you up...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2015 2:12 PM GMT
    The only people I know who use apps for "dating" are confirmed sex addicts who can't do anything much with their life unless it involves orgasm.
    Apps are designed for introverts who have few if any social skills. This is why I don't have any on my phone, useless unless you are attracted to trolls, obese closet cases or addicts of all sorts.
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    Oct 15, 2015 2:35 PM GMT
    Just use meetup.com You can find a bunch of groups that are gay oriented and meet people there. They have singles night and speed dating events. Might as well give it a shot. I use meetup for japanese lessons but I did go to a gay board game and gay martial arts meetups. They weren't bad.
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    Oct 15, 2015 3:06 PM GMT
    tmac said I did go to a gay board game


    I would absolutely love that!
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    Oct 15, 2015 3:59 PM GMT
    PulseFit said
    tmac said I did go to a gay board game


    I would absolutely love that!


    it was interesting. I'm more of a gamer, but i'd go to that event again.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Oct 15, 2015 6:32 PM GMT
    I haven't used the apps, but I hear nothing but complaints about them, including from guys who manage to get hook up dates from them. In person is where it's at for actually talking to people and getting to know them as friends, at least in my experience and that of my friends here in NYC.

    If you're in the city and want to do something social with a bunch of gay guys, try one of the sports teams. Whether you like bowling, tennis, rugby (my favorite) or whatever, there are good team events at which you would meet a ton or people of all levels of ability and knowledge of the sport. And if it doesn't work out and you quit, who cares? And you never know, you might make some good friends along the way.

    My rugby club is mostly gay guys and we have a couple of matches this Saturday on Randall's Island. If you want to check it out, you can just show up, the info is on gothamrfc dot org. Or you can message me and I''ll help you find the way there and introduce you some of the guys on the team once you get there.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Oct 15, 2015 6:34 PM GMT
    U so young and handsome..try going out a lot more in areas were u'd likely find like minded people..dating apps r for busy people.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Oct 15, 2015 8:32 PM GMT
    Do you find it hard to meet guys outside dating apps?

    Do not use apps to meet, am using a laptop and go directly to certain sites. Nor do I visit "gay" pubs anymore. Too loud, crowded...and sleazy. And I am almost 60.

    My problem is not in attracting people but the fantasies people seem to always have. People cannot seem to get by those fantasies and take the time to connect interpersonally.
  • Nakedman1969

    Posts: 247

    Oct 15, 2015 9:49 PM GMT
    I can't find a boyfriend any where!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2015 9:54 PM GMT
    Yea, it's hard. But luckily I have mutual friends that have other gay friends. So finding other gays to be friends with is a little easier...now dating...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    Do what other people said and get out and meet people in a social setting. Much better chance of meeting someone of substance rather than a quick hookup from the bar anyways. Plus, you'll probably make a bunch of new friends.
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    Oct 17, 2015 4:57 PM GMT
    Thanks guys! I'll definitely try your suggestions.

    I've tried making conversations with other guys on the train (I know it's not the best place) but even though they engage, I only gave my number to one of them and he never texted me.
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    Oct 17, 2015 5:28 PM GMT
    JacksWastedLife saidHey guys!
    Long time reader, but first time posting icon_smile.gif

    I've been living in New York for more than a year now and to be honest, if it wasn't for Tinder and sometimes Grindr, I'd have zero dates so far.

    I haven't been to many gay bars in the city and no one ever really approaches me in those places. I don't live in a "gay neighborhood" either, so I'm curious if you guys have met anyone in the real world, especially those who live in big cities, and what did you do/where did you go.



    You say no one approaches you , well break the cycle and start talking to everyone. That is everyone, gay, straight ,male and female. It costs nothing to be friendly and one thing will lead to another. If you aren't friendly people sense it and won't approach you.
  • BossTanaka

    Posts: 26

    Oct 17, 2015 7:17 PM GMT
    Where I live, finding someone outside of dating apps is not really an option. However,the one time I fell in love it was with a guy in a summer internship that I didn't meet through an app, he was in denial tho so I never opened up about my feelings towards him even though I felt it was mutual.

    If and when I get out of here I sure hope I'd have more real life encounters than app ones, looks like a lot more fun icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    This is my first time posting as well. I found this topic to be of major interest to being that I am searching for the elusive true circle of friends. I am an out masculine male and have great heterosexual friends, but what what I long for are a group of male friends like me, who just want to enjoy true friendship. Now I said all of that because I joined this site for that reason and have reached out to those who've listed "friends" and basically received hardly any replies to that specific request. Plenty of ppl wanting to hookup, but not friendship. So I think it's hard to meet people in the Northern part of the country whether on a site or in a bar. Sex is everywhere and available, but real friendship in our way of life seems to be the mythical fairytale. Why is that?
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    Oct 18, 2015 3:52 PM GMT
    Spirited007 saidThis is my first time posting as well. I found this topic to be of major interest to being that I am searching for the elusive true circle of friends. I am an out masculine male and have great heterosexual friends, but what what I long for are a group of male friends like me, who just want to enjoy true friendship. Now I said all of that because I joined this site for that reason and have reached out to those who've listed "friends" and basically received hardly any replies to that specific request. Plenty of ppl wanting to hookup, but not friendship. So I think it's hard to meet people in the Northern part of the country whether on a site or in a bar. Sex is everywhere and available, but real friendship in our way of life seems to be the mythical fairytale. Why is that?


    Just musing (and please excuse me if it sounds like "psychobabble"): Maybe people find it intimidating to contemplate undertaking the deeper and more challenging aspects of a friend-type relationship, in which the realities are more abstract. Sex is fun and great, but can also function as a sort of drug, easy to get hooked on while it comfortably distances one from the seeming risks of friendship. What guys often don't realize is that friendship paves its own way, so to speak.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2015 11:35 PM GMT
    I understand what your saying, but in layman's terms your saying that they are "cowards." I find that hard to believe for most of us. All our lives we fight to belong although we may stand out. You don't think that it's about how hard our hearts can become because of all the hate that we have to fight through just to be ourselves? Or maybe We put up walls to protect ourselves, because we just can't take being pushed out of a group any longer? Well I've done it. I fought through and changed my life although I didn't have to. Not saying that everyone has to be out, but if we want others to respect us and understand that a gay lifestyle is not just about sex then we need to start developing true social group not based off of sexual intercourse.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Oct 19, 2015 4:40 PM GMT
    Spirited007 said...not saying that everyone has to be out, but if we want others to respect us and understand that a gay lifestyle is not just about sex then we need to start developing true social group not based off of sexual intercourse.


    +10
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Oct 19, 2015 6:05 PM GMT

    I find that most single gay men are either too involved with their careers/jobs, or simply lack the social skills to relate to others on a personal level. Second reason the internet to blame! too many false expectations of what the ideal partner or even a friend should be. Also there is no such thing as a perfect or ideal person, regardless what kind of relationship everyone seeks from another.

    This does not mean one should settle for less, but before you demand certain criteria from someone, you better have them!?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidThe only people I know who use apps for "dating" are confirmed sex addicts who can't do anything much with their life unless it involves orgasm.
    Apps are designed for introverts who have few if any social skills. This is why I don't have any on my phone, useless unless you are attracted to trolls, obese closet cases or addicts of all sorts.
    I don't like to 'Quote' takes up too much space and becomes repetitive. But I give 'smartmoney' a high-five and 10/10. Guys can seem so genuinely honest on 'Dating-site's' or 'Dating App's', cause they are horny and hard-up. You never know what you are going to find on these site's. Trolls, weirdo's, sex-maniacs, liars, frauds, scammers, etc. etc. etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2015 6:33 AM GMT
    I'm starting to realize my butching it up since I moved to Houston has held me back dating wise. I will never be masculine enough for dudes who dislike fems. Since I decided Houston isn't good enough for me I've relaxed and started acting more feminine. I've mostly gotten negative reaction but I've notice that select guys have started flirting with me. I guess just being my peppy self is helping me meet guys in public. Of course now that I've decided to move unless someone decided to pay me at least $150,000 a year to stay, I'm not interested in dating. No point in falling for someone I'm going to move away from.
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    Oct 22, 2015 11:55 AM GMT
    JacksWastedLife saidThanks guys! I'll definitely try your suggestions.

    I've tried making conversations with other guys on the train (I know it's not the best place) but even though they engage, I only gave my number to one of them and he never texted me.


    That's the best thing you can do.

    Living in a big city, I see no reason for you to use online dating. Just let love happen naturally. Talk to someone on the bus stop, a guy a work or school you have wet dreams about lol.

    Don't get upset if they mention a "girlfriend" or "wife". Not every guy is gay yes, and it could be a lie, but don't get upset.. icon_biggrin.gif

    Grindr and all that shit is good if you had a bad day and you want to press your luck and have something for right here and right now.

    But if you want a true connection, just open yourself up to people. Living in NY I don't see why you can't.

    Also know your boundaries if your gonna do that. No means no, and be careful.