Self-help may make you feel worse

  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Oct 16, 2015 1:25 AM GMT
    Mmm, pretty interesting

    http://www.success.com/blog/is-self-help-making-you-feel-worse
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    Oct 20, 2015 6:41 AM GMT
    Isn't this basically what "the happiness trap" is about. I agree that we are obsessed with becoming better as a culture. That is why I am so drawn to Buddhism's message of you are good as you are.
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    Jan 29, 2016 10:29 PM GMT
    Modern self help books are a pile of crap.
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    Jan 30, 2016 1:09 PM GMT
    So this article isn't presenting any kind of study? It's just a dude giving advice? Isn't that pretty much the same thing as a self help book?
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 23, 2016 11:50 PM GMT
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.
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    Feb 23, 2016 11:56 PM GMT
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.


    Suggest me some then. I may look into it. My experience of reading self-help has been that of shallow theories and easy fix-ups. I would say self-help as its own genre is also an oxymoron. I mean every book can be self-help if you think about it.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 24, 2016 12:04 AM GMT
    ricky1987 said
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.


    Suggest me some then. I may look into it. My experience of reading self-help has been that of shallow theories and easy fix-ups. I would say self-help as its own genre is also an oxymoron. I mean every book can be self-help if you think about it.




    Not every book is self help. I also read business books these could be defined as self help for example they help you with sales and marketing but that's not technically the genre.

    For me to suggest a book, that depends what you want help with.
    There are way too many good books out there.


    I like Steve Chandler's books. He has good ones on Wealth, Confidence and self esteem. I recommend Wealth Warrior, Time Warrior, Fearless, Crazy Good.


    Dr Joe Dispenza has books on changing your habits and improving your health through meditation. It is ground in neuroscience. You are the Placebo is excellent.

    To get the best out of the genre you need to read and test the theories. But it depends on what you want to achieve.






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    Feb 24, 2016 1:15 AM GMT
    javelin7 saidSo this article isn't presenting any kind of study? It's just a dude giving advice? Isn't that pretty much the same thing as a self help book?

    Dude, it's youtube. What do you expect? A PhD thesis in video format?
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    Feb 24, 2016 2:23 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    javelin7 saidSo this article isn't presenting any kind of study? It's just a dude giving advice? Isn't that pretty much the same thing as a self help book?

    Dude, it's youtube. What do you expect? A PhD thesis in video format?


    What? I didn't see a YouTube! that might have changed my mind!
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    Feb 24, 2016 2:36 AM GMT
    javelin7 saidWhat? I didn't see a YouTube! that might have changed my mind!

    Oops, my mistake. I assumed it was yet another youtube post.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 24, 2016 10:16 PM GMT
    The article was pretty good and is also a self help blog.

    He has valid points. I like the part about systems rather than discipline.

    The thing with the self help industry is that it is a primarily American industry

    It is based on the cult of the successful individual which you see in sports and business. A lot of it is about winning and not being a loser this trickles down into the books and can be damaging if you fit into the 'loser' category and don't find those messages supportive. This type of self help can be damaging.

    But there is also the more spiritually grounded and also scientifically grounded self help which can be very beneficial.

    A lot of research from neuroscience and positive psychology is finding its way into self help.

    And given that much of the western world is obese and miserable self help is definitely needed.

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    Feb 25, 2016 4:22 AM GMT
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.


    This explains why I find so many of the things you say so distasteful. I personally feel the constraining ideology of, "you can always choose to be happy no matter what, so be happy," counter productive. Of course as a Buddhist the idea of judging a current state if mind as the wrong state of mind is counter productive to me so I find 99% of self help books unhelpful.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 26, 2016 12:23 AM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.


    This explains why I find so many of the things you say so distasteful. I personally feel the constraining ideology of, "you can always choose to be happy no matter what, so be happy," counter productive. Of course as a Buddhist the idea of judging a current state if mind as the wrong state of mind is counter productive to me so I find 99% of self help books unhelpful.


    I don't fully understand what you are saying but choosing to be happy sounds quite Buddhist to me. And there's nothing conflicting between non-judgement of a current state of mind and choosing to be happy. You don't have to judge a state of mind as wrong.

    I didn't say "so be happy". You added that bit

    If you know you can choose to be happy then happiness is no longer a goal to be pursued. If you can be happy at any time you also don't need to force yourself to be happy
    A lot of people do spend their lives in pursuit of happiness which is something you already have the capacity for.
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    Feb 26, 2016 4:25 AM GMT
    Fireworkz said
    MrFuscle said
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.


    Having published my own self help book and read many.
    There are some very good books out there. Life changing ones.


    This explains why I find so many of the things you say so distasteful. I personally feel the constraining ideology of, "you can always choose to be happy no matter what, so be happy," counter productive. Of course as a Buddhist the idea of judging a current state if mind as the wrong state of mind is counter productive to me so I find 99% of self help books unhelpful.


    I don't fully understand what you are saying but choosing to be happy sounds quite Buddhist to me. And there's nothing conflicting between non-judgement of a current state of mind and choosing to be happy. You don't have to judge a state of mind as wrong.

    I didn't say "so be happy". You added that bit

    If you know you can choose to be happy then happiness is no longer a goal to be pursued. If you can be happy at any time you also don't need to force yourself to be happy
    A lot of people do spend their lives in pursuit of happiness which is something you already have the capacity for.


    While you did not say "so be happy" I've never witnessed you offer an alternative. That doesn't seem empathic to me. I'm aware empathy may not be your goal. Different Buddhist believe different things. I don't see happiness as a worthwhile goal. I think I'm alone in this because I've never met another human being who believes that instead of realizing we, "can be happy". Accepting every other state of mind as just as valid is even more powerful. I take that back. Peña Chodron often says " what ever arises is the fresh. The essence of realisation. To me its not just about what you consistently say but also what you consistently omit.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Feb 26, 2016 11:25 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    Fireworkz said
    MrFuscle said
    Fireworkz said
    ricky1987 saidModern self help books are a pile of crap.



    While you did not say "so be happy" I've never witnessed you offer an alternative. That doesn't seem empathic to me. I'm aware empathy may not be your goal. Different Buddhist believe different things. I don't see happiness as a worthwhile goal. I think I'm alone in this because I've never met another human being who believes that instead of realizing we, "can be happy". Accepting every other state of mind as just as valid is even more powerful. I take that back. Peña Chodron often says " what ever arises is the fresh. The essence of realisation. To me its not just about what you consistently say but also what you consistently omit.




    I think I've only posted a few comments about happiness so haven't really had time to explain my whole philosophy on the subject nor was I intending to do so.

    My only point was that there is no point in chasing happiness because you can have it at any point by choosing it. Happiness comes from within not from any external thing.

    That doesn't invalidate accepting all of your emotions. Or take away from any Buddhist teachings even though I'm not a Buddhist and don't know that much about Buddhism.

    And I think we are agreeing on the same thing here so I'm not sure what you are getting at.