What's wrong with me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2015 3:48 PM GMT
    I just called things off with a guy I had only been seeing for three weeks. He's a great catch. The problem is that I kind of miss the interactions with him (the texting, phone calls, sex.) He's older and I'm newly out and my reason for calling things off was so that I can be "adventurous". I didn't want to continue seeing him and date other people even though he suggested it because 1) I felt that would be unfair to him and 2) I just don't do that.

    My friend said that my reason for missing him is because I want to be in a relationship which is true, but do I want it that bad where I'm willing to date someone that I'm not that into? How often does this happen? I'm tired of being alone, yet I don't want to settle and I don't want the other person to feel like I'm settling for them.
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    Oct 20, 2015 4:46 PM GMT
    swimjammer saidI just called things off with a guy I had only been seeing for three weeks. He's a great catch. The problem is that I kind of miss the interactions with him (the texting, phone calls, sex.) He's older and I'm newly out and my reason for calling things off was so that I can be "adventurous"...
    You did the right thing

    
    swimjammer said... but do I want it that bad where I'm willing to date someone that I'm not that into...
    it will happen often if you dont get your emotional stuff worked out. Sounds like your working on it.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 20, 2015 5:06 PM GMT
    I think your reasoning is good. Most guys have a wild period right after coming out. I did. It is true you may be walking away from a really good guy, but coming out at 35, well, you've had a long period of pent up frustrations and feeling the rush of the possible. Enjoy it. Be honest with your guy and tell him you're just not ready to settle down. That's totally valid. But you can't have it both ways-- play the field and rely on him for emotional backup. Unless both he and you agree to an open relationship but it sounds like that isn't what you want or need. OK to take some time to enjoy life as a single, out guy.
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    Oct 20, 2015 6:52 PM GMT
    You miss him, you don't wanna see him, you wanna be adventurous. WTF! Then you ask, "What's wrong with me?" I agree with the other user, you have just 'come out'. So do some exploring first. You don't just jump on top of Mount Everest, you have to climb it to get to the top.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2015 7:04 PM GMT
    Your feeling lonely thats why you wanna get in a relationship. But don't let that feeling overwhelm you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    Don't settle..you'll know that person your willing to give your all to when you meet him
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    Oct 21, 2015 12:24 AM GMT
    swimjammer said my reason for calling things off was so that I can be "adventurous".


    Well, if you want to be more adventurous in your sexual life, then do so. That doesn't mean that you can't contiue to date men that you like, but you said that "you were not that into him." One wonders why you were dating this guy? It's perfectly normal and OK to date guys that you like, but don't like enough for them to become your life partner.
  • bearygood1

    Posts: 78

    Oct 21, 2015 12:56 AM GMT
    lol.........this is why most gay guys are single. the grass is always greener!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2015 8:19 AM GMT
    I think there are many gay men that feel like this. They want to settle down but don't want to just settle for less and so they keep looking for someone better coming along. I think you either be single or go all in, you can't have it both ways. But since you don't sound too committed, I'd say just date and sleep around first, lol, settle down in the future.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 22, 2015 2:53 AM GMT
    laxwill10 saidI think there are many gay men that feel like this. They want to settle down but don't want to just settle for less and so they keep looking for someone better coming along. I think you either be single or go all in, you can't have it both ways. But since you don't sound too committed, I'd say just date and sleep around first, lol, settle down in the future.


    That may be true but isn't it better to get with a guy you're into rather than someone you're only marginally into? But yes, if you're not ready to settle down, just stay single and date casually.
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    Oct 22, 2015 3:13 PM GMT
    Romero23 saidDon't settle..you'll know that person your willing to give your all to when you meet him

    And what if I never meet that person? I don't want to grow old alone!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2015 3:22 PM GMT
    swimjammer said... I don't want to grow old alone!
    Be a kind loving person. Become self reliant and achieve some accomplishments. Your wrong; growing old is a great feeling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2015 5:22 PM GMT
    swimjammer said
    Romero23 saidDon't settle..you'll know that person your willing to give your all to when you meet him

    And what if I never meet that person? I don't want to grow old alone!


    You should stay friends with him. I also think you did the right thing if you're "not into him" or uncomfortable dating multiple people at his suggestion.

    I didn't meet someone that worked well for me until I was 31 and I barely dated in the ~8 years leading up to that. It's like I was just hibernating that part of my mind and processing life or... something. I did have a group of friends I would regularly hang out with though.

    You won't die alone if you stay open and active. Make as many friends as you can handle. Chicks worry about never having a baby at 30. At 35, your eggs haven't even begun to dry up :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2015 1:22 AM GMT
    swimjammer said
    Romero23 saidDon't settle..you'll know that person your willing to give your all to when you meet him

    And what if I never meet that person? I don't want to grow old alone!


    You just came out. At this point you don't have enough experience to know the answers to key questions like
    1) what physical types turn you on
    2) what personality types are most compatible with yours
    3) what values and lifestyle in a partner would you be comfortable with

    and of course

    4) what do you like to do in bed?

    Until you know the answer to all these it's too soon to commit to a partner. Otherwise it would be just a starter relationship which you've said you don't want.
    Anyway there's time. Most gay men don't settle into lasting LTRs until their 30s.