'I Hate My Body - Skinny Boys and Muscle Men'

  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Oct 22, 2015 1:48 PM GMT
    I Hate My Body Skinny Boys and Muscle Men

  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Oct 23, 2015 2:10 PM GMT
    I can relate to this. Being on the small side it sucks working out because it seems like no matter how hard i push myself I just don't seem to grow. It's discouraging and makes me want to give up.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Oct 23, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    Scott says that the bigger he got the more he was shunned by society. Clearly he doesn't hang out with many gay men! Actually, I have noticed that the biggest guys in the gym are often avoided by most others. I think it is just because "average" people are intimidated. I have often approached the really big guys and found them to be friendly and genuinely appreciative of a sincere compliment.

    As to the theme of the story, I still don't like my body. I bulked from 121 lbs (see my "before" pic), to 177 lbs, over a roughly 3 year period. Then I cut way down to get leaner, and now continue to try to get back to 175, while limiting body fat. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with my body, but this, at least, keeps me working hard to improve. In any event, I'd rather be "too big" (is that even possible with lean muscle?) than skinny again. I wish I had that genetics to become "too big," but sadly I don't.
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    Oct 23, 2015 3:12 PM GMT
    I used to be that guy that hated being skinny, but I eventually turned a 180 on myself. I'm quite confident and proud of my physical shape and see nothing wrong with it. It's always a matter of perception, or skewed one in any case. My skewed perception came from a long history of primary and high school bullying and complex building. Not a healthy environment to build self-esteem or a healthy body image. Not that I haven't attempted to change the physical status in the past, but I realized that if I was gonna go through with it, I'd be doing it because of other people, not because of myself. So, I reconciled being different than most.

    But being skinny comes with perks. I can still outrun most average-sized and even muscular guys in a single breath icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 23, 2015 8:38 PM GMT
    This is true for me as well. I'm not "skinny" but I still have a petite frame which just makes it hard for me to gain anything. Although it's nice to hear compliments, I also get angry when some people tell me I look good the way I am because it makes me feel like that's all I can do. As in I can't grow further or look better than I am and I have reached my limit. I don't have to be a huge guy, but looking bigger than right now is a goal I want to reach. Also because I don't want to be automatically dismissed as a "twink" or "boy". I want to addressed as a guy or man.
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    Oct 23, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    There is the self-image problem and there is the what-others-think-of-you problem. Because one can fuel the other, it can be hard to discern the two problems as separate.

    You can accept and love your skinny body, then you go to the ball of seduction and realize others don't feel the same about you. Now what?
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    Oct 24, 2015 2:54 AM GMT
    Honestly being skinny used to hard for me. My family would constantly tell me that I needed to eat or I was too skinny and it really messed with my self esteem which was super low at the time. It made me feel like I wasn't normal plus being gay in a all straight family made me feel like an outcast.

    Eventually, this year in fact, I got over it. It doesn't matter how many people tell you that your body is fine. If you don't believe it their words don't mean anything.

    Your body is perfect the way it is. Whether that's skinny or fat, whether you wanna stay skinny or you wanna put on muscle, as long as you're healthy your body is perfect and beautiful just the way it is.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Oct 24, 2015 9:37 AM GMT
    Question: I'm a skinny guy as well, but I have increased in a few pounds from working out. I wanted to go as a spartan from 300 for Halloween to celebrate and also because it's balls hot down here. Thoughts? How do other skinny guys feel about dressing so revealing?
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    Oct 24, 2015 3:30 PM GMT
    bachian said
    You can accept and love your skinny body, then you go to the ball of seduction and realize others don't feel the same about you. Now what?


    I thank those for their time and move on to those that do like the way I am. And there's quite a few of them in the muscular category. I just regret not accepting myself sooner so I could realize sooner that there's people of the category I like that also like people of the category I represent as well.

    nomad4life saidQuestion: I'm a skinny guy as well, but I have increased in a few pounds from working out. I wanted to go as a spartan from 300 for Halloween to celebrate and also because it's balls hot down here. Thoughts? How do other skinny guys feel about dressing so revealing?


    I would celebrate it icon_smile.gif

    Plus seems like a fun costume idea. Rock on! icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:36 PM GMT
    Razvigor said
    bachian said
    You can accept and love your skinny body, then you go to the ball of seduction and realize others don't feel the same about you. Now what?


    I thank those for their time and move on to those that do like the way I am. And there's quite a few of them in the muscular category. I just regret not accepting myself sooner so I could realize sooner that there's people of the category I like that also like people of the category I represent as well.


    Self-acceptance and self-love are great things everyone must have, but what others think of you is a separate issue. Your view on this separate issue is providential and it's not something I agree with, but I won't derail the topic. (Recommended reading: The Little Mermaid)
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    Oct 25, 2015 8:07 PM GMT
    bachian said
    Self-acceptance and self-love are great things everyone must have, but what others think of you is a separate issue. Your view on this separate issue is providential and it's not something I agree with, but I won't derail the topic. (Recommended reading: The Little Mermaid)


    Does it matter what others think of me if it's negative? Shouldn't one only focus on the positive opinions? Because I had plenty of negative opinions coming my way in high school, and many were not just about my body type. Perhaps not communicated with the same words or intent, but I come across such negative remarks often enough in everyday life or in the virtual world too. What do I do with them?

    I don't want to change myself because others think I should be more like them. If I change something about myself is because I myself wanted to do that change, not because others thought it would be better for me. What would you suggest I do then? (other than reading the little mermaid).
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    Oct 25, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    ^

    The Little Mermaid is a recommended reading to all gay men. It's a tragedy about how far is it worth changing yourself to be with someone. Hans Christian Andersen (who was gay and also wrote The Ugly Duckling) didn't want to propose a providential notion that there's a prince for everyone (there isn't, hence the drama), but to bring up the complicated question of how much can you change yourself in the pursuit of love without losing yourself along the way.

    There isn't a muscular guy for every one who wants them and to say there is is a form of evading from that complicated question from Andersen. If you are a skinny guy and you're looking for someone muscular, you will have to change - whether it's your taste in men or your body. Judging the personal cost of such change is entirely up to you.
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    Oct 25, 2015 11:30 PM GMT
    bachian said^

    The Little Mermaid is a recommended reading to all gay men. It's a tragedy about how far is it worth changing yourself to be with someone. Hans Christian Andersen (who was gay and also wrote The Ugly Duckling) didn't want to propose a providential notion that there's a prince for everyone (there isn't, hence the drama), but to bring up the complicated question of how much can you change yourself in the pursuit of love without losing yourself along the way.

    There isn't a muscular guy for every one who wants them and to say there is is a form of evading from that complicated question from Andersen. If you are a skinny guy and you're looking for someone muscular, you will have to change - whether it's your taste in men or your body. Judging the personal cost of such change is entirely up to you.


    Yeah, I know why you recommended the book. That's why I asked if there is anything more you could add.

    My love life till now pretty much disproves that theory. Other than one guy who was chubby, pretty much every guy I have dated has been either athletic or full fledged bodybuilder. And I live in a country of 1.5 million people. I imagine within places of 15 million or 150 million people, skinny guys would fare even better. I don't believe in luck. You make of your life what you can. Same golden rule for one's love life.

    I didn't have to change a thing about me. Nor should anyone else. Be them skinny, average, chubby. I know of a few couples who are chubby-muscular paired as well. Same would apply for feminine men. It's not a complicated question, because it has a very uncomplicated and simple answer - no amount (if it's for others). No change necessary, unless you feel something needs to be changed about yourself. There are some aspects of myself that nobody ever has called them into question or even commented, but I didn't like them, so I changed them, to feel better about me being me.

    I feel a lot of people that support this theory, do so because of the actions they did themselves way back when they started to change themselves because of others. That's a choice, for better or worse, made by themselves. To feel better, they paint those who don't want to change themselves as greedy, picky, or having unrealistic expectation as if they want a unicorn.

    People change too much to please society as it is. That fire doesn't need oil.
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    Oct 26, 2015 3:01 AM GMT
    Razvigor said
    bachian said^

    The Little Mermaid is a recommended reading to all gay men. It's a tragedy about how far is it worth changing yourself to be with someone. Hans Christian Andersen (who was gay and also wrote The Ugly Duckling) didn't want to propose a providential notion that there's a prince for everyone (there isn't, hence the drama), but to bring up the complicated question of how much can you change yourself in the pursuit of love without losing yourself along the way.

    There isn't a muscular guy for every one who wants them and to say there is is a form of evading from that complicated question from Andersen. If you are a skinny guy and you're looking for someone muscular, you will have to change - whether it's your taste in men or your body. Judging the personal cost of such change is entirely up to you.


    Yeah, I know why you recommended the book. That's why I asked if there is anything more you could add.

    My love life till now pretty much disproves that theory. Other than one guy who was chubby, pretty much every guy I have dated has been either athletic or full fledged bodybuilder. And I live in a country of 1.5 million people. I imagine within places of 15 million or 150 million people, skinny guys would fare even better. I don't believe in luck. You make of your life what you can. Same golden rule for one's love life.

    I didn't have to change a thing about me. Nor should anyone else. Be them skinny, average, chubby. I know of a few couples who are chubby-muscular paired as well. Same would apply for feminine men. It's not a complicated question, because it has a very uncomplicated and simple answer - no amount (if it's for others). No change necessary, unless you feel something needs to be changed about yourself. There are some aspects of myself that nobody ever has called them into question or even commented, but I didn't like them, so I changed them, to feel better about me being me.

    I feel a lot of people that support this theory, do so because of the actions they did themselves way back when they started to change themselves because of others. That's a choice, for better or worse, made by themselves. To feel better, they paint those who don't want to change themselves as greedy, picky, or having unrealistic expectation as if they want a unicorn.

    People change too much to please society as it is. That fire doesn't need oil.


    I don't think it's wrong to want to change yourself even if you decide to go something drastic as going under the knife. To me that is something an individual has to decide for themselves. While other see it as a weakness, I find that it takes a lot of courage to go under something as facial reconstruction. Not a lot of people have that courage to do something for themselves like that.
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    Oct 26, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    nomad4life saidQuestion: I'm a skinny guy as well, but I have increased in a few pounds from working out. I wanted to go as a spartan from 300 for Halloween to celebrate and also because it's balls hot down here. Thoughts? How do other skinny guys feel about dressing so revealing?

    I say as long as someone is comfortable with what they're wearing it doesn't matter to me.
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    Nov 01, 2015 3:58 AM GMT
    @Razvigor

    eagermuscle could provide you with an extensive list of RJ threads of frustrated skinny guys asking why they have no luck with the muscular ones. I don't doubt your history, but this doesn't give weight to the unilateral idea that no one should ever change for this goal. It shows that you've been lucky, that's all.

    By the way...

    Becoming muscular is not becoming something you're not, it's becoming better at what you already are. You are improving your body and your health, not someone else's. Let's not confuse a legitimate right to be yourself with an apology for being inept. An average height skinny guy who knows what to eat and can commit to a meal schedule will take no longer than 3 years to look totally different. Take out of this equation genetic winners who need little effort and genetic losers who will need a lot: the average ones on the top of the normal curve are skinny or chubby due to nothing more than their own incompetence. It begs the question if they can even maintain a relationship with the muscular ones they desire if their lifestyle choices are so different.

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    Nov 01, 2015 5:42 AM GMT
    bachian saideagermuscle could provide you with an extensive list of RJ threads of frustrated skinny guys asking why they have no luck with the muscular ones.

    You rang? bachian (who recommends "The Little Mermaid," my favorite tragedy as a kid) is far more eloquent and expert on the subject than I but when duty calls...

    A small sampling of related threads. My takeaway from them was (among other things) that if you're slim (or average, or chubby) it's not shallow in the slightest to want a muscular guy, but if you're muscular and want the same thing you're vilified for having preferences. But do your research and draw your own conclusions:


    Question to all the buff muscle men:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1937250

    Do Muscular guys find slim guys attractive:
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    How does a small slim guy attract a big muscled guy?:
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    Do muscle guys like slim guys?:
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    Are muscle guys attracted to thinner men?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1297548

    WE TWINKS NEED LOVE TOO!!!!!!:
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    skinny versus muscular:
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    Muscle for Muscle only?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1237762

    do you guys look for muscle guys only:
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    do you guys look for muscle guys only:
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    Big guys who like Smaller guys:
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    What do y'all think of thin/toned guys?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/336811

    Slim?:
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    Does slim do it?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2541937/

    Is dating impossible if you are NOT muscular?:
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    Does Muscle look for Muscle?
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/44275

    Are HIV + Muscular Men More Susceptible To Being with Average Bodied Guy More Than HIV - Muscular Men:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2548166