Stay or go?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2015 7:49 PM GMT
    I'm 38, my bf is 25, we've been together for 3 years and it's been ok, the thing is I'm not super crazy about him like I'd think I'm supposed to be, I have more fun with my friends, he'd lay down in traffic for me, he's got a ton of amazing qualities, but we share virtually no mutual interests whatsoever, this makes it very hard, I've never met someone that has such unquestionable loyalty like this, like he's total in love with me, completely, like I could punch him in the face tell him I spent the savings, and burnt the house down, and he'd be ok with that. So do I just suck it up because that's prolly almost impossible to find, or do I break it off and continue the hunt? I've been thinking about this for months now, some real advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes I get so frustrated at the total lack of mutual interest is really a bummer, are these good reasons to break up, or am I bein dumb
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    Oct 24, 2015 8:02 PM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI'm 38, my bf is 24, we've been together for 3 years and it's been ok, the thing is I'm not super crazy about him like I'd think I'm supposed to be, I have more fun with my friends, he'd lay down in traffic for me, he's got a ton of amazing qualities, but we share virtually no mutual interests whatsoever, this makes it very hard, I've never met someone that has such unquestionable loyalty like this, like he's total in love with me, completely, like I could punch him in the face tell him I spent the savings, and burnt the house down, and he'd be ok with that. So do I just suck it up because that's prolly almost impossible to find, or do I break it off and continue the hunt? I've been thinking about this for months now, some real advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes I get so frustrated at the total lack of mutual interest is really a bummer, are these good reasons to break up, or am I bein dumb

    Prolly and bein dumb disqualify you from adult talk.
    Sounds like you are doing everything you can to hold onto being young, from dating a person young enough to not have anything in common with you, to using slang that most high school graduates dispose of once they mature.
    He's not your issue, you are his issue. He should drop you like a rock and seek therapy for dating such immature and damaged men.
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    Oct 24, 2015 8:04 PM GMT
    not a lot of detail on the lack of mutual interests in your post. But given what you have; just suck it up. its just you guys need to repair this situation.

    you might try new stuff in both of your lives.

    are there thing he does that you could try out?


    in straight relationships (the other 97%) the couples usually have nothing in common.

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    Oct 24, 2015 8:07 PM GMT
    Oh geez, so sorry, apparently I've upset the grammar police. Smart money, ur an ass, your comments are not required, go troll elsewhere
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    Oct 24, 2015 8:13 PM GMT
    pellaz saidnot a lot of detail on the lack of mutual interests in your post. But given what you have; just suck it up. its just you guys need to repair this situation.

    you might try new stuff in both of your lives.

    are there thing he does that you could try out?


    in straight relationships (the other 97%) the couples usually have nothing in common.



    I've never been in a lot of relationships, this one and a few others, but they were brief, I've only just figured out that I was into guys a few years ago. This isn't a joke, I'm debating on asking him to marry me, it's not bad, it's just that we really don't connect, like we're great roommates, the age thing isn't really an issue as much as he's a city guy and I'm a country boy, he wants to cook and such I wanna work on cars, he's way more fem than me, I don't see myself getting hyped up by miss America and I know he has no intros in camping, fishing, etc. I feel like I'm starting to maybe answer my own question a lil
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    Oct 24, 2015 8:23 PM GMT
    Trust me, if you are not fully equipped to go out there to hunt then you're just going to get mauled by the beasts that lurk there. There is always a perception that the grass is always greener on the other side, however people fail to realize it was fertilized with a lot of bullshit.

    If you do leave him, do him a favor and never, ever, crawl back to him when you finally realized that you threw away something that was worth keeping.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 24, 2015 8:30 PM GMT
    Are you happy ?
    No.
    Go.
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    Oct 24, 2015 8:33 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidTrust me, if you are not fully equipped to go out there to hunt then you're just going to get mauled by the beasts that lurk there. There is always a perception that the grass is always greener on the other side, however people fail to realize it was fertilized with a lot of bullshit.

    If you do leave him, do him a favor and never, ever, crawl back to him when you finally realized that you threw away something that was worth keeping.


    +1
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:08 PM GMT
    I've been around enough to know its not great out there, it's not that the sex isn't good and all that, it's great, I'm not afraid to date, a part of it is I don't even know if I really want to be in a relationship, I'm starting a new career in February March and I'll be away for months at a time. No, I'm not the type to go "crawling back"(or ever cheat). We're both good people, we don't really fight, even about $$$. We'd both be fine in the dating scene, unfortunately I seem to get along best with wildly straight guys, I don't wanna waste his time or mine, the real question is, I guess, do you keep someone your not in love with? Even if they are madly in love w/ u? Do people grow into love? If it hasn't really happened in 3 years will it ever? I just really don't feel that connection. What does "fully equipped" mean? I gotta admit, I kind of dread the idea of dating.
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:09 PM GMT
    Btw, I've came here for advice on life before, I really do appreciate it.
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:29 PM GMT
    Do you think he'll grow to see that you're not so enchanted with him as he is with you, and that he'll consequently start wondering if he deserves someone whose feelings are more evenly reciprocal? Right now, he's willing to give give give; but one day something may click in his brain or heart which says, "Damn, there's something out of balance here...", which could lead to "I gave you the best years of my life, and you just took took took" scenes. It's possible or even probable he already knows this in some dark corner of his heart; but at this point maybe he thinks he can still win you over completely, and so is willing for now to make to effort. You deserve credit for looking into this and asking for thoughts; all he's giving, he deserves some plain talk between the two of you.
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:31 PM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI've been around enough to know its not great out there, it's not that the sex isn't good and all that, it's great, I'm not afraid to date, a part of it is I don't even know if I really want to be in a relationship, I'm starting a new career in February March and I'll be away for months at a time. No, I'm not the type to go "crawling back"(or ever cheat). We're both good people, we don't really fight, even about $$$. We'd both be fine in the dating scene, unfortunately I seem to get along best with wildly straight guys, I don't wanna waste his time or mine, the real question is, I guess, do you keep someone your not in love with? Even if they are madly in love w/ u? Do people grow into love? If it hasn't really happened in 3 years will it ever? I just really don't feel that connection. What does "fully equipped" mean? I gotta admit, I kind of dread the idea of dating.


    You've been with someone for 3 years and never been in love with him? Yeah, it's time for you two to split and go in different directions. And if this has been bothering you for the last few months, you already know the answer and what to do.
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    Oct 24, 2015 10:38 PM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI've been around enough to know its not great out there, it's not that the sex isn't good and all that, it's great, I'm not afraid to date, a part of it is I don't even know if I really want to be in a relationship, I'm starting a new career in February March and I'll be away for months at a time. No, I'm not the type to go "crawling back"(or ever cheat). We're both good people, we don't really fight, even about $$$. We'd both be fine in the dating scene, unfortunately I seem to get along best with wildly straight guys, I don't wanna waste his time or mine, the real question is, I guess, do you keep someone your not in love with? Even if they are madly in love w/ u? Do people grow into love? If it hasn't really happened in 3 years will it ever? I just really don't feel that connection. What does "fully equipped" mean? I gotta admit, I kind of dread the idea of dating.


    Trust me, you will know what it will mean eventually. If you think you're life right now is bad just wait till you go out there in shark infested waters with a paper thin mentality and your heart bleeding all over your sleeve. You're going to get maimed. And maybe this break up will help this young lad to realize that there is life outside of a one sided relationship. That he has a lot more potential then you give him credit for.

    But like I said. Do him a favor, once you realize something important, don't you dare ever walk back into his life again.
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    Oct 24, 2015 11:10 PM GMT
    I think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 24, 2015 11:26 PM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif


    Congratulations you finally made a big boy decision. Get it over with and move on.
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    Oct 24, 2015 11:38 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif


    Congratulations you finally made a big boy decision. Get it over with and move on.


    Jesus dude what's ur problem? How'd u get to be such a bitter jaded little shit? I'm on here actually trying at figure some important (at least for 2 ppl) shit out n ur over here being some kina queenie Bitch, I'd say it's very easy to see why a guy like u would have relationship problems. Ur the kinda guy that makes people ashamed to be gay.


    Holy shit! It jus clicked! Ur jelly!!!
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    Oct 24, 2015 11:47 PM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce said
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif


    Congratulations you finally made a big boy decision. Get it over with and move on.


    Jesus dude what's ur problem? How'd u get to be such a bitter jaded little shit? I'm on here actually trying at figure some important (at least for 2 ppl) shit out n ur over here being some kina queenie Bitch, I'd say it's very easy to see why a guy like u would have relationship problems. Ur the kinda guy that makes people ashamed to be gay.


    I don't have relationship problems. You do. Oh don't play stupid. You already know the answer to your idiotic question so stop asking for peoples advice if you already know the god damn answer.

    I'm just brutally honest. If you can't fucking take that into account then don't ask for people's advice.

    If you must know, I used to be in the same shoes your boyfriend is in right now. Oh and for your information. The guy that was in your shoes, I never took him back, why? because he was a fucking idiot for not believing in me. Now, I'm in a very happy relationship. The reason why I'm such a bitch to you is because I sympathize with your boyfriend more then your dumb ass. If there is anyone you should be talking to is him. Not fucking strangers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2015 12:08 AM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce said
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif


    Congratulations you finally made a big boy decision. Get it over with and move on.


    Jesus dude what's ur problem? How'd u get to be such a bitter jaded little shit? I'm on here actually trying at figure some important (at least for 2 ppl) shit out n ur over here being some kina queenie Bitch, I'd say it's very easy to see why a guy like u would have relationship problems. Ur the kinda guy that makes people ashamed to be gay.


    I don't have relationship problems. You do. Oh don't play stupid. You already know the answer to your idiotic question so stop asking for peoples advice if you already know the god damn answer.

    I'm just brutally honest. If you can't fucking take that into account then don't ask for people's advice.

    If you must know, I used to be in the same shoes your boyfriend is in right now. Oh and for your information. The guy that was in your shoes, I never took him back, why? because he was a fucking idiot for not believing in me. Now, I'm in a very happy relationship. The reason why I'm such a bitch to you is because I sympathize with your boyfriend more then your dumb ass. If there is anyone you should be talking to is him. Not fucking strangers.




    Awwwwwwwww. It's ok to be bitter hun. How does ur new boyfriend deal with the fact ur still hung up on the guy that dumped you? icon_smile.gif

    Thanks for all the great advice, getting advice from strangers can help with a thing called "Perspective". Say it with me, "Per-spec-tive". That's right!! Very good!!! So proud of you!!!

    And I promise ur not even a tenth the man my boyfriend is. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2015 12:22 AM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce said
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce said
    Mesmer said
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI think maybe I've been trying to force it in hopes it would get better. I'm not some kind of sick predator either, he found me, he lied about his age, (by 3 years)I've been good to him, life has been a lot like that Tracy chapman song fast car, we met, but we're super broke, then I got him through a year of severe depression, then supported him while he went to school and finished his bachelors, (I don't even have that), then helped him earn his real eatate license. The "give give give" isn't exactly fair, neither one of us has had any life at all, we both made huge sacrifices, mostly in the name of survival, and it hasn't exactly been like I was out on the town livin it up. I've been supporting both of us on $15 an hour as a truck driver, sometimes there wasn't even $$$ for food. but we're through the tough times and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can go headlong into it either way. Maybe I'm on here looking for someone that's been in this situation that will tell me to stick it out, I'm starting to see maybe it is kinda doomed. Pls understand the absolute last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him, we're just not vindictive and low like that. After a little while here I'm starting to think the odds are stacked against us, I am starting to think it would be better for both of us to separate and be alone than to be safe and basically just roommates, it really does sound like splitsville icon_sad.gif


    Congratulations you finally made a big boy decision. Get it over with and move on.


    Jesus dude what's ur problem? How'd u get to be such a bitter jaded little shit? I'm on here actually trying at figure some important (at least for 2 ppl) shit out n ur over here being some kina queenie Bitch, I'd say it's very easy to see why a guy like u would have relationship problems. Ur the kinda guy that makes people ashamed to be gay.


    I don't have relationship problems. You do. Oh don't play stupid. You already know the answer to your idiotic question so stop asking for peoples advice if you already know the god damn answer.

    I'm just brutally honest. If you can't fucking take that into account then don't ask for people's advice.

    If you must know, I used to be in the same shoes your boyfriend is in right now. Oh and for your information. The guy that was in your shoes, I never took him back, why? because he was a fucking idiot for not believing in me. Now, I'm in a very happy relationship. The reason why I'm such a bitch to you is because I sympathize with your boyfriend more then your dumb ass. If there is anyone you should be talking to is him. Not fucking strangers.




    Awwwwwwwww. It's ok to be bitter hun. How does ur new boyfriend deal with the fact ur still hung up on the guy that dumped you? icon_smile.gif

    Thanks for all the great advice, getting advice from strangers can help with a thing called "Perspective". Say it with me, "Per-spec-tive". That's right!! Very good!!! So proud of you!!!

    And I promise ur not even a tenth the man my boyfriend is. icon_smile.gif




    You're fucking disgusting now I really wish you do break up with your boyfriend because he can clearly do a lot better then you. I really don't give a fucking shit if I'm anywhere in the same spectrum of your fucking boyfriend! You're trash so why don't you take yourself out of this so called a relationship and save your boyfriend some time.

    Fucking pig.

    #blocked
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2015 12:26 AM GMT
    Awwwww honey! Did u skin your widdle knee? Awwwww.

    Lmao.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2015 1:02 AM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce said... he's a city guy and I'm a country boy, he wants to cook and such I wanna work on cars, he's way more fem than me...
    actually sounds like my husband.

    you don't need someone to hold your hand while you work on the car. Watch the youtube video and do it your self. Let him do other things he as a liking for.

    I dated a guy the same profession as myself. We got into as many if not more arguments. For me relationship bliss didn't depend on common ground. So my current partner is way different, more fem. I like doing a few of his activities and he will do some of mine but we don't feel like we have stick it out together 100%.

    I got my straight bros to hang out with for cars and he has his hag girl friends for the theater dinner dates.

    your a fool to discount the "unquestionable loyalty". That my friend is sooo difficult to find.

    i guess i am ignoring the real jock drama above
    best wishes / luck.
  • mybud

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    Oct 25, 2015 2:50 AM GMT
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI'm 38, my bf is 24, we've been together for 3 years and it's been ok, the thing is I'm not super crazy about him like I'd think I'm supposed to be, I have more fun with my friends, he'd lay down in traffic for me, he's got a ton of amazing qualities, but we share virtually no mutual interests whatsoever, this makes it very hard, I've never met someone that has such unquestionable loyalty like this, like he's total in love with me, completely, like I could punch him in the face tell him I spent the savings, and burnt the house down, and he'd be ok with that. So do I just suck it up because that's prolly almost impossible to find, or do I break it off and continue the hunt? I've been thinking about this for months now, some real advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes I get so frustrated at the total lack of mutual interest is really a bummer, are these good reasons to break up, or am I bein dumb
    Personally, I'd dump ya for using the word "prolly".
  • JMeezy808

    Posts: 52

    Oct 25, 2015 2:52 AM GMT
    If you aren't happy with your situation don't waste each others time. It sounds like this isn't the dude for you, like you're trying to force this relationship. Maybe you just don't want to let go? You already know the answer to your question, don't be like those people who stay together because it's comfortable for you. Sooner or later you'll be looking around because he isn't fulfilling what you want in your relationship. It's respectful to him to let him know now, that way he can move on with his life, and you with yours.
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    Oct 25, 2015 4:51 AM GMT
    pellaz said
    Johnnyhotsauce said... he's a city guy and I'm a country boy, he wants to cook and such I wanna work on cars, he's way more fem than me...
    actually sounds like my husband.

    you don't need someone to hold your hand while you work on the car. Watch the youtube video and do it your self. Let him do other things he as a liking for.

    I dated a guy the same profession as myself. We got into as many if not more arguments. For me relationship bliss didn't depend on common ground. So my current partner is way different, more fem. I like doing a few of his activities and he will do some of mine but we don't feel like we have stick it out together 100%.

    I got my straight bros to hang out with for cars and he has his hag girl friends for the theater dinner dates.

    your a fool to discount the "unquestionable loyalty". That my friend is sooo difficult to find.

    i guess i am ignoring the real jock drama above
    best wishes / luck.


    Finally, that's where I'm having the hardest part, that unquestionable loyalty is no joke, it's one of the biggest reasons I'm asking thi sort of questions, I haven't been out a long time, I definitely haven't dated much, only one other relationship, it's kind of impossible for me to know what to do without any real experience :/. Sorry bout that drama, not used to being blindly attacked.

    Anyone that would base a relationship in its entirety on proper grammar and spelling might also be a fool. A big part of this is ill be taking a job in late February-March that will prolly have me traveling most likely to the Middle East for 8-9 months, at a time. It's really almost like we're family, I'm beginning to think staying is unfair just based on the logistics of it, sure, I know ppl do it, but that sounds pretty horrible really. I think I'm coming to my reality. It's so damn easy to just stay put tho icon_sad.gif I hope we can stay friends or at least not hate each other after all this
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    Oct 25, 2015 5:33 AM GMT
    smartmoney said
    Johnnyhotsauce saidI'm 38, my bf is 24, we've been together for 3 years and it's been ok, the thing is I'm not super crazy about him like I'd think I'm supposed to be, I have more fun with my friends, he'd lay down in traffic for me, he's got a ton of amazing qualities, but we share virtually no mutual interests whatsoever, this makes it very hard, I've never met someone that has such unquestionable loyalty like this, like he's total in love with me, completely, like I could punch him in the face tell him I spent the savings, and burnt the house down, and he'd be ok with that. So do I just suck it up because that's prolly almost impossible to find, or do I break it off and continue the hunt? I've been thinking about this for months now, some real advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes I get so frustrated at the total lack of mutual interest is really a bummer, are these good reasons to break up, or am I bein dumb

    Prolly and bein dumb disqualify you from adult talk.
    Sounds like you are doing everything you can to hold onto being young, from dating a person young enough to not have anything in common with you, to using slang that most high school graduates dispose of once they mature.
    He's not your issue, you are his issue. He should drop you like a rock and seek therapy for dating such immature and damaged men.


    mmmhm, clearly the OP is just a selfish turd. His boyfriend deserves better.