When you just can't tell . . .

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 25, 2015 7:39 AM GMT
    So I met this guy at capoeira . . .

    Long story short

    We talk over the phone on the regular

    We always partner up together to do deep stretches

    When I had no food to eat on account of the #FeesMustFall and #EndOutsourcing protests here in cape town, I went to his house for dinner. When I got there his flat mate had left and while we were eating dinner there were 80s ballads playing in the background, low lighting etc, he made us food blah blah blah . . .

    We touch frequently (outside sparring) eg hair flicking, hugging, horsing around (like rib tickling and shit), and he often asks for my help with moves

    And yes he is gay

    I am decidedly stupid when it comes to romance, and I have no idea if this guy is just friendly, if he likes me, or maybe just wouldn't be opposed if I asked him out. He's four years older, and a post-grad student, as opposed to being a first year like me.

    I'd really like to get closer with him, but I have NO IDEA how to go about it, or if my efforts would be fruitful at all. I don't want to ruin a great friendship (he's a witty fellow, and I appreciate his company), because in a discussion we were having yesterday he said it takes him a while to become comfortable with people.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Oct 25, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    Throw caution to the wind and ask him out.

    You don't get things in life without asking.
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    Oct 25, 2015 5:38 PM GMT
    Are we sure the flat-mate is just that? Just thinking about @FuzzyPecs' situations of late. Have you had a chance to observe the two of them together?

    It's hard for me to say from here because even straight guys have been getting more touchy/affectionate lately. My one married friend hugs me, plays with my hat, messes up my hair, grabs my ass and shares his drink with me, but that's just how he is.

    Tell me this, how about eye contact. When you're talking do you hold each other's gaze a lot?

    And if he is aiming for it to go somewhere, my instinct (based on the comment he made about him taking a while to warm up with people) would be to let him set the pace, but at the same time make sure you're matching whatever he does, e.g. if he touches you a lot, touch him back.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 26, 2015 7:50 AM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 saidAre we sure the flat-mate is just that? Just thinking about @FuzzyPecs' situations of late. Have you had a chance to observe the two of them together?

    It's hard for me to say from here because even straight guys have been getting more touchy/affectionate lately. My one married friend hugs me, plays with my hat, messes up my hair, grabs my ass and shares his drink with me, but that's just how he is.

    Tell me this, how about eye contact. When you're talking do you hold each other's gaze a lot?

    And if he is aiming for it to go somewhere, my instinct (based on the comment he made about him taking a while to warm up with people) would be to let him set the pace, but at the same time make sure you're matching whatever he does, e.g. if he touches you a lot, touch him back.


    We discussed the flatmate, and the flatmate has a boyfriend but used to be in love with him. Looong discussion about that

    Eye contact is a yes, but he's also a friendly person.
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    Oct 26, 2015 7:57 AM GMT
    Weren't you just attacking a couple of members who where trying to help you in another of help-request posts?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4128628/
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 26, 2015 3:37 PM GMT
    HikerSkier saidWeren't you just attacking a couple of members who where trying to help you in another of help-request posts?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4128628/


    Do you want to start an argument here as well?

    I asked about a rejection cycle, and people start criticising my clothes. That was not the topic of discussion. The entire thing started when some fugly old man said that I looked stupid, which is something everyone else conveniently ignored. As I said before, I am not a pacifist. If people start with me, I will not, ever, take their unnecessary shit. Do you understand me? Don't come carry shit from a one thread onto another one, because you'll get the same reaction. I will not, not now or ever in the future, back down from anything or anyone.
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    Oct 26, 2015 6:58 PM GMT
    giodude said
    HikerSkier saidWeren't you just attacking a couple of members who where trying to help you in another of help-request posts?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4128628/


    Do you want to start an argument here as well?

    I asked about a rejection cycle, and people start criticising my clothes. That was not the topic of discussion. The entire thing started when some fugly old man said that I looked stupid, which is something everyone else conveniently ignored. As I said before, I am not a pacifist. If people start with me, I will not, ever, take their unnecessary shit. Do you understand me? Don't come carry shit from a one thread onto another one, because you'll get the same reaction. I will not, not now or ever in the future, back down from anything or anyone.


    I'll just agree with what JackBone replied to you there when he threw up his hands -

    "You're a horrible, petty mess. I tried to help you when almost no one else did but I now wash my hands of you. Your destiny is to be yet another jaded, broken drama queen."

    But I won't be "arguing" with you - you are now on ignore.
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    Oct 26, 2015 7:53 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    giodude said
    HikerSkier saidWeren't you just attacking a couple of members who where trying to help you in another of help-request posts?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4128628/


    Do you want to start an argument here as well?

    I asked about a rejection cycle, and people start criticising my clothes. That was not the topic of discussion. The entire thing started when some fugly old man said that I looked stupid, which is something everyone else conveniently ignored. As I said before, I am not a pacifist. If people start with me, I will not, ever, take their unnecessary shit. Do you understand me? Don't come carry shit from a one thread onto another one, because you'll get the same reaction. I will not, not now or ever in the future, back down from anything or anyone.


    I'll just agree with what JackBone replied to you there when he threw up his hands -

    "You're a horrible, petty mess. I tried to help you when almost no one else did but I now wash my hands of you. Your destiny is to be yet another jaded, broken drama queen."

    But I won't be "arguing" with you - you are now on ignore.


    Awww, you forgot the punchline :p

    Based on OPs reactions and staunch, Trumpian defiance of rational discourse, I'm trying to imagine how the first argument in any relationship isn't the last (possibly with police involvement).
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 26, 2015 8:15 PM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    HikerSkier said
    giodude said
    HikerSkier saidWeren't you just attacking a couple of members who where trying to help you in another of help-request posts?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4128628/


    Do you want to start an argument here as well?

    I asked about a rejection cycle, and people start criticising my clothes. That was not the topic of discussion. The entire thing started when some fugly old man said that I looked stupid, which is something everyone else conveniently ignored. As I said before, I am not a pacifist. If people start with me, I will not, ever, take their unnecessary shit. Do you understand me? Don't come carry shit from a one thread onto another one, because you'll get the same reaction. I will not, not now or ever in the future, back down from anything or anyone.


    I'll just agree with what JackBone replied to you there when he threw up his hands -

    "You're a horrible, petty mess. I tried to help you when almost no one else did but I now wash my hands of you. Your destiny is to be yet another jaded, broken drama queen."

    But I won't be "arguing" with you - you are now on ignore.


    Awww, you forgot the punchline :p

    Based on OPs reactions and staunch, Trumpian defiance of rational discourse, I'm trying to imagine how the first argument in any relationship isn't the last (possibly with police involvement).


    Bruh you are a forty-something year old man. Get a job/hobby if you're that bored. If you're going to continually directly refer to me, you're going to have a non-stop argument on here until one of us ignores the other, or stops, and it won't be me. I was raised in a household of like 6 women. I can argue til your eyes start to bleed and your fingers become calloused from typing messages, and I wont still ever tire of it.
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    Oct 26, 2015 8:32 PM GMT
    giodude saidBruh you are a forty-something year old man. Get a job/hobby if you're that bored. If you're going to continually directly refer to me, you're going to have a non-stop argument on here until one of us ignores the other, or stops, and it won't be me. I was raised in a household of like 6 women. I can argue til your eyes start to bleed and your fingers become calloused from typing messages, and I wont still ever tire of it.


    You know, if you had boobies, this act could still really work for you. Guys will put up with all KINDS of bitchiness in order to get dem boobies (not even kidding). You won't even have to ask for love advice from strangers on the Internet. They'll come to you!
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 27, 2015 6:55 AM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    giodude saidBruh you are a forty-something year old man. Get a job/hobby if you're that bored. If you're going to continually directly refer to me, you're going to have a non-stop argument on here until one of us ignores the other, or stops, and it won't be me. I was raised in a household of like 6 women. I can argue til your eyes start to bleed and your fingers become calloused from typing messages, and I wont still ever tire of it.


    You know, if you had boobies, this act could still really work for you. Guys will put up with all KINDS of bitchiness in order to get dem boobies (not even kidding). You won't even have to ask for love advice from strangers on the Internet. They'll come to you!


    It's not an act. It's legit a part of my personality. It never used to be - I was quite a docile person. Then I came out in a public high school and faced harassment from students ALL THE TIME and one or two teachers (And two american evangelical missionaries who worked at my school as "guidance counselors"). I legit had a shouting match in my Life Skills class with the whole class, which included an obnoxious preacher's daughter and 2 A-team rugby players (real BRO's)and the teacher herself, because they said being gay was abnormal.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Oct 27, 2015 6:57 AM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    giodude saidBruh you are a forty-something year old man. Get a job/hobby if you're that bored. If you're going to continually directly refer to me, you're going to have a non-stop argument on here until one of us ignores the other, or stops, and it won't be me. I was raised in a household of like 6 women. I can argue til your eyes start to bleed and your fingers become calloused from typing messages, and I wont still ever tire of it.


    You know, if you had boobies, this act could still really work for you. Guys will put up with all KINDS of bitchiness in order to get dem boobies (not even kidding). You won't even have to ask for love advice from strangers on the Internet. They'll come to you!


    It's not an act. It's legit a part of my personality. It never used to be - I was quite a docile person. Then I came out in a public high school and faced harassment from students ALL THE TIME and one or two teachers (And two american evangelical missionaries who worked at my school as "guidance counselors"). I legit had a shouting match in my Life Skills class with the whole class, which included an obnoxious preacher's daughter and 2 A-team rugby players (real BRO's)and the teacher herself, because they id being gay was abnormal. ONLY ONE GIRL STOOD UP FOR ME. She was the smallest girl in class.
    Fighting has become a part of my personality, and it's what I do in my spare time.
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    Oct 27, 2015 7:14 AM GMT
    giodude said
    JackBoneTX said
    giodude saidBruh you are a forty-something year old man. Get a job/hobby if you're that bored. If you're going to continually directly refer to me, you're going to have a non-stop argument on here until one of us ignores the other, or stops, and it won't be me. I was raised in a household of like 6 women. I can argue til your eyes start to bleed and your fingers become calloused from typing messages, and I wont still ever tire of it.


    You know, if you had boobies, this act could still really work for you. Guys will put up with all KINDS of bitchiness in order to get dem boobies (not even kidding). You won't even have to ask for love advice from strangers on the Internet. They'll come to you!


    It's not an act. It's legit a part of my personality. It never used to be - I was quite a docile person. Then I came out in a public high school and faced harassment from students ALL THE TIME and one or two teachers (And two american evangelical missionaries who worked at my school as "guidance counselors"). I legit had a shouting match in my Life Skills class with the whole class, which included an obnoxious preacher's daughter and 2 A-team rugby players (real BRO's)and the teacher herself, because they said being gay was abnormal.

    Fighting has become a part of my personality, and it's what I do in my spare time.


    Ah. So your 6 argumentative moms and the people at school stole your ability to keep your cool (which you totally had before that) and now the world has to deal with you? Thanks for the warning, I guess.. icon_confused.gif