Interested in someone half my age

  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 26, 2015 10:14 PM GMT
    I am in a slight dilema as I have known this guy who is a barman in London and have got to know him over the last 6 months, the problem being is that he is 19 and I am 42 and that is a very large age gap, he is quite mature for his age, he also is a pretty intelligent and sensible guy as I am too but can't help feeling like I am a perv for liking someone so young with not much life experience. We both have had quite a privileged upbringing although he went to a private school whereas I didn't and we are both from the same county whose families are still there so have that in common too, he constantly gets hit on working in a very popular gay bar but we have got a connection and get on really well as friends, he is quite quiet whereas I can talk to anyone I meet with ease as I have travelled around the world extensively.
    He is very very good looking but that doesn't seem to matter judging from my previous relationships, slight inferiority complex there I think haha,
    Any advice on what to do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    If you like him and he likes you go for it.

    There will always be haters and nay sayers.

    You will never know till u try...
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Oct 26, 2015 10:18 PM GMT
    adopt him and raise him like your own icon_lol.gif
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 26, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    tj85016 saidadopt him and raise him like your own icon_lol.gif


    haha, funny
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 26, 2015 10:25 PM GMT
    Chulomurder saidIf you like him and he likes you go for it.

    There will always be haters and nay sayers.

    You will never know till u try...


    I will probably see him this weekend as there is a halloween party at the bar, don't know if he is working or not but one of the barman is leaving so he will be there, he is single too but because he is quiet I am not sure how to approach him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2015 10:51 PM GMT
    Chulomurder saidIf you like him and he likes you go for it.

    There will always be haters and nay sayers.

    You will never know till u try...


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2015 11:04 PM GMT
    Hmmm, well, I am 29 and allowed myself to start seeing someone recently that is also 42 and this already gives me a slight pause. I always think to the future. Like, how old will he be when I reach his age? Will I still be okay with it then? It probably helps that he is unbelievably good looking but, it still gives me a slight pause.

    However, I'm not sure why you would be concerned with our opinions. It comes down to how the two of you think/feel about it. : /
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 26, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    Kosmo123 saidHmmm, well, I am 29 and allowed myself to start seeing someone recently that is also 42 and this already gives me a slight pause. I always think to the future. Like, how old will he be when I reach his age? Will I still be okay with it then? It probably helps that he is unbelievably good looking but, it still gives me a slight pause.

    However, I'm not sure why you would be concerned with our opinions. It comes down to how the two of you think/feel about it. : /


    Yeh I see what you are saying but didn't want to make a total fool of myself and also because of having such a large gap people judge so wanted some opinions on here first. You being 29 and him being 42 isn't that bad and I would be ok with that but 19 is young no matter how mature he is, and also I have done a lot with my life whereas he hasn't yet and might not know what he wants yet,
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Oct 26, 2015 11:16 PM GMT
    Realjock lovesssss intergenerational relationships! There's a million and one ways to rationalize it (and the prerequisite generosity) in your head! icon_lol.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Oct 26, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    If the attraction turns out to be mutual, try it for as long as it lasts. (But it sounds like you've got the cart way far in front of the horse, if you haven't even slept together yet.) Never hurts to ask. At 19, he is more likely to be available only for a single roll in the hay than a marriage.

    If you do hook up together, he might mature and decide he wants to be with someone younger, or he may not. You could become tired of being like a father. Could last 6 months, 6 years, or longer. Can't be known if you don't try.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2015 11:33 PM GMT
    I would say that if you like him as a friend you should be a bit cautious. Has he given you any signs that he might be interested to be more than friends? Is he the type of person that would feel awkward being friends with you after he had rejected you? Where do you want this to end up? Because at 19 most people don't think about having committed relationships. Are you ready to go all in, knowing that it might end in a complicated mess? (Which means: Is the possibility of having something with him more important to you than keeping him as a friend)

    I don't know any of you so there is no way to predict what will happen, but if you don't try then you will never know. It all depends on the cost-benefit of the situation.
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 26, 2015 11:46 PM GMT
    Inverted_Triangle saidI would say that if you like him as a friend you should be a bit cautious. Has he given you any signs that he might be interested to be more than friends? Is he the type of person that would feel awkward being friends with you after he had rejected you? Where do you want this to end up? Because at 19 most people don't think about having committed relationships. Are you ready to go all in, knowing that it might end in a complicated mess? (Which means: Is the possibility of having something with him more important to you than keeping him as a friend)

    I don't know any of you so there is no way to predict what will happen, but if you don't try then you will never know. It all depends on the cost-benefit of the situation.


    Ending in a complicated mess is something I would want to avoid, he is a little physical with me in the fact that he would touch my arm as he walks past and look at me, saturday night he walked past me in the street outside the bar and a few seconds later we both turned round and stared at each other so somethings going on, he isn't physical with anyone else apart from the guys he works with because he knows them well but the way he did it with me was more intimate,
    I don't want to get hurt and that has happened before, I didn't want to end up liking him more than a fling and then he decides to end it for whatever reason because he hasn't experimented with many guys, its a difficult situation because I am interested in him, very much so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2015 12:27 AM GMT
    Well, I don't think there is an easy solution. You need to decide if you want to take the risk. And do it knowing that people change a lot at such a young age. When he will be 23 he might be quite different that how he is now.

    Also the age gap is an issue for clearly practical reasons. When he will be 30 you will be 53 and you will both be in very different stages of your lives, even now you are. I am not saying that it can't work but it will not be easy either, not everyone can do it.

    If you are so interested in him and already sentimentally invested then maybe you should act on it, but do it knowing that there is no guarantee that it will turn out to be a long term relationship. And you need to be prepared to face rejection but also you need to be confident so that you won't suffocate him with your insecurities, this never ends well.

    Think about it. Will you regret not trying for the rest of your life. If yes, then do it because you owe it to yourself. You might win a few hours, months or years with him and this is a very big reward because it is time that another human being spent with you. A part of their lives that they are never getting back and you were at the time the most important person, so they gave it to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2015 12:31 AM GMT
    OMG, so basically there is a guy working at the bar and a 42 year old with lot's a fantasies about him ......


    pbShUZk.gif
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Oct 27, 2015 12:37 AM GMT
    very funny,