Is having a group of friends important to you? Why do some people seem to come across it seemingly easier than others?

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    Oct 27, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    when I wrote that thread about Sunday's being a day I don't look forward to much, it got me thinking about a whole bunch of other things. One of them is...I have no group of friends. I have friends here and there....but I can't always have them in the same place together because they don't get along. And some of them aren't really trustworthy. They only call me when they need something.

    This is something that's really bothering me. I go out, meet people, and they're all out at the club with their "posse". They say, "oh we went to a birthday party earlier." Or "oh we went to a wedding". I haven't been invited to a wedding since I was 18.

    In the past year, I've only been invited to 1 birthday party...and that person had tons of people show up. I can't even tell you when the last time I had a birthday party....because I just don't know enough real people to show up. That same person couldn't even be bothered to come to my place on my birthday a couple years ago, I had to go to his place...and we were dating and he didn't even bother to invite anyone else over except his roommate. And for months, he was excluding me from every event he ever went to, so I just cut him off. Out of Facebook and everything.

    I'm just wondering, where am I going wrong here. Going thru life like this and not really having any big connections is spiraling me into hopelessness. And don't think I'm not out there trying to make things happen. I am. But at the same time I don't know really know where and how these things happen. People act so funny towards me when I try to get into their circle. Sometimes they seem to want me in, but then it's a different story later. Especially where I live. I notice all the time, whenever the white guys have after parties and stuff going on, they never invite or have any other black people around. There may be 1 token gay Black in the circle, and that person makes sure not to allow any other blacks in the circle either, except very temporarily. I think it's a curse to live in a city where white/Latin is the majority in the gay scene unless it's Miami...and I would find a group of friends in Miami all the time.

    At the same time, I wonder if all that is an illusion. Are these groups of friends on Facebook and what not just putting on a show, but in reality dont get along so well? One of my friends right now, is Acting shady. She won't return or answer my calls like usual, because I told her me and a friend went out to a town she been wanting to go to. But she was at work the night we went! And it wasn't even my idea. That's my thing about a friend circle I could see being a problem. People get mad, jealous, etc. when you don't do things their way or they think you're getting too close to one of their friends. I'm not with all that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2015 8:11 PM GMT
    Yes it is important and I admit I would oust you from my group of friends.
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    Oct 27, 2015 8:14 PM GMT
    Yeah I'm sure you would. It's official you don't like me because I always talk about race. Old news, next...,
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    Oct 27, 2015 8:22 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 saidYeah bitch I'm sure you would. It's official you don't like me because I always talk about race. Old news, next...,


    Yes sure, keep blaming race for all your problems. The idea I dont like you because you're annoying as fuck has never occurred to you eh?
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    Oct 27, 2015 8:27 PM GMT
    David666k said
    FuzzyPecs27 saidYeah bitch I'm sure you would. It's official you don't like me because I always talk about race. Old news, next...,


    Yes sure, keep blaming race for all your problems. The idea I dont like you because you're annoying as fuck has never occurred to you eh?


    What's annoying is you coming on every thread I post trying to boss up. Now, I'm not going to continue this, because you're not man enough to show yourself, using an animated character. So that in itself, makes you less of a person by default.

    So why don't you just scedaddle on about your business, before I have to come thru this iPad and make your face really look like an animated character.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Oct 27, 2015 9:07 PM GMT
    It's important to me, but I haven't worked at it. I have worked on my physique and it shows, my career and its moving again, my relationships with men (I've been meeting some real keepers), but I believe making friends has to do with getting into something that attracts those who share your interest. Sure work, fitness, and relations can do it, but first and foremost those connections aren't for making friends. However, if for example you like your job and want to make friends who share that interest, go to workshops, and extracurricular activities related to what you do. If you wanna make friends and also maybe meet a mate, go on cruises, go to men's groups, cocktail hours, and dog parks (you'll need a dog). As for fitness, I've been thinking joining a sport's group could be the ticket, such as a football and/or softball team. You're their for fitness, but you're on a team and get access to a whole community of sports enthusiast. Also to, lots of weightlifters here, but I heard competing as a great social steroid. All of these suggestions take work.
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    Oct 27, 2015 10:35 PM GMT
    when I used to work regular jobs, I never met any friends that way. In college I met some friends, but at the time I was different than I am now. I was just starting on my own and survival was the biggest priority. Kind of messed up my first year of college.

    I wish more gyms had like a social day...where they turn the gym into a social lounge once or twice a month for the singles. Or have gym "gay days" like Disney world. I'm sure they make enough money each month to do a catering party once in awhile. Cause as of now, I've not made any friends from the gym. Just a couple guys making passes at me is about it. Lately, I've been having hard time wanting to go to the gym because I ask myself what's the purpose if A) I'm not meeting anybody and B) all this hard work still isn't keeping me a BF. But I have to because I model so I got to maintain it.

    theres only 1 time in my life that I can truly say I had an entire NEIGHBORHOOD of friends. That was between 7th and 9th grade. Isn't that kind of sad? And nowadays, I can't seem for the life of me to make any kind of connections with large groups of people who are REAL about it. I'm not like some people who've lived in the same place for years, and have friends and boyfriend's friends, etc.
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    Oct 27, 2015 11:24 PM GMT
    I think you just need to find higher quality of friends. I'm the same way, I don't know very many people but I try and reconnect with my old friends I always talk to them and ask how they are doing and such. Usually then they will invite me to things. I have a few acquaintances that are like that to me. They don't invite me to things, or forget, but that's why they are acquaintances and not friends.

    If it makes you feel any better if you lived anywhere near me I wouldn't mind hanging out with you. You seem like a cool guy.
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    Oct 28, 2015 12:12 AM GMT
    Mesmer saidI think you just need to find higher quality of friends. I'm the same way, I don't know very many people but I try and reconnect with my old friends I always talk to them and ask how they are doing and such. Usually then they will invite me to things. I have a few acquaintances that are like that to me. They don't invite me to things, or forget, but that's why they are acquaintances and not friends.

    If it makes you feel any better if you lived anywhere near me I wouldn't mind hanging out with you. You seem like a cool guy.


    A www, thanks. Some people think I'm not cool here, but in reality I'm not into BS.

    I have passed thru Austin occasionally. You say find higher quality friends...i agree. i work with clients who have good careers, presidents of Fortune 500 companies, or run million dollar business. But my friends right now work at fast food, or they're always at the bar every weekend, and just overall don't have much of a life outside of the clubs.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Oct 28, 2015 1:05 AM GMT
    Maybe you travel too much because of work..
    It's hard to keep friends if you travel alot...

    Friends come friends may go.My friend you're real i know. True self you have shown you're alright with me.
    Janet wrote that..lol
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    Oct 28, 2015 1:36 AM GMT
    Another one of Frankenstein's whining ass victim threads. Pazzy pazzy pazzy. So sad.
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    Oct 28, 2015 1:53 AM GMT
    Flaguy57 saidAnother one of Frankenstein's whining ass victim threads. Pazzy pazzy pazzy. So sad.


    Oh, you mean your grim reaper looking ass? Don't come in here starting shit with me. If you got an issue with me, leave that shit on the other thread. Don't address me here. You're not fixing to come on this thread and disrespect me because you don't like what I have to say in another thread. I wouldn't do that to you, so don't do it to me. That's very weak, and very lame.

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    Oct 28, 2015 2:01 AM GMT
    Agreed.
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    Oct 28, 2015 2:13 AM GMT
    venue35 saidMaybe you travel too much because of work..
    It's hard to keep friends if you travel alot...

    Friends come friends may go.My friend you're real i know. True self you have shown you're alright with me.
    Janet wrote that..lol


    Hmmm, I kinda agree a bit. But, there's no guarantee that if I did stay in town all the time they'd be around every weekend. Part of the reason I travel, is because shit gets stale. Whenever I go to a new city, I meet new groups of friends, new dates, and new prospects in general. It doesn't happen much at home because the people are just so cliquey and flighty...they all know each other, treat new people like outsiders, etc.

    There was a time I didn't travel much at all. I didn't really start traveling regularly and nationally til about 2010. Eventually I want to spend a bit more time at home, but because I can't stand the city where I live now...I just can't be there for more than 2 weeks before people start coming with the bullshit.

    In the 2.5 weeks I was local this month, I had a falling out with 1 new friend after the 2nd weekend, a falling out with a guy I dated a couple times AND his nosy ass roommate/ex partner/live in houseboy. and before I town Sunday, another friend was giving me shade.

    All that kind of stuff just makes me want to get away. Even when I try to meet new people, it's like they are cool the first day...then down the line when something isn't going their way, they want to call it quits.

    One guy hit me up on scruff couple months ago. First time I didn't respond because someone with a name like, "not a top" sounds like it's only sex they're after, no matter how much someone tries to defend it. We texted chatting since, met twice. Well last week, he comes with this bullshit talking he wants to date someone closer to his age. I'm like ummmm...YOU HIT ME UP FIRST. And it wasn't an issue before, all of a sudden he wants to bring it up.

    I told him, man spare me the bullshit. You're damn near 50 years old, didn't have your age on your profile, and you live with your ex who checks out the guys you date? Loser.

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    Oct 28, 2015 2:15 AM GMT
    Hahas don't worry man. I'm as introverted as they come and I don't really make an effort to talk to any random person. I never had a circle of friends. Just some scattered friends from school who didn't know each other until they met at a party or similar event. I find it better that way because of the dynamics. Like when your best friend from highschool meets your best friend from work. It's always been a positive experience for me.
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    Oct 28, 2015 4:24 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    David666k said
    FuzzyPecs27 saidYeah bitch I'm sure you would. It's official you don't like me because I always talk about race. Old news, next...,


    Yes sure, keep blaming race for all your problems. The idea I dont like you because you're annoying as fuck has never occurred to you eh?


    What's annoying is you coming on every thread I post trying to boss up. Now, I'm not going to continue this, because you're not man enough to show yourself, using an animated character. So that in itself, makes you less of a person by default.

    So why don't you just scedaddle on about your business, before I have to come thru this iPad and make your face really look like an animated character.


    Look this is a public forum, if you dont want me to come here that often stop posting crap that often.
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    Oct 28, 2015 5:06 AM GMT
    David666k said
    Look this is a public forum, if you dont want me to come here that often stop posting crap that often.


    Likewise, you have the ability to control what you post as well. Attacking me isn't going to make me stop. It's best to ignore me, and we can both be happy. That's what I want for us. To both be happy.
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    Oct 28, 2015 5:09 AM GMT
    tmac saidHahas don't worry man. I'm as introverted as they come and I don't really make an effort to talk to any random person. I never had a circle of friends. Just some scattered friends from school who didn't know each other until they met at a party or similar event. I find it better that way because of the dynamics. Like when your best friend from highschool meets your best friend from work. It's always been a positive experience for me.


    I talk to random people, but I also realize talking to random people usually builds only acquietences rather than real friends.

    But I've seen it with people new to cities. My ex was like that and one of my other friends is the same. They move to a new city, try to make friends...and it just doesn't come easy.
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Oct 28, 2015 5:28 AM GMT
    That line about not having birthday parties reminded me of this friend of mine who isn't really popular. Years after the fact, he confided in me that on his 21st birthday, he attempted to throw his first party since childhood, but got so terrified at the thought of almost no one showing up that HE didn't show up either. Turns out his intuition was right, because only 4 people showed up, out of 15 confirmed guests. I was annoyed back then, but knowing what I know now it was hilarious.

    I did notice that the few friends he did have were all very good people and unexpectedly-cool. He's just not one to seek out lots of shallow connections, hence not the best guy to throw big parties, but small gatherings of 3 to 5 close friends he does easily and frequently.
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    Oct 28, 2015 5:59 AM GMT
    tmac saidHahas don't worry man. I'm as introverted as they come and I don't really make an effort to talk to any random person. I never had a circle of friends. Just some scattered friends from school who didn't know each other until they met at a party or similar event. I find it better that way because of the dynamics. Like when your best friend from highschool meets your best friend from work. It's always been a positive experience for me.


    Yes i'm pretty introverted too. Maybe that's why I never felt the need to have a large amount of friends, being in crowds at a certain point, peoples talking just start to become white noise to me. And I immediately start looking for whatever excuse I can find to leave. There are some people that crave social interaction, but for me, I function at my most optimum when I'm alone.

    OP I just think you're more extroverted and you need to have people to socialize and interact with to feel energized. Have you thought about maybe joining any clubs or activities in your city?

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    Oct 28, 2015 6:41 AM GMT
    Mesmer said

    OP I just think you're more extroverted and you need to have people to socialize and interact with to feel energized. Have you thought about maybe joining any clubs or activities in your city?


    I used to belong to meetup.com and do some of their social events. After a couple of different groups over a summer...I ended up just finding people at the bars instead.

    I wish I knew more clubs and activities to sign up for, but I can't think of any. The meetup.com thing was good as it got me around people, but I only made 1 friend the whole time because most everyone was straight (not that I can't hang straight)...but it was more just I didn't find any common ground. Most of the people were of the conservative white family oriented crowd. I just didn't feel any kind of real connection.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 28, 2015 3:51 PM GMT
    I think it is less important that you have a "circle" of friends than "friends" that are really that, people you can count on to support you during the good and bad... and you them.

    I have some great friends, some gay, some straight, some very educated, some not so much some know each other, some don't. Don't know if they form any real "circle" except I know I can count on them and don't usually doubt the fact they are trustworthy and for me, that's really enough.
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    Oct 28, 2015 7:28 PM GMT
    I think its luck of the draw. In SF I fell into a large group of friends that in varying degrees get together frequently. At home in Sacramento I have a smattering of friends spread out but do not hang with each other.
    Idk what to say.
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    Oct 28, 2015 7:36 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    David666k said
    FuzzyPecs27 saidYeah bitch I'm sure you would. It's official you don't like me because I always talk about race. Old news, next...,

    ...you're not man enough to show yourself, using an animated character. So that in itself, makes you less of a person by default.


    Said the man with no head. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 29, 2015 1:17 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    tmac saidHahas don't worry man. I'm as introverted as they come and I don't really make an effort to talk to any random person. I never had a circle of friends. Just some scattered friends from school who didn't know each other until they met at a party or similar event. I find it better that way because of the dynamics. Like when your best friend from highschool meets your best friend from work. It's always been a positive experience for me.


    I talk to random people, but I also realize talking to random people usually builds only acquietences rather than real friends.

    But I've seen it with people new to cities. My ex was like that and one of my other friends is the same. They move to a new city, try to make friends...and it just doesn't come easy.


    It can be tough. The only reason why I even made friends in school was due to proximity. If I had to sit in class with someone five days a week I might as well socialize a bit. It's harder to accomplish that when people aren't bounded by school or work.

    I think in the city, the only way someone really goes from acquaintance to a real friend is by experiencing some shit together. That might be a bit extreme though lol