My boyfriend is about to move to another city

  • Artichokey

    Posts: 20

    Nov 01, 2015 9:48 PM GMT
    So, as the title already says, my bf is moving to another city in 2 months.
    we've only been together since August but ever since we really have a good relationship.
    I knew that he'd be moving out since the first day that we met, but it was only yesterday that we have talked about it sincerely for the first time.
    He told me that he's afraid of not seeing me ever again when he's out of town since he will most likely be too busy during the week and I'm too busy on weekends.
    I told him that we should just wait and see what happens and that I want to make it work somehow, but it's really hard for me to stay optmistic when he is clearly worrying too much about it.
    He said he's keeping a healthy distance from our relationship and I told him that I was really hurt when he said this.
    He apologised and said that he feels better knowing that I'm ready to find solutions for the future, but I can still sense that all of this is so heavy on his heart.
    He really doesn't enjoy our time together as much as he used to because of it.
    Do any of you guys have experienced something similar?
    has anyone ever been in a long distance relationship?

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    Nov 02, 2015 6:46 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear this but time will tell if you two can't live without each other and then you'll do what's necessary to make the relationship work.

    I was seeing a Mexican national who was visiting family on a tourist visa. He was in the US for six months the had to return and then after a month away reapplied for another six month visit. At the end of his second six month visit he returned to Mexico with the intent to visit again soon. On his third return to the US he told me that re entering the US was difficult in that the border guards grave him the third degree. So many visits to the US in a short time looks suspicious like you are running drugs. He seriously doubted he could return. Long story short we knew we loved each other very much. We wanted to stay together. I proposed marriage. He accepted and we are together today.

    You find a way to make things work if you really want it.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 02, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    Travel. Teach him to travel, too.

    Now and then, you'd have to bite a bullet, and give in, and at other times, he'd have to cut his corners short, too, for the good thing to last.

    The idea here is that adopting a comfy, 'we cannot do anything about it' attitude is a very wrong thing for a guy who is 22. Show some guts, learn how to negotiate your way around the obstacles that life invariably places on our way. The value of acquiring this ability is actually priceless.

    SC
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    Nov 02, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    Dating since August, but always aware he was moving. Sounds like he was completely honest and is ready to move and move on. With such a short span of knowing one another I could not imagine investing in any sort of serious long distance anything.
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    Nov 02, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    LD relationships work but you need to be very clear with your expectations and intentions before you get into one. I've had 3, and 2 of them worked out exceedingly well because they were convenient and I knew what I wanted to get out of them right from the start. The 3rd, which is my current relationship, is working out better than I had contemplated and, indeed, it's become quite serious (he's on this site and he reads my posts so I'd better not elaborate). The bottom line, however, is that the success of virtually all relationships--live-in, long-distance, etc.--depends on how congruent the parties' intentions and expectations are.
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    Nov 02, 2015 2:17 PM GMT
    ^
    Also deep trust and frequent communication, it can be as simple as texting and there's the cam too.

    Speaking from experience.
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Nov 03, 2015 2:18 AM GMT
    Artichokey saidSo, as the title already says, my bf is moving to another city in 2 months.
    we've only been together since August but ever since we really have a good relationship.
    I knew that he'd be moving out since the first day that we met, but it was only yesterday that we have talked about it sincerely for the first time.
    He told me that he's afraid of not seeing me ever again when he's out of town since he will most likely be too busy during the week and I'm too busy on weekends.
    I told him that we should just wait and see what happens and that I want to make it work somehow, but it's really hard for me to stay optmistic when he is clearly worrying too much about it.
    He said he's keeping a healthy distance from our relationship and I told him that I was really hurt when he said this.
    He apologised and said that he feels better knowing that I'm ready to find solutions for the future, but I can still sense that all of this is so heavy on his heart.
    He really doesn't enjoy our time together as much as he used to because of it.
    Do any of you guys have experienced something similar?
    has anyone ever been in a long distance relationship?

    Story of my life, but usually I'm the one who seeks that "healthy distance" before it's time and often call it quits right about the D date. Either they are about to move over-seas or they are postponing their movve because they meet me (and I start feeling like I'm holding them down and unconsciously start sabotaging the relationship).

    Sorry I can't bring better advice other than: Don't close yourself up to love, but don't invest all your heart on a relationship with a very evident expiration date.

    If you are really aiming for the long haul your chances are better with someone who have roots in the same garden than you do, so to speak.
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    Nov 03, 2015 10:00 AM GMT
    It sounds like you've both given up on the relationship without even trying, to be honest.

    You say he's going to be too busy during the week and you're going to be too busy at weekends - busy doing what? How big is the distance?

    If you want to make it work you will. But both of you have to be all-in. You can't do it half-hearted. And from what I've seen a LDR only works when one of the two eventually moves. It's not something that can be sustained forever. Consider if that's a possibility and if it's not, and you can't find a way to see each other on a regular basis, then chalk it up to experience and let each other go with love.
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    Nov 03, 2015 4:52 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidSorry to hear this but time will tell if you two can't live without each other and then you'll do what's necessary to make the relationship work.

    I was seeing a Mexican national who was visiting family on a tourist visa. He was in the US for six months the had to return and then after a month away reapplied for another six month visit. At the end of his second six month visit he returned to Mexico with the intent to visit again soon. On his third return to the US he told me that re entering the US was difficult in that the border guards grave him the third degree. So many visits to the US in a short time looks suspicious like you are running drugs. He seriously doubted he could return. Long story short we knew we loved each other very much. We wanted to stay together. I proposed marriage. He accepted and we are together today.

    You find a way to make things work if you really want it.


    Awwww. I'm a sucker for these stories!
  • Artichokey

    Posts: 20

    Nov 03, 2015 6:30 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your advice!
    We were talking the other day and we both want the relationship to last.
    Someone said that we should travel and that's definately what we're gonna do.

    And to the one who was asking what we're busy with:
    He's doing a traineeship and writing his master thesis and I'm busy with training for sports competitions on weekends, but I can make time on the weekends to go and see him.
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    Nov 03, 2015 6:31 PM GMT
    relationship is about sharing. Your August BF obviously has not shared with you his option to move out of town till now. I think your being lead along. If there was a plan you were not part of it.

    since August is not a lot of time. If you had more time together seems a bond would have formed for both you guys. seems one sided.

    stay in touch, move on.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Nov 08, 2015 7:28 PM GMT
    Recently happened to me its been 3 months since the move.. Someone i was dating for over a year suddenly had to move. And far.
    Biggg adjustment seeing someone constantly to not at all.
    We havent spoken since :/ i guess the distance would be too painful and the space is good.. Because when you do meet again you will both hopefully be better people. Or at least i hope i will.. I hope hes miserable lmao