Dating Etiguette, when to ask the question?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2015 7:22 PM GMT
    So I've been on plenty of dates, but never know this one simply thing...
    When should I ask the guy if he is a top or bottom. I know this sound cliche, but I have no clue. Especially since I don't want to come off purely sexually, however, it is important to know that we are compatiable. And how do you mention it in a passive way so no one is uncomfortable... Should I mention it on the first date (because I didn't)?

    Though/ Advice/ Ideas are most welcomed...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2015 8:58 PM GMT
    Unless this is a quick hook-up, which does not seem to be what you are after - You might just not ask - and figure out your sexual interactions after you are in bed together. Not every gay man is so specialized in sex that they have only two sexual options - fucking or being fucked, and are only capable of engaging in one of these two types of sexual activity.
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    Nov 04, 2015 9:09 PM GMT
    yeah, your right. I figure not to mention it
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Nov 04, 2015 9:22 PM GMT
    ideally it should be on a profile before you meet. there is no point in being in a relationship that is ultimately doomed to frustration and failure.

    In absence of a dating profile online, if you are looking for a relationship and been at it a while you should be doing minidates of 15 minutes or so. you trade "resumes" and then leave. If you liked what you saw you go for a second interview, which will be the real date.
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1051

    Nov 06, 2015 4:21 AM GMT
    You'll find out.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 06, 2015 5:00 AM GMT
    ELS5 saidSo I've been on plenty of dates, but never know this one simply thing...
    When should I ask the guy if he is a top or bottom. I know this sound cliche, but I have no clue. Especially since I don't want to come off purely sexually, however, it is important to know that we are compatiable. And how do you mention it in a passive way so no one is uncomfortable... Should I mention it on the first date (because I didn't)?

    Though/ Advice/ Ideas are most welcomed...


    Let's face it. Sex is a very important part of most gay relationships. (Not all!) Being that OP is 27 and probably not dating guys who are 40 or 50 years his seniors, sex matters.

    Unless you happen to be perfectly versatile, make sure that you know your potential date's preferred role beforehand. No one around is keen on going on more unproductive, 'we are not meant for each other dates'. Whereas, you can never eliminate this, you can make sure that the obvious issues are out of the way before you guys invest your hopes, time, money and energy.

    The basic etiquette may suggest that you open up by saying, 'look sex is not the ONLY thing that matters in my life, but without it, quite a few other things lose their shine, too. I am a total top. How about you?'

    This has worked pretty well for me on a number of occasions. It may work for you, too!

    Good Luck!

    SC