Saying goodbye to Love....

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    Nov 04, 2015 10:33 PM GMT
    Have you ever found the perfect guy,...no red-flags,..no need to compromise...everything worked out great. You loved him like no other and then you had to say goodbye because of distance? As much as you try,...the distance is too much (more-so for him) so you decide to break it off.
    Anyone had to go through this?
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    Nov 04, 2015 10:40 PM GMT
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    Nov 04, 2015 10:44 PM GMT
    LOL...thanks for that, it made me laugh. No, I haven't given up on love...lol.
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    Nov 05, 2015 1:28 AM GMT
    Not me, probably the distance keeps me from finding anybody in the first place.
    But I have known a number of couples who could not get jobs in the same state, even after marriage. (Hint: Don't marry someone in the exact same field as yourself.) One lab-mate used to fly to San Francisco (it was half way) just to have an argument with her boyfriend. In the airport. Then fly back again. (Why yes, they were Italian.) That didn't last.

    Then, in the 90's, some companies and small colleges started offering twofers, which was kind of a reversal of previous HR policies. They could get better candidates and maybe pay them each a bit less by creating jobs for both partners. But I can think of at least one couple who moved to different states again, after that.
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    Nov 05, 2015 5:13 AM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    Distance was less of an issue for me earlier when I had other things, like dealing with mom's Alzheimer's, demanding my attention. It seemed natural at the time to remain in Florida though my bud was cross country in Calif, because the life familiar to mom was here and other family lived here, especially my married brother and his kids.

    Though I don't know how that might have played on my mind if we had marriage ourselves, maybe we'd have moved mom out to Calif and had them visit us there.

    Given different circumstances today, maybe I'd make different decisions. Whereas before I made do with what society allowed, now maybe I'd make circumstances accommodate my primary relationship.

    I find that it is so rare to have someone you really get along with. Outside of friends I've had all my life, so we all know each other pretty damned well, I've only really had three people in my life who I never not once had to explain myself to. Two partners and my mom. Even my father doesn't get me. My brother is starting to but for most of our life he didn't.

    So if you've found someone you completely connect to and who completely connects to you on the level of "getting" each other, I'd advise holding onto that, however it evolves. The only distance to justify parting completely would be death. And I still haven't said goodbye.

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    Nov 05, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidNot me, probably the distance keeps me from finding anybody in the first place.
    But I have known a number of couples who could not get jobs in the same state, even after marriage. (Hint: Don't marry someone in the exact same field as yourself.) One lab-mate used to fly to San Francisco (it was half way) just to have an argument with her boyfriend. In the airport. Then fly back again. (Why yes, they were Italian.) That didn't last.

    Then, in the 90's, some companies and small colleges started offering twofers, which was kind of a reversal of previous HR policies. They could get better candidates and maybe pay them each a bit less by creating jobs for both partners. But I can think of at least one couple who moved to different states again, after that.


    I don't know that I would fly to keep it going,..but right now it's distance and not having similar schedules that is making it really difficult. Thanks for the imput.
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    Nov 05, 2015 1:11 PM GMT
    theantijock saidtheantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    Distance was less of an issue for me earlier when I had other things, like dealing with mom's Alzheimer's, demanding my attention. It seemed natural at the time to remain in Florida though my bud was cross country in Calif, because the life familiar to mom was here and other family lived here, especially my married brother and his kids.

    Though I don't know how that might have played on my mind if we had marriage ourselves, maybe we'd have moved mom out to Calif and had them visit us there.

    Given different circumstances today, maybe I'd make different decisions. Whereas before I made do with what society allowed, now maybe I'd make circumstances accommodate my primary relationship.

    I find that it is so rare to have someone you really get along with. Outside of friends I've had all my life, so we all know each other pretty damned well, I've only really had three people in my life who I never not once had to explain myself to. Two partners and my mom. Even my father doesn't get me. My brother is starting to but for most of our life he didn't.

    So if you've found someone you completely connect to and who completely connects to you on the level of "getting" each other, I'd advise holding onto that, however it evolves. The only distance to justify parting completely would be death. And I still haven't said goodbye.



    Thanks for that,...This is a first for me. He's like no other and I can't imagine not having him in my life. That said, we'll do what we can to make it work.
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    Nov 05, 2015 11:10 PM GMT
    I don't know about leaving the perfect guy, but I know distance is painful.

    For instance, my ex boyfriend and I broke up because he was at Caltech and I was at Imperial. Distance, coupled with time zones, can really kill the romance. Till date, I have not found anyone who even compares to him! Maybe I did lose my Mr. Perfect to distance after all!
  • Rowing_Ant

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    Nov 05, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    Yep.

    Been seeing someone who is PERFECT for four months. But he's 1hr 25 mins away by train. And feals useless when He can't help or see me as much as wed like. It hurs to be appart but to be together is so special.

    But I don't know if we can can do it. And that hurts. He just wants to be friends....but we've been lovers and I don't think we can go back. Hes more than a friend. He's definately not a fuck buddy. he's someone I could fall for hook line and sinker but hes too far away.

    hurts like fuck.
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    Nov 06, 2015 3:24 AM GMT
    oh yeah thats the story of my life.. lol long distance for a year.. 20 hour drive back and forth. took flights to each other. saw each other every month. darn that U.S/canada border!

    :s the first time we said we loved each other was the day we broke up.... that breakup took me two years to get over it.
  • Rowing_Ant

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    Nov 06, 2015 11:42 AM GMT
    I just want to hug you right now!
  • Rowing_Ant

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    Nov 06, 2015 9:18 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I just broke up......just as I thought we were good and ready to hit the next levelicon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
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    Nov 06, 2015 9:43 PM GMT
    mindgarden said(Hint: Don't marry someone in the exact same field as yourself.)

    My aunt was in that situation. She married this guy who was big in his field and in the beginning he had a tenured teaching position in Texas. Then she got offered a tenured teaching position in Iowa and she took it. But at least they could get together during the summer when school wasn't in session. Eventually he retired and moved to Iowa and then they offered him a position at her school.
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    Nov 07, 2015 1:51 AM GMT
    Rowing_Ant saidMy boyfriend and I just broke up......just as I thought we were good and ready to hit the next levelicon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif



    I would rather spend an hour with True Love than a lifetime with second best or worse.
    Some will never get to experience what you have...but remember that it would be unrealistic to believe that it couldn't happen again.
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Nov 07, 2015 4:09 AM GMT
    You'll never find so called "love" when you think there is a perfecy guy put there without any red flags. And that all depends on what you're willing to accept or not. In the end it is more important to like someone then you can love them eh.
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    Nov 07, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    JohnBJock saidHave you ever found the perfect guy,...no red-flags,..no need to compromise...everything worked out great. You loved him like no other and then you had to say goodbye because of distance?


    Has it occurred to you that distance is what makes him seem like the perfect guy with no red flags?

    When getting together means just sharing a few days together now and then, it's easy to put your best foot forward. It's only when you see somebody on a daily basis that you notice the dirty laundry and the annoying habits.

    Also, distance lends enchantment. All the effort needed to carry on a LDR makes those stolen moments more exciting than they really are.

    Actually it's the apparent perfection that makes the whole thing somewhat suspect. Real relationships require accepting the inevitable flaws that real people always have.
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    Nov 07, 2015 8:17 PM GMT
    There is no perfect guy, as far as feeling of love goes, I think you have to spend time on getting to know the person first. There are bad and good qualities about everyone. I don't believe in Long Distance dating, lol, a recipe for break up every time. But yeah, The last guy and I dated on and off for about 5 months now, we just recently became official.
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    Nov 08, 2015 5:33 AM GMT
    Rowing_Ant saidMy boyfriend and I just broke up......just as I thought we were good and ready to hit the next levelicon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    awww *hugs* :s it was special while it lasted. we grow from our experiences in love, and u probably influenced his life as much as he did urs.
  • Rowing_Ant

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    Nov 08, 2015 4:03 PM GMT
    keho92 said
    Rowing_Ant saidMy boyfriend and I just broke up......just as I thought we were good and ready to hit the next levelicon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif


    awww *hugs* :s it was special while it lasted. we grow from our experiences in love, and u probably influenced his life as much as he did urs.


    To make it worse.....he did it the day after I came out of hospital after having a suspected stroke. He couldn't cope. Couldnt help due to distance. Had a panic attack. His problems, not mine. He said it was him, not me.
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    Nov 08, 2015 5:30 PM GMT
    I am with you on this one , sometimes i am asking myself , if falling a love is more a curse than anything else !
    It hurts so much when you break up , i am wondering if it is worth it icon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif
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    Nov 08, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    Rowing_Ant saidYep.

    Been seeing someone who is PERFECT for four months. But he's 1hr 25 mins away by train. And feals useless when He can't help or see me as much as wed like. It hurs to be appart but to be together is so special.

    But I don't know if we can can do it. And that hurts. He just wants to be friends....but we've been lovers and I don't think we can go back. Hes more than a friend. He's definately not a fuck buddy. he's someone I could fall for hook line and sinker but hes too far away.

    hurts like fuck.

    Dude. He's only 1 hr and 25 minutes away???!!! You could theoretically see him every other night!!! Come on!
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    Nov 10, 2015 3:55 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    JohnBJock saidHave you ever found the perfect guy,...no red-flags,..no need to compromise...everything worked out great. You loved him like no other and then you had to say goodbye because of distance?


    Has it occurred to you that distance is what makes him seem like the perfect guy with no red flags?

    When getting together means just sharing a few days together now and then, it's easy to put your best foot forward. It's only when you see somebody on a daily basis that you notice the dirty laundry and the annoying habits.

    Also, distance lends enchantment. All the effort needed to carry on a LDR makes those stolen moments more exciting than they really are.

    Actually it's the apparent perfection that makes the whole thing somewhat suspect. Real relationships require accepting the inevitable flaws that real people always have.


    Excellent point. Distance will make it more appealing and less flawed.
    As it turned out,..we ended it over the weekend. We both wanted a full time live in partner. I think we both realized that the longer we held on,..the greater the inevitable heartache. With Christmas and our birthdays around the corner we figured it was time.
  • BryUSC88

    Posts: 198

    Nov 12, 2015 2:34 AM GMT
    Distance isn't easy, but this is the way I look at it. We are a small percentage of the population. And out of that small percentage, there is an even smaller percentage that I will have chemistry with. So the chances of the right guy living right under my nose is very slim. So I try to keep an open mind about distance. Now someone that lives across the country would be tough. But within a few hours drive I don't think is a big deal as long as the long-term goal is to be living in the same city.

    Now...the hard part is finding the guy that agrees with me. icon_smile.gif