What's wrong with how I think?

  • reed1993

    Posts: 18

    Nov 07, 2015 3:51 PM GMT
    A little context, I've been talking to this guy for awhile now and things have been going pretty great, we get along really good. There was a time before things got serious in the summer where we didn't talk, which is fine, we were both busy with our lives. At the start of October things started to get pretty serious, he's never had a real boyfriend before and our mutual feelings for each other started to get pretty serious.

    On to the issue. I consider myself a serial monogamist, but not really in any way a prude. I support people having safe fun, as long as their not hurting anyone else.. Non consensually that is icon_lol.gif . But I was under the impression this guy was a virgin since we had talked about it a bit at the start of the summer. And that was cool, never thought much of it. Until the other day he told me he hooked up with two separate guys just two months ago that he was trying a potential relationship with. He told me it was a mistake and he really hated how he felt about himself after the experiences, and that he was definitely looking for a long term relationship now. I'm not sure if I'm just jealous because I he told me this when we had a lot of feelings for each other, or maybe that I'm just scared he's not actually ready for a relationship, just getting out of that chain of events two months ago.. Or maybe I'm just a giant prude after all.

    He did nothing wrong by experimenting, I just don't know why now all of a sudden I feel so turned off.. and it sucks. What do you guys think? Am I just being over-sensitive.. If so, please tell me what you think I could do to have a better mind set about it.

    Thanks!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 07, 2015 6:32 PM GMT
    He's opening up to you and revealing his inner most secrets, thoughts and feelings .... what do you think that means?
  • reed1993

    Posts: 18

    Nov 07, 2015 7:04 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidHe's opening up to you and revealing his inner most secrets, thoughts and feelings .... what do you think that means?


    Definitely good things, I just cant help feel jealous with the timing. I should focus more on the good part of it though!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2015 8:48 PM GMT
    There's nothing "wrong" with the way you think. Feelings just are. (Although what you write is a tad confusing.)

    You're "turned off"? Sounds like jealousy. But if you two are now still "dating" (can't tell what the word "dating" means to young gay men today), consider just seeing how things work out. As they (used to) say, it takes two to tango. So whether your "relationship" continues to blossom, or it fades away, depends on how both of you think and act about the other. And if you continue to date him, it might be helpful to let him know how you feel about him.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 08, 2015 3:38 AM GMT
    reed1993 saidA little context, I've been talking to this guy for awhile now and things have been going pretty great, we get along really good. There was a time before things got serious in the summer where we didn't talk, which is fine, we were both busy with our lives. At the start of October things started to get pretty serious, he's never had a real boyfriend before and our mutual feelings for each other started to get pretty serious.

    On to the issue. I consider myself a serial monogamist, but not really in any way a prude. I support people having safe fun, as long as their not hurting anyone else.. Non consensually that is icon_lol.gif . But I was under the impression this guy was a virgin since we had talked about it a bit at the start of the summer. And that was cool, never thought much of it. Until the other day he told me he hooked up with two separate guys just two months ago that he was trying a potential relationship with. He told me it was a mistake and he really hated how he felt about himself after the experiences, and that he was definitely looking for a long term relationship now. I'm not sure if I'm just jealous because I he told me this when we had a lot of feelings for each other, or maybe that I'm just scared he's not actually ready for a relationship, just getting out of that chain of events two months ago.. Or maybe I'm just a giant prude after all.

    He did nothing wrong by experimenting, I just don't know why now all of a sudden I feel so turned off.. and it sucks. What do you guys think? Am I just being over-sensitive.. If so, please tell me what you think I could do to have a better mind set about it.

    Thanks!


    Read your own posting, and agree with yourself to live by your own words.

    Neither you nor your present friend used to be in any sort of biding, monogamous LTR during the course of the summer. Both of you apparently chose to mind your own businesses during that time, and had no time for each other.

    So, a dude met two other guys, and enjoyed himself (or not). He did not do anything wrong. And there is really no reason for you to grow sensitive, jealous or anything in particular over it.

    Leave a dude you are interested in to his own devices, and he'll most likely find someone else to fool around with. Start taking care of each other's needs, and the chances are that a dude who wishes to be monogamous also stays monogamous.

    SC
  • reed1993

    Posts: 18

    Nov 08, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    reed1993 saidA little context, I've been talking to this guy for awhile now and things have been going pretty great, we get along really good. There was a time before things got serious in the summer where we didn't talk, which is fine, we were both busy with our lives. At the start of October things started to get pretty serious, he's never had a real boyfriend before and our mutual feelings for each other started to get pretty serious.

    On to the issue. I consider myself a serial monogamist, but not really in any way a prude. I support people having safe fun, as long as their not hurting anyone else.. Non consensually that is icon_lol.gif . But I was under the impression this guy was a virgin since we had talked about it a bit at the start of the summer. And that was cool, never thought much of it. Until the other day he told me he hooked up with two separate guys just two months ago that he was trying a potential relationship with. He told me it was a mistake and he really hated how he felt about himself after the experiences, and that he was definitely looking for a long term relationship now. I'm not sure if I'm just jealous because I he told me this when we had a lot of feelings for each other, or maybe that I'm just scared he's not actually ready for a relationship, just getting out of that chain of events two months ago.. Or maybe I'm just a giant prude after all.

    He did nothing wrong by experimenting, I just don't know why now all of a sudden I feel so turned off.. and it sucks. What do you guys think? Am I just being over-sensitive.. If so, please tell me what you think I could do to have a better mind set about it.

    Thanks!


    Read your own posting, and agree with yourself to live by your own words.

    Neither you nor your present friend used to be in any sort of biding, monogamous LTR during the course of the summer. Both of you apparently chose to mind your own businesses during that time, and had no time for each other.

    So, a dude met two other guys, and enjoyed himself (or not). He did not do anything wrong. And there is really no reason for you to grow sensitive, jealous or anything in particular over it.

    Leave a dude you are interested in to his own devices, and he'll most likely find someone else to fool around with. Start taking care of each other's needs, and the chances are that a dude who wishes to be monogamous also stays monogamous.

    SC



    It's true, I suppose I haven't been in many relationships, and I'm young. I haven't had much time to deal with jealousy or anything like that, but at least I'm trying to do better with it! Ahaha. The sad thing is I've even gotten into situations where I knew wouldn't work out and fooled around a bit, we're all human, but I'm waiting on the opportunity for a long term relationship. You think at the very least my mind would extend him the same courtesy !
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Nov 10, 2015 3:32 AM GMT
    Actually, the guy with whom you have the potential to have a relationship was very honest. I think you have to decide what you want, e.g., a monogamous relationship you both agree upon or no relationship if he wants sex outside your relationship. The point of my "e.g." is that what is stated is one of more than one possibility. The point being you decide what you can live with and your potential partner decide what he can live with.