Moving Forward

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2015 5:32 PM GMT
    After fifteen years, my partner and I decided to split up, and we did it amicably. This is the first time I've been on my own (living by myself), since I've always had roommates or been in a relationship.

    Advice on how to start over? I'm 48 with a great career, and I'm not into scenes or casual sex. How do you reinvent yourself? I have friends who recommend things like Grindr, but that's just not me.

    If you've been in this situation or are now, I'd love some advice.

    David
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    Nov 09, 2015 5:45 PM GMT
    Adventures await!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 09, 2015 8:00 PM GMT
    Why do you need to reinvent yourself? Surely you have interests and activities outside of your ex-partner. Obviously you go to the gym and your profile shows some quirky interests so just give those things some more time and also think back on things that you've always wanted to do but never had the time. Learn to surf? Ride a bike instead of driving places? Tennis? What you don't need is to throw yourself into a new relationship. That has disaster written all over it. Find your individual sense of self for a while. When you can be happy on your own, not necessarily alone, then you'll be ready to date. But you need to find yourself as a complete individual that some good guy will be happy to meet before dating.

    Now me? When I found myself without constraints I did do the series of one-night-stands and had a great time doing it and met a bunch of totally great guys. You say that's just not you and maybe it isn't. But if you nose around sites that actually expect a reasonable profile, you can avoid the current fad of proximity-sex. I found the experience to be reaffirming both sexually and interpersonally. Nice guys are everywhere. Gave me confidence that all would be fine. And I was right. I met a guy and we've been together over eight years now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2015 2:43 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWhy do you need to reinvent yourself? Surely you have interests and activities outside of your ex-partner. Obviously you go to the gym and your profile shows some quirky interests so just give those things some more time and also think back on things that you've always wanted to do but never had the time. Learn to surf? Ride a bike instead of driving places? Tennis? What you don't need is to throw yourself into a new relationship. That has disaster written all over it. Find your individual sense of self for a while. When you can be happy on your own, not necessarily alone, then you'll be ready to date. But you need to find yourself as a complete individual that some good guy will be happy to meet before dating.

    Now me? When I found myself without constraints I did do the series of one-night-stands and had a great time doing it and met a bunch of totally great guys. You say that's just not you and maybe it isn't. But if you nose around sites that actually expect a reasonable profile, you can avoid the current fad of proximity-sex. I found the experience to be reaffirming both sexually and interpersonally. Nice guys are everywhere. Gave me confidence that all would be fine. And I was right. I met a guy and we've been together over eight years now.


    I most definitely won't be throwing myself into a new relationship. Thanks for your feedback! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2015 4:52 AM GMT
    After reviewing your profile my take is that you are likely a highly introspective guy who tends towards solitary activities (writing, reading, hiking, disinterested in team sports, etc.). Your career sees you spending most of your day dealing with kids. I would hazard a guess that meeting new guys is, and will continue to be, a challenge for you. At this point in your life I think you need to step outside your comfort zone and seek out a new social activity, like a gay sports team or club.

    I'm not recommending this based on personal experience with them (given I live in Vancouver) but you should consider learning historical Western (ie. Medieval) sword fighting. Look up Krieg School Tampa on Google.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Nov 10, 2015 8:15 PM GMT
    DavidB1967 saidAfter fifteen years, my partner and I decided to split up, and we did it amicably. This is the first time I've been on my own (living by myself), since I've always had roommates or been in a relationship.

    Advice on how to start over? I'm 48 with a great career, and I'm not into scenes or casual sex. How do you reinvent yourself? I have friends who recommend things like Grindr, but that's just not me.

    If you've been in this situation or are now, I'd love some advice.

    David


    Join something like Meetup (http://www.meetup.com/) and get back out there meeting and enjoying life. Is what I do.