To be happy complete as a Gay man you have to be attractive, body of an Adonis and have men falling down on you're feet discuss

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Nov 11, 2015 11:43 PM GMT
    Because I am so tired of trying to look good and attractive. I am really tired and unhappy inside and stressed of trying to conform to the whole you must me attractive in order to succeed in the gay world. Every day I am obsessed with my appearance and feel so insecure particularly with being black and hate what I see in the mirror
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    Nov 12, 2015 11:57 AM GMT
    I think from your posts it's very clear you are unhappy and insecure.

    I think you need to find some things of value about yourself that don't revolve around your physical appearance. You are more than your reflection!

    Spend some time working on your spirit and your mind and develop some self-confidence that is not based on anything looks-related. I bet you'll find people are drawn to you more when you are projecting positivity instead of negativity.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Nov 12, 2015 1:19 PM GMT
    Discuss???
    We've talked about this shit over and over and over again.
    If Michael Jackson could change from black to white so can you.
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    Nov 12, 2015 1:59 PM GMT
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    Nov 12, 2015 2:02 PM GMT
    Everyday you obsess about your appearance? No wonder you have issues, you are incredibly shallow. Seek therapy. No one is interested in an insecure project, get help, get healthy and stop complaining.
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    Nov 12, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    venue35 saidDiscuss???
    We've talked about this shit over and over and over again.
    If Michael Jackson could change from black to white so can you.


    To be honest I didn't think the OP was referring to himself. The first member that came to mind when reading that was that escort guy.
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    Nov 12, 2015 2:21 PM GMT
    venue35 saidDiscuss???
    We've talked about this shit over and over and over again.
    If Michael Jackson could change from black to white so can you.

    Yeah, this is becoming a broken record. But then I'll also repeat myself, to refute this negativity:

    When I came out into the gay "marketplace" I was 46, way outside the ideal gay range. And never physically attractive. But not a fat slob, either, I still had my trim military build, and good muscle tone & definition. Plus I'll admit I had a White guy's advantage in certain circumstances.

    But in the White US midwest gay bars I visited being White was no different from anybody else. Where I was no prize, I can promise you.

    So I had to work on it. Which I did by studying what the other guys did, noting who were successful, and who were not. What kind of approach and personality got positive attention.

    I even would alter my attire, depending on the place I planned to go. My biker leathers in a bear bar, ordinary guy clothes in most other bars, dig out my preppy crap for a professional gay club. The last thing you'd wanna do was dress preppy in a biker bar!

    Point is, I made myself successful, despite my considerable liabilities. Hardly ever had a weekend without a nice guy in my bed, my measure of success at that time, and got into several LTRs that way, none of which I regret. If an unattractive guy like me can do it, so can the OP. It just requires some effort with positive thinking. And not being discouraged at all the turndowns one invariably gets.

    A consequence of dressing inappropriately for one's surroundings:

    47964_961036383253_3204240_51377541_1249
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    Nov 12, 2015 2:39 PM GMT
    PulseFit saidI think from your posts it's very clear you are unhappy and insecure.

    I think you need to find some things of value about yourself that don't revolve around your physical appearance. You are more than your reflection!

    Spend some time working on your spirit and your mind and develop some self-confidence that is not based on anything looks-related. I bet you'll find people are drawn to you more when you are projecting positivity instead of negativity.


    Very beautifully put, exactly what he needs to recognise something many may not even work out in their whole life
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    Nov 12, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    When I first started going to gay clubs, the culture was about being 'camp' and outrageous, very modern expensive clothes and many of the guys who were my age back then, would tease me calling me a closer hero ect. Now fast forward 15+years and now every guy wants to appear more manly and camp fashion is out. My point is that fashion changes and favoured looks get replaced by a new flavour of the month. Don't worry about trying to match every trend, look after your body but do if your own way not just follow other
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    Nov 13, 2015 12:10 AM GMT
    Money helps.
  • interestingch...

    Posts: 694

    Nov 13, 2015 12:19 AM GMT
    Maybe if you did some voluntary work helping the homeless or nursing or something where you are helping others, it may put things in perspective, beauty IS only skin deep, its true, obsessing over your own looks isn't healthy, do yoga and get in a decent mental state, its all about how healthy you are not what you look like, yoga will help to balance you, do it everyday and you will understand the benefits of it, having inner peace is priceless and very attractive.
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    Nov 13, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    interestingchap saidMaybe if you did some voluntary work helping the homeless or nursing or something where you are helping others, it may put things in perspective, beauty IS only skin deep, its true, obsessing over your own looks isn't healthy, do yoga and get in a decent mental state, its all about how healthy you are not what you look like, yoga will help to balance you, do it everyday and you will understand the benefits of it, having inner peace is priceless and very attractive.

    It didn't work for Dorian - see 3:45 seconds in onward: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLMwryyqWi4
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Nov 13, 2015 5:12 AM GMT

    Looks? Who needs looks?
    You are so five years ago. 2015 is for partners. If you have a partner, you go to the best shin digs, throw the best shin digs, live in the best neighborhoods, have the best neighbors, enjoy even sexier tricks than when you were single, and when you go out, all of your friends are partnered too, so that show boater face booking all his friends to come for drinks, has to do double time to keep up with you, mmm,hhmmm.
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    Nov 13, 2015 5:13 AM GMT
    To be happy complete as a Gay man you have to be attractive, body of an Adonis and have men falling down on your feet

    True
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Nov 13, 2015 7:18 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidEveryday you obsess about your appearance? No wonder you have issues, you are incredibly shallow. Seek therapy. No one is interested in an insecure project, get help, get healthy and stop complaining.


    Well I am sorry but when you are considered undesirable and second class in the gay world because of being black. You are forced to become obsessed about how you look as you know it's the only way to conpensate for having what could be classed by many white men as a "racial defect"
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    Nov 13, 2015 9:07 AM GMT
    Matthew56 said
    smartmoney saidEveryday you obsess about your appearance? No wonder you have issues, you are incredibly shallow. Seek therapy. No one is interested in an insecure project, get help, get healthy and stop complaining.


    Well I am sorry but when you are considered undesirable and second class in the gay world because of being black. You are forced to become obsessed about how you look as you know it's the only way to conpensate for having what could be classed by many white men as a "racial defect"


    You are entirely fixated on your race, and it's so unhealthy. If you keep encountering people who treat you as 'second class' because of your race, you are meeting the WRONG people!! I can't stress this enough, you need to completely change your social circle, where you go in your free time, whatever apps you are using.

    If you don't take this advice and you continue to do what you always do, then you're an idiot and I would treat you as a second class citizen for your idiocy, nothing to do with your race!
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Nov 13, 2015 4:34 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]PulseFit said[/cite]
    Matthew56 said
    smartmoney saidEveryday you obsess about your appearance? No wonder you have issues, you are incredibly shallow. Seek therapy. No one is interested in an insecure project, get help, get healthy and stop complaining.


    Well I am sorry but when you are considered undesirable and second class in the gay world because of being black. You are forced to become obsessed about how you look as you know it's the only way to conpensate for having what could be classed by many white men as a "racial defect"


    You are entirely fixated on your race, and it's so unhealthy. If you keep encountering people who treat you as 'second class' because of your race, you are meeting the WRONG people!! I can't stress this enough, you need to completely change your social circle, where you go in your free time, whatever apps you are using.

    If you don't take this advice and you continue to do what you always do, then you're an idiot and I would treat you as a second class citizen for your idiocy, nothing to do with your race![/quote

    Nothing to do socially I mean in a sexual context saunas/sex clubs
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    Nov 30, 2015 2:20 PM GMT
    Unless you're a celebrity, odds are your not going to get all the attention you want or maybe even deserve.

    We tend to assume its because of our race, age, weight, financial limitations, or whatever but maybe its just that not all attraction is mutual and rejection hurts.

    I am fortunate that I have a good career, wonderful birth family, coworkers, and non-gay friends who prop up my self-esteam against the more than occasional meanness of the Gay community.
  • SkeletonKey

    Posts: 24

    Nov 30, 2015 4:34 PM GMT
    Happyness comes from within man. Acceptance is a different thing. Those who dont accept you as you are and for everything you are really arent worth it in the end.

    I used to think cause i was fat no one would accept me. The majority of the gay population wont, but there are some that do. And the bear community is okay too.
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    Nov 30, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    The VAST majority of gay men I know are only average in looks, do not have the body of Adonis, and do not have men falling at their feet and yet are not sad, lonely, unhappy people. I much prefer well-adjusted average guys with average bodies who aren't afraid to eat an ice cream sundae every once in awhile, don't agonize and beat themselves up if they miss a gym day, don't eat more supplements and protein shakes than real food, and aren't in love with themselves.