Are "picky" guys just in denial about how needy/high maintenance they are?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 4:30 AM GMT
    I've gone out on dates with several guys who've borderline bragged that they are picky. And when I start to probe about what they are looking for I often find an extensive list of must haves or criticisms. Can you think of circumstances where someone who is really picky might not have a lengthy list or might not be needy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 4:57 AM GMT
    People who are flops at the dating/mating game always use the "I'm picky" excuse to protect their egos. They don't want anyone to know that no one wants them, so they use the excuse that they're picky.

    It's also away to protect themselves. They will break off a relationship with the "it's not you; it's me" line of crap. The only truth is is that they want to break up with you before you breakup with them. Again, saving their fragile psyches from the pain of rejection.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 2:08 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidPeople who are flops at the dating/mating game always use the "I'm picky" excuse to protect their egos. They don't want anyone to know that no one wants them, so they use the excuse that they're picky.

    It's also away to protect themselves. They will break off a relationship with the "it's not you; it's me" line of crap. The only truth is is that they want to break up with you before you breakup with them. Again, saving their fragile psyches from the pain of rejection.


    Lol, you so described me in my teens and early twenties. Turns out I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. Just had to get away from my mother and brother who were embarrassed by my femininity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 3:23 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidI've gone out on dates with several guys who've borderline bragged that they are picky.

    I prefer the term "selective". LOL!

    The word "picky" brings back flashbacks of my parents in my childhood. Who always criticized me for being a "picky eater". I think because I trimmed the fat off my meat on the plate.

    Truth is, I'll eat almost anything, subject to how it's prepared. There's hardly a vegetable, meat or seafood common in the US that I won't eat. My food range exceeds that of my husband, or of anyone I know. I eat stuff that turns his stomach, while I'll also eat everything that he does. But that "picky eater" criticism from my late parents still haunts me.

    I've never had a date use the term picky for himself, but a few sure were fussy about their habits. That I found rather fem behavior that turned me off. Yah know, I wanna date a man, not a quivering tower of jello. (Who knows the movie that line is from?)

    I spent 25 years in the Army. You accepted whatever was thrown at you. Picky was not authorized. And frankly, I find picky a bit unmanly and unattractive. Start pulling that shit in front of me and I'm outta there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 4:42 PM GMT
    That's not even a good trait to have, so it confuses me as why they would think that's an attractive trait to possess. I've hated guys who claim they were overly picky even to something as simple as food. Picky men for me always seem to lack empathy and are terrible at relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    woodfordr saidI've gone out on dates with several guys who've borderline bragged that they are picky.

    I prefer the term "selective". LOL!


    I've never had a date use the term picky for himself, bicon_lol.gif


    DUH they were on a date with you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    woodfordr saidI've gone out on dates with several guys who've borderline bragged that they are picky.

    I prefer the term "selective". LOL!

    The word "picky" brings back flashbacks of my parents in my childhood. Who always criticized me for being a "picky eater". I think because I trimmed the fat off my meat on the plate.

    Truth is, I'll eat almost anything, subject to how it's prepared. There's hardly a vegetable, meat or seafood common in the US that I won't eat. My food range exceeds that of my husband, or of anyone I know. I eat stuff that turns his stomach, while I'll also eat everything that he does. But that "picky eater" criticism from my late parents still haunts me.

    I've never had a date use the term picky for himself, but a few sure were fussy about their habits. That I found rather fem behavior that turned me off. Yah know, I wanna date a man, not a quivering tower of jello. (Who knows the movie that line if from?)

    I spent 25 years in the Army. You accepted whatever was thrown at you. Picky was not authorized. And frankly, I find picky a bit unmanly and unattractive. Start pulling that shit in front of me and I'm outta there.



    God, you are so boring...
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Nov 12, 2015 7:25 PM GMT
    I agree with UndercoverMan, someone that is picky is usually someone unsecure. I consider that its OK that someone have preferences, because you like certain things and you should consider if someone deserves you ( no one wants a liar, drug addict, hobo,scumbag), but you don't demand someone to be what you want him to be, or being to picky either. Be open minded and be sincere with your worth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 8:54 PM GMT
    Yes, whomever said that it was a protection issue from being rejected, is totally right! I have dated quite a few of these types, and they would always tell me that they feel like they're not good enough for me... Or the latest being he feels like a loser when he's around me. WTF?

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Nov 12, 2015 9:15 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]RaulMoonPride said[/cite]I agree with UndercoverMan, someone that is picky is usually someone unsecure. I consider that its OK that someone have preferences, because you like certain things and you should consider if someone deserves you ( no one wants a liar, drug addict, hobo,scumbag), but you don't demand someone to be what you want him to be, or being to picky either. Be open minded and be sincere with your worth.
    It depends on how u use the word picky...and what it means to u as an individual...some people r attracted to people with similar interests and if u dnt like what there lifestyle is..then u not a good match...a "thug and a sophisticated achitect"..r definetly not a good match...cause they both lead a different lifestyle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 9:42 PM GMT
    ^ I think you know what we are talking about when we use the word picky. A picky person will nitpick a date or potential date to death. Their hair style is not fashionable enough. Their clothes aren't cool enough. Their accent isn't to their liking. Their shoes are so last season. Their car is so not good enough. That mole on their cheek is so distracting. Their eyes are just a tad bit too close or far apart. Their forehead is to big. They have catapillars for eyebrows. Their ass is not bubble enough. Their biceps are only 17.5 inches. Their dick is only 8". They aren't tall enough. Etc. etc. etc.

    You know the type.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 9:52 PM GMT
    What about the opposite? I know someone who will sleep with almost anyone. He's a very hot guy who could have anyone he wants but I see him making out and going home with the most hideous creatures you can imagine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    ^ There are nearly always polar opposites, but we weren't necessarily talking about people with no standards or those that sleep around with anything with a pulse. We're talking about people with a ridiculous litany of standards that no mere mortal can fulfill. Somewhere there's a happy medium that most people seem to find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 10:24 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said^ There are nearly always polar opposites, but we weren't necessarily talking about people with no standards or those that sleep around with anything with a pulse. We're talking about people with a ridiculous litany of standards that no mere mortal can fulfill.



    I know, but I still think it's related and worthy of a discussion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2015 10:36 PM GMT
    Radd saidWhat about the opposite? I know someone who will sleep with almost anyone. He's a very hot guy who could have anyone he wants but I see him making out and going home with the most hideous creatures you can imagine.


    But hideous in your eyes and maybe everyone else's eyes but in the end he's the one having sex with them so it's only his opinion of their looks that counts. I remember my sister who was absolutely gorgeous and could have any man she wanted and she did only they weren't guys I found attractive in the least.

    Since I don't know this individual I can only speculate why he does what he does, but usually people that exhibit this type of behavior are usually seeking validation through sex or maybe he's just a sex addict.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 1:19 AM GMT
    You get less picky as you get older. And wiser. And suffered through terrible relationships. Basically, by the time you're 35, you'll take someone that doesn't beat you and can make you laugh.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Nov 13, 2015 4:40 AM GMT
    The world seems to be full of the dudes who sport their numerous idiosyncrasies these days as if those were their major achievements.

    Yup, to a degree, almost every dude is a bit selective or picky if you like the word better. Most dudes I have come across also say that they have certain standards. Some are more keen on maintaining them than the others.

    I see a problem if a dude you come across projects his own idiosyncrasies/maintenance issues as MY main focus or OUR new main problem for the months to come. This is a huge red flag in my eyes.

    Life is too short for this crap. If you only wish to date a guy who drives a specific range of vintage Ferraris, sports a 13" Schlong, and is actually a Greek god in his appearance, please, by all means, go and find him. Please, make sure that the dude is also into you and not into other Greek gods with similar endowment and identical car preferencesicon_biggrin.gif

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    I consider myself picky, but I'm willing to date guys outside of my "ideal" type because the world is just not that easy. You never know what hidden treasure you can find by putting those proclivities aside.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 4:44 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    I normally don't shop with a list, but I usually come home with what I wanted.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Nov 13, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]UndercoverMan said[/cite]^ I think you know what we are talking about when we use the word picky. A picky person will nitpick a date or potential date to death. Their hair style is not fashionable enough. Their clothes aren't cool enough. Their accent isn't to their liking. Their shoes are so last season. Their car is so not good enough. That mole on their cheek is so distracting. Their eyes are just a tad bit too close or far apart. Their forehead is to big. They have catapillars for eyebrows. Their ass is not bubble enough. Their biceps are only 17.5 inches. Their dick is only 8". They aren't tall enough. Etc. etc. etc.

    You know the type...
    Thats just crazy..we all come with "standards"but the world we live in doesnt always offer what we want..,only a few rich can get all they want...relationships would always work well with ppl who share similar interest...some ppl dont wanna b judged for specificaly wanting "white men,9" dick and etc"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    Radd saidWhat about the opposite? I know someone who will sleep with almost anyone. He's a very hot guy who could have anyone he wants but I see him making out and going home with the most hideous creatures you can imagine.


    Is that how you guys met?
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Nov 13, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    swimjammer said, but I'm willing to date guys outside of my "ideal" type because the world is just not that easy. You never know what hidden treasure you can find by putting those proclivities aside.



    /
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 9:21 PM GMT
    CODY4U said
    Radd saidWhat about the opposite? I know someone who will sleep with almost anyone. He's a very hot guy who could have anyone he wants but I see him making out and going home with the most hideous creatures you can imagine.

    Is that how you guys met?

    Alright mister, 20 lashes with a wet noodle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2015 9:23 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidYou get less picky as you get older.

    How much older do I have to get before I stop jonesing for big dick?   icon_lol.gif

  • Nov 13, 2015 9:56 PM GMT
    I am not picky at all.

    Not all picky people are the same as most of you describe them. They probably consist more than 80% from all picky guys, but many are also picky not because they want to save their egos.