Closeted = Masculine?

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    Nov 14, 2015 9:39 PM GMT
    One of my pet peeves in this fucked up gay world is how closeted guys are somehow seen as more masculine. Not only do they see themselves as more masculine but I've noticed gay men seem to value them higher on the totem pole too. This really rubs me the wrong way because the way I see it, if you're ashamed to live your life because you're in fear of how others will react to you, that screams fear and weakness, which is the opposite of masculinity.

    Is there something I'm missing here? Someone please explain this to me.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:13 PM GMT
    I agree with your views on this, but it hasn't been my impression that closeted guys are considered more masculine or more desirable. Perhaps things are just different in New Orleans.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:15 PM GMT
    In MY book closeted/descreet = a pice of shit

    I'd rather not have some shit ass dud trying to make everyone think he's straight
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:20 PM GMT
    I have no issue with discrete. I don't scream from the mountains how gay i'am. But are closeted men more masculine…wow I must have oozed masculinity being in the closet for 48 yrs.. lol.. Then why did i feel like a 'fag'? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:20 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidI agree with your views on this, but it hasn't been my impression that closeted guys are considered more masculine or more desirable. Perhaps things are just different in New Orleans.



    No, it's been a very consistent view everywhere I've lived. Especially strong sense of this in Los Angeles. Even openly gay men often pretend to be closeted to attract more guys. Not sure about other countries but it's prevalent all over the U.S. from what I can tell.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:23 PM GMT
    Hmmh... I've lived in various big and small Cities in the northeast and Midwest U.S. and I haven't seen this.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:28 PM GMT
    It's a bit hard to be closeted when a purse falls out when you open your mouth.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    After a certain age closeted=coward.
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    Nov 14, 2015 10:36 PM GMT
    A similar and no doubt related thing is guys who are turned on by having sex with a guy who is closeted (pseudo bisexual) because they get turned on knowing that he has sex with women. That makes no sense to me.
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    Nov 14, 2015 11:36 PM GMT
    Why don't you ask any of the conservposse this RJ website seems to attract. If there is anyone who is experienced in being a closeted, anything (male, female, trans, gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, drag queen or king) its the republican and or their right wing counterparts.







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    Nov 14, 2015 11:37 PM GMT
    Radd said
    duluthrunner saidI agree with your views on this, but it hasn't been my impression that closeted guys are considered more masculine or more desirable. Perhaps things are just different in New Orleans.

    No, it's been a very consistent view everywhere I've lived. Especially strong sense of this in Los Angeles. Even openly gay men often pretend to be closeted to attract more guys. Not sure about other countries but it's prevalent all over the U.S. from what I can tell.

    That's why a lot of guys claim to be bi. They don't want the negative stigmas of being fully gay, so to speak. People's perception of them will change from "sexually open" to "flaming homo".
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    Nov 14, 2015 11:38 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidIt's a bit hard to be closeted when a purse falls out when you open your mouth.

    Or blasting the Beyonce jams while driving with the windows rolled down. icon_lol.gif
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1030

    Nov 15, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    ryyyder saidIn MY book closeted/descreet = a pice of shit


    hairyandym saidI have no issue with discrete. I don't scream from the mountains how gay i'am.


    OK guys once and for all, the word is DISCREET, and here's what it means:

    discreet [dih-skreet] adjective
    1.judicious in one's conduct or speech, especially with regard to respecting privacy or maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature; prudent; circumspect.
    2.showing prudence and circumspection; decorous.
    3.modestly unobtrusive; unostentatious.

    In the context of sexual liaisons, being discreet simply means you don't kiss and tell. It has nothing to do with letting people know you're gay. It's keeping your mouth shut about who you fuck.

    I think being discreet is a good thing.

    Oh and for the record...

    discrete [dih-skreet] adjective
    1.apart or detached from others; separate; distinct.
    2.consisting of or characterized by distinct or individual parts; discontinuous.
    3.Mathematics.
    a) (of a topology or topological space) having the property that every subset is an open set.
    b) defined only for an isolated set of points.
    c) using only arithmetic and algebra; not involving calculus.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:27 AM GMT
    bro4bro said
    ryyyder saidIn MY book closeted/descreet = a pice of shit


    hairyandym saidI have no issue with discrete. I don't scream from the mountains how gay i'am.


    OK guys once and for all, the word is DISCREET, and here's what it means:

    discreet [dih-skreet] adjective
    1.judicious in one's conduct or speech, especially with regard to respecting privacy or maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature; prudent; circumspect.
    2.showing prudence and circumspection; decorous.
    3.modestly unobtrusive; unostentatious.

    In the context of sexual liaisons, being discreet simply means you don't kiss and tell. It has nothing to do with letting people know you're gay. It's keeping your mouth shut about who you fuck.

    I think being discreet is a good thing.

    Oh and for the record...

    discrete [dih-skreet] adjective
    1.apart or detached from others; separate; distinct.
    2.consisting of or characterized by distinct or individual parts; discontinuous.
    3.Mathematics.
    a) (of a topology or topological space) having the property that every subset is an open set.
    b) defined only for an isolated set of points.
    c) using only arithmetic and algebra; not involving calculus.


    At last!
    Somebody finally took the trouble to point out the difference.

    "Discrete" has been the bane of a hundred thread comments.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:31 AM GMT
    All of us have been in the closet. I sympathize with people still in the closet.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:41 AM GMT
    After all of the blame you put on feminine gay men for more masculine gay men staying in the closet I'm not sure why the answer isn't apparent to you. Masculine guys love to claim its the very noticeably gay men that caused them to stay in the closet because they didn't want to be associated with the queens. On some level gay men have adopted the idea that to be obviously gay means you are fake/bad/wrong. Being in the closet is the natural extreme of that strain of thought. Have ever noticed how closeted/discreet dudes call themselves normal? Normal compared to who? Also lets stop with this discreet bull shit. When is the last time you heard a heterosexual consider themselves discreet when it comes to their sexuality. The very idea is alien to them.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:42 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidA similar and no doubt related thing is guys who are turned on by having sex with a guy who is closeted (pseudo bisexual) because they get turned on knowing that he has sex with women. That makes no sense to me.



    Again........they prefer to sleep with them because they view them as being more masculine. Ya know....because REAL men fuck pussy, right? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Just look at the Cheezykid guy who keeps making threads asking who would fuck a woman. It's like his life depends on finding a gay man who will fuck a woman. And then you've these screaming queens saying that they would fuck a girl which gets him all worked up. Pathetic really.
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    Nov 15, 2015 3:12 PM GMT
    I totally agree, mate! It really baffles me as well. I went out with a few guys whom was like this... One didn't want me to even touch him in public, and always carried himself like an alpha male. In the bedroom, it was a different story.

    From what I have seen, these individuals fight internally with themselves, always wondering what people think about them, rather than having self confidence. The second one explained that he was in a prior relationship of 5 years, and never met the guy's family, or vice versa. That to me, is a big turnoff. I'm not going to be someone's secret in the relationship. Maybe some guys are turned on by that, but not me.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Mitch1

    Posts: 9

    Nov 15, 2015 3:13 PM GMT
    I don't know that closeted guys are seen as more masculine. I don't see them that way. You could actually say that they are somehow unable to deal with who they are and that might be an indication of a lack of courage, which isn't especially masculine. The number of straight and married guys who are extremely effeminate is amazing to me though. But I guess that if you can have masculine gay guys there's no reason to question whether or not they're straight regardless of how they come off. I see lots of women who are married with kids and they are unbelievably butch. It makes me wonder what the attraction is for the men who marry them.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 800

    Nov 15, 2015 3:36 PM GMT
    "Closeted = Masculine?"

    I don't enjoy dealing with men "on the down low" because of the frequent flakiness--and yet I can understand a reason for their reticence.

    "Being gay" tends to consist of behaviors and attitudes that are over the top and full of histrionics.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Nov 15, 2015 4:30 PM GMT
    Didn't Michael Jackson write that huge hit:
    "In the closet"?
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    Nov 15, 2015 4:50 PM GMT
    As far as I can tell, the people who are in the closet (at least in America) are more likely to (erroneously) associate being gay with being effeminate and therefore prone to "dialing up the testosterone". I'll be honest, I'm not particularly attracted to 100% effeminate guys myself but I tend to favor neither extreme. It just feels like you're trying too hard. I'm the first to admit that there are times that I could give any screaming L.A. Queen a run for their money but there are also the moments I can talk (and drive) circles around the straight guys at the racetrack or the local car meets.

    I am who I am, whatever that is. People aren't static; we are never the same person we were the day before or even the hour before. Every experience changes us in some way and to try and corral ourselves into narrowly-defined categories is not only futile, its damaging.

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    Nov 15, 2015 5:30 PM GMT
    Sam27 saidSo what! What is wrong if some closeted guy see themselves masculine? Don't some openly gay guys see that way too? icon_rolleyes.gif



    Please reread my OP. That's not what I said at all.
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    Nov 15, 2015 7:22 PM GMT
    Cut the shit people, we all know saying you're discreet is just a way to pussyfoot around saying you're in the closet. If that's not what it means then how come straight people arent calling their liaisons "discreet" too hmm ?icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif.

    These closeted men out here realize that being closeted isnt seen as attractive by most gays now. The world is changing and gays are more proud and open and the idea of dating/fucking someone closeted just isn't something many gay guys are willing to entertain anymore. Being a closeted gay man hung up on hypermasculanity is starting to have negative connotations, much in the same way being bisexual does ( lies, hiding their lover, marrying women while fucking men on the side, treating gays like mistresses, insecurities about their sexuality, lack of commitment, etcetra....). Closeted gay men are realizing that this is how they are seen by many out gay men, and that more and more gay men are not willing to fuck closet cases anymore.

    So what did the closet gays do ? They decided to come up with a new word, one that sounds less bad and has less negative connotations than closeted, discreet has become the new word. They know they're less likely to get laid by saying they're closeted, so now they're saying they're "discreet".

    I'll add, if you're in the closet and in an unsafe environment and it's not safe for you to be out then fine. I know everyone cant always just be "out" 24/7. However.... the problem is most of these closet dudes are doing it so they keep their straight dude/bros/buddies happy and maintain their "straight" reputation. They want to have their cake and eat it too and now saying you're "discreet" is the way to do it !
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    Nov 15, 2015 7:45 PM GMT
    venue35 saidDidn't Michael Jackson write that huge hit:
    "In the closet"?


    I thought it was about things heterosexuals do that should be kept in the closet. He had that physically beautiful woman in the video.

    Yes, it's the woman's confession of her lust that needs to be kept in the closet.