Four dates with this guy and I still don't know anything about him

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 1:18 AM GMT
    I started seeing this really handsome guy. We are extremely attracted to each other (physically/sexually). We've been on 4 dates already and we always find stuff to talk about, but everything so far has been very superficial stuff. Also, when I try to talk about myself beyond the superficial, he doesn't ask me too much about it and doesn't reveal much about himself either.

    We've made out on every occasion. Lots of kissing, touching and hugging, but no sex yet and we haven't been to each other's places.

    I get the sense that he doesn't wanna have sex yet, but I'm the kind of person who, in order to connect with someone on a deeper level, I need to get intimate with them. I open up a lot and feel more comfortable around someone once we've had sex.

    Does the fact that I still don't know much about him on the fourth date means that there's no chemistry besides sexual?
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    Nov 15, 2015 1:20 AM GMT
    it's so easy for you then, you just need to find an easy whore, shouldn't be hard to find, weird you are still alone, there are plenty sex hungry promiscuous out there just like yourself and you will be able to ''open '' yourself in all possible ways
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:02 AM GMT
    bonaparts saidit's so easy for you then, you just need to find an easy whore, shouldn't be hard to find, weird you are still alone, there are plenty sex hungry promiscuous out there just like yourself and you will be able to ''open '' yourself in all possible ways

    typical bonaparts response icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    Maybe he has a dark past, something that would scare the shit out of you. Or he's a spy or a CIA agent.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 15, 2015 2:08 AM GMT
    maybe he thinks you're acting like u have a big leaking vagina tryna t get to know if he has brothers and sisters and shit.


    Next time, plan to meet at your place. Have the poppers on deck and get ready to F.U.C.K
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 15, 2015 2:10 AM GMT
    I don't get it. Are you saying you don't know much about him on an intellectually, such as past history, background, family, education, etc. or are you saying you don't know much about him sexually?
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:10 AM GMT
    I didn't know this site was so full of assholes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:11 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI don't get it. Are you saying you don't know much about him on an intellectually, such as past history, background, family, education, etc. or are you saying you don't know much about him sexually?


    The first part, yeah. It's like he doesn't talk about himself that much and when I try to talk about me, he doesn't ask further questions, so we just move on to another superficial subject.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 15, 2015 2:13 AM GMT
    Dude, then flat out ask him.
    Simple.
    Be like "dude, you're all cagey when I ask u some personal shit. Are u not comfortable when I ask or what?" "talk to me, baby, i wanna get to know you and have your babies"
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:14 AM GMT
    Shame on you assholes, you scared the whore away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:15 AM GMT
    Nah, he followed Import's advice and then the piano wire came out ...
  • RaulMoonPride

    Posts: 107

    Nov 15, 2015 2:19 AM GMT
    just talk about it, for how long you have know him, four dates = four days? you talk to him? text him?
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:24 AM GMT
    RaulMoonPride saidjust talk about it, for how long you have know him, four dates = four days? you talk to him? text him?


    No, the dates have been every week so that means one month. We text pretty often.
    How do you think I should start the conversation?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 15, 2015 2:55 AM GMT
    So u guys are making out? And yet it hasn't led to sex?
    Explain to me this phenomenon ....

    Why would u guys be all hot n heavy, but never sweaty? u know what I mean? Why are u guys making out like 2 high school kids yet u haven't seen the D?

    Start getting more aggressive and being like "dude, why haven't we had sex?" and when he's like "idk" ju8st be like "well let's change that...." and then BAM u make the first move. U go in for the kill...start makin out like you do, start rubbin on his cock, gettin freaky n shit. ....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:58 AM GMT
    I think both of them are bottoms waiting for the other to make first move.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Nov 15, 2015 4:10 AM GMT
    Yeah, these guys seem to be kind of assholes for the most part. icon_biggrin.gif


    I think you should tell him what you want. Maybe not all of it all at once, but like piece by piece.

    Share only a bit of your leaking vagina at a time as to not scare him off. Then when you have him right where you want him, gush all over him!


    I would say though, some people are not capable of very much emotionally. If you have had 4 dates and he brushes you off everytime you talk about yourself, maybe he's just a selfish asshole with poor communication skills.....you will find many examples of these in life, not hard to find them at all. icon_rolleyes.gif


    As for how to start the conversation....

    wait till you are face to face, and say something like:

    " __________, i have noticed that whenever i talk about anything substantive about myself, my past, my family, you don't indulge me much. Are you uncomfortable getting to know me on a deeper level emotionally or do you think it's too soon to talk about these things or are you just not a very communcative guy?"

    If he gives you a one or two word answer, basically he's an idiot or not into you that way. Either way, Have some fun with him and move on or just move on.



    This is your 4th date? He's supposed to be on his best behaviour, trying to impress you isn't he? Or atleast not showing all his flaws.....geez, if it's already enough, imagine if you are married for 10 years. He'll probably just grunt at you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 4:58 AM GMT
    Thanks for your advice.

    Last time we met up I wanted him to come to my place, but he said he didn't want to hook up. I assured him that I wasn't looking for a hook up either, but he still didn't wanna do it.

    Maybe he fears that if we have sex I'll lose interest somehow?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 6:46 AM GMT
    Friend Zone. Meet him for sports, intellectual arguments,whatever. Find someone else to bump & grind with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 7:26 AM GMT
    JacksWastedLife said... so far has been very superficial stuff. Also, when I try to talk about myself beyond the superficial, he doesn't ask me too much about it and doesn't reveal much about himself either...
    if you feel safe stay with him but:


    -works for UNCLE
    -works on the Bobby Jindal presidential campaign
    -he has 4 children + wife

    all of the above.
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    Nov 15, 2015 2:07 PM GMT
    JacksWastedLife saidThanks for your advice.

    Last time we met up I wanted him to come to my place, but he said he didn't want to hook up. I assured him that I wasn't looking for a hook up either, but he still didn't wanna do it.

    Maybe he fears that if we have sex I'll lose interest somehow?

    Lots of possibilities for his reluctance. He may already have a BF or partner. He may even have a GF or wife. Could be he's new to the gay scene, still unsure of himself. Some guys also feel the urge to experiment, but fear if they go too far it'll "make" them gay permanently and they'll never be able to live straight again.

    There's also the possibility he has HIV. I've known guys who hide the fact for fear no one will want them once it's revealed. And if he has sex with you without first telling you, even if it's safe sex, that creates a number of ethical, and in some cases even legal problems. And of course should his sex partner make the discovery after having had sex, the dishonesty could be sure to ruin the relationship, and possibly his reputation among other guys.

    BTW, I'm curious: if neither of you has been to the other's place, where do you "make out"? In a car? Beware of having sex in places that could legally be considered public. Men & women making out often get a pass or just a warning (within limits), but the authorities in many jurisdictions would love to slam 2 men doing the same thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2015 3:17 PM GMT
    Yeah, a month, you should definitely have some insight into this guy, as to knowing a little about his background.

    Best way to know... Talk with him... "Hey, let's get to know a little about you..."

    Lots of luck!

    Cheers,

    Sean

  • Nov 15, 2015 5:57 PM GMT
    He keeps you interested. In my current relationship I made a mistake and at the third month my boyfriend already knew everything about me since day one, while I know less than half of the things I should know about him. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Nov 15, 2015 11:30 PM GMT
    Do you at least know if he's a top or a bottom? It's all that really matters.
    The last thing you want is to find yourself in a passionate embrace with him, bawling, in a rainstorm, after finding out that you're both bottoms. So tragic.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Nov 16, 2015 12:43 AM GMT
    Some people are more closed than others. Is this really a match for you in any way other than sexual?
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    Nov 17, 2015 12:31 AM GMT
    From your post, it seems like you are unsatisfied with 2 things...
    1. He doesn't open up to you about himself
    2. He doesn't seem all that curious about knowing you at a deeper level.

    If this is the case, I suggest that you work on this before you two have sex. I know you mention that you feel more intimate with a guy when you've had sex, but intimacy works both ways. And right now you're feeling like it's pretty lopsided. So I would ask him what he's looking for, what he thinks about hanging out with you etc. You two might not be compatible intimacy wise. I know A LOT of guys who are either too intense or too withdrawn for me. If you're having to put this much thought at just the 4 date mark, it might be a sign my man. Maybe you're just sexually attracted to each other and that's it?