Self Sabatage

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  Nov 15, 2015 3:20 AM GMT

  Do people here feel like when they meet someone and get on with them so well, that they end up self sabotaging themselves from maybe getting into a relationship due to negative influences growing up?
  
  E.g. familiy divorces, bad relationships from friends etc...

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  Nov 15, 2015 3:23 AM GMT

  Yep! You make excuses why you can't be with the person.

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  Nov 15, 2015 5:16 AM GMT

  I do it all the time!!!
  
  The truth is, I'm kinda scared to be in a relationship. It's hard work, and scary. The universe will provide me with a partner when I'm ready....

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  Nov 15, 2015 7:43 AM GMT

  You should be able to puzzle through it on your own. That includes researching on what works and not. Not laser science but lucky you if both men have the self control and desire to stay together.

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  Nov 15, 2015 1:20 PM GMT

  Not sabatage, it's sabotage, from the French "sabot," a wooden shoe thrown into machinery to commit industrial sabotage.
  
  In gay life the phenomenon is well-known.
  I was once in a relationship with someone too hot to break up with, but the relationship wasn't working. So I slept with someone else and made sure he found out about it, so he would break up with me. It worked.

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• JackNNJ
  
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  Nov 15, 2015 2:23 PM GMT

  TexDef07 saidNot sabatage, it's sabotage, from the French "sabot," a wooden shoe thrown into machinery to commit industrial sabotage.
  
  In gay life the phenomenon is well-known.
  I was once in a relationship with someone too hot to break up with, but the relationship wasn't working. So I slept with someone else and made sure he found out about it, so he would break up with me. It worked.

  
  
  A success story!

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• FitBlackCuddl...
  
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  Nov 15, 2015 3:39 PM GMT

  woodsmen saidYep! You make excuses why you can't be with the person.

  
  
  I hear you. "Emotional buttons" of doubt that are established very early take on a life of their own.

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• FitBlackCuddl...
  
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  Nov 15, 2015 3:42 PM GMT

  pellaz saidYou should be able to puzzle through it on your own. That includes researching on what works and not. Not laser science but lucky you if both men have the self control and desire to stay together.

  
  
  If only a person could research and handle their emotions and psyche so easily.

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  Nov 15, 2015 7:32 PM GMT

  TexDef07 saidNot sabatage, it's sabotage, from the French "sabot," a wooden shoe thrown into machinery to commit industrial sabotage.

  
  
  I knew that only from watching Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. Thank you, Kim Cattrall. Good times.

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• tuffguyndc
  
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  Nov 16, 2015 2:48 AM GMT

  i will have to say yes. i have seen it done to me and i have done it to someone. i just think its a learning process that we all have to work through. i now know when it comes to love you can not allow your pride to come into play. when in love you are never in control

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  Nov 16, 2015 4:28 AM GMT

  Well.. if you had negative environment growing up, you had to absorb that chaotic environment into yourself out of love for those who are continuing your survival. It's not that people sabotage a great connection, it's that a "good" connection is literally the antithesis of what their interpretation of love is. Some people's version of idea of love is a healthy connection, for many they believe love entails neglect, abuse, selective expression, etc.
  
  The key is learning more about yourself and eventually getting to a healthy homeostasis, not chasing the idealized picture of romance right away, when you have years of trauma that need sorting first.

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