Just being friends with someone your attracted to?

  • BlakeWind

    Posts: 61

    Nov 16, 2015 12:48 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    So I am very good friends with this one guy at work. Weve spent a lot of time together, so we have become pretty good friends. My issue comes in with my insane attraction to him. He is a VERY good looking guy. Everytime i'm around him, my sexual tension increases. He is definitely 100% straight. I know this could probably relate to the whole " can guys and girls be just friends " issue, But I was just wondering, do you guys have very close straight friends that your insanely attracted to? If so, have you told them of your attraction? What was there response to that? I honestly don't know if I would be willing to admit my attraction to him, with fear of it ending our good friendship. But i was just curious about other similar situations to mine.
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    Nov 16, 2015 12:59 AM GMT
    I have a few. Most gay guys probably do. It's "normal", I guess. Nice/hot straight guys have a raw appeal that is very alluring and inadvertently cruel. I think the attraction fades a bit as you get to become better friends. Definitely don't tell him you're attracted to him because that's just creepy.
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    Nov 16, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    I agree that you shouldn't tell him. Just be chill. If he senses you want the D it could change the whole vibe and/or scare him off.

    Does he know you're gay?

    CODY4U saidNice/hot straight guys have a raw appeal that is very alluring and inadvertently cruel.


    Yasssssssssssssss icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 16, 2015 1:11 AM GMT
    You know an easy way to figure if a hot guy is straight or gay? If he's gratuitously sweet and nice to you, that means he's straight. A straight guy doesn't care if you look hot or not because he doesn't expect you will cross this line. He doesn't see his sweetness as a gesture of seduction.

    How do you take it, though, is another story. You're misreading the way he treats you as a sign that maybe you could have a chance. This crush wouldn't be happening if it wasn't being fueled by some hope however small.
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    Nov 16, 2015 1:15 AM GMT
    CODY4U saidNice/hot straight guys have a raw appeal that is very alluring and inadvertently cruel.


    A nice and hot straight guy doesn't care if you're hot or not and will not judge you like a gay man would. That's where the allure resides: the hope that you can somehow bypass leagues.
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    Nov 16, 2015 1:18 AM GMT
    bachian saidYou know an easy way to figure if a hot guy is straight or gay? If he's gratuitously sweet and nice to you, that means he's straight. A straight guy doesn't care if you look hot or not because he doesn't expect you will cross this line. He doesn't see his sweetness as a gesture of seduction.

    How do you take it, though, is another story. You're misreading the way he treats you as a sign that maybe you could have a chance. This crush wouldn't be happening if it wasn't being fueled by some hope however small.


    so what's going on when a seemingly straight guy is gratuitously sweet and nice to you and knows you're gay? He is plenty machismo and has plenty of other straight guys to hang out with, but he genuinely seems like he'd rather hang out with you. i almost hope he's truly straight... (this is happening to me at work right now...so funny this thread comes up)

    also, i have known a gay guy that was hot and gratuitously sweet and nice to me but, like you, i just assumed he was straight because of this.
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    Nov 16, 2015 1:48 AM GMT
    Straight guys love blow jobs and will forgive themselves for getting one from a gay guy if they re drunk together. Get drunk together.

    If he reciprocates you'll know he's a bit flexible.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Nov 16, 2015 12:01 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]UndercoverMan said[/cite]Straight guys love blow jobs and will forgive themselves for getting one from a gay guy if they re drunk together. Get drunk together.

    If he reciprocates you'll know he's a bit flexible.
    Worst advice...dont ever go for a guy u not sure about..if u value ur friendship..then dont do anything sexual with him..just enjoy his friendship.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Nov 16, 2015 1:40 PM GMT
    I hate to be the dog in the manger but, speaking from experience, this situation is unlikely to end well. Unless you can detach yourself from your attraction to him for the sake of the friendship, you're in for a lot of heartache.

    Probably the best way to manage it is to find someone else to invest your feelings in, someone who is available. I realize that also isn't easy, but if you can meet someone to date then you might maintain your friendship with this straight guy without hurting so much.

    You want to be happy, not unhappy, right? So try to accept reality and invest yourself in the possible, not the impossible. And this situation is impossible.
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    Nov 16, 2015 5:04 PM GMT
    It's hard. You think up ways to seduce them, only to realize that it would destroy your friendship with him. Don't do it.

    Now with gay friends...you're more than likely to have sex with them. It's like guys and girls.
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    Nov 16, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    bachian said
    CODY4U saidNice/hot straight guys have a raw appeal that is very alluring and inadvertently cruel.


    A nice and hot straight guy doesn't care if you're hot or not and will not judge you like a gay man would. That's where the allure resides: the hope that you can somehow bypass leagues.


    I think you're trying too hard to psychoanalyze some of the replies here. I was thinking way more literally. A straight guy that is physically attractive and very nice can be confusing to lots of gay guys. Straight guys are still men. It's not like you'd walk around telling yourself he's not hot just because he's straight. They're just harmless "man crushes".
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Nov 16, 2015 5:47 PM GMT
    I don't know if you're out or not but for the longest time, I was closeted. I developed the ability to completely turn off my sexual attraction to straight guys once I got to know them. Or maybe I just respected who they were as people and since they related to me on a buddy level, I reciprocated. But it happened all the time. I'd meet some super hot straight guy, be instantly (and sadly) turned on, but once we started becoming friends, the heat would evaporate. Some of those guys are still friends and totally OK with my coming out. I guess it says something positive about the guys I wanted to befriends with. Be friends with guys you like for reasons other than hotness and you won't have the problem. Works for finding a mate, too (though I find my mate damn hot!).
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    Nov 16, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    CODY4U said
    bachian said
    CODY4U saidNice/hot straight guys have a raw appeal that is very alluring and inadvertently cruel.


    A nice and hot straight guy doesn't care if you're hot or not and will not judge you like a gay man would. That's where the allure resides: the hope that you can somehow bypass leagues.


    I think you're trying too hard to psychoanalyze some of the replies here. I was thinking way more literally. A straight guy that is physically attractive and very nice can be confusing to lots of gay guys. Straight guys are still men. It's not like you'd walk around telling yourself he's not hot just because he's straight. They're just harmless "man crushes".


    It could also be that bachian isn't attracted to everyone he thinks is good looking or hot. Maybe he doesn't understand the concept of being attracted to someone based on looks alone.
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    Nov 16, 2015 5:54 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI don't know if you're out or not but for the longest time, I was closeted. I developed the ability to completely turn off my sexual attraction to straight guys once I got to know them. Or maybe I just respected who they were as people and since they related to me on a buddy level, I reciprocated. But it happened all the time. I'd meet some super hot straight guy, be instantly (and sadly) turned on, but once we started becoming friends, the heat would evaporate. Some of those guys are still friends and totally OK with my coming out. I guess it says something positive about the guys I wanted to befriends with. Be friends with guys you like for reasons other than hotness and you won't have the problem. Works for finding a mate, too (though I find my mate damn hot!).


    You sound like me in a way. I find unavailability a huge turn off. Straight guys by their nature are unavailable to gay men. No point in wanting someone who doesn't want you.
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    Nov 16, 2015 6:04 PM GMT
    panchito14 said
    so what's going on when a seemingly straight guy is gratuitously sweet and nice to you and knows you're gay? He is plenty machismo and has plenty of other straight guys to hang out with, but he genuinely seems like he'd rather hang out with you. i almost hope he's truly straight... (this is happening to me at work right now...so funny this thread comes up)

    also, i have known a gay guy that was hot and gratuitously sweet and nice to me but, like you, i just assumed he was straight because of this.


    If the interest seems returned, he might be a little curious. Google "heteroflexible", it's hot. I had a straight friend back in school that liked to sleep in the same bed with me (side by side and under covers). I think I might've actually felt a little more awkward about it than he did.
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    Nov 17, 2015 1:14 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidStraight guys love blow jobs and will forgive themselves for getting one from a gay guy if they re drunk together. Get drunk together.

    If he reciprocates you'll know he's a bit flexible.


    Funny lol. On a serious note, good friends are difficult to find. If you find one, treat them like like gold and understand the importance of boundaries and restraint. But having been in this situation in the past, the best way to deal with the sexual tension is to focus all that energy on finding GAY guys you're crazy attracted to.
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    Nov 17, 2015 1:31 AM GMT
    I have a couple and yes, they do know. We have a safe word when I'm pushing his boundaries and I the same goes for him--Why hot straight guys think rubbing up on you is OK is annoying?
    It's a new age and most the younger guys I know enjoy the attention, some seek it out.
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    Nov 17, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    Is the reason you're single because your boyfriend at the time found out about your attractions and intentions of trying things out potentially with a "straight"coworker? I'm guessing this is the same guy too? The one with a girlfriend? And now you are seeking approval from the audience again as you seem to lack your own personal moral compass so other people's opinions need to steer it one way or the other.
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    Nov 17, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    It is a new world! Straight guys flirt but no more.
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    Nov 17, 2015 1:46 AM GMT
    Situations like these tend to lead to trouble. It'll drive you crazy if you keep thing about it. Just accept that it'll never happen and move on.
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    Nov 17, 2015 3:09 AM GMT
    As a very close straight friend, but lately I find myself having romantic feelings towards him, not necessarily sexual, but romantic
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Nov 17, 2015 5:35 AM GMT
    Well I've got quite a good deal of experience with this topic. My three closest friends are ridiculously hot - but str8. One of them was a Men's Health cover model, for cryin' out loud. Another was a pro athlete and U.S. Marine. The third - well he's just plain smokin. These guys all started out as training partners and became like brothers to me.

    Yes of course I find them desirable. Yes I notice how drop dead gorgeous they are, every single time we're together.

    Here's how I deal with it: no matter how attractive they are, I don't let myself fantasize about them sexually. Not ever. I genuinely appreciate how handsome they are, and how great their bodies are, but I just don't fool myself into thinking we could ever be together.

    Yes I'm repressing my natural feelings. So what? Isn't that what you do when you see a Ferrari you know you can never afford? The difference is that I actually do get something from these guys, friendship and brotherhood, that I never could if I wasted my time trying to get into their pants. I respect them. I love them. So I just don't go there. And I don't drive myself crazy thinking about it.

    Seriously, would you rather have a quick lay or a true friend?
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    Nov 17, 2015 5:01 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidI hate to be the dog in the manger but, speaking from experience, this situation is unlikely to end well. Unless you can detach yourself from your attraction to him for the sake of the friendship, you're in for a lot of heartache.

    Probably the best way to manage it is to find someone else to invest your feelings in, someone who is available. I realize that also isn't easy, but if you can meet someone to date then you might maintain your friendship with this straight guy without hurting so much.

    You want to be happy, not unhappy, right? So try to accept reality and invest yourself in the possible, not the impossible. And this situation is impossible.



    This the perfect answer ....
  • BlakeWind

    Posts: 61

    Dec 01, 2015 3:03 AM GMT
    starboard5 saidI hate to be the dog in the manger but, speaking from experience, this situation is unlikely to end well. Unless you can detach yourself from your attraction to him for the sake of the friendship, you're in for a lot of heartache.

    Probably the best way to manage it is to find someone else to invest your feelings in, someone who is available. I realize that also isn't easy, but if you can meet someone to date then you might maintain your friendship with this straight guy without hurting so much.

    You want to be happy, not unhappy, right? So try to accept reality and invest yourself in the possible, not the impossible. And this situation is impossible.


    That is a good answer. Thank you for that. And yea i have started to acquire feelings for this guy. and unfortunately I have been open with those feelings to him, which completely turned him off. But yea it did hurt, but honestly, I am glad I at least know now. Cause the " what if " just kept on bothering me.