Destinharbor saidSome guys beat off a lot and in the absence of a live partner can habituate themselves to their own hand. And nothing else will do it for them. It was never a big deal for me. I found these guys stayed hard forever and totally enjoyed having sex-- they just couldn't climax without their own hand. Didn't bother me. Don't let that embarrass you. It's not an issue for your guy.
Part with the notion that your BF has to somehow bring you to orgasm. Do not focus on that bit at all. He is cooperative within the reason, but since it ain't working for you, feel free to take the the matter into your own hand and enjoy it for whatever it may be worth.
An experienced guy will know that some guys shoot their loads only if they do it themselves. It is how they are, and there is nothing wrong about it at all.
Share your thoughts with your BF, tell him that you have found the whole situation to be frustrating, but you are who you are, and for the time being, you'll be shooting your loads after some self-play. Nothing for him to worry/feel bad about.
The chances are that you'll get to relax around him over the time, and that sooner rather than later, you'll let go, and have him bring you to orgasm as often as he you and he want this to happen.
Try to think about this in terms of some guys being pee-shy around other dudes when using urinals. The other dudes experience huge problems when changing in locker rooms because they are afraid that they may spring a boner, look 'small and insufficient' or whatever. You may be experiencing problems in surrendering your own sense of self-control and letting the other guy bring you to an orgasm. Learning how to relax AND let go is likely to help. It is like taking a sudden plunge into the cold water. It kinda hurts but once you do it, you know that this is how it feels/works, and the next time, it ain't even half-way as bad as it was the first time