Can't get off around bf

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2015 12:33 AM GMT
    I've been dating this guy for almost two months and I can't seem to get off around him. I've spent the night at his place frequently this month and we've messed around at least three times each time. I've gotten off around/by him maybe three? times. He's got a nice body, is tall, handsome, has a beautiful penis, is funny, smart--all the things I want, but when it comes to messing around I can't seem to get my rocks off. It's frustrating more than embarrassing. I'm happy that I can get him off and when he tries to reciprocate, it's a futile effort. When it comes to jacking off alone I can go so easily. I don't get it. He is older than I am by 11 years and I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it. However, like I said earlier, he's got the looks and the body. What gives?
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Nov 19, 2015 2:55 AM GMT

    These are all guesses of course, but i am a fan of the shotgun approach:


    1. Guilt: Maybe you don't think you deserve someone like him

    2. He reminds you of an experience or person from your past

    3. You have jinxed yourself by maybe have an issue the first time or two and now it's a big deal in your head

    4. His smell, maybe he wears a bad cologne or just the chemistry isn't there

    5. You do have some issues with older men

    6. Perhaps you're getting older yourself and because of varying reasons require more stimulation to get and maintain erections/reach the point of ejaculation (what are your porn habits?)

    7. you aren't comfortable at his place for some reason?


    Has anything in your life changed between this relationship and your last one?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2015 3:29 AM GMT
    badbug said
    These are all guesses of course, but i am a fan of the shotgun approach:


    1. Guilt: Maybe you don't think you deserve someone like him
    Possible, I keep thinking why he likes me so much. He is really into me.
    2. He reminds you of an experience or person from your past
    Nope
    3. You have jinxed yourself by maybe have an issue the first time or two and now it's a big deal in your head
    Don't think so. It happened the first time too.
    4. His smell, maybe he wears a bad cologne or just the chemistry isn't there
    He doesn't wear cologne and I love his smell.
    5. You do have some issues with older men
    ...
    6. Perhaps you're getting older yourself and because of varying reasons require more stimulation to get and maintain erections/reach the point of ejaculation (what are your porn habits?)
    I have no trouble getting an erection around him or even just thinking about him.
    7. you aren't comfortable at his place for some reason?
    Hadn't thought of that one, but I don't think so.

    Has anything in your life changed between this relationship and your last one?
    This is actually my first real relationship, the last pesudo-one was just with a guy that I went on a few dates with. The first time with that guy I couldn't cum either.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 19, 2015 4:26 AM GMT
    Some guys beat off a lot and in the absence of a live partner can habituate themselves to their own hand. And nothing else will do it for them. It was never a big deal for me. I found these guys stayed hard forever and totally enjoyed having sex-- they just couldn't climax without their own hand. Didn't bother me. Don't let that embarrass you. It's not an issue for your guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSome guys beat off a lot and in the absence of a live partner can habituate themselves to their own hand. And nothing else will do it for them. It was never a big deal for me. I found these guys stayed hard forever and totally enjoyed having sex-- they just couldn't climax without their own hand. Didn't bother me. Don't let that embarrass you. It's not an issue for your guy.

    I can't even get off when jacking off with him, though! =p
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 19, 2015 5:58 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSome guys beat off a lot and in the absence of a live partner can habituate themselves to their own hand. And nothing else will do it for them. It was never a big deal for me. I found these guys stayed hard forever and totally enjoyed having sex-- they just couldn't climax without their own hand. Didn't bother me. Don't let that embarrass you. It's not an issue for your guy.


    This +1

    Part with the notion that your BF has to somehow bring you to orgasm. Do not focus on that bit at all. He is cooperative within the reason, but since it ain't working for you, feel free to take the the matter into your own hand and enjoy it for whatever it may be worth.

    An experienced guy will know that some guys shoot their loads only if they do it themselves. It is how they are, and there is nothing wrong about it at all.

    Share your thoughts with your BF, tell him that you have found the whole situation to be frustrating, but you are who you are, and for the time being, you'll be shooting your loads after some self-play. Nothing for him to worry/feel bad about.

    The chances are that you'll get to relax around him over the time, and that sooner rather than later, you'll let go, and have him bring you to orgasm as often as he you and he want this to happen.

    Try to think about this in terms of some guys being pee-shy around other dudes when using urinals. The other dudes experience huge problems when changing in locker rooms because they are afraid that they may spring a boner, look 'small and insufficient' or whatever. You may be experiencing problems in surrendering your own sense of self-control and letting the other guy bring you to an orgasm. Learning how to relax AND let go is likely to help. It is like taking a sudden plunge into the cold water. It kinda hurts but once you do it, you know that this is how it feels/works, and the next time, it ain't even half-way as bad as it was the first timeicon_biggrin.gif

    SC



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    I've been thinking, maybe it's because I perceive myself as inadequate compared to him. I think he's perfect physically, and here I am, this double amputee with scars all over. I keep asking myself over and over, why is he so into me when he could have a complete person?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 19, 2015 8:02 PM GMT
    Everybody finds different things to be exciting. There's really no answer to why. Why so some guys like being spanked? Why do some guys like sticking their arm up another guy's arse? Why do some guys like watching porn when there is a real guy going at him? Why do some guys like screwing women? You should stop with the why and just enjoy. None of us know why we like what we like. He likes being with you. That's enough!
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Nov 19, 2015 9:33 PM GMT
    Swimmer....

    Love yourself as you are.....
    Open yourself to the love of your lover.

    You deserve to be happy.....use this as a mantra!

    Im doing nothing wrong, this is completely natural&i want to come on his face!

    Just let go&enjoy it.x
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Nov 19, 2015 9:38 PM GMT
    Ypu ate a compleye person.

    Some are hermorphradites,
    Some are dwarft,
    Some have acne,
    Some have BO,
    Some have no personality,
    Some are vicous queens,
    Some are loving fathers,
    Some are amputees.

    They are all complete persons.


    You whow the route of this word....person.....pessoa, personali5y.

    Its sll psychology and ego.

    You are allowing something external to your psyche to define you ass less human.

    Thos is wrong.

    Think aboit it.
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Nov 19, 2015 9:40 PM GMT
    Excuse my crap hone&fat finger combo.x
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Nov 20, 2015 2:19 AM GMT


    Learning new stuff all the time. I had no idea there were many guys out there that had issues finishing.



    Swimjammer you worte:

    "why is he so into me when he could have a complete person?"


    Obviously no one would want you to think things like this and i am sure everyone would like for you to view yourself as a complete person.
    I agree of course, with everyone telling you to love yourself as you are.



    I would also add, that you don't have to. Nor do you have to be a complete person or even think of yourself as. It's ok if you bounce back and forth between seeing yourself as one way or another. We all have things we don't like about ourselves and no amount of convincing will ever make us feel like we're ever going to be good enough. You can be happy with not being good enough, just be careful if you find yourself pushing people away in order to prove it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2015 1:55 PM GMT
    It could be that you're intimidated by him and thus you become self-conscious during sex. I understand that this sort of thing happens with celebrities and powerful people--i.e., the "you're-better-than-me" perception or hero-worship factor tends to get in the way of sexual enjoyment. I'm neither rich nor popular or powerful, but I've had this type of experience in the past, so it's not uncommon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2015 5:25 PM GMT
    Finally! Last night when we were fooling around I was able to cum. It happened right after I finished getting him off. For me, seeing him in pleasure gets me super-horny. I guess I need to make sure I get to that point before he goes.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 20, 2015 6:10 PM GMT
    Good for you, man! Stay strong!

    (Badbug^^^ made an impressive point. Worth thinking about it...)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2015 8:56 PM GMT
    bless you and hope life continues to shine. You might talk to your care provider for recommendations. Bro med advice is limited.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 6:03 PM GMT
    We (my bf and I) figured it out! I started Wellbutrin XL a month before I started seeing him and that's the reason I can't get off easily. I remember when I was on an antiD before and I could jack off for 10-15 minutes without cumming.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 05, 2015 6:19 PM GMT
    lol I love it. Didn't think to ask about that.
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    Feb 01, 2016 11:49 PM GMT
    Well, I don't think it's the Wellbutrin. I can get off by myself, no problem, and that's not even looking at porn! I stopped the Wellbutrin anyway due to hives it was causing.

    I'm frustrated. We met at his place for lunch today and again, I couldn't get off no matter how much jerking I/he did. What's the deal? Maybe it has to do with the fact that he has a high school daughter who lives at his house every two weeks and he's always reminding me of the time? I just left his house upset today. Of course, he was in a great mood, but I was not. I feel bad, he did try. I apologised to him and he said it's okay and that we'll work on it together. He's amazing, but apparently I have a broken dick. =p
    Maybe I'm one of those straight guys who loves giving head, but isn't gay. icon_rolleyes.gif