Not answering messages...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2015 9:12 PM GMT
    Hey guys, so I am wondering your initial thoughts on messages from sites like this one, or dating ones like okcupid, Tinder, ( not so much Grindr or hook up ones ). Let me first say that if I receive a message, I generally will respond, & if it is comment/compliment then I say thank you as I honestly appreciate it.
    The thing is that I believe I may sometimes unknowingly invite some more unwanted interaction simply by responding to some guys at all. I've gone back, & forth on wether or not to just got respond to any, but I can't do it. Call me naive, an optimist, or chalk it up to catholic guilt lol, but I can't.
    I'm wondering what do YOU guys think of someone who doesn't respond to your messages, & or compliments?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 20, 2015 9:21 PM GMT
    Nope. The net runs according to its own rules.

    A dude chats you up? Sure, that's his good right. You are under no obligation whatsoever to reply in any manner unless you wish to do so.

    You did nothing to lead this guy to believe that you may want to interact with him. He gave it a shot. This is perfectly fine but does not oblige him/you or anyone else to any particular further communication.

    Basically, the netizens understand only too well that 'no answer is an answer, too.'

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2015 9:40 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidNope. The net runs according to its own rules.

    A dude chats you up? Sure, that's his good right. You are under no obligation whatsoever to reply in any manner unless you wish to do so.

    You did nothing to lead this guy to believe that you may want to interact with him. He gave it a shot. This is perfectly fine but does not oblige him/you or anyone else to any particular further communication.

    Basically, the netizens understand only too well that 'no answer is an answer, too.'

    SC
    . You know I hadn't thought about the " no answer is an answer " , but it's a great point! On my phone, Facebook, etc... I turn off all notifications simply because I can't stand the constant alerts, & pings, but in the process I don't generally see my messages, or texts unless I happen to be looking at my phone, or at the messages directly. People in my life know this, but now I'm thinking any new ones might be getting the wrong impression! Lol oops
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2015 5:01 PM GMT
    Gscepi917 saidHey guys, so I am wondering your initial thoughts on messages from sites like this one, or dating ones like okcupid, Tinder, ( not so much Grindr or hook up ones ). Let me first say that if I receive a message, I generally will respond, & if it is comment/compliment then I say thank you as I honestly appreciate it.
    The thing is that I believe I may sometimes unknowingly invite some more unwanted interaction simply by responding to some guys at all. I've gone back, & forth on wether or not to just got respond to any, but I can't do it. Call me naive, an optimist, or chalk it up to catholic guilt lol, but I can't.
    I'm wondering what do YOU guys think of someone who doesn't respond to your messages, & or compliments?


    I get all sorts of weird emails. No social skills, or some of them. No face picture. No full name. No introduction. Just a compliment, as worse yet, clueless assholes and dick pics. Decorum is lost on the Millennials.

    To me, normal is a full name, a face, a handshake and a smile. I'm very much self aware, and in my 42nd year of lifting I know that I have an elite look. Many times, it's folks searching for self assurance on their side. Nothing that's a huger turnoff that low self acceptance / closet cases, porn pics, or no social skills. It's so clueless.

    Last night, Facebook popped up a message in Messenger. It turns out I've been getting dick pics from cluless gay guys around the world. I don't respond to that sort of complete lack of decorum. It's disgusting. Same way cruising a locker room is. Some gay folks go beyond creepy and it gives us all a bad name.

    I refuse to be an enable to bad behavior / closet cases / crass porn.

    When folks go on and on about how hot I am, I generally ask them to tell them about themselves and why I would like to know them. Gay guys are terrible about lashing out if they sense the least bit of rejection. Just because you have dick, it doesn't mean I'm attracted to you, or want to be around you; especially if you're a creepy, faceless, no name, closet case, that sits behind a device (text) slower than the old age telegraph.

    I usually say thank you to the non-creeps, and try to be amiable. It's important to be judgmental. It protects us from bad people; bad relationships; bad outcomes.

    I don't engage creeps.

    I think the best advice is that you should behave online as you would face to face. It will be warmer and have a much improved outcome. Never text. It's slow; ambigious; dangerous, and lack intonation and cadence. Alwyays use voice communications where possible. It's been used very successfully for thousands of years.

    If you hide behind an app, you're a coward.

    I'm Chuck Gudgel. You can google me to learn where I live, my email address, my passions, and interests, my occupation and where I work. I'm proud to be a well adjusted leader. I have a smiling face, and folks say I'm the most "normal" gay person they know. I know that I'm not alone; I know I'm just fine; I'm not deeply flawed in any real sense; there's no reason for me to be a faceless coward.

    If we coddle a weak part, it only grows weaker. It we train / rehab out of our comfort zone, we get BETTER. I never coddle folks, but, I work hard to empower them, and to be compassionate. You wanta' be around me, you need integrity, and kindness in all of your life, and a single life. Not dual lives, or triple lives. I'll respond if you're normal. Just because you're gay or bi doesn't mean you get license to be a creep.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    I used to respond to all messages. But now, I don't respond to any messages from guys that clearly have no common things in interest.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Nov 22, 2015 2:37 AM GMT
    You have the right to respond or not respond and not feel any guilt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2015 2:49 AM GMT
    gudgelcl said
    Gscepi917 saidHey guys, so I am wondering your initial thoughts on messages from sites like this one, or dating ones like okcupid, Tinder, ( not so much Grindr or hook up ones ). Let me first say that if I receive a message, I generally will respond, & if it is comment/compliment then I say thank you as I honestly appreciate it.
    The thing is that I believe I may sometimes unknowingly invite some more unwanted interaction simply by responding to some guys at all. I've gone back, & forth on wether or not to just got respond to any, but I can't do it. Call me naive, an optimist, or chalk it up to catholic guilt lol, but I can't.
    I'm wondering what do YOU guys think of someone who doesn't respond to your messages, & or compliments?


    I get all sorts of weird emails. No social skills, or some of them. No face picture. No full name. No introduction. Just a compliment, as worse yet, clueless assholes and dick pics. Decorum is lost on the Millennials.

    To me, normal is a full name, a face, a handshake and a smile. I'm very much self aware, and in my 42nd year of lifting I know that I have an elite look. Many times, it's folks searching for self assurance on their side. Nothing that's a huger turnoff that low self acceptance / closet cases, porn pics, or no social skills. It's so clueless.

    Last night, Facebook popped up a message in Messenger. It turns out I've been getting dick pics from cluless gay guys around the world. I don't respond to that sort of complete lack of decorum. It's disgusting. Same way cruising a locker room is. Some gay folks go beyond creepy and it gives us all a bad name.

    I refuse to be an enable to bad behavior / closet cases / crass porn.

    When folks go on and on about how hot I am, I generally ask them to tell them about themselves and why I would like to know them. Gay guys are terrible about lashing out if they sense the least bit of rejection. Just because you have dick, it doesn't mean I'm attracted to you, or want to be around you; especially if you're a creepy, faceless, no name, closet case, that sits behind a device (text) slower than the old age telegraph.

    I usually say thank you to the non-creeps, and try to be amiable. It's important to be judgmental. It protects us from bad people; bad relationships; bad outcomes.

    I don't engage creeps.

    I think the best advice is that you should behave online as you would face to face. It will be warmer and have a much improved outcome. Never text. It's slow; ambigious; dangerous, and lack intonation and cadence. Alwyays use voice communications where possible. It's been used very successfully for thousands of years.

    If you hide behind an app, you're a coward.

    I'm Chuck Gudgel. You can google me to learn where I live, my email address, my passions, and interests, my occupation and where I work. I'm proud to be a well adjusted leader. I have a smiling face, and folks say I'm the most "normal" gay person they know. I know that I'm not alone; I know I'm just fine; I'm not deeply flawed in any real sense; there's no reason for me to be a faceless coward.

    If we coddle a weak part, it only grows weaker. It we train / rehab out of our comfort zone, we get BETTER. I never coddle folks, but, I work hard to empower them, and to be compassionate. You wanta' be around me, you need integrity, and kindness in all of your life, and a single life. Not dual lives, or triple lives. I'll respond if you're normal. Just because you're gay or bi doesn't mean you get license to be a creep.


    Check your mail. I just sent you a picture of my big cock. icon_smile.gif
  • ardeerd

    Posts: 35

    Nov 22, 2015 5:49 PM GMT
    xrichx saidI used to respond to all messages. But now, I don't respond to any messages from guys that clearly have no common things in interest.


    Same here. It made me feel like crap when people didn't respond to me, so I would write back to everyone. Eventually I started to feel like I was leading guys on by responding to them, so I stopped and only respond if I'm interested. Also helped me stop feeling crappy when I didn't get a response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2015 5:59 PM GMT
    donj499 said
    gudgelcl said
    Gscepi917 saidHey guys, so I am wondering your initial thoughts on messages from sites like this one, or dating ones like okcupid, Tinder, ( not so much Grindr or hook up ones ). Let me first say that if I receive a message, I generally will respond, & if it is comment/compliment then I say thank you as I honestly appreciate it.
    The thing is that I believe I may sometimes unknowingly invite some more unwanted interaction simply by responding to some guys at all. I've gone back, & forth on wether or not to just got respond to any, but I can't do it. Call me naive, an optimist, or chalk it up to catholic guilt lol, but I can't.
    I'm wondering what do YOU guys think of someone who doesn't respond to your messages, & or compliments?


    I get all sorts of weird emails. No social skills, or some of them. No face picture. No full name. No introduction. Just a compliment, as worse yet, clueless assholes and dick pics. Decorum is lost on the Millennials.

    To me, normal is a full name, a face, a handshake and a smile. I'm very much self aware, and in my 42nd year of lifting I know that I have an elite look. Many times, it's folks searching for self assurance on their side. Nothing that's a huger turnoff that low self acceptance / closet cases, porn pics, or no social skills. It's so clueless.

    Last night, Facebook popped up a message in Messenger. It turns out I've been getting dick pics from cluless gay guys around the world. I don't respond to that sort of complete lack of decorum. It's disgusting. Same way cruising a locker room is. Some gay folks go beyond creepy and it gives us all a bad name.

    I refuse to be an enable to bad behavior / closet cases / crass porn.

    When folks go on and on about how hot I am, I generally ask them to tell them about themselves and why I would like to know them. Gay guys are terrible about lashing out if they sense the least bit of rejection. Just because you have dick, it doesn't mean I'm attracted to you, or want to be around you; especially if you're a creepy, faceless, no name, closet case, that sits behind a device (text) slower than the old age telegraph.

    I usually say thank you to the non-creeps, and try to be amiable. It's important to be judgmental. It protects us from bad people; bad relationships; bad outcomes.

    I don't engage creeps.

    I think the best advice is that you should behave online as you would face to face. It will be warmer and have a much improved outcome. Never text. It's slow; ambigious; dangerous, and lack intonation and cadence. Alwyays use voice communications where possible. It's been used very successfully for thousands of years.

    If you hide behind an app, you're a coward.

    I'm Chuck Gudgel. You can google me to learn where I live, my email address, my passions, and interests, my occupation and where I work. I'm proud to be a well adjusted leader. I have a smiling face, and folks say I'm the most "normal" gay person they know. I know that I'm not alone; I know I'm just fine; I'm not deeply flawed in any real sense; there's no reason for me to be a faceless coward.

    If we coddle a weak part, it only grows weaker. It we train / rehab out of our comfort zone, we get BETTER. I never coddle folks, but, I work hard to empower them, and to be compassionate. You wanta' be around me, you need integrity, and kindness in all of your life, and a single life. Not dual lives, or triple lives. I'll respond if you're normal. Just because you're gay or bi doesn't mean you get license to be a creep.


    Check your mail. I just sent you a picture of my big cock. icon_smile.gif
    where is it donj499, still waiting for your pic!!! Hee hee
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2015 6:01 PM GMT
    ardeerd said
    xrichx saidI used to respond to all messages. But now, I don't respond to any messages from guys that clearly have no common things in interest.


    Same here. It made me feel like crap when people didn't respond to me, so I would write back to everyone. Eventually I started to feel like I was leading guys on by responding to them, so I stopped and only respond if I'm interested. Also helped me stop feeling crappy when I didn't get a response.
    .
    YES!! I think that's a big part of what it was for me too. The thinking that maybe by responding I am somehow leading them on!