my gay best friend

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    Feb 03, 2009 10:50 AM GMT
    I've had this friend since middle school I've always kind of liked. We've always flirted with each other but we were "joking". Some of our friends would say that we were a couple or whatever but we never did anything until one night-

    we were smoking some bud like usual and he starts asking me about my sex life. I told him that last week I hooked up with this guy who asked me out and I felt kinda bad about it because I didn't even know his actual first name and he thought it was funny. He kept asking questions like "when you fuck a guy in the ass do you jerk him off too?". Then he turns to me and asks if I would give him a hand job. I said I would so we went downstairs and he whips it out and just lets me do whatever.

    I kissed him and he said it turned him on and he said "maybe we should do it one more time". I went down on him and made him cum and afterwards he was kinda freaking out. He then told me he had a boyfriend in Chicago when he was younger and said "I've been straight for 3 years" like he was in f cking rehab for men icon_rolleyes.gif

    Long story short, I think I've lost my best friend because now he kinda avoids me. I guess I'm mostly confused... whether he's gay or not. And if he is, then I could have missed out on some great sex icon_sad.gif

    I ALMOST talked him into bottoming for me. Maybe next time? icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 03, 2009 11:20 AM GMT
    Wow. Ok. You're worried about having lost/losing your best friend. Then you ask if maybe he'll bottom for you next time.

    Great priorities there dude.
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    Feb 03, 2009 11:45 AM GMT
    I was joking, but I guess no one comes here for the humor, no?
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    Feb 03, 2009 12:46 PM GMT
    My apologies then, but I think you need to work on your wording so what you write actually resembles something like humour/sarcasm then.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 03, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and let him know his friendship means more than anything and that sex isn't expected with your friendship now or in the future. He's the one with uncertainty, if he wants to explore that side, let him take the initiative in the future, your biggest goal is to retain your friend.
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    Feb 03, 2009 1:21 PM GMT
    Is it possible that playing around with you was due to a temporary loss of inhibition, because he was "smoking some bud?" And that now he has guilt, confusion and regrets about having done it, which is why he's avoiding you?

    Maybe he's struggling with his sexuality, not sure about it, not wanting to be or admit he's gay. And perhaps he's not as gay as you are, instead more bi, and he sees you as forcing him to make a choice to be fully gay.

    Even you seem unsure whether he's really gay. It was you who worked him, but he didn't do you, is that right? Sounds more like a horny straight guy, or if he is gay, not yet ready to fully commit himself to the proposition.

    Give him some space & time, and don't try to be more than the friends you were before this episode. Your taking this down a notch may help reassure him that he won't be under sexual pressure to perform every time you guys spend time together.

    Not sure if you should discuss this with him, you know him best. I'd lean towards letting time heal this, while you concentrate on just being his ordinary friend again.
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    Feb 03, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    Did you shoot any video? Please tell us you did!
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    Feb 03, 2009 10:18 PM GMT
    Heh, no video sorry =P

    I dunno if he's "straight" because he's always acted kinda flirty around me and what about that ex-boyfriend in Chicago?

    Besides, do any of you guys actually believe in "bi" guys? I personally think they're just full of sh t.

    http://www.xanga.com/xdesiredaddiction/682780885/article--the-science-of-sexual-orientation/

    ^ agree? disagree?

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    Feb 03, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    exileayahika saidHeh, no video sorry =P

    I dunno if he's "straight" because he's always acted kinda flirty around me and what about that ex-boyfriend in Chicago?

    Besides, do any of you guys actually believe in "bi" guys? I personally think they're just full of sh t.

    http://www.xanga.com/xdesiredaddiction/682780885/article--the-science-of-sexual-orientation/

    ^ agree? disagree?



    No videos... no proof... so it didn't happen. Next time film it and show it to us... How can I believe you?

    JK of course icon_smile.gif

    I believ in bi guys... I don't see how that is a hard thing to contemplate.

    Also your friends have been in "recovery" for three years? I'd talk to him about that before any more sexual encounters.

    Otherwise you'll be going in circles. He probably felt guilty after orgasming... it used to happen to me a lot.
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    Feb 03, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    I had the opposite happen to me a good friend of mine stop being my friend because I would not play around with him.

    He is hot but I told him if we did this it would change the dynamic of our friendship and I don't want to risk that.

    Just ask the guy what's up and take it from there. Word to the wise stop playing around with friends.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Feb 03, 2009 11:34 PM GMT
    Well i've had a couple of things like that happen to me.There is no easy or always right answer when it happens.Usually when that vibe comes up I remind them of two things:1) If you want something to happen you have to come to me,2) Remember that we were friends first don't tteat me like somr trick that just pick up for the night.Now saying that i will say i have lost some and gained others.The best thing to do is wait for to come around to you becuase if you try too hard to get him to talk he'll most likly think that you are chasing him and it will get worse.I know it feels bad and when it's a best friend it's really bad but remember he's a man and at some point we are all dogs.Good Luck
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    Feb 04, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    thanks tiller icon_smile.gif

    i dont think that we're gonna be friends anymore. i guess it wasn't the best idea for me to agree to fool around but i guess i had some idea that maybe we could have been more than friends? i've always kinda liked him, but moving on...