Do you really need to be married to be happy??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2015 1:24 AM GMT
    With all the energy spent for and against gay marriage....I am still just as happy about things.....what about you? How have you changed?


    HAPPY....THANKSGIVING....FELLOW AMERICANS
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    Nov 25, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    2Bnaked saidWith all the energy spent for and against gay marriage....How have you changed?


    I've no doubt that my life would have been happier with marriage. But I get to say that because I also know that I'd have been happier not being widowed. It's the sort of thing that leaves ya without any doubt about it.

    I'm oddly a little sadder that I didn't have my human rights for most of my life (getting them seemed to drive that double edged sword home) but happier for younger and future gay people who will have theirs. I'm encouraged that these newly endowed rights strengthen us to finally gain the rest of our rights against discrimination and to further leverage the Gay Rights Movement to export our newly found rights to help fellow LGBT around the world.

    Failing them, we will have failed ourselves.

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    Nov 25, 2015 3:12 AM GMT
    I think you need to be happy to be married.
  • Ducky49

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    Nov 25, 2015 4:03 PM GMT
    I have to agree with Paul happiness start from the inside out and if you're not happy with you or love who you are...there is no way that is going to translate into a happy coupling let alone a happy marriage, it doesn't work like that.
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    Nov 25, 2015 5:20 PM GMT
    You can be happy to be able to feed the hungry without being happy that the hungry need to be fed. Some happiness comes from within but some sadness enters too.
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    Nov 25, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think you need to be happy to be married.


    Best comment of the year
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    Nov 25, 2015 6:41 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think you need to be happy to be married.
    +1
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    Nov 25, 2015 11:58 PM GMT
    I'd have married for love years ago if gay marriage had been allowed then. Significantly, I also would have been the direct and automatic beneficiary of my partner's multimillion-dollar estate which, by the way, went to his parents immediately upon his sudden demise. The point is, marriage has many advantages that did not accrue to same-sex civil partnerships/civil unions or iterations thereof. Marriage, of course, is not only about financial benefits, but financial benefits are, to some extent, part and parcel of it. I'm glad that same-sex couples now have the benefits and advantages that now accrue to them by virtue of marriage--no longer do they have to seek legal adoptions, enter into complicated agreements, and otherwise anticipate all potential eventualities and contingencies in order to protect themselves.
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    Nov 26, 2015 4:53 AM GMT
    No
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Nov 26, 2015 5:12 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think you need to be happy to be married.


    What he says. I am happy now and I've never been married. I have recently had short-term relationships which have been fine. A lot less pressure. At some point, I might want the depth of a marriage type relationship, but time is growing short for me. I spent a lot of time pursuing a marriage type relationship to no avail. Now, I have more friends with benefits relationships and it is working better for me. I play tennis and racquetball, dance, love theater, movies and music. I have a good life.

    PS: Thanks for the Crosby, Stills & Nash post. It brings back good memories.
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    Nov 26, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    Yer welcome. That was always a great song. I believed it then and I know it now and I believe it for the future too.

    I think you've just described a good attitude towards relationships. I have enjoyed long term partnerships but also periods on my own so while I don't require coupling for happiness I know it can add some happy to life. Especially as we age I think it becomes an even greater advantage because the truth is that things don't get better; things get tougher. So it can help happiness from a practical aspect (from having another set of hands when you lose one arm to a stroke). But also even if both remain physically intact throughout life, which is unlikely because life eventually wears ya down, and parts break, just to have someone with shared experience to reminisce later in life, even about the bad times, can make you a little happier that you didn't have to endure the sufferings of life alone.

    Having someone there to share a burden, as long as it doesn't bury the both of yas, is generally not a cause of sadness, but a wellspring of happy and appreciation. To have someone to say thank you to for being there for me.
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    Nov 26, 2015 5:51 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    paulflexes saidI think you need to be happy to be married.


    Best comment of the year


    +2
  • oldfart

    Posts: 328

    Nov 27, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    No.
    But it seems to help most of us.
    Then you get to moan and groan about what a drag it is... That's just part of the script. Take my husband. Please.
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    Nov 27, 2015 4:07 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    Alpha13 said
    paulflexes saidI think you need to be happy to be married.


    Best comment of the year


    +2

    +3K !
    We were happy before we met. We were happy when we dated... even more happy once we lived together.
    The decision to get married came from an emotional state. He asked and I said yes.
    Now that we're finally married, (1 year ago October) I will confess it's changed things.
    All for the better... Financially, emotionally. Somehow, it feels more grounded.
    Not all our friends that married will tell you that it's any better. In our case, it is.
    I kinda feel like an old married couple now, kinda like my parents.. only with more sex...(I think)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 5:46 AM GMT
    "You only know what happiness is once you're married. But then it's too late." --Peter Sellers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 6:00 AM GMT
    What keeps you happy in a marriage?

    I think you would have to have a good sense of humor.....
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    Nov 27, 2015 1:42 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    DOMINUS said


    ^ As a lawyer, I'm sure this was more evident to you. I keep telling people this who keep asking why do gays make same sex marriage big deal. Most people think that marriage is all love and fairy tales but there are legal rights and privileges that marital spouses are allowed and should be able to benefit from regardless of sexual orientation.


    This was a huge reason why I married Jack. So that if anything ever happened to me that things would be easier on his end.
    The house, ins. money and everything we own together would pass along nice and easy, as it should. No different than my parents.
    Each and every paycheck (every 2 weeks) is a little over $100. more now that we're married. Yes, that was a quick $200. raise since your health ins. is taxed differently. Before he was considered a domestic partner at a much higher tax rate.
    Also, when we filed together this year, it worked in our favor and actually made us close to 3K more than if we claimed as single.
    All those monthly and annual bonuses add up.

    Marriage isn't for everyone. It's work, just like everything in life. It's an easy job for us that I'll happily accept anytime.
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    Nov 27, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said, among other wise things,
    Marriage isn't for everyone. It's work, just like everything in life.


    Some people have professions, aspirations, priorities, and/or personalities which increase the challenge of a marriage being happy (see quote from Peter Sellers above). The spouses involved might not be up to the task without ceding more to the other's needs than feels right to them, and so resentment begins and grows. Some professions by their nature require a lot of self-indulgence to succeed--the Arts, for instance, or the more demanding corporate roles. As much as the spouses involved might love each other, the demands of the non-marriage sector of one or the other or both's life could make the marriage unworkable or at length miserable (if that is different from unworkable) either immediately or as time goes on. As TGND just said, marriage isn't for everyone--it's very much a case by case situation. A marriage license can't be looked on as a one-way ticket to Happyville.