Psychopathic ways to blow a guy off

  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Nov 25, 2015 5:44 AM GMT
    I've always been a stickler for treating prospective dates the way I want to be treated, including being rejected in straightforward manner to save everyone time. Of course, I can accept that many guys aren't comfortable with that, yet the lengths some of them go...

    ...well here's what happened. Had a date arranged for Sunday, he suggests Saturday dinner (ooh primetime!); Saturday morning we tossed around restaurant suggestions over text, but then he disappears from the early afternoon till around 6pm when he informs that a friend randomly showed up and suggests Sunday instead. I replied that he should've have let me know sooner, so I could've hung out with my friends who went downtown. He apologized 2 hours later and at 9pm texted me that he's free now; by which time I've caught up to my friends, and ignored him until midnight, when I suggest Wednesday night (he has to earn his way back into my weekends :evilicon_smile.gif. He enthusiastically responded yes and with smileys.

    Well today I texted him from work to confirm that tomorrow is going ahead, and of course, no response. I phone him after work, and his brother picks up the phone, telling me that he's currently in Hong Kong.

    What kind of sorcery is this?! How can it possibly be less awkward than simply saying "actually I'm not that interested sry!" It's not like I said or had anything on my profile that might offend someone enough to go out of their way to play mind games... can the flaky gays out there explain his thinking to me lol
  • slowprogress

    Posts: 38

    Nov 25, 2015 6:09 AM GMT
    It's a pathology for sure. I had a guy whom I had a decent convo withon Jackd, but after we traded numbers, he was only making one-word replies. Literally, to the point of being confusing.

    I said "looks like you're not interested anymore, good luck!"... to which he blasted me about the evils of assuming and ironically my inability to hold a conversation, with a paragraph longer than all of our texts combined, ending with "but if that's the way you feel, then good luck to you too"

    LMAO
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Nov 25, 2015 6:33 AM GMT
    Yes, there are many weird people in the world...
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    Nov 25, 2015 10:59 AM GMT
    I thought this was gonna be about something else.
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    Nov 25, 2015 4:40 PM GMT
    highforthis saidI've always been a stickler for treating prospective dates the way I want to be treated
    keeps this simple, always good.



    highforthis said...confirm that tomorrow is going ahead, and of course, no response. I phone him after work, and his brother picks up the phone, telling me that he's currently in Hong Kong
    you of course you know that was not his brother and no one is in Hong Kong.
  • cacaracol01

    Posts: 76

    Nov 25, 2015 4:43 PM GMT
    well, you should've told him you were in Hong Kong too and then see what else he could come up with lol....I mean the dude is probably lying to you so you might as well play back lol
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    Nov 25, 2015 5:57 PM GMT
    Better to find out early and dust the flakes off sooner rather than later. Weirdos and abusers come in all shapes and sizes, and dreamboys sometimes turn into nightmares. Consider yourself lucky and move on to a quality guy.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Nov 25, 2015 6:15 PM GMT
    I forgot to mention that he's for sure a real person because Saturday night when I was with friends at a club, he was at the same club, noticed me first and came to say hi. This was before I suggested Wednesday for our date.
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    Nov 25, 2015 7:55 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'm sorry. His "brother" must have been as shocked as he was that he left his phone home while flying international.

    If it's a known friend, you allow cancellations (within the acceptable range of the "friend-flake quotient"). If it's a date prospect, you don't.

    I was just checking my Handy Guide to Dating Gay, and that's on page two (page one was just a bunch of quotations from guys who haven't met any actual flesh-and-blood humans like from a grocery store, bar or gym).
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    Nov 25, 2015 7:58 PM GMT
    cacaracol01 saidwell, you should've told him you were in Hong Kong too and then see what else he could come up with lol

    Very funny! Just the kind of thing that I think of later when I can't use it.
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    Nov 25, 2015 8:01 PM GMT
    Hmmm while this sounds like some weird passive/aggressive action from what I'm guessing is a guy who may have met someone else, got back with an ex? Who knows. I don't understand the interest then not without any interaction to cause it inbetween, but I do want to ask what his job is. My older brother has to travel to China often for work, & while his phone does now have coverage there, previously he would in fact leave it at home, & used some international phone until he returned. Not to say the case is the same, but is it possible?
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Nov 26, 2015 4:38 AM GMT
    Nah, no way he was actually travelling, this guy is just a hot fuckboy, at most he's selling shoes or passing lattes at starbucks lol. Still kinda pained by how unattractive the guy he was with at the club lol. He might be one of those Asians who will get with any white guy, but I can forgive that haha!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Nov 26, 2015 8:04 AM GMT
    If it does not cost anything it ain't worth much either.

    Apps and texting are very, very cheap. So, no one really takes this communication seriously at all. Today, you are busy, tomorrow, I am busy, and in the meantime, the real life interferes, and the dudes who are usually being kept on the back burner, are being unceremoniously discarded until the next bunch arrives.

    Not much anyone can do about any of this.

    Hot or not, I believe in giving a dude two reasonable chances. If he cancels or flakes, I delete/block the contact and move on. Life goes on, anyway.

    SC
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    Nov 26, 2015 8:47 AM GMT
    highforthis saidNah, no way he was actually travelling, this guy is just a hot fuckboy, at most he's selling shoes or passing lattes at starbucks lol. Still kinda pained by how unattractive the guy he was with at the club lol. He might be one of those Asians who will get with any white guy, but I can forgive that haha!

    You have several locations listed in your RJ profile. Where are you at present? One does not suddenly leave Toronto, Canada for Hong Kong as casually as going to the local shopping mall, a trip half-way around the world that requires planning, and can stretch across 2 calendar days. Now if you're currently in Shanghai then running off to Hong Kong on short notice might not be so implausible.

    Still, as others note, leaving the cell phone behind is odd in any case. But if it was himself answering, and not a "brother" you'd think he would have recognized your voice number, since you've been texting, and simply not answered it. Hong Kong is a funny panic response, if that's what it was.

    Have you ever heard this guy's voice? How did you arrange this date? Perhaps the core lesson here deals with the manner of meeting guys online.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Nov 27, 2015 12:26 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidWait, so let me get this straight. You were text messaging this guy on his phone and then when you didn't get a reply you called the actual number and supposedly his brother answers his cellphone? You should have just hung up right there and accepted the fact that you were played.

    Nowadays, who leaves his cellphone behind even if they leave the country? I don't know anyone who does that. People use their cellphones up until the moment they get ready for takeoff and are eager to turn them back on when landing on the runway after returning home, even if they are flying internationally.

    Did you ever even meet this person online? If the answer is "no" he was phishing you more than likely.


    In April, when I took a trip to Fiji, I intentionally left my cell 'phone behind. After doing some checking I found that it would be impractical to use it in Fiji and, considering that I would have no use for it after leaving my house by taxi, it seemed more reasonable to leave it behind than to risk losing it.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Nov 30, 2015 3:19 AM GMT
    Oh, there's more to this saga now lol...

    So mid-week he texts me "I'm sorry". I said "feel free to make it up to me". He says "Saturday", I reply with "ok". Of course, I didn't expect anything to happen and my Saturday was all booked up anyway. Radio silence until Saturday night, when he says "Hey". I say "sup", he replies that he's chilling at home "hbu?". Me: "at a bday party". Him "awe cool"

    Insanity!
  • slowprogress

    Posts: 38

    May 17, 2016 12:44 AM GMT
    I recently matched a guy on tinder, but wasn't that interested because he was too tall, so I didn't message him. He messaged me instead, asking how I'm doing. He seems to pass for friend material so I gave a decently-through answer followed by "how about you?". He then unmatched me

    lol
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    May 25, 2016 6:28 PM GMT
    highforthis saidOh, there's more to this saga now lol...

    So mid-week he texts me "I'm sorry". I said "feel free to make it up to me". He says "Saturday", I reply with "ok". Of course, I didn't expect anything to happen and my Saturday was all booked up anyway. Radio silence until Saturday night, when he says "Hey". I say "sup", he replies that he's chilling at home "hbu?". Me: "at a bday party". Him "awe cool"

    Insanity!


    sounds like a flake
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    May 29, 2016 6:55 AM GMT
    highforthis saidI've always been a stickler for treating prospective dates the way I want to be treated, including being rejected in straightforward manner to save everyone time. Of course, I can accept that many guys aren't comfortable with that, yet the lengths some of them go...

    ...well here's what happened. Had a date arranged for Sunday, he suggests Saturday dinner (ooh primetime!); Saturday morning we tossed around restaurant suggestions over text, but then he disappears from the early afternoon till around 6pm when he informs that a friend randomly showed up and suggests Sunday instead. I replied that he should've have let me know sooner, so I could've hung out with my friends who went downtown. He apologized 2 hours later and at 9pm texted me that he's free now; by which time I've caught up to my friends, and ignored him until midnight, when I suggest Wednesday night (he has to earn his way back into my weekends :evilicon_smile.gif. He enthusiastically responded yes and with smileys.

    Well today I texted him from work to confirm that tomorrow is going ahead, and of course, no response. I phone him after work, and his brother picks up the phone, telling me that he's currently in Hong Kong.

    What kind of sorcery is this?! How can it possibly be less awkward than simply saying "actually I'm not that interested sry!" It's not like I said or had anything on my profile that might offend someone enough to go out of their way to play mind games... can the flaky gays out there explain his thinking to me lol


    Might I suggest using the phone when things are new? Texting is so casual that it almost excludes serious conversation. I don't text when it comes to dating. If a gentleman doesn't want to talk to me on the phone to talk about the date, I know that's a red flag. People who'd rather text than talk? In what way are you actually getting to know each other except thru sound bites.
    But the other comment about him being with an unattractive guy? Thats out of bounds, man. Not your business. The guy could have a heart of gold and that, in MY Universe, would trump nearly anything.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jun 18, 2016 6:12 AM GMT
    slowprogress saidIt's a pathology for sure. I had a guy whom I had a decent convo withon Jackd, but after we traded numbers, he was only making one-word replies. Literally, to the point of being confusing.

    I said "looks like you're not interested anymore, good luck!"... to which he blasted me about the evils of assuming and ironically my inability to hold a conversation, with a paragraph longer than all of our texts combined, ending with "but if that's the way you feel, then good luck to you too"

    LMAO

    He was insecure and not socially comfortable with himself. I find anytime someone blasts you when you mention that the exchange of emails has deceased, it has hit too close to home (they feel anxiety and particularly guilt, but turn it outward as anger and then RE-act rather then think it through and come back with a "why do you think that?") The faster they move towards anger, the more obvious it is that they have issues with 1) self-esteem or 2) you. Usually it's the former. Not always, but a statistically significant percentage of the time, it's self esteem.