The future of gay men?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    nomadfornow saidI look at it this way: If I meet a guy whom I find to be sweet, funny, engaging, smart, thoughtful, and sexy, and with whom I click, then an incidental dick piercing would have no effect on whether or not I wanted to continue seeing him. There's no one out there who fulfills every single item on your shopping list.

    I like Dan Savage's take on the general topic... though he's not discussing PAs specifically, it can certainly apply here:



    This was taken from the topic on PA piercings.

    That was a great video. I think he has good insights into why so many gay guys are single, especially at a younger age (aside from the not wanting to settle down yet.) There's this idea of the perfect boyfriend and when reality hits, they run.

    I think that in another 10/20/30 years there will be a lot of gay guys who are single and looking for something. What will be the cost on society as this population grows older and doesn't have the support of a spouse for psychological support, as well as general support?

    What will be the societal implications with a larger number of single people (not just gay) in general as they get older and live longer? In the past, it was couples who took care of each other as they reached the last 10-20 years of their lives. I've been wondering how it will be when I'm in my 60's, 70's, and maybe even 80's.

    Yes, there are the strong social networks that many have developed, but who will they go home to at the end of the day? Who will they share a meal (or a bed) with on most days? I certainly don't want to live the rest of my life alone.
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    Nov 26, 2015 9:31 AM GMT
    Almost all gay guys will die alone. It's sad but inevitable.
  • badbug

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    Nov 26, 2015 11:38 AM GMT

    If by alone, you mean with awesome sex robots...i agree.

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    Nov 26, 2015 1:45 PM GMT
    xrichx saidAlmost all gay guys will die alone. It's sad but inevitable.

    tumblr_nvzzal3X3o1t95h1uo1_400.gif
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    Nov 26, 2015 2:09 PM GMT
    Everyone dies alone. It's a deeply personal experience shared with no one. You may have people at your bedside but you step into the great beyond alone. Even if you die in a plane crash with several hundred passengers on board, each one dies alone.
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    Nov 26, 2015 2:46 PM GMT
    I'm not sure that I subscribe fully to the proposition that "[t]here's no one out there who fulfills every single item on your shopping list." I agree that it's difficult--but not impossible--to find someone who fits one's checklist. I also believe, however, that minor incompatibilities--such as, for example, incongruent preferences for wallpaper design--should never be an automatic disqualification. That being said, I believe very strongly that one shouldn't settle for anything that he perceives to be less than what he deserves.
  • SkeletonKey

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    Nov 26, 2015 4:24 PM GMT
    I think it depends on the guy. Most guys dont know till later in life, others know but cant find it. In our society where people are dehumanized to tiles on a screen, it makes us think there is more available to us than there really is. Thus people put their standards too high. Just my opinion.
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    Nov 26, 2015 5:05 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

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    Nov 26, 2015 8:04 PM GMT
    SkeletonKey saidI think it depends on the guy. Most guys dont know till later in life, others know but cant find it. In our society where people are dehumanized to tiles on a screen, it makes us think there is more available to us than there really is. Thus people put their standards too high. Just my opinion.


    My sentiments exactly. These dating apps have reduced us to images to be liked or disliked based on nothing more than superficial qualities. How can you really get to know someone from a picture where they're trying to present the best version of themselves? Then when you meet them in person and the real person doesn't align with your idealised version of the person, you're not interested. That's why these apps are good for sex, you don't need to go beyond the superficial if all you're looking for is something meaningless.

    So, then how do those of us who want something meaningful find that? It's a game of probability. How many of us have dismissed someone (or been dismissed) because they didn't tick off one our boxes, or did/said something they didn't like?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 26, 2015 8:52 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidEveryone dies alone. It's a deeply personal experience shared with no one. You may have people at your bedside but you step into the great beyond alone. Even if you die in a plane crash with several hundred passengers on board, each one dies alone.

    ^^This!

    All my life I have always had the realization that there is always something missing even during shared time slices with lovers, friends, acquaintances, and groups; and that is the feeling that all that I experience I alone experience it uniquely inside my head. There have been a few times during sex though, that at a climactic moment that happened in unison, I have felt like I and the other man had momentarily slipped into a different dimension and felt and experienced as one single being. Maybe that is where the biblical verse, 'and the two shall become one flesh,' comes from.


    --- We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. --Orson Welles
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    Nov 26, 2015 9:01 PM GMT
    swimjammer said
    SkeletonKey saidI think it depends on the guy. Most guys dont know till later in life, others know but cant find it. In our society where people are dehumanized to tiles on a screen, it makes us think there is more available to us than there really is. Thus people put their standards too high. Just my opinion.


    My sentiments exactly. These dating apps have reduced us to images to be liked or disliked based on nothing more than superficial qualities. How can you really get to know someone from a picture where they're trying to present the best version of themselves? Then when you meet them in person and the real person doesn't align with your idealised version of the person, you're not interested. That's why these apps are good for sex, you don't need to go beyond the superficial if all you're looking for is something meaningless.

    So, then how do those of us who want something meaningful find that? It's a game of probability. How many of us have dismissed someone (or been dismissed) because they didn't tick off one our boxes, or did/said something they didn't like?


    Except people do meet great people on these apps. Many gay men have found their husband on a hookup/dating app or site. Yes there are problems with them. Apps themselves are not the problem. They simply amplify issues that are already there.

    You can always be the change you want. Put in the effort a guy who is great for you will notice. We all are in different places in life. Its not helpful to judge someone by the standards you believe they should be attaining at that very moment in their life when you don't know them. Its counter productive assume your problems are everyone else's problems.