Is he hitting on me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2015 6:01 PM GMT
    I'll be concise: I'm a student and I live in a student residence. A string of events have happened to me since the last few weeks which I wish to clarify, since I meet a lot of experienced people here. icon_confused.gif

    Me, I'm probably still in the infatuation of youth!icon_redface.gif

    DAY 1: I meet this guy in the common room, turns out we have common interests. Conversation flows like sparkling wine and we discuss on varied topics (international politics, Anna Karenina, travel etc.)

    And when I'm about to leave, he asks me to dinner. We end up having a good time, but his conversations keep looping back to my present relationship status, my ex-boyfriends, stuffs I like etc. Anyway, I take my leave and don't think about it. icon_biggrin.gif


    ONE WEEK LATER: (I've caught him looking at me in the gym, but I thought nothing much about it!)

    We again meet in the common room, and I'm talking to this really sweet, half-German half-Spanish guy who keeps looking deep into my eyes whenever we talk. (And once, he did bite my ear playfully during the Halloween party, but that was probably coz he was drunk as FUCK!)

    He interrupts my conversation and says he's offended that I haven't yet sent him a Facebook request. So, I do and continue my conversation. I can feel him staring at me from the other side. But I choose to ignore, again!


    NEXT WEEK : He tells me he's in a "Friends with Benefits" relationship with some other guy.He says that sex helps him concentrate :rollicon_smile.gif I say "Good for you!" And I somehow feel that this was not the reaction he expected! And lastly, he tells me that he likes hanging out with me and that he would like to do so in future. I say sure! And before wishing each other goodnight, we do a handshake.....

    HE HOLD MY HAND IN HIS AND STEADFASTLY LOOKS AT ME FOR AROUND 20 SECONDS. THEN HE GOES AWAY, YET WITH THAT LINGERING LOOK..... And that's when I started to ponder about all this.

    IS HE GIVING ME THE SIGN THAT HE"S INTERESTED IN ME? And he's always avoided questions on his sexual preferences. Is this a typical male-to-male attraction behavior that I'm witnessing or is he just plain creepy? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2015 7:57 PM GMT
    Is this the same guy you posted about previously?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2015 8:01 PM GMT
    No. I ended that long ago..It simply wasn't worth the effort.

    This is a completely different scenario. icon_biggrin.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 26, 2015 8:57 PM GMT
    Are you a game player?
    What do YOU really feel about him?
    When he said he was in a "Friends with Benefits" relationship, how DID YOU really feel, versus what you said?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2015 9:06 PM GMT
    I didn't really feel anything about his statement.

    I mean I don't look at guys as potential lovers as soon as I meet them..Chemistry is important for me in order to have a long lasting relationship.

    I haven't looked at him like that. But I will judiciously consider it if HE IS INDEED HITTING ON ME.

    That's why I need your suggestions. Is this behaviour something that would be considered as sexual attraction??
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 26, 2015 11:08 PM GMT
    rohitroy_4u saidI didn't really feel anything about his statement.

    I mean I don't look at guys as potential lovers as soon as I meet them..Chemistry is important for me in order to have a long lasting relationship.

    I haven't looked at him like that. But I will judiciously consider it if HE IS INDEED HITTING ON ME.

    That's why I need your suggestions. Is this behaviour something that would be considered as sexual attraction??


    By your very on story this was not your first encounter with him and you felt nothing for him, so why ask if he is hitting on you because it doesn't matter. You're not interested in him. So consider him as only friend material and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 12:02 AM GMT
    A 20 second stare is not something a normal friend would do. icon_confused.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 27, 2015 6:35 AM GMT
    Yup.

    The dude is signalling on all the frequencies that he wants quite a bit more from you than your usual Anna Karenina talk.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, that he fessed up to having a FwB, and to having sex with him, that all reportedly helps him focus, etc. (usually true), he does not feel that he needs to tell you: 'Dude, I am having sex with another male which makes me gay.' He hopes that you are catching his drift here. As most other dudes would...

    Being that you are now 23 at college, you may want to consider changing your gaydar default settings. Consider the following:

    Men in your peer group tend to be sexually very active.

    College dudes usually have plenty on their plates. School, exams, side job, gym, trying to get laid as often as possible. Under the circumstances, a dude inviting you for a dinner, chatting you up, and showing interest in spending some of his very limited available time with you is very LIKELY to have much more than purely platonic friendship on his mind.

    SC


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 8:30 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidYup.

    The dude is signalling on all the frequencies that he wants quite a bit more from you than your usual Anna Karenina talk.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, that he fessed up to having a FwB, and to having sex with him, that all reportedly helps him focus, etc. (usually true), he does not feel that he needs to tell you: 'Dude, I am having sex with another male which makes me gay.' He hopes that you are catching his drift here. As most other dudes would...

    Being that you are now 23 at college, you may want to consider changing your gaydar default settings. Consider the following:

    Men in your peer group tend to be sexually very active.

    College dudes usually have plenty on their plates. School, exams, side job, gym, trying to get laid as often as possible. Under the circumstances, a dude inviting you for a dinner, chatting you up, and showing interest in spending some of his very limited available time with you is very LIKELY to have much more than purely platonic friendship on his mind.

    SC





    This is brilliant...your analysis of the situation is simply fantastic. It's actually tremendously helpful.

    I'm not experienced in my Gaydar settings. That is true. I need to improve it icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 9:27 AM GMT
    I don't understand why guys don't just use their words. Surely one of the benefits of being male and having relationships with men is you cut through all the bullshit and just be upfront about things?

    It's actually not that clear to me from your post whether YOU like him. Assuming you do though and you think you want to date him, you ask him the fuck out and see where it goes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 11:33 PM GMT
    PulseFit saidI don't understand why guys don't just use their words. Surely one of the benefits of being male and having relationships with men is you cut through all the bullshit and just be upfront about things?



    Precisely my feelings. If you're attracted, just ask him. Why go in such a roundabout manner?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2015 12:01 AM GMT
    rohitroy_4u said
    SilverRRCloud saidYup.

    The dude is signalling on all the frequencies that he wants quite a bit more from you than your usual Anna Karenina talk.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, that he fessed up to having a FwB, and to having sex with him, that all reportedly helps him focus, etc. (usually true), he does not feel that he needs to tell you: 'Dude, I am having sex with another male which makes me gay.' He hopes that you are catching his drift here. As most other dudes would...

    Being that you are now 23 at college, you may want to consider changing your gaydar default settings. Consider the following:

    Men in your peer group tend to be sexually very active.

    College dudes usually have plenty on their plates. School, exams, side job, gym, trying to get laid as often as possible. Under the circumstances, a dude inviting you for a dinner, chatting you up, and showing interest in spending some of his very limited available time with you is very LIKELY to have much more than purely platonic friendship on his mind.

    SC
    Ok, I agree with SC, the guy is into you, but I'm still trying to figure out, are you interested in him? If so I say just see where it goes, be safe, have fun, you're in school. I also tend to not always have the best gaydar, well not the gaydar so much, but not always aware when a guy is interested at first. I wish I had an SC advice like you do when I was in college as I didn't come out, didn't fully grasp that I was really gay, or even do more then shake another guys hand until after I turned 30! Lol good luck, & post an update! I'm curious if you like him too, & if anything comes if it. Good luck!
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1032

    Nov 28, 2015 1:30 AM GMT
    Yes, he's hitting on you. He's shown quite a bit of interest in you, and the reason he hasn't been forward enough to ask you out is because you haven't seem to show a speck of interest back at him!

    If you want to go out with him, LET HIM KNOW. Man up, grow a pair, and tell him you're interested. Ask him out. Are you some nineteenth century chick who has to wait until the "guy" makes the first move?

    Communication. It's a two-way street.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2015 3:41 AM GMT
    Learn the power of voice communications. The answer is simple: just ask (him).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2015 8:56 AM GMT
    Gscepi917 said
    rohitroy_4u said
    SilverRRCloud saidYup.

    The dude is signalling on all the frequencies that he wants quite a bit more from you than your usual Anna Karenina talk.icon_biggrin.gif

    Now, that he fessed up to having a FwB, and to having sex with him, that all reportedly helps him focus, etc. (usually true), he does not feel that he needs to tell you: 'Dude, I am having sex with another male which makes me gay.' He hopes that you are catching his drift here. As most other dudes would...

    Being that you are now 23 at college, you may want to consider changing your gaydar default settings. Consider the following:

    Men in your peer group tend to be sexually very active.

    College dudes usually have plenty on their plates. School, exams, side job, gym, trying to get laid as often as possible. Under the circumstances, a dude inviting you for a dinner, chatting you up, and showing interest in spending some of his very limited available time with you is very LIKELY to have much more than purely platonic friendship on his mind.

    SC
    Ok, I agree with SC, the guy is into you, but I'm still trying to figure out, are you interested in him? If so I say just see where it goes, be safe, have fun, you're in school. I also tend to not always have the best gaydar, well not the gaydar so much, but not always aware when a guy is interested at first. I wish I had an SC advice like you do when I was in college as I didn't come out, didn't fully grasp that I was really gay, or even do more then shake another guys hand until after I turned 30! Lol good luck, & post an update! I'm curious if you like him too, & if anything comes if it. Good luck!


    Nope. Thought about it.....I don't think I am attracted to him.And I am indeed very direct usually.

    If I like someone, I'll ask him out after a little conversation (:lolicon_smile.gif
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Nov 29, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    rohitroy_4u said
    PulseFit saidI don't understand why guys don't just use their words. Surely one of the benefits of being male and having relationships with men is you cut through all the bullshit and just be upfront about things?



    Precisely my feelings. If you're attracted, just ask him. Why go in such a roundabout manner?


    Insecure people are more likely to "hint" that they want something than say it outright and risk rejection. Is this something most people do not understand? Someone who is secure (and understands rejection is a possibility) will still take a chance. The MOST obvious sign of insecurity is the person who hints, or makes a gesture that allows them to say, "oh, you must have misunderstood. What I REALLY meant was…" This way, they take no chances and can retreat without feeling embarrassment that their overtures were not embraced.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 30, 2015 1:22 AM GMT
    Methinks thou not so very slightly dense be.

    Ask him what kind of lube he prefers and go visit.