interracial dating/hookup is like a commodity, yes/no?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2015 10:35 AM GMT
    I heard a lot of about asians complaining they are being penalized in the dating/hookup scenes, that nobody wants to hookup with them, that they are undesirable, effeminate, etc.

    however during my trip in europe, I had a lot, LOT hookup invitations from (mostly) white european guys, indians (no black guys or middle easterns though). yes sure there are people who don't want even meet me, but I am starting to wonder whether interracial dating/hookup itself is like a commodity: you are commodified based on the quantity of your 'race' (in the local area). if your 'race' is scarce, you will be sought, if plenty, then you are nobody.

    when I went back to my city, and tried to date people outside my 'race', I am the ugly nobody and they are the desirable ones.

    what do you think? care to share your experience?
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Nov 27, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    I totally agree with this.. basically you can be fetishised if you're in a place where there's nobody like you.. same thing happens to me when I go places where there aren't a lot of white guys..
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    Nov 27, 2015 5:33 PM GMT
    Ophis,

    Firstly, I think you’re hot and would date you if you lived nearby.

    I went to undergrad and grad school in a hard sceince at a Research 1 university where almost all of my classmates were Asian, and I had secret crushes on a number of them. I’ve wanted an Asian boyfriend for years but never had one.

    I think your theory about being exotic may hold some weight.

    I am treated very well at work, school, church, and in the community at large. However, I feel that I am often a bit snubbed by many in the Gay community because I am average looking, rather middle-class, and mainstream. On the other hand, significantly less successful or less well adjusted guys than me seem to do well in the club scene, especially if they are outside the typical.

    A foreign accent makes you a "Sexy Beast," at least here in Tampa.

    Just my two cents,
    FloridaRugbyBear
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 27, 2015 6:04 PM GMT
    Yup. I would subscribe to the OP's theory here.

    Dating an Asian dude in San Francisco, CA was a very different experience from dating an Asian guy in Spain.

    The bigger the dating pool of a specific race the less desirable these guys tend to be, to some extent only. And, yeah, as usually, generally speaking...

    All of my European friends seem to believe that Asian dudes ARE bottoms by default. They also believe that the Asians want to date white guys, too. But none of the above is viewed as negative. Someone ought to bottom, tooicon_biggrin.gif. And if a dude who you find attractive wants to date you, well, what would be wrong with this? He likes you skin color, race, the size or your equipment, whatever? Yup, the dude has got to find something that he likes, doesn't he?

    And, one more thing...

    Remember that 'no one is prophet in his own land'. The gay dating scene tends to value the 'novelty factor' probably quite a bit above its genuine value.

    A new, hitherto unseen face at a specific club, bar, spa is a often seen as a major challenge among the regulars. This is one of the many reasons why gay guys enjoy travelingicon_redface.gif We know that...

    SC

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    Nov 27, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    Ugh RJ seems to be full of self loathing minorities. Why do you feel that more Asians means more "competition"? This doesn't apply to whites at all. Newsflash: novelty aside, they are only as attracted to your kind as you are
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    Nov 27, 2015 7:39 PM GMT
    ophis saidbut I am starting to wonder whether interracial dating/hookup itself is like a commodity: you are commodified based on the quantity of your 'race' (in the local area). if your 'race' is scarce, you will be sought, if plenty, then you are nobody.


    This may be true to an extent, but I think it comes down to personal preference more than scarcity. There are people that are simply attracted to certain races more than others.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Nov 27, 2015 10:12 PM GMT
    these threads just won't die.
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    Nov 28, 2015 12:11 AM GMT
    ophis saidI heard a lot of about asians complaining they are being penalized in the dating/hookup scenes, that nobody wants to hookup with them, that they are undesirable, effeminate, etc.

    however during my trip in europe, I had a lot, LOT hookup invitations from (mostly) white european guys, indians (no black guys or middle easterns though). yes sure there are people who don't want even meet me, but I am starting to wonder whether interracial dating/hookup itself is like a commodity: you are commodified based on the quantity of your 'race' (in the local area). if your 'race' is scarce, you will be sought, if plenty, then you are nobody.

    when I went back to my city, and tried to date people outside my 'race', I am the ugly nobody and they are the desirable ones.

    what do you think? care to share your experience?



    This is definitely true, at least for me. When I'm home in the washington dc area it's predominently black. I hardly get attention from other races. When im anywhere in california its like I have choice of whatever I want.

    Also europeans seem to be a lot more open to or actually looking for interracial relationship/hookups
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    Nov 28, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    I've never had this issue as a blk-mixed male. It's all about how you carry yourself. Not everyone is going to be into you.
  • Zigs_01

    Posts: 226

    Nov 28, 2015 4:13 AM GMT
    20% of white guys were willing to date Asian guys from studies I saw which is a rather large amount for people who want to date outside their ethnic groups. People who said nobody wants to date Asians aren't saying the facts right.
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    Nov 28, 2015 4:34 AM GMT
    I have no clue about this... From on-line commentary, I gather that lots of Asian guys are angry that nobody wants to date them because they' re Asian, except guys who are unacceptable sick freaks because they would date an Asian. W.T.F. icon_confused.gif

    Sounds even worse than the neurotic Jewish kids.

    Oh, then there's one cannabinoid-American I know who thinks the whole world is against him because he has red hair. icon_confused.gif

    Most of the time, people want to date you, or not, because of you. Not because of your great-grandparents.


    Although once I tried to go in to "The Eagle" with an Asian date and they wouldnt let him in. icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 28, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    Zigs_01 said20% of white guys were willing to date Asian guys from studies I saw which is a rather large amount for people who want to date outside their ethnic groups. People who said nobody wants to date Asians aren't saying the facts right.


    I am one of them. I prefer to date someone outside of my race or ethnic group or whoever look different to my physical look. although it is not necessarily I am one of these asians who don't date asians. for example, I am attracted to koreans, japanese, or other south asians, but not chinese or ethnic malays/indonesians (because I am a chinese descent and live in Indonesia).


    hentailover saidUgh RJ seems to be full of self loathing minorities. Why do you feel that more Asians means more "competition"? This doesn't apply to whites at all. Newsflash: novelty aside, they are only as attracted to your kind as you are


    maybe in the interracial dating context only?

    I never think people are equal. we all have different history, ethnic, genetics, social status, education, etc. it's stupid to think when you are trying to date someone other than your 'race' you think they will treat you as an 'equal'. I have dumped that thought long time ago.


    as cynical as it sounds, it's a game that only one side can win.

    what you call 'asians' also only apply in the united states where different asians are classified as 'asians'. like I said before, I probably will prefer to date a japanese or koreans but not chinese since I am a chinese descent. why? because I think dating someone from my ethnic group and same nationality is 'boring' and there is just no 'thrill' in it.

    my first boyfriend was someone with an arab ancestry though.

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    Nov 28, 2015 9:42 AM GMT
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    Nov 28, 2015 5:33 PM GMT
    yes pretty much true. I went to Germany to visit a friend of mine and OMFG I've never had so much white dick thrown out at me it was not even funny. The fact that majority of Germans are white with pale skin, and here comes a guy with ethnic features and tan skin and it's like men will throw themselves at you for your attention. Supply and demand is definity a thing.

    I recommend any guy who has tan or dark skin go to Germany if they want some white dick or a white boyfriend.
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    Nov 28, 2015 7:23 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidI've never had this issue as a blk-mixed male. It's all about how you carry yourself. Not everyone is going to be into you.


    +1

    Being born in the UK to parents from Trinidad and Tobago, I really haven't had an issue with someone not being into me because of skin colour or race. Their loss... I'm still going to sleep tonight.

    Cheers,

    Sean

  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Nov 28, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    ^^I seriously doubt that anyone has ever been told "sorry not into your race". These things are never explicit, but everyone can easily tell from the age gap between a disproportionate number of interracial couples are that there is a racial hierarchy. To simplify it as all "just preferences" is disingenuous.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Nov 28, 2015 10:19 PM GMT
    smegnificient said^^I seriously doubt that anyone has ever been told "sorry not into your race". These things are never explicit, but everyone can easily tell from the age gap between a disproportionate number of interracial couples are that there is a racial hierarchy. To simplify it as all "just preferences" is disingenuous.


    Of course they have. "Gay" men have remarked completely unabashed that they are "not into blacks" at a pub for all to hear. I've had men casually say to me in conversation that they are "not into rice", referring to Asians. It has happened--A LOT in the past--and still happens.

    I have a friend who is white and finds Asians with lithe lean bodies appealing invite an Asian he was corresponding with online out to coffee. The Asian apparently thought he was very good-looking and was surprised. My friend remarked that several times during the online chat, the other fellow remarked..."you know I am Asian, right?....you do realize I am Asian?...as if somehow there had been a misunderstanding and once clarified, the white person will decline.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Nov 28, 2015 10:22 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidyes pretty much true. I went to Germany to visit a friend of mine and OMFG I've never had so much white dick thrown out at me it was not even funny. The fact that majority of Germans are white with pale skin, and here comes a guy with ethnic features and tan skin and it's like men will throw themselves at you for your attention. Supply and demand is definity a thing.

    I recommend any guy who has tan or dark skin go to Germany if they want some white dick or a white boyfriend.


    It will be much the same reception in Spain, France and Italy too. Europe, in general, (along with Australia) seems MUCH more open to racial mixing than the United States.
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    Nov 29, 2015 1:54 AM GMT
    smegnificient said^^I seriously doubt that anyone has ever been told "sorry not into your race". These things are never explicit, but everyone can easily tell from the age gap between a disproportionate number of interracial couples are that there is a racial hierarchy. To simplify it as all "just preferences" is disingenuous.


    Actually, I've had someone say that me. It happend about 7 years ago. My friends had tricked me to go out on a blind date. It was suppose to just be friends going out to dinner until I realized my friends had brought their significant others and their was a complete stranger in mix. I was suggested to sit by him. You can see where this is going.

    Anyways, we chatted and things seemed to be going well. Then he just says "You're a pretty cool guy. You get me and I think we connect. I like everything about you...but you're black and that's an issue".

    Yup! He just blurted it out. I wasn't even mad when he said it. It caught me by surprise but in that instant from hearing him say it, I thought to myself "bullet dodged".

    So yes, it does happen. It sucks but it does happen. Lots of folks do it without even realizing they do it.
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    Nov 29, 2015 2:18 AM GMT
    Mesmer saidyes pretty much true. I went to Germany to visit a friend of mine and OMFG I've never had so much white dick thrown out at me it was not even funny. The fact that majority of Germans are white with pale skin, and here comes a guy with ethnic features and tan skin and it's like men will throw themselves at you for your attention. Supply and demand is definity a thing.
    I recommend any guy who has tan or dark skin go to Germany if they want some white dick or a white boyfriend.

    How do you know it wasn't due to your mesmerizing blue eyes?
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Nov 29, 2015 2:29 AM GMT
    "Fetishizing" anyone is pretty unattractive, and I avoid guys who are interested in me only as a fantasy fulfillment. I saw a lot of that in San Francisco in the 70s and 80s.
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    Nov 29, 2015 2:47 AM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    Mesmer saidyes pretty much true. I went to Germany to visit a friend of mine and OMFG I've never had so much white dick thrown out at me it was not even funny. The fact that majority of Germans are white with pale skin, and here comes a guy with ethnic features and tan skin and it's like men will throw themselves at you for your attention. Supply and demand is definity a thing.

    I recommend any guy who has tan or dark skin go to Germany if they want some white dick or a white boyfriend.


    It will be much the same reception in Spain, France and Italy too. Europe, in general, (along with Australia) seems MUCH more open to racial mixing than the United States.


    Not sure about australia because i have no experience. But yes, I agree with Europeans being more open minded. But from what I heard here and there , relationship is indeed very racialized in the states.
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    Nov 29, 2015 2:59 AM GMT
    Zigs_01 said20% of white guys were willing to date Asian guys from studies I saw which is a rather large amount for people who want to date outside their ethnic groups. People who said nobody wants to date Asians aren't saying the facts right.


    And 99% of asians want to date only whites, this is also a fact. i travel a lot in Asia, thailand, singapore, Hong kong, korea...the way asians are desperate for whites is kind of sad. Most whites would never touch or marry an asian but still asians throw themselves onto whites and will suck up to any amount of abuse as well from a white guy. Sorry but after what ive seen in the gay asian community, I wouldn't go near most asians. I also find asians deeply complexed about their looks and ethnicity and rather superficial, this whole asian obsession with white skin is more out of "self hatred" and an inferiority complex rather than genuine attraction. Also most whites who do date asians are loser whites, either too old or ugly and will only want to be with a younger hotter asian guy, its a big turn off for me to see asians behaving this way, sadly most asian countries are also very robotic opressed societies, and quite uncultured, and they dont seem to be proud of their heritage like europeans are. Its not true in europe the guys are crazy about asians, not at all most educated europeans are very elitist and would never date an asian or anyone outside their social circles especially in France and UK, other eu countries are even worce, in Italy, spain, greece they are openly racist towards asians. Americans seem to have a view that europeans are very open minded people, this is utter nonsense, Europeans are much more closed minded than anywhere else in the world, they are small countries with centuries old deep cultural traditions, Americans go on a little holiday to europe and think they know it all, ask those who have spent considerable time living in Europe, most europeans aren't open minded at all, its a very conservative society.

    On any straight or gay dating forum, this question about Asians analysing why, where, or how many whites are into or not into them is so common. If this is not some deep sense of insecurity then what else is it?
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    Nov 29, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    Londonfit said
    Zigs_01 said20% of white guys were willing to date Asian guys from studies I saw which is a rather large amount for people who want to date outside their ethnic groups. People who said nobody wants to date Asians aren't saying the facts right.


    And 99% of asians want to date only whites, this is also a fact. i travel a lot in Asia, thailand, singapore, Hong kong, korea...the way asians are desperate for whites is kind of sad. Most whites would never touch or marry an asian but still asians throw themselves onto whites and will suck up to any amount of abuse as well from a white guy. Sorry but after what ive seen in the gay asian community, I wouldn't go near most asians.



    I can relate. as a bi, I am one of these people who actually prefer to date a bisexual than a gay guy, from whatever race he is. too bad most guys in dating apps are gays so I don't have too many choices.


    for dating whites (when I am in my city). that's because I don't have too many choices of people "outside" my 'race'. when it comes to dating game, I prefer to date someone "foreign".

    unfortunately most of the foreigners here are whites. I would be happier if there are other 'race' other than whites. but most of them are not that really good looking, and they are only interesting because they are the current 'exotic' groups. but if there are more people from their 'race', they are probably as good as nobody.

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    Nov 29, 2015 5:10 AM GMT
    It's pretty a moot point whether or not Asians will date other Asians. It's always non-Asians that throw this out there. And on the same note, these same non-Asians will only date within their own race. Pot meet kettle. Everyone's a racist. icon_lol.gif