What is considered cheating in a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    Being somewhat new and out, I was curious as to what guys consider ok and what's is considered cheating in a relationship? Would simply talking to other guys be considered a form of mental infidelity? Obviously sleeping around is not ok. The line does seem blurred after that though. Any thoughts?
  • MarvinMartian

    Posts: 128

    Nov 29, 2015 3:45 PM GMT
    If talking to other guys equals infidelity, how do you ever expect to have any friends? That is not reasonable. My husband and I are monogamous (seven years now) but we each have our own friends, gay and straight, as well as friends we have in common. It wouldn't occur to us that having outside friends would be 'cheating'.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 29, 2015 4:01 PM GMT
    It is really up to you. Just have a clear understanding with your guy. Whatever you two agree on is fine and nobody's business but yours'. Don't let others define you. But for us, flirting is fine and technically, we have an "open" relationship, though we don't act on it. We've just agreed to not freak out if someone slips. The point is that we want to be together whenever possible and never prefer to be with someone else.
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    Nov 29, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    "Cheating" is how the parties in the relationship define it. If you're in a monogamous relationship, having sex with someone other than your partner has to be considered cheating. Other people in monogamous relationships may have standards that are even stricter--e.g., they may consider swapping adult pictures on grindr to be cheating. On the other hand, people who have an open relationship generally don't mind if their partners sleep with other people (again, depending on the agreement between the parties involved). The bottom line is that, in general, the term "cheating" is subject to a wide range of interpretation.
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    Nov 29, 2015 4:10 PM GMT
    DOMINUS said"Cheating" is how the parties in the relationship define it. If you're in a monogamous relationship, having sex with someone other than your partner has to be considered cheating. Other people in monogamous relationships may have standards that are even stricter--e.g., they may consider swapping adult pictures on grindr to be cheating. On the other hand, people who have an open relationship generally don't mind if their partners sleep with other people (again, depending on the agreement between the parties involved). The bottom line is that, in general, the term "cheating" is subject to a wide range of interpretation.


    Well this answers my question in a nut shell. I guess everyone else's definition is subject to change depending on the situation.
  • SkeletonKey

    Posts: 24

    Nov 29, 2015 5:13 PM GMT
    It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship. If its open there is alot more leeway there.

    Talking to another guy is fine. Being romantic and sexual probably isnt.

    Sleeping around is okay in an open relationship, but if it breaks the rules set in place, then its obviously bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
    If you can't tell your bf, then it's cheating
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    Nov 30, 2015 9:15 PM GMT
    Geo46 said
    DOMINUS said"Cheating" is how the parties in the relationship define it. If you're in a monogamous relationship, having sex with someone other than your partner has to be considered cheating. Other people in monogamous relationships may have standards that are even stricter--e.g., they may consider swapping adult pictures on grindr to be cheating. On the other hand, people who have an open relationship generally don't mind if their partners sleep with other people (again, depending on the agreement between the parties involved). The bottom line is that, in general, the term "cheating" is subject to a wide range of interpretation.


    Well this answers my question in a nut shell. I guess everyone else's definition is subject to change depending on the situation.


    Check out apps like s c r u f f. A high percentage of guys on there are partnered but are looking for fun with other guys. It seems to be the evolving definition of a gay relationship. PrEP is making monogamy and condoms obsolete.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2015 9:30 PM GMT
    It doesn't seem right to have an open relationship in that way though. Sharing each other with random strangers. It seems like having a n open relationship like that defeats the whole purpose of having a relationship. How special can the other person be if things aren't exclusive?
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1051

    Nov 30, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    Cheating is whatever your lover thinks it is.

    Bill Bubba Clinton: "Oral sex isn't sex."

    I think that nasty hag wife of his felt differently.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2015 3:57 PM GMT
    up front early in a relationship have that talk. do it while you two are still loving. Never gets any easier.
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    Dec 10, 2015 3:53 AM GMT
    Personally, I would say it's cheating if there's intent.
  • Leftswiper

    Posts: 90

    Dec 11, 2015 6:30 AM GMT
    Aqueerius saidIf you can't tell your bf, then it's cheating


    +one million!

    Anything more complicated is just a rule waiting to be circumvented by guys who can't be honest with themselves
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2015 4:31 PM GMT
    Is watchin porn considered cheating? me and my boyfriend dont live together....
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    Dec 11, 2015 5:15 PM GMT
    DOMINUS said"Cheating" is how the parties in the relationship define it.

    That's what I think. I know couples who have varying degrees of an open relationship, but they don't consider that cheating. Others (like us) are strictly 100% monogamous, and any kind of sexual fooling around outside the relationship would be serious cheating.

    And it doesn't have to be cheating in the strictest sense. My first, late partner didn't want me to have porn or any beefcake pics on my computer, or to visit those sites. I thought it was just innocent eye candy, but it apparently made him feel insecure, like I felt he wasn't adequate for me.

    Well, a bird in hand is worth 2 on the screen. And so I wasn't gonna jeapordize what I had by upsetting him, with something that was far less important to me than he was. A small sacrifice, and he had no problem with me continuing to visit online gay social sites, as he did.

    We had lots of friends there, some of whom visited us and stayed at our place. Neither of us feared the other was doing clandestine cruising. But my looking at male nudes & porn bothered him, so I stopped.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Dec 12, 2015 1:37 AM GMT
    Rissues saidIs watchin porn considered cheating? me and my boyfriend dont live together....


    hell no. that is academic research.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Dec 12, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    my definition is also "whatever you cant tell your bf"


    but as far as what I would forgive...anything that can't give me a disease. honestly if there were no diseases i would fuck anything that let me, and just have a nice boy to actually sleep with and go to movies and family events. but since that is not the case. i do monogamy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    Aqueerius saidIf you can't tell your bf, then it's cheating

    That's not a bad definition. A corollary for me being: "whatever makes you feel guilty".

    Of course some "alley cat" guys don't feel guilty. They think having indiscriminate sex outside a relationship is their natural right. And believe me, I've encountered a few like that. No conscience, no guilt. When I detected that, the guy was history.

    So beware the alley cat. Sadly not a few gay guys are like that. Who make unreliable boyfriends, much less partners. They'll cheat on you every chance they get.
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Dec 12, 2015 2:25 AM GMT
    I am old school. If I want to date and be on the market, then I am single.

    If I am with somebody, then I am with somebody.

    If it is not working then I end it or he ends it.

    That being said, I do not judge anyone's relationships. Relationships work for everyone in a different ways. Each person or couple has to decide that for themselves. If an open relationship works, great. Not for me but I have friends that have been together for years and it does. More power to them.

    I just think that BOTH people have to be on the same page to make it work. If one wants monogamy and the other does not, trouble.

    Trig