Validation

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2015 1:14 AM GMT
    I think I finally realized why hot men, men who normally wouldn't say hello to me in public will come on to me on the massage table. Its all about validation. The idea that another man is rubbing different body parts all over you and not getting sexually excited can be demoralizing. It actually makes me less offended thinking about it this way. Its inappropriate but I understand that people will do odd things in search of validation. As q social species that depends on our social bonds for survival and health being validated about our value is very important.
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    Dec 01, 2015 1:57 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidCould be other factors too.

    Could be just harmless flirting.

    Some guys feel safer when flirting with others online and want it to be nothing more than just that. If they do it in person they may feel like it's a welcoming for taking things further.



    I'm referring to massage clients coming on to me while I'm massaging them. There is no such thing as harmlessly flirting in session. No one harmlessly flirts while naked, laying down, and having someone rub them. Its not just the married, repressed guys who do it. Openly gay attractive men who would never give me the time of day normally start touching themselves while I work on them.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Dec 01, 2015 5:07 AM GMT
    MrFuscle saidI think I finally realized why hot men, men who normally wouldn't say hello to me in public will come on to me on the massage table. Its all about validation. The idea that another man is rubbing different body parts all over you and not getting sexually excited can be demoralizing. It actually makes me less offended thinking about it this way. Its inappropriate but I understand that people will do odd things in search of validation. As q social species that depends on our social bonds for survival and health being validated about our value is very important.


    Most people I know VERY carefully nurture their public persona image. They go to very great lengths to impress upon the people they know that they wear only very special top-price range clothes, date very, very HOTTT men only, drive very specific cars, reside within the very special 'exclusive' boundaries, or do whatever they think makes them stand out, look well, desirable, even better so, unattainable.There is much to be said about this posturing for power.

    Now, eliminate the observers, the public, the social environment, the folks your client believes he must impress at all costs, and leave him naked on your massage table, behind locked doors? The guy will come on to you because in real world you are really just as nice a guy (or probably much nicer) than the guys whom he shows around for his theatrical purposes. So, no one will ever know, and he feels that the opportunity is here to flirt or push his envelope as far as he can.

    Even the most skilled manipulators of the public opinion run a very high risk of falling into the traps they have so skillfully created for the others. So, yeah, a wise dude is always, always, looking for an opportunity to let his steam officon_biggrin.gif.

    SC

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    Dec 02, 2015 4:47 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    MrFuscle saidI think I finally realized why hot men, men who normally wouldn't say hello to me in public will come on to me on the massage table. Its all about validation. The idea that another man is rubbing different body parts all over you and not getting sexually excited can be demoralizing. It actually makes me less offended thinking about it this way. Its inappropriate but I understand that people will do odd things in search of validation. As q social species that depends on our social bonds for survival and health being validated about our value is very important.


    Most people I know VERY carefully nurture their public persona image. They go to very great lengths to impress upon the people they know that they wear only very special top-price range clothes, date very, very HOTTT men only, drive very specific cars, reside within the very special 'exclusive' boundaries, or do whatever they think makes them stand out, look well, desirable, even better so, unattainable.There is much to be said about this posturing for power.

    Now, eliminate the observers, the public, the social environment, the folks your client believes he must impress at all costs, and leave him naked on your massage table, behind locked doors? The guy will come on to you because in real world you are really just as nice a guy (or probably much nicer) than the guys whom he shows around for his theatrical purposes. So, no one will ever know, and he feels that the opportunity is here to flirt or push his envelope as far as he can.

    Even the most skilled manipulators of the public opinion run a very high risk of falling into the traps they have so skillfully created for the others. So, yeah, a wise dude is always, always, looking for an opportunity to let his steam officon_biggrin.gif.

    SC



    Well that just makes me offended by their advances but does make sense. People in Houston are obsessed with how they are perceived by others. What you described is one of the main reasons I wanted to get the hell out of here. I loose respect when I find out someone is putting on a front to impress someone else as if who they are simply isn't good enough.
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    Dec 02, 2015 4:49 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    MrFuscle said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidCould be other factors too.

    Could be just harmless flirting.

    Some guys feel safer when flirting with others online and want it to be nothing more than just that. If they do it in person they may feel like it's a welcoming for taking things further.



    I'm referring to massage clients coming on to me while I'm massaging them. There is no such thing as harmlessly flirting in session. No one harmlessly flirts while naked, laying down, and having someone rub them. Its not just the married, repressed guys who do it. Openly gay attractive men who would never give me the time of day normally start touching themselves while I work on them.


    Oh, sorry. You did say that in your very first sentence. I am multitasking here and skimmed over your OP too fast.

    Yes, I can see what you're saying. I went to massage therapy school years ago in my twenties. There is something to be said about being touched and especially when you're either naked or in your underwear.

    As a massage therapist I never had this dynamic. People usually felt uncomfortable around me and usually clammed up.

    And by the way, I was legitimately trained at a very good school in Chicago. I completed a 600 hour program at the Chicago School of Massage Therapy. It was not for escort services.


    I'm surprised. Straight guys seem to love muscular massage therapist because they see us as personal trainers in a way. Gay men, well gay men make me want to stop working as a therapist sometimes. I actually have a straight male friend who no longer works as a massage therapist and he cites gay men and their behavior as one of the reasons why.
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    Dec 02, 2015 5:09 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    MrFuscle said
    I'm surprised. Straight guys seem to love muscular massage therapist because they see us as personal trainers in a way. Gay men, well gay men make me want to stop working as a therapist sometimes. I actually have a straight male friend who no longer works as a massage therapist and he cites gay men and their behavior as one of the reasons why.


    When I get a massage I want a truly legit, nonsexual sports massage to help with minor chronic areas.

    If I wanted to pay for sex I would hire an escort. But for me, massage is massage.


    That's how I see it and that is part if why I was so perplexed. You are paying me to do a job but now you want to take time away from that job for sex. Yet these same dudes would likely not be interested in me for free. If I met them in the gym they would be standoffish, If I approached them at a club or bath house they would act bothered by my presence. If I sent them a message online they would ignore it. Suddenly when they are naked in front of me paying me to do something else suddenly I become good enough for sex and that baffles me. I am starting to think silver cloud had it right. It insults me to be honest.
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    Dec 03, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    I'm going to say something here that some readers may not like or appreciate. The reality is, some people (gay or straight) simply are not comfortable showing their attraction to men of color, particularly black, in public where they think they're subject to public scrutiny or judgment. These same people will not think twice to flirt with, sexually proposition, or make sexual advances towards, black people in private. I have very attractive black friends whom I've known since college who experience this "phenomenon." Likewise, I have equally attractive white friends whom I've known for years who privately pine for the company of black men and have sex with black men, but they will not admit to it in public. I think the reverse may also be true (i.e., some black folks may not be comfortable showing attraction to white folks for fear of being ostracized or judged by their families, friends, etc.). All I can say is, it's a fucked up world in which we live!
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    Dec 03, 2015 5:04 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidI'm going to say something here that some readers may not like or appreciate. The reality is, some people (gay or straight) simply are not comfortable showing their attraction to men of color, particularly black, in public where they think they're subject to public scrutiny or judgment. These same people will not think twice to flirt with, sexually proposition, or make sexual advances towards, black people in private. I have very attractive black friends whom I've known since college who experience this "phenomenon." Likewise, I have equally attractive white friends whom I've known for years who privately pine for the company of black men and have sex with black men, but they will not admit to it in public. I think the reverse may also be true (i.e., some black folks may not be comfortable showing attraction to white folks for fear of being ostracized or judged by their families, friends, etc.). All I can say is, it's a fucked up world in which we live!


    Interesting theory. While this rarely happens I have experienced this working in customer service in the past. A customer will act as if they love seeing you where you work but look aghast if you say hi to them in public. I normally had this happen with women and a few older white men. I have had black and biracial clients come on to me who were out of my league, or I should say out of the league most Houstonians put me in since I am under valued here. If this were back home in Florida I would assume these guys just find me attractive in some way. However gay dudes who look like this NEVER talk to me in Houston unless they are looking for money.