Dating busy people

  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Dec 05, 2015 8:37 AM GMT

    Living in a big city I find that while there are loads of guys to meet, it seems that a busy lifestyle can make it difficult to get to know someone.

    I like guys who are ambitious and enjoy what they do for work. I don't mind if they work a lot but there is a limit where they are just too busy to date.
    At the same time I'd avoid someone who had too much time on their hands.

    What's your view and experience is there a point where someone is too wedded to their job?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Dec 05, 2015 11:35 AM GMT
    Ideally, I think the best guy would be somewhere in the middle. But yes, if a guy works too much, I don't see anything working out and I feel he'd be better off with a guy who works just as much as he does.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Dec 05, 2015 10:00 PM GMT
    To quite some extent the definition of 'too much' depends on the players involved.

    If you want a daily romance after 5pm, weekends together, etc., and the other dude works very long hours, and really works on weekends, too, you want to move on right away.

    Workaholics function well with other workaholics or with immensely tolerant, independent guys who are possibly not that much focused on dating, and see it mostly as a side show. For the rest of the world, the workaholics are in a 'no-go zone', datingwise, that is...

    Life in the big cities tends to be an increasingly expensive affair. An average earner with his average working hours may just not cut it. So, quite a few guys are trying to establish themselves beyond the point of living the life in which they make ends meet, and hang in there afterwards.

    What makes your position even more difficult is that contemporary careers are nowhere near being balanced, largely speaking. You have a relatively large number of guys mostly working regular hours, and subsiding on their incomes. And you come across much fewer guys who are sweating it big time but are having decent living.

    There is hardly anyone left in the middle anymore.

    SC
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    Dec 06, 2015 5:39 PM GMT
    both men have to want to be in a relationship for it to work. Ask your self what you need from the relationship, say this up front in the dating. not a lot of eligible gay men so be creative; opposites do attract if they are supportive respectful.
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    Dec 06, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    If some guy works so much that you see him once a month or fortnight, I wouldn't advise anyone to get in such a relationship. Also, if you see a guy always having some excuse for not showing up or making plans, then you are better off moving on to find someone who would be willing to take time out of his daily life. I believe, if there is mutual attraction and interest, then both side would make an effort to see each other as often as possible, without getting obsessive.
    Even though it's a bit cliched, I would still say "Don't make someone a priority, if you are just an option for him".
  • ABPinDallas

    Posts: 9

    Dec 06, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    Who isn't busy in this day and age? Everyone dating still gets that hitch in their minds when it is time to follow up and ask someone out again. Don't play games with yourself or ask others "when is the best time to..."
    Don't overthink or create scenarios.
    Busy people with their heads on straight are no different than anyone else.
    They follow their hearts.
    If you look and listen, you'll see and realize that
    PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM. Period - it really is that easy!
    If you like someone, and want to be with them again, don't be afraid to speak from your heart and repeat the axiom to them. I don't know how many times when that second or third date time came, that the guy I liked faltered for one reason or another. I didn't falter, and usually said, "Hey, I like you, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage, I just want to be with you again, OK?"
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    Dec 06, 2015 11:57 PM GMT
    We all have jobs, working, etc.

    In the end, it is about pursuing someone you care for, and want to spend time with them and value the relationship - it is about making time and a commitment of what you value important in your life. You will probably have several careers/jobs in your lifetime - but that other person will not always be there waiting for you, if you do not make time for them - they will move on toward someone who will.

    If the guy is all about work, etc. and does not have at least sometime to spend with you - it means there are other issues there. I agree with other posts I would then move away from the relationship because you would never be able to get what you need from this person.
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    Dec 07, 2015 1:53 AM GMT
    I work 60-70 hrs per week usually. The guy I'm dating now does about the same. We text each other all day long, and when we're together we have quality time. I think your boyfriend should support you in your dreams, not hold you back from them.
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    Dec 07, 2015 2:09 PM GMT
    Even supremely busy career-driven guys can find time to be with their lover/boyfriend, and they must. It's all about setting one's priorities.
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    Dec 07, 2015 2:26 PM GMT
    I was going to reply to this thread earlier but I've been too busy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2015 2:00 AM GMT
    Yeah, I've been in both camps. What's tougher is that even when my schedule is free, I value alone time to recharge. As an introvert, I am in a job that uses up most of my extroversion so when I get home, I truly enjoy it. I tend to meet other introverts who are often even more introverted than me, which puts me in a position where I have to put in the effort for them too. It becomes exhausting/frustrating so I just give up and move on.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Dec 08, 2015 9:16 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidYeah, I've been in both camps. What's tougher is that even when my schedule is free, I value alone time to recharge. As an introvert, I am in a job that uses up most of my extroversion so when I get home, I truly enjoy it. I tend to meet other introverts who are often even more introverted than me, which puts me in a position where I have to put in the effort for them too. It becomes exhausting/frustrating so I just give up and move on.



    I have introvert friends who say this and I often question if it's just they don't like their jobs.

    I'm an extrovert and after a stressful day want to be out and about. I probably need a few hours to myself each week. I find it hard to relate to introverts in this way
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    Dec 10, 2015 3:50 PM GMT
    ABPinDallas saidWho isn't busy in this day and age? Everyone dating still gets that hitch in their minds when it is time to follow up and ask someone out again. Don't play games with yourself or ask others "when is the best time to..."
    Don't overthink or create scenarios.
    Busy people with their heads on straight are no different than anyone else.
    They follow their hearts.
    If you look and listen, you'll see and realize that
    PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM. Period - it really is that easy!
    If you like someone, and want to be with them again, don't be afraid to speak from your heart and repeat the axiom to them. I don't know how many times when that second or third date time came, that the guy I liked faltered for one reason or another. I didn't falter, and usually said, "Hey, I like you, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage, I just want to be with you again, OK?"


    This!!! If he is truly interested he will make time for you. If he isn't making time then that shows he's no that interested so move on.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 10, 2015 6:04 PM GMT
    There's been a real change in how careers work. I think it started about the time the Personnel Department was replaced with Human Resources. People were no longer the living blood of the corporation but instead simply productive units. And used to their maximum. So ambitious guys from good schools suddenly were expected to work70-100 hours/week to show what ambitious corporate widgets they were. There is no work/life balance. If you want one of those guys (who will most likely make a lot of money eventually), you'll have to wait until he's in his 30's, even late 30's. I visited one of my sons in NYC working for one of the big investment banks and the only time he could guarantee he wouldn't be working was until about 11am on Sunday morning. He did break away to go to the Metropolitan with me but spent the whole time in a hall talking business to his office. That is what corporate America demands now. I did get a really nice Gauguin print, though.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Dec 10, 2015 6:27 PM GMT
    ABPinDallas saidWho isn't busy in this day and age? ....
    PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM. Period - it really is that easy!


    A million times THIS! I had to learn that lesson a few times over the years and realize that a lot of the guys I was interested in at the time just weren't that into me.
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Dec 11, 2015 8:05 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidThere's been a real change in how careers work. I think it started about the time the Personnel Department was replaced with Human Resources. People were no longer the living blood of the corporation but instead simply productive units. And used to their maximum. So ambitious guys from good schools suddenly were expected to work70-100 hours/week to show what ambitious corporate widgets they were. There is no work/life balance. If you want one of those guys (who will most likely make a lot of money eventually), you'll have to wait until he's in his 30's, even late 30's. I visited one of my sons in NYC working for one of the big investment banks and the only time he could guarantee he wouldn't be working was until about 11am on Sunday morning. He did break away to go to the Metropolitan with me but spent the whole time in a hall talking business to his office. That is what corporate America demands now. I did get a really nice Gauguin print, though.



    This used to be me in my 20s but this isn't all professions. It's generally banking, consultancy and law and some start ups.
    Work life balance is becoming more of an issue and there is some change happening.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2015 8:30 AM GMT
    workaholic; not like they are cheating on you.
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    Dec 11, 2015 3:36 PM GMT
    **Busy is just an excuse for *he's not that into you honey. icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Dec 11, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    laxwill10 said**Busy is just an excuse for *he's not that into you honey. icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif


    Sometimes and sometimes not.

    A friend of mine was dating this guy they had about 3 dates and the guy disappeared for a few weeks.

    My friend met a new guy and started a romance.

    Guy number 1 came back 6 weeks later after no contact and wanted to pick up where he left off with my friend. He realized what a catch my friend was.

    My friend said "too late, maybe in future you will make more of an effort for someone you like"