caught partner cruising

  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 2:37 PM GMT
    hey new to site
    so here goes
    so my m8 sent me a pic of my bf in a cruising area not doing anything jst parked up so I left it at that
    the next day his jeans had White stuff all over them !
    he's denied any wrong doing and said he just parked up for a while even though it was the opposite direction from anywhere he would be going
    any thoughts or advice ?
    dont mind him doing it just be honest !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 3:28 PM GMT
    It's not like you went through his phone.

    Someone saw him.

    If you don't trust him, break up.

    Do you trust your friend? Maybe they secretly want him.

    Decide who you trust more.
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 3:42 PM GMT
    I trust the guy who's sent me the pics it's jst getting the bf to own up to maybe he just likes the thrill of outdoor fun when I'm not there
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Dec 05, 2015 4:11 PM GMT
    lmao

    If he wanted an open relationship he should've said something from the start. I'd say it's pretty problematic because if you haven't even discussed it, he might be taking risks that will affect you.

    I think the first thing you need to figure out if you can forgive him for what he has done, or if you want to move on. Second is if you want an open relationship or if you want to be monogamous; and if it's the latter, you'll need to talk to him whether he think he can be monogamous, and then you need to figure out if you can trust him enough to think he won't meet someone else.
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:17 PM GMT
    been together for 6 years so it's a long time happy to have open relationship and to spice things up jst won't admit to what he's done for some reason
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:22 PM GMT
    Buddha saidlmao

    If he wanted an open relationship he should've said something from the start. I'd say it's pretty problematic because if you haven't even discussed it, he might be taking risks that will affect you.

    I think the first thing you need to figure out if you can forgive him for what he has done, or if you want to move on. Second is if you want an open relationship or if you want to be monogamous; and if it's the latter, you'll need to talk to him whether he think he can be monogamous, and then you need to figure out if you can trust him enough to think he won't meet someone else.


    also we are both tops and understand he has needs
    happy to join in ect
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 4:24 PM GMT
    I'd cheat on someone who uses text language in a post. Then again, I'd never have a relationship with someone who can't be bothered to spell.
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:28 PM GMT
    if your meaning myself I am dislexic and have trouble in my grammar
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 4:31 PM GMT
    I once had a "friend" tell me how poor I was looking, losing weight. I told him I was actually gaining weight. And he said my decline was due to my BF, and his cheating.

    That same night at the club I saw him talking with my BF. I waited until we got into the car going home to discuss it. Turns out this "friend" said the exact same thing to my BF! He was trying to break us up!

    Incredible! Like he thought we wouldn't talk together? We laughed ourselves silly all the way to my house, where he stayed the night as usual.

    Of course I realized my BF was the prize catch in our gay community. Handsome, a multi-millionaire (a liability actually, almost bankrupted me trying to keep pace with him), I knew guys were trying to entice him away from me, a constant struggle. How I ever got him in the first place I'll never know.

    But I continually had to fight off the competitors, another drawback for me to his wealth and good looks. These guys were shameless in their tactics. So when I hear my guy being dissed by some gay who comes up to me, my first thought is: "What's your own motive in telling me this? Is it my welfare, or your own agenda?"
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:35 PM GMT
    my friend who sent me
    the pic is happily married to his (wife ) and just goes there to cruise and noticed him there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 4:37 PM GMT
    miami444 saidmy friend who sent me the pic is happily married to his (wife ) and just goes there to cruise and noticed him there

    "Happily married" and "goes there to cruise" does not seem compatible. How do you mean cruise?
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    he goes there to hook up with guys for random fun he's bi and has a wife I've met her a few times
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 4:54 PM GMT
    If you have a married friend with a wife and he hooks-up with guys, then your BF who does the same thing shouldn't alarm you. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. (And in case you missed that old US saying, she's the goose and you're the gander)
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 05, 2015 4:56 PM GMT
    yeah I don't mind that's very true what you say I just don't understand why be cant come clean with me when clearly it's obvious what he's been doing !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2015 5:12 PM GMT
    miami444 saidyeah I don't mind that's very true what you say I just don't understand why be cant come clean with me when clearly it's obvious what he's been doing !

    Well, if you feel an essential trust has been violated here, then you have your answer.

    Couples set rules. Some have absolute monogamy (like us). Others have more open relationships. Some of our friends do. As long as it's mutual and consensual, I'm fine with that.

    You seem to be describing deceptiveness. That's different, that's cheating. You need to talk frankly with this guy. Establish the allowable bounds of your relationship.

    And while I hate to go here, also the matter of being tested. It's how a number of guys I know died of AIDS - cheating partners. The cheating partner died, and then they died, too. Once your guy starts straying, you don't know what he's doing.

    Make him test for a full panel, and test yourself, ASAP. When you suspect your BF may be an alley cat, he could be carrying anything.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Dec 06, 2015 4:48 AM GMT
    two tops = say no
    two bottoms = say no
    one top one vers = say no
    one bottom one vers = say no


    dating is not difficult people.
  • TheBaise

    Posts: 363

    Dec 06, 2015 10:19 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI once had a "friend" tell me how poor I was looking, losing weight. I told him I was actually gaining weight. And he said my decline was due to my BF, and his cheating.

    That same night at the club I saw him talking with my BF. I waited until we got into the car going home to discuss it. Turns out this "friend" said the exact same thing to my BF! He was trying to break us up!

    Incredible! Like he thought we wouldn't talk together? We laughed ourselves silly all the way to my house, where he stayed the night as usual.

    Of course I realized my BF was the prize catch in our gay community. Handsome, a multi-millionaire (a liability actually, almost bankrupted me trying to keep pace with him), I knew guys were trying to entice him away from me, a constant struggle. How I ever got him in the first place I'll never know.

    But I continually had to fight off the competitors, another drawback for me to his wealth and good looks. These guys were shameless in their tactics. So when I hear my guy being dissed by some gay who comes up to me, my first thought is: "What's your own motive in telling me this? Is it my welfare, or your own agenda?"



    Brag, brag, brag. Pops, now you want to regale your readers with news that you landed yourself a millionaire. Gee, that's pretty amazing man / especially since you ended up hitching your wagon / once you ditched your wife and 2 sons / so they can't find you / your words man, not mine / and you landed a much older man in poor health down in Florida. At least with his small condo and your sub-compact car, you've got yourself a place to live and some wheels. Let's just hope your sons and wife don't find you man, or they might just be wanting some back alimony or child support. Father of the year? Don't think so!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2015 9:57 AM GMT
    miami444 saidyeah I don't mind that's very true what you say I just don't understand why be cant come clean with me when clearly it's obvious what he's been doing !


    Have you said that to him? Literally as plain as that - "I don't mind if you have been going there to cruise, it might be fun to spice up our relationship to cruise from time to time, and maybe it's something we could do together every now and then?"

    Sounds to me he's a bit embarrassed at being 'caught' and therefore reluctant to admit to it and worries what your reaction is going to be. If you reassure him that it doesn't mean the end of your relationship and could in fact open up a new chapter for the two of you, perhaps he'll relax and be more open with you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2015 12:23 PM GMT
    PulseFit said
    miami444 saidyeah I don't mind that's very true what you say I just don't understand why be cant come clean with me when clearly it's obvious what he's been doing !


    Have you said that to him? Literally as plain as that - "I don't mind if you have been going there to cruise, it might be fun to spice up our relationship to cruise from time to time, and maybe it's something we could do together every now and then?"

    Sounds to me he's a bit embarrassed at being 'caught' and therefore reluctant to admit to it and worries what your reaction is going to be. If you reassure him that it doesn't mean the end of your relationship and could in fact open up a new chapter for the two of you, perhaps he'll relax and be more open with you!


    I agree. I think you should just be forward about it, but and be willing to listen if you're trying to make the relationship work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2015 2:00 PM GMT
    No one goes to a cruising spot to find a pen pal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2015 2:38 PM GMT
    TheBaise said
    Art_Deco saidI once had a "friend" tell me how poor I was looking, losing weight. I told him I was actually gaining weight. And he said my decline was due to my BF, and his cheating.

    That same night at the club I saw him talking with my BF. I waited until we got into the car going home to discuss it. Turns out this "friend" said the exact same thing to my BF! He was trying to break us up!

    Incredible! Like he thought we wouldn't talk together? We laughed ourselves silly all the way to my house, where he stayed the night as usual.

    Of course I realized my BF was the prize catch in our gay community. Handsome, a multi-millionaire (a liability actually, almost bankrupted me trying to keep pace with him), I knew guys were trying to entice him away from me, a constant struggle. How I ever got him in the first place I'll never know.

    But I continually had to fight off the competitors, another drawback for me to his wealth and good looks. These guys were shameless in their tactics. So when I hear my guy being dissed by some gay who comes up to me, my first thought is: "What's your own motive in telling me this? Is it my welfare, or your own agenda?"



    Brag, brag, brag. Pops, now you want to regale your readers with news that you landed yourself a millionaire. Gee, that's pretty amazing man / especially since you ended up hitching your wagon / once you ditched your wife and 2 sons / so they can't find you / your words man, not mine / and you landed a much older man in poor health down in Florida. At least with his small condo and your sub-compact car, you've got yourself a place to live and some wheels. Let's just hope your sons and wife don't find you man, or they might just be wanting some back alimony or child support. Father of the year? Don't think so!

    You're one of Art_Deco's abandoned sons, aren't you?
  • miami444

    Posts: 9

    Dec 07, 2015 5:41 PM GMT
    thanks for the advice people I'm going to approach and explain and will keep you updated
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Dec 09, 2015 4:35 AM GMT
    I never had an open relationship but have never been opposed to them. Whatever works for anyone is fine in my book if they both agree. But, open relationship denotes both sides knowing that it is an open relationship. One sided open relationship has another name: cheating.

    I never get cheating. We are not in arranged marriages. If the one you are in does not work for you, be a man, explain the situation, duck the flying plates and cups and tchotchkes, and move on. Life is short for everyone. No need to be unhappy but also no need to lead someone on. Man up.

    Unless he pays for your lifestyle. Then cheat very very quietly.....