What's good about the gay scene?

  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Dec 08, 2015 10:39 AM GMT
    I'm noticing a lot of complaining about the gay scene, from shallowness to ageism to sexual racism to drugs etc...

    I wonder are we over focused on the negative? Yes all the bad things exist but aren't they a reflection of what's going on in society as a whole? There have been some good wins and we have it so much better than gays in Africa, India, Russia and Eastern Europe.




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    Dec 08, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    It is admittedly imperfect, but that's all we have.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Dec 08, 2015 2:25 PM GMT
    The gay scene is what it is. It is a true reflection of the players who participate in it.

    There is really nothing inherently good or bad about it. It is a functioning system which provides some sort of entertainment, social environment, and hook-up possibilities for the people involved.

    Sure, loads of guys out there take drugs, drink irresponsibly, act in immature fashion or are sporting bad attitudes. All of that and then some that I have not mentioned yet is really their issue, and has little to do with the scene.

    Sure thing, bars are there to sell drinks. It is really up to the patrons to exercise good judgement and drink responsibly. No one is forcing you to drink yourself into insanity or anywhere near.

    A few people out there are looking for NSA hookups. It is your choice to play the game of not.

    Some guys are insisting on bb only. Again, you choose what you think is right for you. No one is really forcing you to go either way.

    Folks with very strong sense of self-entitlement will easily find fault with whatever is objectively out there. We will have to wait a very long time before even one of them openly admits that he made a regretful choice, though.

    SC
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    Dec 08, 2015 3:18 PM GMT
    Simple answer: People like to bitch. For the vast majority, the glass is more than half empty.
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    Dec 08, 2015 3:31 PM GMT
    Fireworkz saidI'm noticing a lot of complaining about the gay scene...

    -the local LGBT Center is 3/4 shut down
    -only a hand full of gay bars are still open

    the gay scene is easy to ignore now.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Dec 08, 2015 3:58 PM GMT

    Its a chance to be with your own kind. Day to day even though you know better, life can get lonely. There doesn't seem to ever be a high five from a gay guy when you need it, plenty from your hetero peers, but not the same. They get all dressed up Sunday morning to congregate with their peers and you get all dolled up Saturday night to congregate with yours. Ultimately past all the drugs, drama, and hot sex, its about being together.

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    Dec 08, 2015 4:52 PM GMT
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    Its a chance to be with your own kind... life can get lonely.

    gay men are allowed to have a household; career, husband, retirement i paid for... Me as a 60 year old bitchy gay struggling up the bath house steps is ugly.

    No choice, we age the same amount every day.
    It is an option to gradually let go of the Peter Pan in you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 08, 2015 5:24 PM GMT
    We don't live in it, don't even have it in this little town. But we thoroughly enjoy dropping in on it when we travel. I think the negative comes mostly from guys trying to find companionship in these venues and being rejected. The bitchin' is just ego repair.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Dec 08, 2015 5:37 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    Its a chance to be with your own kind... life can get lonely.

    gay men are allowed to have a household; career, husband, retirement i paid for... Me as a 60 year old bitchy gay struggling up the bath house steps is ugly.

    No choice, we age the same amount every day.
    It is an option to gradually let go of the Peter Pan in you.


    Its ok to let go off the bitch in you too, because I didn't tell you to go to a bath house in my post. I think night life is underrated and is what you make of it. Also, I meant to use clubs as a template, there are bear groups, older men groups, Poz groups, teen groups, you name it to get involved with the community. But I'd like to know, what do you find good about the gay scene? That was the original question as you split hairs to troll.

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    Dec 08, 2015 5:37 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    When I read "the gay scene" mentioned here, I mostly interpret that as the gay bar scene which in itself I don't really consider "a scene" at all but merely as sanctuary from the str8 world. Not that I don't have str8 friends--I've still got mine from grade school so I've a great sense of being accepted as a gay man in the str8 world--but I do know we are not universally accepted which naturally plays on my mind even if just in a corner of my pointy head.

    As I aged away from the bars--which I'd still like, they just don't like me so much anymore so fuck that--I've relied for my sense of gay community on just some time reading you mooks. Though it often seems like wading through a bouillabaisse of sea slugs, lampreys and oysters, I do find a few precious pearls among you and I'm grateful for that.

    In that sense I think that "the gay scene" is or has become or imparts a negative expression. Instead I prefer the more respectable reference of "gay community" because that's what this is. Gay people engaging gay people is gay community. It's not a scene which seems to have become itself a derogatory term.

    When the Irish gather for a St. Patty's Day parade, we don't call all those Irish eyes an Irish scene

    because

    When Irish hearts are happy
    All the world seems bright and GAY.
    And when Irish eyes are smiling,
    Sure, they steal your heart away.

    /scene
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    Dec 08, 2015 7:34 PM GMT
    If you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist
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    Dec 09, 2015 12:17 AM GMT
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    So true D: It baffles me when gay guys deny this observation.
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    Dec 09, 2015 12:24 AM GMT
    Well they have.... I mean they can give you......... Obviously the................ Never mind lol.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Dec 09, 2015 1:22 AM GMT
    The sex.
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    Dec 09, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    Not true at all, if you are attractive, young, myscular etc. then u are just "used" and left alone when people are done using you. The hottest gay men are also the most messed up mentally, no one sees them for what they really are. On the other hand if you are not so attractive, muscled or hot...at least the people in your life will really be your friends for who you are and not at a superficial level. I think unattractive gay men are happier overall. The hot muscled guys are all lonely and struggling to constantly keep up with new competition.
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    Dec 09, 2015 2:17 AM GMT
    The gay scene happens without drugs.
    The gay scene happens in coffeehouses and gyms and the grocery store.

    Be gay on your own terms. Get laid when you can and stay open to meeting someone to hang with for the long term.

    Make your own gay scene.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Dec 09, 2015 3:22 AM GMT
    smrtnfit22 said
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    So true D: It baffles me when gay guys deny this observation.


    Then you split off and form your own factions full of bitter fit shamers who generalize about over emphasized aesthetics in the gay community while at the same time preferring aesthetics. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 09, 2015 5:09 AM GMT
    Not that spend time in it, but unlike straight club scene where unless you live in NYC, the night life isn't just for 20 somethings. It's not uncommon or odd to see guys into there 50's though generally muscled, & or very attractive hanging out with guys 30 years younger, dating, friends, etc... So in some ways the ageism goes away, but as for app hook ups ageism can come to play. Umm gay bars pour with a heavy hand. You can bring anyone straight no matter there age, or how they look, even your grandma, & the patrons of most gay bars will welcome, & accept them right away. That's about all I can think of for now.
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    Dec 09, 2015 6:55 AM GMT
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    smrtnfit22 said
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    So true D: It baffles me when gay guys deny this observation.


    Then you split off and form your own factions full of bitter fit shamers who generalize about over emphasized aesthetics in the gay community while at the same time preferring aesthetics. icon_smile.gif


    Oh come on you made the same argument a few days ago. Nether he or I said anything bad about fit people. We simply acknowledged that a community based off of sexuality puts a premium on looks.
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    Dec 09, 2015 6:57 AM GMT
    Londonfit said
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    Not true at all, if you are attractive, young, myscular etc. then u are just "used" and left alone when people are done using you. The hottest gay men are also the most messed up mentally, no one sees them for what they really are. On the other hand if you are not so attractive, muscled or hot...at least the people in your life will really be your friends for who you are and not at a superficial level. I think unattractive gay men are happier overall. The hot muscled guys are all lonely and struggling to constantly keep up with new competition.


    I disagree but I understand where you are coming from. I also wanted to say as an unattractive gay man I am unhappy. Honestly I am happy with my life. I'm just unhappy with the gay community.
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    Dec 09, 2015 6:58 AM GMT
    OP reminds me of that guy from old spice commercial a little bit
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    Dec 09, 2015 1:02 PM GMT
    Join the Nerd/Geek subculture instead: it's more tolerant and accepting.

    I started college at a small, rural, church affiliated, liberal arts school where I met fewer than ten, deeply closeted Gay and Lesbian students. My junior year I transferred to a large state university and joined the LBGT student organization, but felt essentially alienated by the members because I didn't fit their affected image: camp twink wearing Ambrommbie & Finch or JJ Crew. After graduation I moved back in with my parent's and taught high school and briefly coached in the rural south, where I could not really live the "Gay Lifestyle" and really had to be discrete to avoid possibly being murdered. When I would try to meet Gay men from the "Big City", they seemed pretty judgmental about my age, my appearance, and my being discrete.

    In my experience most of the Comic Book/Sci-Fi people are completely cool with LBGT people and they will not mistreat you if you are disabled, overweight, older, etc. You just have to be intereseted in some of the same things they are into.

    My two cents,
    FLoridaRugbyBear
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    Dec 09, 2015 1:48 PM GMT
    I do agree that frequently complaining about how the normal functioning gay scene in America is pretty much non existent (and has been since the mid 2000s or so where it peaked and went downhill, ever since the internet came out showcasing more dangerous and negative anonymous gay gateways like grindr, and the huge amounts of gay porn, and listing bathhouses and popular cruising spots. But it isn't difficult to find positive reinforcement which reminds me of a point I'll make later.), is beating a dead horse and we do need to look at the positives and find alternatives.

    The poster above me gave a great suggestion. Find a group or hobby that would be accepting towards gay people. Dancing, winter sports, archery, wine tasting, the occult, gardening and landscaping, book clubs, video games, computer repairs, science and technology, politics and journalism, comic books, anime, theatre, music/singing, fashion design, performance art, dog breeding, baking desserts, travel blogging, automotive and car detailing, architecture and interior decorating, etc.

    The list can go on and on. With the internet age, it should be easier to find groups you can settle yourself into and take part in. Also find much more stuff I haven't mentioned.

    There's also the gay mafia, but people in it can't talk about it, that's the fucked up part. lol.

    But keep your head up my brother, use common sense and let your relationships come naturally. It's better that way.
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    Dec 09, 2015 4:46 PM GMT
    gay millennia mobsters:
    250px-Wire04.jpg
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Dec 09, 2015 7:01 PM GMT
    MrFuscle said
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    smrtnfit22 said
    MrFuscle saidIf you are attractive, young, or muscular its a great community. If not you basically don't exist


    So true D: It baffles me when gay guys deny this observation.


    Then you split off and form your own factions full of bitter fit shamers who generalize about over emphasized aesthetics in the gay community while at the same time preferring aesthetics. icon_smile.gif


    Oh come on you made the same argument a few days ago. Nether he or I said anything bad about fit people. We simply acknowledged that a community based off of sexuality puts a premium on looks.


    No, I didn't, I just asked a simple question to you ALL, "Do you even lift?"
    Oh yeah, fitness and looks have nothing to do with each other (sneer). Muscles are a signifier of masculinity, which is attractive for a number of reasons. It signifies health, sexual health, and mental discipline. People are attracted to it for more than sexual impulse. I'm not saying that just because I have them. I burn for this aesthetic; I don't know if you can relate. It burns. It's worth it to attract the cream of the crop, but on a whole, the gay community looks more like you than me nowa days and I struggle to intermingle with them. I wonder if this sex shaming you do has been a thing or if its just a thing you do. Now guys are wrong for desiring male pulchritude? Why not pick up a weight and put down your notebook if you think that.