Low Sex Drive!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 11, 2015 4:22 PM GMT
    Hello.

    I recently joined this forum in order to get some help. Altho I'm not really a jock, but my boyfriend is.

    We've been together for quite some time now, and the issue I have is with our sex life. He's a very sexual person, he can have sex everyday, he's always in the mood for it. While I'm not. I love sex, I love everything about especially when he comes inside me. But after we have sex, I won't recover that sex drive for at least 1/2 days. Im not as sexual as he is and I dont give that much importance to it as he does.

    Sometimes I have sex with him because I want to please him altho Im not really in the mood, and when he sees I'm not hard he gets upset and thinks I dont desire him, which is not the deal, I just dont have sex drive all the damm time.

    But with masturbation is different...we are always jerking eachother off and I love it so much and im always up for masturbation but for sex is different... I dont know if it's because I'm a bottom... No idea.

    I'd like some help if you guys could give me some of your time.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 11, 2015 4:37 PM GMT
    That's all totally normal. Guys who are horny ALL the time can't understand guys who aren't and react just as you describe your guy.... and guys who are NOT horny all the damn time wonder when they are expected to get anything done besides playing with dick. No two guys are ever perfectly matched on this issue. Don't let it become a big deal for either of you. Keep it fun and just keep letting him know you love him and love his body and love sex with him--just not all the damn time! After a while you'll hit a perfect understanding. And yes, the bottom guy usually needs a break more often than the top. Logical.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 11, 2015 4:42 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidThat's all totally normal. Guys who are horny ALL the time can't understand guys who aren't and react just as you describe your guy.... and guys who are NOT horny all the damn time wonder when they are expected to get anything done besides playing with dick. No two guys are ever perfectly matched on this issue. Don't let it become a big deal for either of you. Keep it fun and just keep letting him know you love him and love his body and love sex with him--just not all the damn time! After a while you'll hit a perfect understanding. And yes, the bottom guy usually needs a break more often than the top. Logical.


    We do alot of things besides sex, but a big part of our days (when we are together on weekends) resume about sex.

    I always tell him it's nothing about him, is just me who isnt in the mood all the time, but he takes that and tells me it's an excuse and I dont really desire him. It's frustrating.

    May I add that he's bisexual, and im his first boyfriend. Prior do that he had a girlfriend.

  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Dec 11, 2015 5:24 PM GMT
    Good relationships are mostly based on giving and taking. On a sort of compromise that works for both people involved.

    Since this is your BF's first m2m relationship, it may make sense to talk with him about his past relationships. Some bi guys start dating gay/bi men assuming that just like them, ALL the men are ALL the time thinking and wanting to have sex. This may have not quite been the case with his past relationships, and he may have developed the feeling of somehow being shortchanged on the sexual side. He may be trying to overcompensate now for what he may see as previous loss.

    Despite calling your posting here 'Low Sex Drive', you are making an interesting reference to:

    RissuesBut with masturbation is different...we are always jerking eachother off and I love it so much and im always up for masturbation but for sex is different... I dont know if it's because I'm a bottom... No idea.


    Now, a dude with a typically low sex drive would normally NOT be ALWAYS up for masturbation. Since you are, this may be pretty confusing to your BF.

    Over the time, many guys start to strongly prefer the full sexual play with their partner to a mutual JO. Hot as it may be, a guy may have it at the back of his mind that he can pleasure himself alone, if it comes to a JO. You have a partner, so that you go full monty at a drop of a hat. Or so, the reasoning goes...

    An idea may be to talk about your being bottom to your partner. Dudes who are total tops tend to see themselves as agents in pleasuring their bottoms, among other things. So, he may be wondering, what's wrong with you? Don't you want to be pleasured all the time?

    Surprisingly few total tops understand the physics behind bottoming and the longer recovery needed by the bottoms than the tops. Should this be the case, some education may not be ill-at place.icon_lol.gif

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 11, 2015 5:38 PM GMT
    be blunt; tell him if he wakes you up 3am he is always welcome. Just let him know you will not always need it but will always want to give it away.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Dec 12, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    Does he try to get you in the mood?...grinding back rub..make out...rimming? It doesn't sound like a sex drive issue. He needs to learn to appreciate the fuller range of sexual expression with another man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2015 12:51 AM GMT
    Don't masturbate. It will completely alter your libido.
  • akapaolo

    Posts: 18

    Jan 04, 2016 2:33 AM GMT
    Rissues saidHello.

    I recently joined this forum in order to get some help. Altho I'm not really a jock, but my boyfriend is.

    We've been together for quite some time now, and the issue I have is with our sex life. He's a very sexual person, he can have sex everyday, he's always in the mood for it. While I'm not. I love sex, I love everything about especially when he comes inside me. But after we have sex, I won't recover that sex drive for at least 1/2 days. Im not as sexual as he is and I dont give that much importance to it as he does.

    Sometimes I have sex with him because I want to please him altho Im not really in the mood, and when he sees I'm not hard he gets upset and thinks I dont desire him, which is not the deal, I just dont have sex drive all the damm time.

    But with masturbation is different...we are always jerking eachother off and I love it so much and im always up for masturbation but for sex is different... I dont know if it's because I'm a bottom... No idea.

    I'd like some help if you guys could give me some of your time.



    I have to agree with destinharbor. Everyone is different and to keep it fun and new when you do have sex. I get the feeling you can give more love for your partner so give yourself credit for that.
  • mjlikeaboss

    Posts: 70

    Jan 25, 2016 4:30 AM GMT
    Yeah, it sounds like it's not a sex drive issue. If you are perfectly happy to exchange hand jobs, then you're obviously up for some kind of sexual activity. Sounds like you just don't always want to bottom.

    Maybe your bf is really into anal at the moment because you're his first boyfriend and he's enjoying exploring that particular expression of his sexuality now that he can. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't mean you need to bottom for him when you aren't in the mood for it. There are plenty of other ways to have fun, sexually or not.

    If you're in the mood for sex but just not in the mood for anal, try taking control of the situation by doing something else to/for/with him. Try something new. Or find out why that's all he wants to do. Maybe he feels dominant being the top and you can do something else that lets him feel that way.

    But in the end, if you really aren't in the mood for sex, and if you had sex just to make him happy, and that doesn't make you happy, then you shouldn't do that. You may just end up resenting him for it and you may also be setting a precedent for your relationship that you won't want to keep up forever. If he doesn't believe you when you say you aren't in the mood and it's not his fault then he has a problem he needs to deal with.