Going to a straight cousin's Bachelor Party - good or bad idea?

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  Dec 13, 2015 3:44 AM GMT

  My cousin is getting married next summer. He will be turning 27 this spring, and plans on having his bachelor party in Montreal. My other 2 cousins (his older brother and younger brother) as well as my brother are going, along with a bunch of his friends.
  
  They're all straight, and I'm not out to any of them yet. I've never been to a bachelor party before. I don't mind going to straight strip clubs or anything.
  
  The only thing is that I can see my cousins and his friends possibly pressuring me into hooking up with a girl if we are out and one is hitting on me. I mean, I'm all for fun and wouldn't mind maybe making out with a girl, but not sure if I'd want to go beyond that.
  
  I know I don't really have to do anything I don't want to do, but I don't want them to think of me as some lame party-pooper who doesn't want to have a good time.
  
  I kind of want to let loose and have fun, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to spend that kind of money if I won't really be enjoying myself.
  
  Should I go, and what should I expect? Have you ever been to a straight friend's bachelor party in a place like Montreal or Vegas?

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  Dec 13, 2015 3:54 AM GMT

  If I were you, I'd just go and have a good time.
  
  I've heard 98% of things we worry about never come true. If a hot girl hits on you and you don't respond, you can always joke that the girls you date are even hotter.

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• mybud
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 4:08 AM GMT

  Go..and if they pressure you..laugh it off and say I'm sweet.

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  Dec 13, 2015 4:30 AM GMT

  Just go. If you are pressured to have sex with anyone just politely explain that you are being treated for the syphilis one of the skanky bitches you picked up in a bar and had a three way with gave you. You will be "Da man!"

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• AMoonHawk
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 4:44 AM GMT

  I went to a straight friend's bachelor party to a strip club with straight guys once ... never again ... nothing like feeling out of place and just a complete waste of time. Being older know and having experienced it already, I would never bother again. But, hell, go, but don't drink too much, or maybe don't drink at all and be the designated driver.
  
  You could always tell them you are not drinking because you are on medication curing a bout of syph .... that should cover you on all counts

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  Dec 13, 2015 4:44 AM GMT

  Go with the flow. Kiss a girl, if they have any there, feel her tits if offered, ain't gonna kill yah, you don't have to go home with her.
  
  If it gets more wild than that, say you've got someone, you can't cheat. Have a good time!

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• HottJoe
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 4:45 AM GMT

  What you really need is a boyfriend to bring to the wedding...

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  Dec 13, 2015 5:00 AM GMT

  If your cousin means much to you, you should go for his sake. As for the bachelor party, you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable doing.
  
  Hey, what if you turn straight from fooling around with girls from that party?

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  Dec 13, 2015 7:31 AM GMT

  Just go and have fun. It's easy to ignore the strippers. Just buy lap dances for your cousin. You can just sit back, drink, and talk smack.

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  Dec 13, 2015 2:08 PM GMT

  xrichx saidJust go and have fun. It's easy to ignore the strippers. Just buy lap dances for your cousin. You can just sit back, drink, and talk smack.

  
  ^^^ This. It's his party... it's not about you. Go be with him and if you're not having fun, deal with it... just make sure you help HIM have fun.

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• Sportsfan1
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 2:59 PM GMT

  I have been to only one straight friend's bachelor party. I felt a little out of place and yes I kissed a girl and felt her boobs, she was the stripper but it did not go beyond that. I did not drink at all, I was the designated driver. It was kind of fun seeing the rest of the guys get wasted and start doing things that I never thought they would. One of the games was to strip the soon to be groom down to his underwear. He was HOT! They got him down to his tightie whities that's as far as they went. We saw some soft core straight porn and that was that!
  I would not go to another one but I am a little satisfied that I at least went to one bachelor party to see what the hoopla was all about.
  I would advice to you to go but do not drink and be careful how you behave. Have some fun and try to enjoy yourself.

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• COLSSSSclosed...
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 3:47 PM GMT

  gooooooooooo...if he put a trust over yaa

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  Dec 13, 2015 3:52 PM GMT

  This is a perfect time to come out! Coming out doesn't have to be a big formal announcement. If someone starts talking about girls, why not just matter-o-factly say "yeah she's pretty but I'm not into girls." And leave it at that. If you don't make a big deal over it neither will they.

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  Dec 13, 2015 5:52 PM GMT

  To me the question behind the question is how much effort are you willing to put into pretending you're into girls for this event? I've been in this situation about 8 times, all while closeted at the time. Looking back, I so wish I had just been out, it would've made my stress level so much lower.
  
  If you decide to go while staying in the closet here a few tips.
  1. You are an adult. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Not even because of peer pressure. You really don't.
  
  2. IF you drink alcohol, having a drink or two will take the edge off. AND pretending to be too drunk or too hungover can be a great excuse to use to get out of stuff you don't want to do.
  
  3. Strippers are generally pretty harmless. They feel warm, soft and usually smell nice. A lot of guys don't get boners, so no big deal if you don't get wood. Just tell her she's "beautiful" or "so hot" or that you're kinda drunk and smile... You'll be fine. I did tell one stripper that I was gay and that I wanted to see "what a real woman felt like". It was a great dance and she kinda liked the challenge. : ) I tipped her well and she really talked me up to my buddies and made a point of squeezing my shoulder or rubbing my leg and smiling when they were looking. Girls can be really awesome sometimes.
  
  4. Don't make out with anyone unless you want to make out with them. Straight guys want their friends to get laid and have a good time. So just make sure everyone knows you're having a good time and don't be afraid to talk trash back if they give you shit.
  
  5. Lastly, who you are hanging out with is more important than what you do. If you're ever in a situation you're totally not willing to be involved with, just remember #1 and #2 above.
  
  Good luck!

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• waccamatt
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 5:53 PM GMT

  Radd saidThis is a perfect time to come out! Coming out doesn't have to be a big formal announcement. If someone starts talking about girls, why not just matter-o-factly say "yeah she's pretty but I'm not into girls." And leave it at that. If you don't make a big deal over it neither will they.

  
  
  Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.

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  Dec 13, 2015 5:55 PM GMT

  It's OK if you're popping out of a cake as a stripper.

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• HndsmKansan
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 6:22 PM GMT

  Go and have a great time... no doubt things will come up that you don't anticipate that may be very positive. Don't worry about what might happen, but look forward to the fun... it's your family and you will always remember it. Have fun!
  
  

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• hartfan
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 7:28 PM GMT

  I think most of the advice given above are pretty solid. I'll just share my experience if you'd like more data.
  
  I joined a bachelor party of a close friend of mine whom I went to school with back in the day. I was out to all the guys there. We specially flew out to a nearby city (think Vegas but sleazier) with a specialty "mall" where straight men go to have fun. We ended up in a private karaoke cabin where they trotted in a line of female escorts, and to not be a party pooper, I selected one whom I thought I could communicate with the best (this was a non-English speaking conservative country). I was even the one who kinda got the party going by getting up and dancing.
  
  At some point, things got kinda randy. I allowed my shirt to be taken off but no more. Lots of grinding was going on and I became uncomfortable and decided to leave the cabin to sit outside at the bar. My escort followed me out. I didn't tell her I was gay, and I just brushed off my discomfort with "not really into this kinda stuff". We ended up in a really good conversation where she was telling me about her boyfriend who was studying abroad and how she wanted to save up enough so she could go join him. Already feeling guilty about her not being able to make money off of me, I actually ended up tipping her much more than the other guys tipped their escorts, despite them probably getting more out of theirs. She was so happy at the end that she beseeched me to come back.
  
  I wouldn't say I'd like to repeat this experience, but it was definitely interesting to experience it.

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• stratavos
  
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  Dec 13, 2015 7:43 PM GMT

  HottJoe saidWhat you really need is a boyfriend to bring to the wedding...

  
  
  I'd agree on this count. though the false statement of treating a STI will likely get you off the hook if you don't want to be forward about your attractions.
  
  You can always ask if you'll be "the only queer at the party". you can even go home early, feigning digestive distress.

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  Dec 13, 2015 7:45 PM GMT

  Seems like coming out to them would solve the dilemma!

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  Dec 13, 2015 7:47 PM GMT

  There is an issue. You look gay .....
  Joking .....
  
  
  Go have fun go with the flow stop assuming
  
  
  So dam much
  
  You have
  
  Months in advance it will give you time to prepare
  
  Just don't try to pick up any of the guys.

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  Dec 13, 2015 9:52 PM GMT

  S2Ki saidIf I were you, I'd just go and have a good time.
  
  I've heard 98% of things we worry about never come true. If a hot girl hits on you and you don't respond, you can always joke that the girls you date are even hotter.

  
  
  Ya just go and have fun! Good advice.

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  Dec 13, 2015 9:57 PM GMT

  Radd saidThis is a perfect time to come out! Coming out doesn't have to be a big formal announcement. If someone starts talking about girls, why not just matter-o-factly say "yeah she's pretty but I'm not into girls." And leave it at that. If you don't make a big deal over it neither will they.

  
  So you're saying OP should ruin his cousin's special night.

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  Dec 13, 2015 10:01 PM GMT

  xrichx said

  Radd saidThis is a perfect time to come out! Coming out doesn't have to be a big formal announcement. If someone starts talking about girls, why not just matter-o-factly say "yeah she's pretty but I'm not into girls." And leave it at that. If you don't make a big deal over it neither will they.

  
  So you're saying OP should ruin his cousin's special night.

  
  
  
  That's an idiotic assumption. Would it be "ruining his special night" to say he's straight? No. I am only suggesting he do this if THEY start assuming he's into girls first. Hence my "matter-o-fact" recommendation. Why would being truthful about who you are as a person ruin someone's night?

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  Dec 13, 2015 10:09 PM GMT

  Radd said

  xrichx said

  Radd saidThis is a perfect time to come out! Coming out doesn't have to be a big formal announcement. If someone starts talking about girls, why not just matter-o-factly say "yeah she's pretty but I'm not into girls." And leave it at that. If you don't make a big deal over it neither will they.

  
  So you're saying OP should ruin his cousin's special night.

  
  
  
  That's an idiotic assumption. Would it be "ruining his special night" to say he's straight? No. I am only suggesting he do this if THEY start assuming he's into girls first. Hence my "matter-o-fact" recommendation. Why would being truthful about who you are as a person ruin someone's night?

  
  There's a time and place for everything. Coming out on his cousin's bachelor party amongst all his friends at a strip club is not the right time or place.

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