I don't understand this site at all

  • MarvinMartian

    Posts: 128

    Dec 13, 2015 7:12 AM GMT
    ---People seem very nasty to each other. There are a lot of wars between people who appear to have some history with each other.
    ---Young men write in with worries and questions and the answers they get are mean and ugly.
    ---The narcissism is astonishing.
    ---There are certain elderly members who report the tiniest tedious minutiae of their lives, for some reason I cannot fathom.
    ---Racism, ageism, misogyny, conservative kooks, liberal ideologues, all shouting at one another.
    ---Nobody seems to talk about fitness-related subjects. Is the "jock" part of the site name a joke of some kind?

    Surely the forum could be better than this?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 13, 2015 7:25 AM GMT
    Surely ... but it is what it is ... you have to take the bad with good
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Dec 13, 2015 7:31 AM GMT
    MarvinMartian said

    Surely the forum could be better than this?


    One would hope, but it is unlikely to happen. The only thing I think that might help is if the site had volunteer moderators for each board. People are not going to behave better on their own. Nasty, controlling, angry, bigoted, cruel, childish, and bitter behavior has been going on by various members for many years. They are not going to stop. It is part of who they are. It is their worldview.

    Be thankful that you are not one of them. They are a good reminder of what kind of person not to be.

    What is sad is we have had some wonderful people leave this site because of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 7:43 AM GMT
    There are no moderators on the forums.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 8:11 AM GMT
    Should I bother asking why you're posting this? Specifically regarding what I assume to be the two operative phrases:


    "I don't understand this site at all"


    and


    "Surely the forum could be better than this?"


    These could imply just about anything about your frame of reference and your motivations. You might just be complaining, or perhaps you're trying to puzzle out what needs to be done to improve the situation. Perhaps you're trying to piece together the history that brought the site to its current state, or trying to get people to take a step back and consider the current state of affairs. Maybe you're surprised that anyone continues to come here, or maybe you're trying to elicit positive responses about what people like about the site.

    I don't know much, but some of these points I could address better than others. Pretty much anyone that responds is guessing at your intent, correctly or not, and you may or may not be satisfied with the results.

    Case in point, my own random stab at a useful interpretation and response: The RJ forums can and do yield positive interactions when you seek them out and follow through. I'd challenge you to use this thread for practice. Narrow down one or more subtopics topics you would like to start with, focus on responses that go in a direction you consider positive, and (most difficult of all, especially on RJ) spend no more time or energy than absolutely necessary on the inevitable negative exchanges.

    But I may well be missing your point entirely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 12:48 PM GMT
    It's not gonna change. Everyone has some sort of purpose of using this forum. I'm just here to find like minded people to get along with. I focus on them, and ignore the rest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 1:26 PM GMT
    I enjoy the forums and all the characters you find in them. The forums are a microcosm of the world around us. Sometimes I learn something.

    The expression "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" comes to mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 1:42 PM GMT
    realjock has been about the same for years. not going to change. its a free site, just the way it is.

    when new owners moved in there was a short time things were different but quickly reverted back. rumor has it special interest groups pay a stipend to the site to operate here.

    members have multiple accounts. Many accounts, even verified ones, are fake. fake clip board photos drive accounts started by junk members.


    the only thing that prevents the trolls from completely taking over is you can block members.
    positive:
    members who's life choices remain in the 1990s are frustrated that things have moved on. if they dont reflect your point of view why re read their posts over and over again. The block function completely removes them. You have to update your list as these members create new soc accounts.

    negative:
    since traffic here is 90% trolls the ranking software really negatively effects the priority setting of posts. The topics can be odd at times and they hang in there for days fed by soc accounts.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    MarvinMartian said---People seem very nasty to each other. There are a lot of wars between people who appear to have some history with each other.
    ---Young men write in with worries and questions and the answers they get are mean and ugly.
    ---The narcissism is astonishing.
    ---There are certain elderly members who report the tiniest tedious minutiae of their lives, for some reason I cannot fathom.
    ---Racism, ageism, misogyny, conservative kooks, liberal ideologues, all shouting at one another.
    ---Nobody seems to talk about fitness-related subjects. Is the "jock" part of the site name a joke of some kind?

    Surely the forum could be better than this?

    Depends on the Forum. There are about 2 dozen or more, on different topics, from specific sports to sexual health. Have you navigated and explored this entire site? The "All Things Gay" Forum tends to get a little confrontational and argumentative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 2:01 PM GMT
    Art... you know the OP is accurate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 2:09 PM GMT
    pellaz saidArt... you know the OP is accurate.

    For some forums, yes. Not for all. RJ is broader than "All Things Gay" and the 2 political Forums. Both of which I created, BTW, or at least with the concurrence of RJ Admin.

    But I also created one of the sports Forums, and there's lots else to read. Plus there's other gay health & fitness stuff here, not just in Forums.

    Some of us get mired down in the "trenches" fighting political battles (and I confess I do that myself), but if you look around there's a lot more to RJ than personal cat fights. A wealth of useful info if you want it.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Dec 13, 2015 3:51 PM GMT

    I think the problem is solved if members must have a verified pic and the pic has to look like a jock - problem solved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 8:46 PM GMT
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    I think the problem is solved if members must have a verified pic and the pic has to look like a jock - problem solved.


    One of the primary draws of this site throughout its entire lifetime has been that people who have a long way to go can get advice here. Believe it or not, there was even a time when they we could find encouragement here.

    Cull the people who come here to learn, and the well will run dry faster than you realize.
  • MarvinMartian

    Posts: 128

    Dec 13, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    Thanks for your responses, everyone.
    My intent, such as it was, had to do with trying to figure out the reason for the nastiness. There are people from all over the world here (I am myself not American, although living here until June) and it seems we could learn a lot of interesting things about each other if the members could manage to discuss differences civilly. I was a member for a couple of years and didn't really look at the forums at all (mainly reading the fitness articles) but a few months ago I started lurking and very occasionally posting. You can tell by my post count that I haven't commented very often. It seems every time I think of something to add, there's a war raging. So I don't.
    I wish it were not so. It seems like this could be a fine resource for the gay community.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Dec 13, 2015 9:02 PM GMT
    tmac saidIt's not gonna change. Everyone has some sort of purpose of using this forum. I'm just here to find like minded people to get along with. I focus on them, and ignore the rest.


    This! I've made some great friends here, and I hit the "Ignore" button for the folks whose lives are devoted to fighting.

    There is also truly good info and news here, once you learn how to navigate and what to ignore.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Dec 13, 2015 9:04 PM GMT
    MarvinMartian said---People seem very nasty to each other. There are a lot of wars between people who appear to have some history with each other.
    ---Young men write in with worries and questions and the answers they get are mean and ugly.
    ---The narcissism is astonishing.
    ---There are certain elderly members who report the tiniest tedious minutiae of their lives, for some reason I cannot fathom.
    ---Racism, ageism, misogyny, conservative kooks, liberal ideologues, all shouting at one another.
    ---Nobody seems to talk about fitness-related subjects. Is the "jock" part of the site name a joke of some kind?

    Surely the forum could be better than this?


    Well. Marvin, everything you wrote is accurate, and that pretty well sums it up. We are all mean, hateful, & narcissistic on here. It's the way it is, & it gets us through the day. We use the forum to let off steam, and to express ourselves in ways that we'd never dare do in actual life. And wait until you're 60 years old, you'll probably be informing whomever you may be addressing of the tedious details of your everday life, too. It's just a way of passing time, and maintaining some personal contact with other people, as pathetic as it may be. It comes with aging, and it's inevitable.

    The young guys who write in with their questions & worries soon get used to it, and become mean & nasty themselves before long.

    Actually, though, the majority of the forums are pretty decent, and there's plenty of valid & informative fitness & health information exchanged on them. It's the 'All Things Gay' & the political forums that your description pretty much applies to.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 13, 2015 9:12 PM GMT
    carew28 said
    MarvinMartian said---People seem very nasty to each other. There are a lot of wars between people who appear to have some history with each other.
    ---Young men write in with worries and questions and the answers they get are mean and ugly.
    ---The narcissism is astonishing.
    ---There are certain elderly members who report the tiniest tedious minutiae of their lives, for some reason I cannot fathom.
    ---Racism, ageism, misogyny, conservative kooks, liberal ideologues, all shouting at one another.
    ---Nobody seems to talk about fitness-related subjects. Is the "jock" part of the site name a joke of some kind?

    Surely the forum could be better than this?


    Well. Marvin, everything you wrote is accurate, and that pretty well sums it up. We are all mean, nasty, & narcissistic on here. We use the forum to let off steam, and to express ourselves in ways that we'd never dare do in actual life. And wait until you're 60 years old, you'll probably be informing whomever you may be addressing of the tedious details of your everday life, too. It's just a way of passing time, and maintaining some personal contact with other people, as pathetic as it may be. It comes with aging, and it's inevitable.

    The young guys who write in with their questions & worries soon get used to it, and become mean & nasty themselves before long.

    Actually, though, the majority of the forums are pretty decent, and there's plenty of valid & informative fitness & health information exchanged on them. It's the 'All Things Gay' & the political forums that your description pretty much applies to.

    Sounds like it's better than nothing!

    I feel bad for the gay men who came before the internet. Did they just have to keep everything to themselves???icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 9:18 PM GMT
    MarvinMartian saidThanks for your responses, everyone.
    My intent, such as it was, had to do with trying to figure out the reason for the nastiness. There are people from all over the world here (I am myself not American, although living here until June) and it seems we could learn a lot of interesting things about each other if the members could manage to discuss differences civilly. I was a member for a couple of years and didn't really look at the forums at all (mainly reading the fitness articles) but a few months ago I started lurking and very occasionally posting. You can tell by my post count that I haven't commented very often. It seems every time I think of something to add, there's a war raging. So I don't.
    I wish it were not so. It seems like this could be a fine resource for the gay community.


    Thanks; I'm personally on board with everything here. For what it's worth:

    Pellaz is correct that the block feature is important for using this site effectively. I'll put a finer point on it, and take it in a direction he may or may not agree with: Block the people who are preventing you from being able to see the posts you want to see (i.e., based on your convenience, not on their sentiments), and feel free to drag links into a private browser tab when you want to see the unabridged version of a topic. The ignore feature is imperfect, but we can discuss its subtleties if you like.

    Once you regain control of your forum browsing experience, the place changes fairly dramatically. You still have to wade through some hostility, but that's what I see as the real challenge here:

    * Try to post questions and comments that naturally elicit positive responses
    * Work at first mindfully ignoring negative responses, then disarming them, and ideally some day twisting them in a positive direction
    * Know always that no one person will make the RJ forums a positive place, and you can never expect everyone or even a majority to put in an effort to put the community above their own compulsions
    * Try to never let a positive comment directed at you go unacknowledged.

    I've also found that using the "Show Topics I've Posted To" and "Updated Since Last Logon" help make the most of a low post count, especially if you don't have much time to spend here.

    I realize this all looks stupid to most people, but I think even skimming through it for what you think I'm getting wrong and what you could do better is a worthwhile exercise.

    Above all I agree that RJ has some very valuable contributions to make. Health and fitness are of vital importance to the gay male experience, and no other gay forum I've encountered even attempts to focus on that fact.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Dec 13, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    (Replying to HottJoe's post): Actually, a good many of them are still around. They go to potlucks at each other's homes on Friday nights, where they watch television together, discuss their health problems & what medications they're on, talk about all the great things things they did in Provincetown in the 60s & 70s, reminisce about how much more exciting the bars were back in those days, and bitch about how gay life has deteriorated nowadays.

    It's boring, but it beats staying home.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 13, 2015 9:25 PM GMT
    anotherphil * Try to never let a positive comment directed at you go unacknowledged.


    That's good advice.
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    Dec 13, 2015 9:29 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    anotherphil * Try to never let a positive comment directed at you go unacknowledged.


    That's good advice.


    It can be surprisingly easy to make someone's day sometimes.






    Thanks for that. icon_wink.gif
  • Ezl1234

    Posts: 62

    Dec 13, 2015 9:34 PM GMT
    True, But it's no diferent to life out site of this website. There are dick heads Who think that life îs a 'kitchen' when it's not. Just ignore them, life treats them the way they deserve as I have found out. And most of the time they are just angry because of another reason they are too ashamed or hurt to tell anyone about. Until someone mature enough and strong enough to take there anger away and help them.
    But YES there needs to be more helping and more talk of gym on here haah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 9:40 PM GMT
    MarvinMartian saidThanks for your responses, everyone.
    My intent, such as it was, had to do with trying to figure out the reason for the nastiness. There are people from all over the world here (I am myself not American, although living here until June) and it seems we could learn a lot of interesting things about each other if the members could manage to discuss differences civilly. I was a member for a couple of years and didn't really look at the forums at all (mainly reading the fitness articles) but a few months ago I started lurking and very occasionally posting. You can tell by my post count that I haven't commented very often. It seems every time I think of something to add, there's a war raging. So I don't.
    I wish it were not so. It seems like this could be a fine resource for the gay community.





    There is a phenomenon that happens when people are insulated from real life contact. Take our automobiles for example: If you happen to get distracted at a traffic light for a split second, chances are the person behind you is going to lay down on their horn and possibly even yell obscenities at you. But if you were in say, the checkout line at the supermarket and were slow to respond to the cashier, that same person behind you would not say anything rude to you. That's because we are insulated by the heavy metal frame of the car (call it armor if you wish.)

    The same thing happens online except anonymity is the most powerful armor of all so it's even worse. Have you ever read the comments section of YouTube? Some of the most innocent videos have the most hateful responses. This site is no different. And once you have someone saying something mean to you, letting them have it with both barrels has very little, if any consequences.

    You'll notice Facebook is a lot different. People are generally nicer there because they tend to know each other in real life or at least have friends in common, so it's a lot more civil.

    But all this being said, I have made some great friends from this site in real life and others I'm anxiously waiting to meet in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 9:54 PM GMT
    Oceans_of_Flowers said
    I think the problem is solved if members must have a verified pic and the pic has to look like a jock - problem solved.

    Most of the verified profiles are fake. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    Given what you've said in your OP and that your profile says: "The forums don't seem especially interesting", it's something of a mystery why you're here.

    The forums probably could be better, but as you're "uninterested", "unimpressed" and generally disdainful of just about everyone here, why not just bugger off? (Hope that wasn't too nasty.)