Is he into me?

  • otto88

    Posts: 1

    Dec 13, 2015 6:37 PM GMT
    I'm 27 years old, a couple of months ago I started talking to a man who is 40. Though there's an age difference we actually have a lot in common and have plenty to talk about on dates. We met on a dating app. His profile says he's looking for an LTR, so does mine. He was the one that contacted me and invited me on our first date. We've been on 6 dates already and he hasn't made a move. I would try to make a move, but he puts his hand out for a handshake everytime we say goodbye. For our 6th date I invited him to my place to watch a movie thinking he'd be more comfortable in a private setting. I planned on sitting next to him, flirt and go for the kiss. Instead he insisted I sit down first and then he picked a seat away from me. I was pretty bummed so I just didn't even try anything. He texts me regularly (not everyday, but every few days) and he's interested on going on another date. He does call me handsome on some of his texts and makes time for us to go out even though he's a busy guy with school and work, so I don't get it. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from him. He's the oldest guy I've dated, so I'm not sure if maybe older guys tend to take this long to make a move. He's also European, but the last European guy I dated kissed me on the first date. I want to ask him if he's actually looking for a relationship with me or just wants to be friends, but don't want to scare him away either if he's just the type to take it slow. It may be about a week or so until we see each other again since he's in school and has finals coming up this week. Should I wait to ask him in person or is it ok to text him? Or Should I even ask and just try to kiss him? How do I go from handshake to kiss if he puts his hand out again? Lol.
  • metta

    Posts: 39091

    Dec 13, 2015 6:41 PM GMT
    Why not just say 'kiss me' the next time he puts his hand out?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Dec 13, 2015 7:05 PM GMT
    The handshake at the end of dates is not good. And neither is sitting away from you when u two are watching a movie. A pretty clear indication IMO...that..u know. He's just not that into you.

    Probably enjoyes your company and whatnot. But if a guy wants you. You'll fuckin know it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 12:35 AM GMT
    My first relationship was with a guy in his 40s.Even though we actually kissed on our first date the one thing I noticed was he was very chivalrous and wanted to take things slowly with me. After a month and a half of dating we finally slept together. He wanted to make sure that I was interested in him as a person not just as a sexual being.

    This guy may not want to rush into anything physically yet. Everyone has a different sex drive level too, so perhaps he may be on the lower end or wanting to take his time. However I do feel like 6 dates with no physical interaction IS a bit long. I definitely would confront him nicely about where you guys stand and where he sees this going with you. If you are frustrated about the lack of displays of affection then bring it up in a constructive and supportive manner. Open communication is one of the keys to healthy relationships. I would talk about it in person, to me that is better than texting.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 1:11 AM GMT
    Import saidThe handshake at the end of dates is not good. And neither is sitting away from you when u two are watching a movie. A pretty clear indication IMO...that..u know. He's just not that into you.

    Probably enjoyes your company and whatnot. But if a guy wants you. You'll fuckin know it.


    So fucking true. When men want something they will go after it with no reserves, unless they are concerned that it will turn off the person they like, then they become more cautious. However the whole handshaking thing is not a good sign. I only give handshakes to guys I don't like or have no romantic interest in. If I like the guy I at least would give him a hug.

    He might be ready for something more, however, maybe he's just not physically smitten by you, and like the above message suggested he might just like your company.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 9:09 AM GMT
    Ahri said
    Import saidThe handshake at the end of dates is not good. And neither is sitting away from you when u two are watching a movie. A pretty clear indication IMO...that..u know. He's just not that into you.

    Probably enjoyes your company and whatnot. But if a guy wants you. You'll fuckin know it.


    So fucking true. When men want something they will go after it with no reserves, unless they are concerned that it will turn off the person they like, then they become more cautious. However the whole handshaking thing is not a good sign. I only give handshakes to guys I don't like or have no romantic interest in. If I like the guy I at least would give him a hug.

    He might be ready for something more, however, maybe he's just not physically smitten by you, and like the above message suggested he might just like your company.


    Agree with the above. He seems like he's just paying the polite card, but that is also a way to show no real romantic interest in you. It also seems like he's not being honest with you and playing with your emotions.

    If I like someone, I got for it, for the most part. I only shake hands for professional reasons or to show that I'm being polite when greeting and leaving someone.

    If I like a guy, I will give him a hug, not shake his had. That to me is standoffish and cold.

    He seems uninterested in you, or may just want to be friends. If that is the case, he needs to state that and not continue dates like he as been.

    I would just take that as he is not interested and play it back to him and move on. He's probably doing that to other guys as well, who knows.

    Good luck to you.

  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Dec 14, 2015 10:27 AM GMT
    Import saidThe handshake at the end of dates is not good. And neither is sitting away from you when u two are watching a movie. A pretty clear indication IMO...that..u know. He's just not that into you.

    Probably enjoyes your company and whatnot. But if a guy wants you. You'll fuckin know it.


    Exactly what I was thinking. Sounds like he just wants to be friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 7:45 PM GMT
    In my experience, asking a guy directly how they feel is the best way. Or maybe you just tell him how you feel. Don't profess your love for him but you can totally tell a person that you enjoy hanging out with them and ask if they'd be up for making out. Hell, in today's world you can totally even ask via text. 90% of the guys I've been with, one of us flirted via text followed by "hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. I'm totally fine with being just friends".

    I say this because sometimes when you like a guy, you get nervous and are uncomfortable and when that happens, reading body language can be incredibly inaccurate. It even happens in bed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 10:56 PM GMT
    Hello mate,

    The best way to know is to sit him down and ask him what he's feeling. From his actions, he may be afraid of letting you down and hurting your feelings, but you deserve to know where you stand, especially after a few months.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2015 12:29 PM GMT
    I think it's too early to have any expectations really. You've only been on six dates, that is nothing. Get to know each other, relax and just have fun. You should look to being friends first before jumping into romantic feelings and thoughts. I have my own set of rules for these things, but take your time. Let things flow naturally for all parties involved. icon_smile.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Dec 15, 2015 12:50 PM GMT
    The handshake can be a red flag but at the same time, maybe he's just nervous? I think your best bet is if you do decide to see him again, just sit and talk with him. It's appropriate enough since you've been on 6 dates already so it doesn't hurt to talk and share on whether he's feeling you or not.

    Good luck, hopefully everything will work out fine but if not, try not to get too bummed because at least you tried and there will be someone who will love and appreciate that.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 268

    Dec 15, 2015 6:06 PM GMT
    Use your words and ask what's up.