About how long does it normally take for you and a guy to know if you want to pursue a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    Is it 10 or more dates? Is it after a couple months? What are your experiences?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 14, 2015 6:28 PM GMT
    I knew it with my guy after one date. But with others, it has taken longer. Depends on how much each of you is willing to put out there on the first date, or first few dates. I think sex on the first date is fine, desired, but that is only part of what I'm talking about. You have to be open and vulnerable while still trying to make a good impression AND he has to be on the same page. Different guys have different baggage and for some it takes longer to open up. I guess for you, it is simply by asking yourself, "Do I like this guy? Do I like him a lot?" If the answer is yes, then go for a relationship. He may respond or he may not. Never hurts to try if you like him. I'm not a fan of going slow.
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    Dec 14, 2015 6:32 PM GMT
    About two months. Even if I think I want to pursue a relationship I tend to give it some time so that I know I'm not just lusting after the guy but truly care.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 14, 2015 6:37 PM GMT
    There's usually a feeling of love at first sight, and then it's a matter of realizing whether it's real or just projecting.
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    Dec 14, 2015 11:20 PM GMT
    At this stage in the game, I don't take anything a guy says seriously until after three months. If they can make it three months, then I "consider" their long term potential. After three more months, then I know they "may" be in it for the long haul. There are no guarantees so you have to set ground rules from the beginning. For me, there is no sex during this period, because that's what a majority of men truly/only want anyway. You have to weed them out.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Dec 15, 2015 3:14 AM GMT
    visastamp saidAt this stage in the game, I don't take anything a guy says seriously until after three months. If they can make it three months, then I "consider" their long term potential. After three more months, then I know they "may" be in it for the long haul. There are no guarantees so you have to set ground rules from the beginning. For me, there is no sex during this period, because that's what a majority of men truly/only want anyway. You have to weed them out.


    Wow. Very impressiveicon_biggrin.gif

    So, you are building an LTR on the denial of 'what majority of men truly/only want anyway'. Sure, the best way to start...

    Like I said: Impressive...

    And, yeah, lots of good luckicon_biggrin.gif

    SC
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 15, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    About 30 seconds icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2015 12:19 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud said
    visastamp saidAt this stage in the game, I don't take anything a guy says seriously until after three months. If they can make it three months, then I "consider" their long term potential. After three more months, then I know they "may" be in it for the long haul. There are no guarantees so you have to set ground rules from the beginning. For me, there is no sex during this period, because that's what a majority of men truly/only want anyway. You have to weed them out.


    Wow. Very impressiveicon_biggrin.gif

    So, you are building an LTR on the denial of 'what majority of men truly/only want anyway'. Sure, the best way to start...

    Like I said: Impressive...

    And, yeah, lots of good luckicon_biggrin.gif

    SC


    I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic, serious, or a mix of the two LOL. Either way, thank you. I have been celibate for a while and it hasn't been an issue with me. I know what I am looking for and its sooo beyond sex. But like I said, most men that I have dated, only wanted sex. Once they found out it truly wasn't happening, they disappeared, expectantly. I am only into those men that can and will wait. Our bodies are temples and we should respect ourselves enough to be with the right person. That's just me. icon_smile.gif
  • Amira

    Posts: 328

    Dec 15, 2015 1:52 PM GMT
    Usually I know by the first couple of dates but I'm stubborn and don't listen to my intuition.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Dec 16, 2015 12:21 AM GMT
    Let me make it to date #5 and I'll let you know :/ NYC dating is tiresome. Waiting a few months is smart, regardless of how many dates you have. I would rather see someone for a while without locking it into the box of a relationship. I'm not the jealous type, so it wouldn't bother me if someone I was interested in was casually dating someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2015 12:40 AM GMT
    I'm definitely a slow burn type of guy so it would take some time before I begin a relationship lol. Generally about 2 or 3 months for me to consider going exclusive.
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    Dec 16, 2015 1:30 AM GMT
    I think after about 2 months, about 7-8 dates I would know for sure. Well and the lust or love of first sight factor also plays into it. I'm dating someone on and off now for about 6 months, I just don't feel that serious relationship spark with him. He feels for me than I do for him, I think I might have to slow down and friend zone him.
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    Dec 16, 2015 3:34 AM GMT
    laxwill10 saidI think after about 2 months, about 7-8 dates I would know for sure. Well and the lust or love of first sight factor also plays into it. I'm dating someone on and off now for about 6 months, I just don't feel that serious relationship spark with him. He feels for me than I do for him, I think I might have to slow down and friend zone him.


    Yep, you are basically leading him on, even if unintentionally. You should be honest with him and end things before you make it worse. I would be really upset...you're going to hurt him no matter what at this point. This is why so many men are jaded.
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    Dec 16, 2015 5:07 AM GMT
    You may be on to something Visastamp,,, like you've mentioned most guys just want one thing or to at least see you without your clothes etc. And in most cases if you have sex early or give them want they want, poof they go. It makes me reluctant to date anymore. Curious guys/new guys on the scene are the worst offenders no offence to anyone.
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    Dec 16, 2015 5:13 AM GMT
    visastamp said
    laxwill10 saidI think after about 2 months, about 7-8 dates I would know for sure. Well and the lust or love of first sight factor also plays into it. I'm dating someone on and off now for about 6 months, I just don't feel that serious relationship spark with him. He feels for me than I do for him, I think I might have to slow down and friend zone him.


    Yep, you are basically leading him on, even if unintentionally. You should be honest with him and end things before you make it worse. I would be really upset...you're going to hurt him no matter what at this point. This is why so many men are jaded.


    This happened to me many a time and recently too. Be an adult and COMMUNICATE! with him. If you're not feeling him the way he is feeling you, then be a man, grow some balls and be honest an up front with him. Tell him like it is. This is the issue I have with gay men and why I am single. No one is honest or up front anymore.

    No one likes their feelings hurt, and karma will come back to bite you if you don't.
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    Dec 16, 2015 5:26 AM GMT
    I think in my experience with dating and relationships(relationships being less experienced in than dating) it generally takes me a few days to a week to know if I like someone beyond the physical appearance. It will take me longer to get to know him to figure out if we connect on a deeper level.

    Here's the issue I have and have had for many years now--since I came out into the gay world:

    I can't get anyone to go on more then like 2 or 3 dates with me. Guys are pussies. icon_evil.gif

    I used to regard what I guy said with in the first hour or so of talking and getting to know each other(dinner dates are so stupid, btw. Waste of time and money. I'd rather eat alone)

    Now, I'm not sure anymore. The longest I've ever talked to a guy is about 2-3 weeks, but they never usually go anywhere, or die because they lead me on, or just decide they want some hoe off the street, from the bar or grindr.

    I would say that if I am able to get a proper shot with someone and go out on some dates, I would set a range of about 5-10 dates and a minimum 3 month mark with no sex or sexting, and see were things go from there.

    That might seem long for some, but I have to weed out the ones who just want to sweet talk their way into my pants because that seems to be all men want anymore.

    I'm also more discerning now, so I won't talk to just anyone, and I won't just let any guy try to waltz into my life expecting the whole package deal, either.

    I need some time to grow and develop a relationship with someone. The problem is that gay guys are liars and will do whatever it takes to get some booty, so if they can't wait 3 months or think that's too long, they are whores.

    I'm not sure what else to say except that 5-10 dates or 3 months is a good bench mark. I should also mention that there is probably not going to be any excessive physical contact: i.e. no extreme kissing, touching, or groping of any kind during those three months because that will just lead to sex and than it's not a interest in a relationship anymore.
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    Dec 16, 2015 11:58 AM GMT
    Soccerboi saidYou may be on to something Visastamp,,, like you've mentioned most guys just want one thing or to at least see you without your clothes etc. And in most cases if you have sex early or give them want they want, poof they go. It makes me reluctant to date anymore. Curious guys/new guys on the scene are the worst offenders no offence to anyone.


    You have to go into the dating opportunities with no expectations. There is no rush because remember, you both are strangers. You can't expect to know someone in a few months. Months are nothing, and you have to control yourself and stick to your values. Other men aren't in control of your body and mind. That's all you so understand your value and that you are worthy of an authentic and long lasting relationship.

    Also, are you pursuing the same type of guy? Are you the problem as well? We have to examine ourselves and know what we truly want, before trying to find someone else.
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    Dec 16, 2015 12:08 PM GMT
    jjohnson88 saidI think in my experience with dating and relationships(relationships being less experienced in than dating) it generally takes me a few days to a week to know if I like someone beyond the physical appearance. It will take me longer to get to know him to figure out if we connect on a deeper level.

    Here's the issue I have and have had for many years now--since I came out into the gay world:

    I can't get anyone to go on more then like 2 or 3 dates with me. Guys are pussies. icon_evil.gif

    I used to regard what I guy said with in the first hour or so of talking and getting to know each other(dinner dates are so stupid, btw. Waste of time and money. I'd rather eat alone)

    Now, I'm not sure anymore. The longest I've ever talked to a guy is about 2-3 weeks, but they never usually go anywhere, or die because they lead me on, or just decide they want some hoe off the street, from the bar or grindr.

    I would say that if I am able to get a proper shot with someone and go out on some dates, I would set a range of about 5-10 dates and a minimum 3 month mark with no sex or sexting, and see were things go from there.

    That might seem long for some, but I have to weed out the ones who just want to sweet talk their way into my pants because that seems to be all men want anymore.

    I'm also more discerning now, so I won't talk to just anyone, and I won't just let any guy try to waltz into my life expecting the whole package deal, either.

    I need some time to grow and develop a relationship with someone. The problem is that gay guys are liars and will do whatever it takes to get some booty, so if they can't wait 3 months or think that's too long, they are whores.

    I'm not sure what else to say except that 5-10 dates or 3 months is a good bench mark. I should also mention that there is probably not going to be any excessive physical contact: i.e. no extreme kissing, touching, or groping of any kind during those three months because that will just lead to sex and than it's not a interest in a relationship anymore.



    Honestly, three months is not enough time to get to know someone. I've had men hold out for three months before when I was more naive. My friends have had men say sweet nothings and play prince charming for SIX months, just to disappear after sex ONE time. It's the thrill of the chase for men. It's an exciting challenge for many of them. And though they may be waiting for you to give in, they are certainly sleeping with other men behind your back. So the question becomes:

    What are YOU looking for? If you're just looking for a guy to kick it with or be there, then it may not be enough. Do you want to find a husband or long term partner? How many of those do you want? If you just want one, that's all you need to find. Don't worry about ALL those other losers out there and wait for the one. Don't give up sex and your body before knowing he's the one. How do you know? The ONE will wait for you. He won't even bring up sex, especially before six months. He will respect your body and decisions, and will even ask you if you are uncomfortable in many situations. He will not try to convince you to spend the night or to trust him and sleep with him.

    But YOU have to do your part and not be so quick to fall in love or lust for him sexually. You have to maybe not meet him at nights for dates. You have to take your time. That's it. Don't fall for the same old traps and look for real gentlemen who want to settle down and be exclusive.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Dec 16, 2015 12:12 PM GMT

    It makes me reluctant to date anymore. Curious guys/new guys on the scene are the worst offenders no offence to anyone


    How dare you! icon_eek.gif


    I am offended. Your offence offends me.
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    Dec 16, 2015 4:48 PM GMT
    @Visastamp (like your username btw hehe) I'm working on that,, not expecting anything in the beginning. I don't know as soon as I meet a guy and click, if things go well I start to get my hopes up and if doesn't workout I'm disappointed. I think it's because I have high expectations. And no I've pursued various guys but usually the same outcome, so I guess the problem is me. But I've been working/focusing on myself and took a break on meeting guys.
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    Dec 16, 2015 4:52 PM GMT
    @badbug I don't mean all of them,, some are nice but in my experience with them has not been positive.
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    Dec 16, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    Soccerboi said@Visastamp (like your username btw hehe) I'm working on that,, not expecting anything in the beginning. I don't know as soon as I meet a guy and click, if things go well I start to get my hopes up and if doesn't workout I'm disappointed. I think it's because I have high expectations. And no I've pursued various guys but usually the same outcome, so I guess the problem is me. But I've been working/focusing on myself and took a break on meeting guys.


    Thank you :-)

    You have to work on yourself, OR get your heart broken to a million pieces and evolve. That's the only way it's going to work. Don't get so caught up on men so soon, take your precious time. There is absolutely NO rush. Trust me lol
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 23, 2016 11:25 AM GMT
    I tend to rely on intuition. I think there are 2 stages.
    Stage 1 is there sufficient compatibility of anything? I think you know this after 2 dates. There is attraction or not.

    Stage 2 there is compatibility now is the stage of is there enough to go beyond compatibility. Like shared values, wanting the same thing etc.
    I think this can be figured out in a couple of months. The problem is when you see someone over a couple of months who has a busy schedule meeting once a week. You never get to know enough because it is too fleeting
    My approach is to spend time together. If you can spend at least 24 hours with one person and enjoy it you are on the right track.

    As for sex. Why wait so long a couple of months max. For me it is on average 3 weeks.

    If you have good intuition then you know when someone just wants sex and even if they do who cares? If they just want sex and can't see your other qualities too bad for them. Just enjoy the sex.
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    Jan 23, 2016 1:51 PM GMT
    I'd have to know a guy for 4 to 5 years to take it to the next level, in terms of being life partners. I don't like rushing things too soon.
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    Jan 23, 2016 11:38 PM GMT
    Makoto_Yoshino saidI'd have to know a guy for 4 to 5 years to take it to the next level, in terms of being life partners. I don't like rushing things too soon.


    Wow.... 4-5 YEARS? Ain't nobody got time fo dat.