Matter of trust and forgiveness?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2015 2:42 AM GMT
    I have a question for you guys...Ok, first a little story.

    One of my dearest and only gay friend has been dating a guy exclusively for the last 8 months.They live in bordering states about an 1.5 hours away and take turn visiting each other on weekends.

    my friend decided to look for a job in the state where his boyfriend lives and moves there in his house. My friend currently rents.
    After months of searching he finally found work in the same city as is boyfriend and put it his 2 weeks notice at his current job.

    He called me frantically this morning telling me that he went through his boyfriend's phone and saw naked pics of his boyfriend in the To Be Deleted folder of his iPhone.

    He confronted his bf and he admitted it sexting a former fling. But swore to never do it again. I told my friend to take some times to think about it...But he just called me telling me that his bf drove all the day to his apartment with flowers and they cried and made up.

    I want to be supportive, but I can't bring myself to...Especially because I personally would have ended things right there....They are not using protection anymore and I am REALLY worried about him.
    I am not the most trusting person and I very easily just move on.
    I keep thinking about the saying "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

    I am supposed to spend a weekend with them and help my friend move in at the bf house...and I don't know what to do anymore.
    Am I wrong here?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Dec 15, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    Yup.You are!

    You are here to support your friend in decisions that only he can make, and that affect only his life. If he chose to forgive, you are perfectly free to voice your opinion to your bestie, but ultimately, you are only his friend and not his guardian.

    It makes a lot of sense to try very hard and stay away from intimate issues between the two men. When you are wrong - you are wrong. When you are right - you are wrong anywayicon_rolleyes.gif.

    SC
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 15, 2015 3:29 AM GMT
    His choice ... NOT YOURS! So wish him the best and be a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2015 3:55 PM GMT
    Your friend went through his BFs phone?! If I was the BF I would have broken up with him for that breech of privacy.

    Follow AMoonHawk's advice.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Dec 16, 2015 12:13 AM GMT
    People are free to make their own decisions and should be encouraged to do so. Not everyone would make the same decision, and that's OK.

    It may be that 50 years from now they will still be together; who knows?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    Yeah I disagree with you, I think men are all fairly gross, and there's a lot of men who care about their partners but are still curious about other guys and it's normal. The fact that your friend's guy made up with him and brought him flowers (lolz) is pretty good.

    Now, in lets say 50 to 100 years when homosexuality is more normal, and men in their 20s and sometimes 30s (if not older) are not so desperately sex deprived from being ashamed in their teens and not exploring, the male standard will be higher for homosexual men, and this behavior will be a deal breaker. Almost all homos are late bloomers as our environment forced us to be that way.

    The guy should have been more transparent about his ex but meh, it wouldn't surprise me if it happened to me, but then again, this is why i'm single all of the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2015 4:02 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidYup.You are!

    You are here to support your friend in decisions that only he can make, and that affect only his life. If he chose to forgive, you are perfectly free to voice your opinion to your bestie, but ultimately, you are only his friend and not his guardian.

    It makes a lot of sense to try very hard and stay away from intimate issues between the two men. When you are wrong - you are wrong. When you are right - you are wrong anywayicon_rolleyes.gif.

    SC


    Thank you for your input. I will do just that. I really enjoy reading your insightful contributions on here. Cheers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2015 4:03 AM GMT
    TO23 saidYeah I disagree with you, I think men are all fairly gross, and there's a lot of men who care about their partners but are still curious about other guys and it's normal. The fact that your friend's guy made up with him and brought him flowers (lolz) is pretty good.

    Now, in lets say 50 to 100 years when homosexuality is more normal, and men in their 20s and sometimes 30s (if not older) are not so desperately sex deprived from being ashamed in their teens and not exploring, the male standard will be higher for homosexual men, and this behavior will be a deal breaker. Almost all homos are late bloomers as our environment forced us to be that way.

    The guy should have been more transparent about his ex but meh, it wouldn't surprise me if it happened to me, but then again, this is why i'm single all of the time.


    Really good all across the board. I never looked at it that way. Thank you TO23.
    I will leave it alone.