Advice on fixing a friendship.... that could be more

  • SingleGuy27

    Posts: 1

    Dec 15, 2015 3:38 AM GMT
    I am a recently single guy, fresh out of a very long relationship. A few months ago this guy kind of just came out of nowhere and we hit it off (we will call him Guy A). It started off as simple texts back and forth until the late hours and then that quickly grew into hanging out getting drinks or lunch here and there. He is also recently out of a long relationship as well. Things between us were going great, we quickly realized that we both had a crazy amount of things in common and everything just felt right. We could tell things were moving very fast and both agreed that things need to slow down a lot since we were both not 100% what we wanted. We were still hanging out 3-4 times a week going to the gym, having dinner, drinks, etc. Things quickly took a turn for the worst and now I'm in a bit of a situation. Prior to meeting this guy right around the time my ex ended things with me i started talking to someone who was going through the same thing i was (we will call him Guy B). I was so desperate for a friend and just someone to talk to that i started talking to him. I was simply looking for nothing more than a friend even though we exchanged a picture here and there but nothing sexual or in person. I stopped talking to him after a bit when i knew we probably wouldn't become good friends and should move on. To make a long story short this guy (Guy B) was the ex of (Guy A). When (Guy A) started talking to me i knew who his ex was but was too scared to tell him we had talked at one point. Things had being going so good for me, I was finally happy after a few miserable months. I had just gained an amazing best friend. I was waking up happy and happy a work; it made all the drama from the past just go away. There were always feelings for him in the back of my mind and it was a real struggle to keep this away since we were still trying to be "Just friends". I also knew he was still dealing with feelings for his ex and really trying to get a grasp on what he was feeling for him. It was and has always been my full intention to tell (Guy A) about the past with (Guy B) I just could never find the right moment. I really cared about him and was scared I would loose it all. He recently found out about my past with his ex and it wasn't from me….. it was from his ex. I would say he did not take it very well and got very upset about it. Saying things like it was a huge turn off, I've lost all trust for you, etc. I tried explaining how I felt and apologized totally owning up to my mistake. He said to me you can't rush this and we kind of stopped there. It’s been 2 weeks now since we have talked (all was via text, nothing has been in person) and I'm at that point where I'm wondering where to go with this/ What to do? I clearly care a lot about him and he was an amazing friend. I really don't want to throw this whole friendship away. I have gone back and forth a lot with myself over the past week and trying to put myself in his shoes. I know he needs space to try and sort everything out. I almost begin to wonder if there were feelings on his end as well and I just didn't know about them. That's why he took this so hard. I hope he comes around and finally reaches out to talk. Has anyone out there been though anything like this before?
  • badbug

    Posts: 866

    Dec 15, 2015 8:23 AM GMT

    Not exactly the same,

    but i've gone down the friends/lovers/friends road quite a few times and i've never been able to make it work.

    I know some people can and do. My most recent ex, is super close with her ex wife. I can't really think of more examples lol.

    I guess, my point is that some people are cut out for different types of relationships. In your shoes i can see why you would think one thing but from his perspective maybe he thought you had something different.

    I am not sure. I think that's the thing with trust, you probably should of told him. I get you were scared but you took the choice out of his hands there.

    I know about breaking people's trust, i have a fair amount of experience with that. You really can only earn it back if they give you the chance, and usually they don't.

    In the future, be honest quicker i guess? You need to be honest in situations where it's possible and even likely you'll be found out that's for sure.