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How hospitable are you when you invite a man you dig to your place?

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Dec 16, 2015 7:18 AM GMT

Ok, I just spent a few hours at a guys house that he invited me over. Second meet. It was fun and cool and all good. We watched Netflix (not what you're thinking), no sex, and met his roommate who was super cool (I'm okay with female roommates but not another man...from repeated experiences)

Anyhow, my only thing was they didn't seem very hospitable. We watched the movie over some small snacks his roommate made, but no alcohol. I asked for a glass of wine, and after that it was it. Pretty much watched movies and drunk water. I had to ask Both times for something to drink because my throat was dry, and then the second time his roommate said, "that's all that was left". And I only had like 3/4 of a glass!

I don't know about other people, but I'm just not like that. If I have someone over to my house, I will make sure I go out and buy a new bottle of wine just for us or something. If I can't do that, I won't have anyone over. Oftentimes, I'll even bring bottles over because I figure they won't have any. Sometimes I'll even cook or order pizza at my place. Hell, I had a big ass bottle of pinnacle strawberry vodka I couldn't bought to just atleast make a couple drinks, but I didn't want to 'bring liquor into their place" as some people get funny about that.

But to me, I find it unhospitable to invite someone over just to drink water while watching movies. I'm not saying I'm trying to get drunk and party, but something to invigorate the tastebuds or something. Relax the mind, unwind. Water and soda doesn't do that. Plus wine is 50 billion times healthier than Some teeth rotting carbonated acid.

I don't know what I feel, but there seems to be a lack of this in the 20s and younger 30s dating scene. When I go to older white guys houses, they always offer a beer or cocktail or something...if they don't, they usually explain they're former alcoholics...But in some case, I've found its usually a red flag when a single gay man "CAN'T" have alcohol in the house. They're usually relaxing thru other methods. METHods. Or Pot. Neigh of which I'm fond of.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:21 AM GMT

Some people don't drink habitually and don't see alcohol as a necessity like you apparently do. I think people should offer their guests something to drink, water at the least, but it doesn't necessarily need to be alcohol.

I also believe hosts should have some source of satiation available, even if it's just a snack like chicken biscuits

PS: Alienating a man because he has a male roommate is really peculiar. Gay guys act like they want a 'masculine man' all the time but then get iffy when they hang around straight guys.

David3K

Posts: 235

Dec 16, 2015 7:25 AM GMT

What makes you think that drinking whine is everybodys habit? Just because you do doesnt mean the rest will.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:25 AM GMT

They're only here for sex. As soon as I come I tell them they have to leave.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:33 AM GMT

IsigVinter saidSome people don't drink habitually and don't see alcohol as a necessity like you apparently do.

PS: Alienating a man because he has a male roommate is really peculiar. Gay guys act like they want a 'masculine man' all the time but then get iffy when they hang around straight guys.

At 21 years old, you're barely old enough for hard lemonades much less wine. That's acceptable at your age, but for people in their upper 20s and 30s even 40s....we're mature enough to have a drink without being habitual or necessity,

Hell...I used to do yard work for a white woman years ago. She had a husband and kids and was a realtor. Everytime I came over around 5 pm after work, she would have a glass of wine in her hand. That's what grown folks do.

And the male roommates I'm referring to are other gay roommates: I have an issue because in the world of Grindr, roommates like to share and trade guys and too much drama happens. These are definitely not straight male roommates. Also, even straight men are often on the prowl too much, and to me that's a bad influence for a single gay man trying to date.

Most gay men I found with male roommates, go thru guys quickly and treat us very disposable. They also gossip like bitches and hoes do, and that's not conducive to building a relationship. I know because I had a male roommate and he was always looking for hookups, always going thru guys left and right, and showing me pictures of people he hooked up with. Tell me other gay roommates don't do the same damn thing? I have never been able to stay in a relationship with a man that has another male roommate. Ever. Lasts anywhere from hours to weeks. Never years. That's why the fuck I have my reservations.

David3K

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Dec 16, 2015 7:35 AM GMT

MuchMoreThanAWhore said
IsigVinter saidSome people don't drink habitually and don't see alcohol as a necessity like you apparently do.

PS: Alienating a man because he has a male roommate is really peculiar. Gay guys act like they want a 'masculine man' all the time but then get iffy when they hang around straight guys.

At 21 years old, you're barely old enough for hard lemonades much less wine. That's acceptable at your age, but for people in their upper 20s and 30s even 40s....we're mature enough to have a drink without being habitual or necessity,

Hell...I used to do yard work for a white woman years ago. She had a husband and kids and was a realtor. Everytime I came over around 5 pm after work, she would have a glass of wine in her hand. That's what grown folks do.

And the male roommates I'm referring to are other gay roommates: I have an issue because in the world of Grindr, roommates like to share and trade guys and too much drama happens. These are definitely not straight male roommates. Also, even straight men are often on the prowl too much, and to me that's a bad influence for a single gay man trying to date.

Most gay men I found with make roommates, go thru guys quickly and treat us very disposable. That's why the fuck I have my reservations.

Lol, a glass pf wine everyday at 5pm is not what "grown ups usually do". As always your vision of the world is distorted by your own unfortunate life experience.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:37 AM GMT

A question I've wondered about. Being stingy with water sounds odd

Back In the pre-app days, even for a hook-up, there was usually a bottle of wine exchanged. Or a six-pack for the blue-collar types.

These days, it seems like guys drop to their knees the second they walk through the door. If I offer them a drink, they take one or two sips and forget about it.

If friends are coming over to watch a movie, it usually means dinner, something on the grill, or at least snacks and drinks (with alcohol or not).

One day this summer, I had some straight friends on the boat. I sent them below to mix themselves some drinks while I was raising the sails... Somehow they got turned around and instead of the rum, they found the condoms and lube

BTW: the guys I really dig... Get breakfast.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:47 AM GMT

^^^ That's what I'm saying. I don't get all this casual come over and lay on the couch shit. I can fucking do that at home.

I am not berating the guy I met by any means, we went out over the weekend and had drinks as I'm new in town and he showed me around. So he started out on the right track.

I just think subconsciously, guys aren't putting in the effort and maybe don't notice that when you have company over, you can't treat them like your roommate laying on the couch. That's my other issue about roommates. I think they get used to another body, corpse, etc laying next to them.

I don't take the time I spend with a guy in my house for granted. I'm usually lonely all week long, sleeping alone, waking alone. Day in, day out. So when I invite someone over....I want it to be interesting. Get a buzz. Fuck. Other alternatives to wine for you alcohol snobs: hot cocoa, hot chocolate, egg nog, sparkling water, hot cider, etc. non of those were there. It's fucking winter. Come on now.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:53 AM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle saidLOL!

Same old thread pattern by FuzzyPecs.

Here's how it works:

And you have your head so far up my ass, that you can never derive any sort of lesson or see anyone's point of view because you're so busy licking my asshole...that you always look at it as if I'm putting someone down or complaining.

Why can't you just answer the damn question instead of being so biased?

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Dec 16, 2015 8:02 AM GMT

mindgarden saidThese days, it seems like guys drop to their knees the second they walk through the door. If I offer them a drink, they take one or two sips and forget about it.

That's because they know you've got that horse cock.

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Dec 16, 2015 8:10 AM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
But sure, I'll provide my input on the matter.

When making plans with this person and his roommate you could have offered to bring some wine. A simple phone call or a text message beforehand would have taken care of all of this. You can't expect people to know what you like or want. It's all about communication which you failed at with flying colors in this particular scenario.

It's like you expect people to read your mind and magically know what you want. Since I rarely ever drink alcohol and prefer to drink water, had I been in your shoes I would have been as happy as a clam.

Thanks you for your reply, that's all that was needed. Like I said though, I had a bottle I could have bought, but it was liquor. Sometimes I feel a certain way about bringing alcohol to someone's house I never been in, namely on a weekday like it was.

Plus, what the fuck? I'm the guest. They should be asking ME what I want. Don't expect them to know what I like? This isn't sex or a lesson on blowjobs. There was no failure in communication with any goddamn rainbow flag. It's common sense that if you invite someone over, have some refreshments. Or ask. Hell, even if I'm broke I'll ask friends to bring me something over and they do. Non of my friends come to my place empty handed because they know I'd never invite them over and have them drink bottled water.

And then...the two times the ROOMMATE, not the guy I was seeing, but the ROOMMATE made snacks, she made it for him and her, not him, her, and I. Just admit. That's bad hospitality. Don't sit here in my face and play dumb.

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Dec 16, 2015 8:50 AM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
Dang, so the roommate was a female and she made snacks for herself and her roommate but didn't include you?

Well then...

That changes evrahthang......

LOL EXACTLY! Now you see what I'm saying. There was more to the story than just what I said. It's those little things, that make a big impression. And I left feeling like they weren't hospitable. It's almost like she didn't even want me there.

If she gonna make snacks for her and him, that means she had a whole snack to herself and either a) expected us to share or b) expected to leave me out. Now that sounds petty, but if she can have her own plate, what makes her think him or I wouldn't want mine? And why is she being the hostess and playing mom. I'm HIS date. See what I'm saying? It doesn't make sense to me.

I don't know, see...that's why I tend to limit dates over at people's houses who have roommates. I just don't have time for funny acting people. Simple interactions turn into drama because someone gets their jealousy and insecurity involved. And I regress because women roommates aren't much better. I remember a guy last month invited me over, and his roommate was being a PMSy bitch the entire few minutes she seen I was there. Even he admitted not knowin "what was wrong with her". Almost in a, "you're not allowed to bring Black boys over!" Type of way.

And sure enough...that guy stopped talking to me shortly after. Bitches are evil. Fucking witches.

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Dec 16, 2015 12:10 PM GMT

The last man I invited home still haven't left yet... almost 2 years now...

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Dec 16, 2015 2:22 PM GMT

mindgarden said
These days, it seems like guys drop to their knees the second they walk through the door. If I offer them a drink, they take one or two sips and forget about it.

In my single days, I would always go to a guy's place never the other way around. Ask for/be offered a glass of water on arrival, have a mouthful or two and then get down to some action.

Depends what the invite is for though - if it's purely for sex then you can't expect craft services. If you have invited someone round for the evening then a choice of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages should be offered and continually available, that's just basic hosting.

rnch

Posts: 11556

Dec 16, 2015 3:01 PM GMT

Invite this guy over to YOUR place next time.

Destinharbor

Posts: 4637

Dec 16, 2015 4:41 PM GMT

I have a different take on this. If you're talking about a guy you're dating, and this is a date,I think a little hospitality and forethought is required. But this doesn't sound like a date, just a casual get together. In a case like that, I consider it my responsibility to bring along whatever I want to drink and maybe some snacks. I also usually ask if he (they) would mind if I forage a bit. I'll play host when I'm a host but just to watch a ball game or a movie, most people prefer to just feel at home. Wine isn't all that cheap. If you like hanging at their place, carry your weight. Including with cleanup.

I learned this lesson in spades when a friend of mine started spending a lot of time at my place. He'd drink $10-$20 worth of wine every time he walked in the door. Added up $$ and also depleted my stock. Now we have an implicit arrangement, we both automatically bring along whatever we want to drink. If I just drop in and haven't brought anything, I'll help myself to his stuff but only a drink or two and then I run out to resupply, even if he has plenty. Friendship- not a dating thing.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:36 PM GMT

^ exactly. If I'm the guest I bring something.

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Dec 16, 2015 7:38 PM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
mindgarden said

These days, it seems like guys drop to their knees the second they walk through the door.

It would appear, by your detailed responses throughout the site, that you have a very "energetic" albeit casual sex life.

You go, bro!

Well, it's like rain in the desert. Brief floods punctuated by long droughts. Weird.

Actually, I am too far from the city and too old to partake in thi much. But my impression is that guys aren't hooking up "for the evening" so much any more. They engage in a 15 or 20 minute sex act, then whip out their phones and move on to the next guy. No time for hospitality.

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Dec 16, 2015 10:52 PM GMT

I did invite this guy over to my place after the club couple days ago. But that was our first meet and probably woulda lead to a hookup.

And believe me, yes I USUALLY do bring wine over to someone's house, especially if I sense they might have an empty fridge. Unfortunently yesterday I was super duper broke out of my mind...but hell I forgot I had a full 750 ML of emergency Pinnacle vodka at home.

But then again, I asked him, "you guys must not drink during the week". He said they do normally drink lots of wine. But just wasn't any there that night. he also said, "vodka is too much" for during the week, hence my earlier reasoning that it may have been "too much" to bring over my flavored vodka.

SilverRRCloud

Posts: 901

Dec 17, 2015 5:50 AM GMT

Common sense dictates that the host provides hospitality to his guests.

With the last economic meltdown still fresh in people's memories, many folks have scaled down very substantially.

Martini lunches, mandatory wine & cheese at 5pm, cocktails before dinner, etc., are clearly on their way out. Most of the people I know have grown to be very conservative with their drinks these days. I strongly doubt that this has anything to do with the economics of it. But it sure has to do a lot with watching their respective waistlines.

Social, responsible drinking is now swiftly going the way the smoking went a few years ago. People started massively associating smoking with being poor, unsuccessful, generally a failure on many levels. Something that successful, top tier folks do NOT do. The same feel has developed about the guys who would want to have a drink, or God Forbid, more than just one drink.

rnch

Posts: 11556

Dec 17, 2015 2:44 PM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle saidDon't go back there again.

She sounds like a cunt.

Once Again, MMTM and and I agree. My take: the biotche is "carrying a torch" for this guy and was doing her level best to run off any competition.

So Sad.

For you and this guy.

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Dec 17, 2015 4:01 PM GMT

MuchMoreThanAWhore said
IsigVinter saidSome people don't drink habitually and don't see alcohol as a necessity like you apparently do.

PS: Alienating a man because he has a male roommate is really peculiar. Gay guys act like they want a 'masculine man' all the time but then get iffy when they hang around straight guys.

At 21 years old, you're barely old enough for hard lemonades much less wine. That's acceptable at your age, but for people in their upper 20s and 30s even 40s....we're mature enough to have a drink without being habitual or necessity,

Hell...I used to do yard work for a white woman years ago. She had a husband and kids and was a realtor. Everytime I came over around 5 pm after work, she would have a glass of wine in her hand. That's what grown folks do.

And the male roommates I'm referring to are other gay roommates: I have an issue because in the world of Grindr, roommates like to share and trade guys and too much drama happens. These are definitely not straight male roommates. Also, even straight men are often on the prowl too much, and to me that's a bad influence for a single gay man trying to date.

Most gay men I found with male roommates, go thru guys quickly and treat us very disposable. They also gossip like bitches and hoes do, and that's not conducive to building a relationship. I know because I had a male roommate and he was always looking for hookups, always going thru guys left and right, and showing me pictures of people he hooked up with. Tell me other gay roommates don't do the same damn thing? I have never been able to stay in a relationship with a man that has another male roommate. Ever. Lasts anywhere from hours to weeks. Never years. That's why the fuck I have my reservations.

'Every time I came over around 5pm after work, .... that's what grown folks do.' - That's called habitual drinking. Sorry that you apparently think drinking is a staple of maturity. It's not.

You should have specified 'gay male roommates'. You didn't.

Fireworkz

Posts: 606

Jan 15, 2016 11:09 AM GMT

I think tea and coffee is fine before 6pm.
After 6pm alcohol may be served.
Then the issue is what alcohol?

Wine: if the host doesn't drink or doesn't want to drink much then a bottle of wine will be wasted. And if you drink the whole bottle of wine you are a lush.

Beer is the safest option but not everyone likes beer.

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Jan 15, 2016 12:09 PM GMT

i just hope he would like me. just me. find me as a consistent kind trusting person.

BloodFlame

Posts: 1798

Jan 15, 2016 12:47 PM GMT

I've never hosted a guy before but if I did, I would try to be as inviting and hospital as I could be. But I'm not a drinker. I mean, I like the occasional wine cooler but I don't drink beer/wine so I'd hope the guy wouldn't hold that against me...

But I'd probably save a few beers just for the guest/company even though I wouldn't drink it myself.

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How hospitable are you when you invite a man you dig to your place?