The Proper Way to Give

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    Dec 20, 2015 5:19 PM GMT
    When I was 5 or 6 years old, I remember my mom made a gift basket for a disabled boy and his family at our church. The boy was about 16 years old but only weighed about 80 pounds I'm guessing. He was in a wheelchair but for some reason the father would frequently leave the wheelchair outside and carry his son to a pew and hold him on his lap throughout the service (maybe the wheelchair was too uncomfortable to sit in for long periods or maybe he just cherished the time he had left with him.) All I really knew about them was that they were very poor and the boy wasn't supposed to live very long.

    My mom made the gift basket by hand and I remember her folding up some money to tuck beneath some of the fruit. I made a card for the boy but she said it was so beautiful she wanted to keep it on our refrigerator (which all at once excited, disappointed and confused me.) When we got to their house she parked the car about a half a block away and instructed me to stay in the car. As we drove away I saw that she had left the basket on their front steps. I remember feeling concerned and I said to her "but how will they know it's from us?" She said "that's not why you give son. It's best to give in secret; that way you know you're doing it for the right reason."

    Feel free to share important lessons you learned as a child.
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    Dec 20, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    That's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco. When I was little I was scared of Santa Claus and wouldn't sit on his lap. My mom still tells how my sister told Santa she didn't want anything but gave him a long list of stuff to bring her baby brother. And she's always looked out for me even though I'm over twice her size now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2015 5:44 PM GMT
    give something:
    you like = donation
    you love = penance
    your excess = re-cycle
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    Dec 20, 2015 5:54 PM GMT
    I agree with this type of giving the most! One of our employees at work was about to make a 8 hour bus trip to see her dying uncle for the last time and I realized how good I had it. I have a vehicle that beings me to work and back and could easily make a trip to see a dying family member. I knew what she needed most was some cash to help her out. While she was in the bathroom, I put 2- $20. bills in her front purse pocket.
    One of the dishwashers came and asked me if I knew where the money came from (since she spoke very little English) I told him to tell her it must have been form a guardian angel and left it at that. I went back to my work as if I knew nothing.
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    Dec 20, 2015 5:55 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Feel free to share important lessons you learned as a child.

    I learned many lessons as a child, as we all do, especially from my late parents. Whose sayings I still quote & follow to this day. I had 2 great teachers in my life, and they weren't in classrooms. One was my parents, and the other was the US Army.

    Regarding your specific example of charity, that was drilled into my sister & me from my earliest memory. We were told we couldn't be happy ourselves if other people were unhappy. And it was our job to correct that inequality, insofar as we could. I suppose a residual of my parents growing up during the Great Depression and experiencing difficult times, my Mother passing all of her teen years during that decade, and my Father his young adulthood.

    It also had to be anonymous, as your mother explained. The recipient of your gift or help must not know it's from you. I was taught the same thing. That's why I work through charitable organizations, churches, or other third parties, so our identity remains unknown to the actual recipients.

    But then my other teacher, the Army, taught me something else years later. To lead by example, as I've written on RJ elsewhere. I can multiply my impact by enlisting the help of others. I can't do it all by myself. I think of it being like a kind of "force multiplier", a term we used in tactical applications.

    So to potential fellow donors I do advertise what I'm doing, and hope they'll join me. At the risk of appearing to brag & boast, I know. Leave a basket on the steps anonymously, yes, but then get others to do the same thing, too. And my anonymous basket on the steps will be joined by others. Benefiting the needy recipient even more. And those are some lessons I've learned.

    BTW, you kinda left the story unfinished. Do you know what became of that disabled teen? His father's love & devotion brought tears to my eyes.
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    Radd saidWhen I was 5 or 6 years old, I remember my mom made a gift basket for a disabled boy and his family at our church. The boy was about 16 years old but only weighed about 80 pounds I'm guessing. He was in a wheelchair but for some reason the father would frequently leave the wheelchair outside and carry his son to a pew and hold him on his lap throughout the service (maybe the wheelchair was too uncomfortable to sit in for long periods or maybe he just cherished the time he had left with him.) All I really knew about them was that they were very poor and the boy wasn't supposed to live very long.

    My mom made the gift basket by hand and I remember her folding up some money to tuck beneath some of the fruit. I made a card for the boy but she said it was so beautiful she wanted to keep it on our refrigerator (which all at once excited, disappointed and confused me.) When we got to their house she parked the car about a half a block away and instructed me to stay in the car. As we drove away I saw that she had left the basket on their front steps. I remember feeling concerned and I said to her "but how will they know it's from us?" She said "that's not why you give son. It's best to give in secret; that way you know you're doing it for the right reason."

    Feel free to share important lessons you learned as a child.



    ++++++ Best post of the day +++++++
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:11 PM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Read what I posted above. You can express your apology via RJ PE if you like.
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Read what I posted above. You can express your apology via RJ PE if you like.



    that's sad and funny at the same time
    why would he apologize to you? You brag about your materialistic things here constantly how much you have spent and what have you bought and to who
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Read what I posted above. You can express your apology via RJ PE if you like.

    Oh, I read your original post that you deleted. The one where you called me redneck trailer park trash with a sixth grade education. Why don't you hold your breath waiting for that apology you nasty piece of shit?
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1051

    Dec 20, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    This discussion is pretty gay.
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:24 PM GMT
    art deco got owned hard today, that will be a harsh blow to his persona
    will he recover, will we get another post about what new gadget he bought and to who, I am sure
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:35 PM GMT
    bonaparts said
    Art_Deco said
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Read what I posted above. You can express your apology via RJ PE if you like.

    that's sad and funny at the same time
    why would he apologize to you? You brag about your materialistic things here constantly how much you have spent and what have you bought and to who

    First, the recipients of our charitable giving don't know who we are. That's in keeping with the good lesson Radd's mother gave him. Gifts to family or friends are a different issue. I doubt they really think it came down the chimney from Santa Claus.

    Second, I provide product info I hope is useful to others here. Whether you realize it or not, lots of RJ guys own these same things, or may be considering buying them. I often solicit input here first before I buy something, because other guys will also already have these things. And so I offer my own info, too, as a courtesy to them. I suppose you can't understand that concept.

    Last, as I keep emphasizing, I want others to also give charitably. If we don't tell people what we're doing, they're less likely to do something similar themselves, are they? Or to know what their giving options are. DUH! Some of you guys here are just so stupid and unsophisticated it astonishes me. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:43 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    bonaparts said
    Art_Deco said
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Read what I posted above. You can express your apology via RJ PE if you like.

    that's sad and funny at the same time
    why would he apologize to you? You brag about your materialistic things here constantly how much you have spent and what have you bought and to who

    First, the recipients of our charitable giving don't know who we are. That's in keeping with the good lesson Radd's mother gave him. Gifts to family or friends are a different issue. I doubt they really think it came down the chimney from Santa Claus.

    Second, I provide product info I hope is useful to others here. Whether you realize it or not, lots of RJ guys own these same things, or may be considering buying them. I often solicit input here first before I buy something, because other guys will also already have these things. And so I offer my own info, too, as a courtesy to them. I suppose you can't understand that concept.

    Last, as I keep emphasizing, I want others to also give charitably. If we don't tell people what we're doing, they're less likely to do something similar themselves, are they? Or to know what their giving options are. DUH! Some of you guys here are just so stupid and unsophisticated it astonishes me. icon_rolleyes.gif


    You are hardly a spiritual role model or philanthropist, you give more of an impression of a snotty bragging arrogant self absorbing narcissist with avarice hence why your posts revolve around materialistic things and your life, I doubt anyone would consider you an inspiration for charity or anything

  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Dec 20, 2015 6:46 PM GMT
    Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Oh please - ad hominum attacks, especially in the context, are gratuitous but sadly typical of the sort of unremitting sniping and fighting that make RJ so much less than it could be. Great way to twist a lovely story.
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    Dec 20, 2015 6:55 PM GMT
    I think what some people are missing here is it's not only important to keep it secret from the recipient, but also from others as well. The goal is to remove the attention seeking ego from the equation. It doesn't matter who you brag to....it's still feeding the ego and thereby tainting the true act of selflessness. Once you tell someone about your good deeds, it is no longer a selfless act of kindness, but a gift that is redirected to yourself in the form of praise.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2015 7:02 PM GMT
    tazzari saidYour mom is the anti-Art-Deco.

    Oh please - ad hominum attacks, especially in the context, are gratuitous but sadly typical of the sort of unremitting sniping and fighting that make RJ so much less than it could be. Great way to twist a lovely story.

    I'm going to be nice to you because I see you've been in the Special Olympics. I admire that.
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    Dec 20, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    Radd saidI think what some people are missing here is it's not only important to keep it secret from the recipient, but also from others as well. The goal is to remove the attention seeking ego from the equation. It doesn't matter who you brag to....it's still feeding the ego and thereby tainting the true act of selflessness. Once you tell someone about your good deeds, it is no longer a selfless act of kindness, but a gift that is redirected to yourself in the form of praise.



    And again

    ++++++ Best post of the day +++++++
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    Dec 21, 2015 4:03 AM GMT
    bonaparts said
    You are hardly a spiritual role model or philanthropist, you give more of an impression of a snotty bragging arrogant self absorbing narcissist with avarice hence why your posts revolve around materialistic things and your life, I doubt anyone would consider you an inspiration for charity or anything

    And what precisely are you? What do YOU do to inspire charity? If you're doing something, then tell us. Give us a personal example and some ideas to follow. Tell us the philanthropic things you're doing.

    And BTW, you dumbass, avarice means greed, the selfish acquisition of wealth from others. You might look-up the definition online and educate yourself.

    I'm giving my modest money away, not taking it away from others, to those who need it more than me. Especially to those with HIV/AIDS, and also children and young abandoned and homeless LGBT teens. And what exactly are YOU doing?

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    Dec 21, 2015 4:24 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    bonaparts said
    You are hardly a spiritual role model or philanthropist, you give more of an impression of a snotty bragging arrogant self absorbing narcissist with avarice hence why your posts revolve around materialistic things and your life, I doubt anyone would consider you an inspiration for charity or anything

    And what precisely are you? What do YOU do to inspire charity? If you're doing something, then tell us. Give us a personal example and some ideas to follow. Tell us the philanthropic things you're doing.

    And BTW, you dumbass, avarice means greed, the selfish acquisition of wealth from others. You might look-up the definition online and educate yourself.

    I'm giving my modest money away, not taking it away from others, to those who need it more than me. Especially to those with HIV/AIDS, and also children and young abandoned and homeless LGBT teens. And what exactly are YOU doing?



    you might give your money away but it's the attention your crave
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 21, 2015 5:18 AM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    Radd saidI think what some people are missing here is it's not only important to keep it secret from the recipient, but also from others as well. The goal is to remove the attention seeking ego from the equation. It doesn't matter who you brag to....it's still feeding the ego and thereby tainting the true act of selflessness. Once you tell someone about your good deeds, it is no longer a selfless act of kindness, but a gift that is redirected to yourself in the form of praise.



    And again

    ++++++ Best post of the day +++++++


    +1

    As much as I find Art Deco harmless, this simple concept routinely goes over his head.
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    Dec 21, 2015 5:28 AM GMT
    My family was refugees and is Buddhists. As a young child, I didn't know what Christmas was about. Every Christmas, for the years I was growing up, we would find a Christmas tree, undecorated, and a bag filled with wrapped presents in front of our tiny apartment in a poor neighborhood.

    Years later we found out that a local Christian church did that for my family. I now celebrate Christmas every year, even as a Buddhist, to remember the love extended to my family by these Christians.
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    Dec 21, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidMy family was refugees and is Buddhists. As a young child, I didn't know what Christmas was about. Every Christmas, for the years I was growing up, we would find a Christmas tree, undecorated, and a bag filled with wrapped presents in front of our tiny apartment in a poor neighborhood.

    Years later we found out that a local Christian church did that for my family. I now celebrate Christmas every year, even as a Buddhist, to remember the love extended to my family by these Christians.



    Awww, that's really nice. I've always said, you don't have to be a Christian to celebrate Christmas. I bet the people of that church would be touched to know you celebrate Christmas because of them.
  • IgnatiusReill...

    Posts: 159

    Dec 21, 2015 3:36 PM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidThat's sweet. Your mom is the anti-Art-Deco. When I was little I was scared of Santa Claus and wouldn't sit on his lap. My mom still tells how my sister told Santa she didn't want anything but gave him a long list of stuff to bring her baby brother. And she's always looked out for me even though I'm over twice her size now.


    You will always be her "baby" brother, an eternal bond you share with her. icon_smile.gif
  • IgnatiusReill...

    Posts: 159

    Dec 21, 2015 3:42 PM GMT
    Radd saidI think what some people are missing here is it's not only important to keep it secret from the recipient, but also from others as well. The goal is to remove the attention seeking ego from the equation. It doesn't matter who you brag to....it's still feeding the ego and thereby tainting the true act of selflessness. Once you tell someone about your good deeds, it is no longer a selfless act of kindness, but a gift that is redirected to yourself in the form of praise.


    Amen!
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    Dec 21, 2015 4:22 PM GMT
    whytehot said
    As much as I find Art Deco harmless, this simple concept routinely goes over his head.

    No, the simple concept that most of YOU do not understand is the promotion of charitable giving, not the promotion of myself. You have a stereotypical image fixed in your mind and you cannot escape from that.

    Most of my local friends here don't know about our charitable giving. They may see us at some fundraiser functions, but they don't know the details, nor do I advertise them.

    That's because these events & drives are already heavily advertised locally. There are flyers, posters, newspaper & magazine ads, email blasts, their own development staffs spreading the word. I don't need to get involved in their promotion, or to mention my involvement.

    So that in our local community I do remain anonymous in both ways: from the receivers of the charity, naturally, especially since most of the things I do are through agencies who actually deal with the persons in need. And also anonymous within the broader community itself, except for any agency contacts through which I donate. In that regard I am identical to Radd's Mom.

    But what I'm doing on RJ and elsewhere online is on the Internet, online. Which has its own kind of built-in anonymity. You don't know who I am, and likely will never meet me in person. I consider what I post here about charity like doing an advertisement, to spread the word and encourage others to contribute.

    After all, did anyone say Radd was "bragging" about his mother, and the giving she did. Of course not. He inspired others with that story. Yet we knew it was his mother.

    I suppose if I told these stories in terms of some imaginary "guy I know" instead of about myself then everything would be OK. Not as much credibility, but a lot less grief for myself here, and fewer personal attacks from the chronic haters in these forums.