Progress and Thoughts

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2015 10:39 PM GMT
    So I've been on RJ for a while and the number one topic of discussion that always interested me was coming out stories. Well, I'd sit here and wonder when I'd get the courage to do it, well the courage appeared and it happened.

    I came out to two people this year, one of them I never imagined even coming out to. One friend of mine, she's bi and told me before so it was much easier telling her. But, the guy I came out to is straight and that was the hardest one (so far).

    I'm really happy that I did come out to him, although it was kind of weird the way I came out to him. He's friends with a guy I had a crush on and thought was gay, so I asked him and then he asked me why and I told him.

    Did anyone else ever come out to a straight guy and feel like things might be different between you two after? I sometimes get that vibe from my straight friend, but I don't know if it's just in my head. Maybe it's also because I sort of talked to him about the type of guy that I liked, and only after realized that that may not be the best topic of discussion to have with a straight guy.

    Honestly, I think the reason why I talked to him about that was because I never had another guy to talk to about this sort of thing. It just feels so good to have someone to talk about it with in real life.
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    Dec 27, 2015 10:50 PM GMT
    LOL. Yes, a thousand times.

    The first straight person I can recall coming out to was at the age of 16 or may be I was 17. He told me I needed psychological therapy but was otherwise discreet to others.

    The second one I came to was this sexy guy who also did not say anything except for expressing his shock at me. He asked me if I fancy him and I said yes I do which made this awkward between him and I. He told all his others friends about my sexuality though.

    The third guy I came out to was towards the end of high school, he was very supportive and gave me his number if am ever with a heavy heart and want to talk it out.


    There are a lot many straight guys I have come out to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2015 11:03 PM GMT
    the well adjusted citizen on the street really dosnt care if your gay. really no ones business.

    being gay is a great thing and for most gay men it is a boost to be out. you are going to loose some people tho.

    now about that profile pic?
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    Dec 27, 2015 11:09 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    I've friends in my life for 50 years and more, and even at our age we still do sleepovers, especially when out of town as we live all over the place by now. For me its mostly been a non issue. Some of the guys even use my sexual orientation in their story telling: in their joking around about pussy, they purposely involve me in those conversations. Sometimes cute, sometimes funny, sometimes awkward, always loving. I've had some individually admit that as they age they notice themselves starting to look at guys (& who wouldn't get tired of pussy, ick).

    But what they don't know is there's another of us who's still in the closet, only coming to terms with his sexual self this late in life, and not just gay, nor even bi, but pansexual. Try finding support for that. So he's afraid of everything about coming out, out only to me. So while I haven't been in a closet in more than 30 years, now find myself the keeper of one. Keeper of the closet.

    How that plays is up to my friend. He knows I've got his back. I don't push him in any direction though the other day he was discussing a conflict and I did make mention that with the closet comes conflict. That's just a fact.
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    Dec 28, 2015 12:03 AM GMT
    ricky1987 saidLOL. Yes, a thousand times.

    The first straight person I can recall coming out to was at the age of 16 or may be I was 17. He told me I needed psychological therapy but was otherwise discreet to others.

    The second one I came to was this sexy guy who also did not say anything except for expressing his shock at me. He asked me if I fancy him and I said yes I do which made this awkward between him and I. He told all his others friends about my sexuality though.

    The third guy I came out to was towards the end of high school, he was very supportive and gave me his number if am ever with a heavy heart and want to talk it out.


    There are a lot many straight guys I have come out to.


    Did you ever talk to that third guy about anything? My friend told me that if I ever needed to talk he was there for me, but I just feel it's kind of weird to just bring it up. It makes me feel sort of self-centered.

    @Pellaz: I wish there were more "well adjusted" people in the street. That way it wouldn't be an issue at all. Also, did I do something wrong with my profile picture?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Dec 28, 2015 4:39 AM GMT
    Jinzo said

    I'm really happy that I did come out to him, although it was kind of weird the way I came out to him. He's friends with a guy I had a crush on and thought was gay, so I asked him and then he asked me why and I told him.

    Did anyone else ever come out to a straight guy and feel like things might be different between you two after? I sometimes get that vibe from my straight friend, but I don't know if it's just in my head. Maybe it's also because I sort of talked to him about the type of guy that I liked, and only after realized that that may not be the best topic of discussion to have with a straight guy.

    Honestly, I think the reason why I talked to him about that was because I never had another guy to talk to about this sort of thing. It just feels so good to have someone to talk about it with in real life.


    Most of your longtime, real friends are likely to feel/suspect that you may be gay. If they are your friends they know you. If a str8 dude was unsuspecting, and you came out to him, the dynamics is very likely to change. He knows that you are playing for the other team, and is either seeing you as someone he is not in competition with and/or as someone who may be potentially interested in jumping his bones, too.icon_biggrin.gif A few str8 guys will have an ever changing attitude towards the latter scenario. This is how the cookie crumbles here...

    Yup. You should be able to talk about your sexual preferences with people whom you consider to be your close friends regardless of their sexual orientation. If they really want to stay your friends they'll simply have to embrace your sexual orientation as something that is an important part of your personality. Good friends will invariably develop a degree of empathy towards the feelings you have. They will try to see your point and understand it or even internalize it to a degree. That's how they stay friends. After all, you do the very same for them. You, too start understanding that Mike out there likes the small-framed girls with smaller boobs. And, he starts understanding that you, too, have a preferred type, too.

    SC
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 280

    Dec 28, 2015 1:54 PM GMT
    Good job! There are plenty of cool straight guys out there these days.
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    Dec 28, 2015 2:31 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 6:30 PM GMT
    Jinzo said
    ricky1987 saidLOL. Yes, a thousand times.

    The first straight person I can recall coming out to was at the age of 16 or may be I was 17. He told me I needed psychological therapy but was otherwise discreet to others.

    The second one I came to was this sexy guy who also did not say anything except for expressing his shock at me. He asked me if I fancy him and I said yes I do which made this awkward between him and I. He told all his others friends about my sexuality though.

    The third guy I came out to was towards the end of high school, he was very supportive and gave me his number if am ever with a heavy heart and want to talk it out.


    There are a lot many straight guys I have come out to.


    Did you ever talk to that third guy about anything? My friend told me that if I ever needed to talk he was there for me, but I just feel it's kind of weird to just bring it up. It makes me feel sort of self-centered.

    @Pellaz: I wish there were more "well adjusted" people in the street. That way it wouldn't be an issue at all. Also, did I do something wrong with my profile picture?


    No, I never kept in touch with him after school. Around 2-3 years later I spotted him at the airport in Mumbai. We were in the same flight too. He was with two other people. I guess, he was also coming home for Diwali, I don't know. I looked the other way in order to avoid any eye contact.

    I also spotted the second guy at the mall last year. It was awkward. He was with two guys, may be his cousins or friends. I avoided him too but I noticed that he saw me and avoided me too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2015 3:00 AM GMT
    Two straight guys I recall coming out to:

    1. My best friend. He didn't care and we're still friends. He asked me to be his best man at his wedding.

    2. My college roommate, who was a fraternity brother. He didn't care either. We lost touch after graduation but last I heard, he's doing well. Got married and has two sons now. I'm very happy for him!