Not truly attractive in the gay world unless you are muscular?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 7:33 AM GMT
    I got told today at the gym that I would be hot if I just 'gained some muscle'. I am not a stick by any means and have actually gained some muscle in the past two years (went from 160 to 170, which is AWESOME for me!). I am usually confident but that comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Seeing how media popularizes the muscular aesthetic, can a gay man be truly hot or gorgeous if he isn't rippling with muscles?
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Dec 29, 2015 7:57 AM GMT
    Yes, why not?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 8:03 AM GMT
    Of course everyone is looking for something different. Some like thin, average muscular, slightly pudgy, chubby, and even fat. The person who said that was kind of rude and forward though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 8:36 AM GMT
    Beauty, as with many other things in life, is subjective. You define what is attractive for your body. Who cares what others think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 11:53 AM GMT
    My response would have been something along the lines of, "What's really attractive is a guy with tact and brains."
  • tallsdmuscle

    Posts: 34

    Dec 29, 2015 1:00 PM GMT
    You look great! They need glasses...
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 268

    Dec 29, 2015 1:47 PM GMT
    Yes. For me at least there is in fact such a thing as too muscular.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 1:48 PM GMT
    I know I'd be hit on if I were muscular.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 1:51 PM GMT
    Anticipating the age-old observation that you have to have muscle to get muscle: Absolutely not, as long as you're pretty. And white. lol

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    Dec 29, 2015 1:56 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidMy response would have been something along the lines of, "What's really attractive is a guy with tact and brains."


    ^^This...

    Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Everyone has his own preference as to what he defines as beautiful. I would advise you to don't even take that comment to heart. Think of yourself as beautiful, and people would see you the same.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    Trust me, OP... you are hot. I know. ;-)
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Dec 29, 2015 2:56 PM GMT
    Beauty and appeal definitely starts from within. Everyone has their own perspective on aesthetics. Genuine attraction is one without conditions, so in other words the guy was crude.
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Dec 29, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    just wait until "for your age" gets added to everything
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 3:18 PM GMT
    I think it's very much like the "book / cover" analogy...

    We know we're not supposed to judge books by their covers, but we all know that the cover is what makes you want to pick it off the shelf and see what's inside.

    Sometimes the cover is just a pretty dust jacket, and the book itself is crap inside. Sometimes, regardless of the cover, the story inside is amazing.

    There are those who will pick books just to put them on their own shelf to make it look like a collection of beautiful things... even though they've never read them and found out what's on the inside.

    I'm much more a fan of the well-read book, that sits on the nightstand and I go to bed with every night, with the dust cover set aside so the respectable cover can be seen. I'll thumb through those pages and read and re-read over and over again, each time finding something new and exciting.

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    Dec 29, 2015 4:04 PM GMT
    Nebraskakid467 saidI got told today at the gym that I would be hot if I just 'gained some muscle'. I am not a stick by any means and have actually gained some muscle in the past two years (went from 160 to 170, which is AWESOME for me!). I am usually confident but that comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Seeing how media popularizes the muscular aesthetic, can a gay man be truly hot or gorgeous if he isn't rippling with muscles?


    What do you want to be

    loved, valued, prayed for, a member of a clan, a partner or team member in a domestic enterprise so when it's time to buy big purchases: rent/mortgage, luxury car, luxury refrigerator, queen size bed with a good set of bed clothes, a baby, showing one has valued your character and capability to partner with you and have your in-laws invest in you too, or just want to sit at a dining room table with you on holidays

    attractive

    gorgeous

    hot

    So, what is it for you, a, b, c, or d?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 4:08 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidAnticipating the age-old observation that you have to have muscle to get muscle: Absolutely not, as long as you're pretty. And white. lol



    You have been removed from my hot list, blocked, and all of your posts are now hidden from me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 4:09 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidI think it's very much like the "book / cover" analogy...

    We know we're not supposed to judge books by their covers, but we all know that the cover is what makes you want to pick it off the shelf and see what's inside.

    I'm much more a fan of the well-read book, that sits on the nightstand and I go to bed with every night, with the dust cover set aside so the respectable cover can be seen. I'll thumb through those pages and read and re-read over and over again, each time finding something new and exciting.

    Great image - I'll bet a lot of us are picturing you thumbing through Nebraskakid's pages all night, finding exciting and stimulating things, until he is entirely worn out. I know I am; and I think you've probably made his day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2015 4:19 PM GMT
    Noeton saidYes, why not?

    +1
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    Dec 29, 2015 4:27 PM GMT
    Hey, kid - you're hot. You don't need to fish for compliments (if you are). Just look at all the comments on your pics - a lot of guys on RJ think you look great. So one guy at the gym says you would be hotter looking if you had more muscle - Guess what? He already thinks you're a goodlooking guy (or he wouldn't have said anything), and probably would love to bed you - just that if you had a lot more muscule, you would fit his fantasy of "smokin" hot. So keep doing what you're doing, and stay confident. You may never become a super-model, but neither will 99.99% of the rest of the gay world.
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    Dec 29, 2015 4:34 PM GMT
    'you'd be hot if you gained some muscle'

    'you're hot for your age'

    'you're hot for a [insert race here] guy'

    People are stupid. Just don't listen to 'em.
  • MarkPhoenix

    Posts: 24

    Dec 29, 2015 5:04 PM GMT
    Some guys are into muscles, some aren't. Different strokes for different folks.

    I usually don't find guys attractive unless they are muscular.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Dec 29, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
    As others have pointed out in this thread, beauty is subjective. I, personally, have always been attracted to muscular men. I used to be extremely, absurdly, skinny and figured that the only way to attract muscular men was to gain muscle. In the gay world it seems that muscular men are always partnered with other muscular men. So, I learned how to lift and I went from 121 lbs to 177 lbs in 3 years, but still could not attract the sort of men that I am attracted to.

    The moral of the story: muscle alone does not make one attractive.
  • akapaolo

    Posts: 18

    Dec 29, 2015 5:24 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidIt's a douchy thing to tell someone they'd be hot if they changed something physical about him or herself.

    Whoever talked to you in this way is a real jerk.

    And yes, people can be sexy without having a gym muscled body.


    I had that said to me just recently on adam4adam. I was told to get rid of the glasses, mustache and work out everyday. I was told I looked like an average guy who sits all day watching TV. I was first offended then thought how could he tell by looking at a photo of me from the chest up wearing clothes? Well, he is obviously superficial and shallow.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Dec 29, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    You look great! Don't buy into that mindset of perpetual dissatisfaction.
  • dumbbell

    Posts: 32

    Dec 29, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    Apparently the "dad bod" is now a thing, promoted as a cuddly, more realistic male image standard based on chocolate bars as opposed to parallel bars. But you won't see much evidence of that on RJ. I have considered the muscle question myself for twenty plus years.

    Particularly as a vertically-limited dude, training with weights was a way of attempting to compensate in my twenties, and a largely effective one too. As I got older, I even began to appreciate the mesomorph advantage for putting on muscle. I came to enjoy the approval, the comments, the touching and the sex that came with a feeling of happiness, strength and confidence. At 5'6", I jacked myself up with much determination to 165 lbs with 6 1/2" wrists -- not normal, and quite time-consuming, lifestyle-limiting and expensive -- without even getting into the stuff that would have put me well beyond the 165.

    These are dollars and hours I have spent on my physique and its effect on my sense of self. Truth be told, it has had precious little to do with health, and it would be a stretch to say I did it to help my fellow man. Still, I think the pluses have outweighed the minuses, and believe it is good for a man to put some meat on his bones even if for no other reason than just to enjoy that feeling of being a man.

    Contrary to what some others have written, I think it's probably not fair or realistic to expect that you're not supposed to care about how others perceive and react to your looks. People are social, men are mostly visual and this goes double for gay men. And we like to be liked -- it feels nice. Just keep in mind that superficial approval based on appearance isn't worth much. Build the body you want -- for you.

    One harsh but true observation: lifting weights doesn't fix ugly -- and that's one thing you definitely don't have to worry about.