have a relation with a gay man who has already a kid

  • ignaceqbc

    Posts: 204

    Dec 30, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    Hi every body...for me i can not accept this. any comment or helps?
    Thanks
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    Dec 30, 2015 2:28 PM GMT
    What help do you need? It is your life; live it as you see fit. Although you may not be so very strong in your conviction; otherwise, you wouldn't be asking for comments or advice. So here's my 2 cents worth:

    As Polonius said to Laertes in Sheakspeare's Hamlet: To thine ownself be true.

    It is as simple as that.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 30, 2015 3:20 PM GMT
    WHAT is the problem here?



    icon_confused.gif
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    Dec 30, 2015 3:25 PM GMT
    I don't understand why that'd be an issue. Do you hate kids? It's understandable if you do, but otherwise I don't understand.
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    Dec 30, 2015 3:40 PM GMT
    ignaceqbc saidHi every body...for me i can not accept this. any comment or helps?
    Thanks


    The child's needs take precedence over those of you or your boyfriend. Period.

    If you can't accept this, do the boyfriend and the kid a favor and leave.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Dec 30, 2015 3:50 PM GMT
    For me, I am too young and have no desire to have children until I frivilously spend money on shit (like rhinoplasty and my hairline lowered) and get my career going.

    This would actually, despite me not wanting to say so, be a deal breaker for me. But that is because I've spent so far all my youth in school and starting a career-- I want to have a few years where I can be SELFISH and focus on me. Have a child? That child should be your focus, and any fool saying otherwise is denying that child a proper upbringing. I've dealt with enough children coming from homes where parents went on trips to Hawaii and such and nonstop left the child alone, it is sad. Really sad actually. If you cannot commit to the child, then you cannot commit to the relationship. That is my opinion and I hold onto it stubbornly, I've had too much first hand experience with parents being selfish and neglected children.

    ON THE OTHER HAND THOUGH, if you are ready to make that commitment and to love this child as if he/she was your own... go for it. I think there is a lot of beauty in that, and if you are ready for it I totally encourage and support you. But realize that this is, assuming you're not looking for a fling, going to be MANY YEARS of commitment. Sit down and think about your own life and what you want out of it, and be HONEST-- do not paint yourself as a saint. Honestly sit down and think if you're willing to spend of your own salary on this child, if you're ready to pick them up from school, if you're ready to bandage their wounds if they get hurt. Be ready, and be honest. If you are ready though, as I said earlier, totally go for it.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Dec 30, 2015 5:06 PM GMT

    No it's perfectly fine and even better that you don't accept it. If this is the way you feel, there is no need to fight it.

    There is nothing wrong with you if you don't want to burden yourself with someone elses mistake err a, decision. icon_smile.gif


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    Dec 30, 2015 7:14 PM GMT
    I don't know.
    Is he a younger hotter version of his dad--defensive end for the Razorbacks?
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    Dec 30, 2015 7:39 PM GMT
    Better you know it now, rather than try to pretend to be all 'nice nice' with the kid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2015 7:45 PM GMT
    ignaceqbc said...for me i can not accept this...
    accepting someone eases child has to be 100% or it likely will not work out.
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    Dec 31, 2015 2:20 AM GMT
    Two words: Baby sitter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2015 2:33 AM GMT
    Two better words: Boarding School

    (Babysitter is one compound word)
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    Dec 31, 2015 5:29 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidTwo better words: Boarding School

    (Babysitter is one compound word)


    Lol. And I know -- just trying to be amusing.
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    Dec 31, 2015 5:47 AM GMT
    I would date a man with kids in a heartbeat. Actually, I already have. I stuck with that relationship longer than I should have because I loved his kids. Too bad he was an emotionally cold douche bag.
    A man my age with a small child is my kryptonite!
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Dec 31, 2015 5:54 AM GMT
    I could get into it, but would probably prefer a proverbial "clean slate." Life is too complicated to superimpose arbitrary criteria with any meaningful force.

    Nobody is perfect, so if you're waiting for that, you'll be single a long time. And that's regardless or whether you're seeking a man with a child or running from men with children. Just be open to accept things. Accepting a few perceived "dings" sometimes turn out to be the high points later, and perfection should not be the enemy of progress.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Dec 31, 2015 6:23 AM GMT
    There is no universal truth about it. If a guy feels that he should be going into, say, a serious LTR with someone who has a kid, well, yeah, more power to him.

    On a more objective level, you should be aware of the fact that you are about to enter a very asymmetrical relationship. For the natural 'givers' this is usually not much of an issue. For the 'takers' or for the very balanced guys in this respect, the asymmetry involved is very likely to be a lasting source of problems and tensions. As always knowing thyself is of essence here.

    SC





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2015 7:55 AM GMT
    duluthrunner said
    UndercoverMan saidTwo better words: Boarding School

    (Babysitter is one compound word)


    Lol. And I know -- just trying to be amusing.


    And technically you are right - two words just jambed into one.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Dec 31, 2015 11:53 PM GMT
    A man my age with a small child is my kryptonite!


    Get your Testosterone levels checked. icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2016 7:41 AM GMT
    To each his own. Some guys want kids, and others don't. You are in the latter group, so don't get involved with a man that has kids. It's not rocket science.
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    Jan 02, 2016 6:57 PM GMT
    If you cannot accept this, that is your issue and you need to find someone who has no kid(s). Problem solved! icon_rolleyes.gif