when you gain some weight, suddenly not as attractive anymore?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    so this post almost similar with the thread "Not truly attractive in the gay world unless you are muscular?"

    Though the difference is this happen because I gain weight. Around 10 lbs or less. And the person who commented on it was actually my bf. He didn't mean it in a bad way. He's a nice guy. He just said with a chuckle something like, "you didn't have 'this' a few months ago", while pinching my now fuller cheeks and poking my love handles. "You will look better just like you used to be if you watch your diet"

    The thing is, a few months ago I was ill and hospitalized for a couple of weeks. And now, the medicine that I have to take have some kind of side effect. It increases my appetite and change how my body stores fat. I couldn't really explain this medical stuff. But because of that, I gain weight. And I can't go to the gym and do what I used to do anymore. Treadmill is ok. I can do that at home. So I haven't gone to the gym in a couple of months now. And I still have to take this medicine for at least another six months.

    I guess I hadn't told him that about my medicine. He was very supportive back then when I was sick.
    So when he saw that I was sort of in a terrible mood, he asked me what's wrong, and I told him.
    He said he was sorry, he didn't know, and didn't mean it that way. Kept assuring me that I look just fine.

    I mean I didn't blame him that I felt bad about my weight. It had happened before. About two and a half years ago. I was ill and hospitalized. took the same medicine. And became quite fat. Gained around 25 lbs. I had to buy new pants and shirts. New pants size 33, and I used to wear size 28. And shirts from size small to medium. It all happened quickly in two months during the summer. I got sick after the semester ended in May. And got back to class in August. everyone stared at me. Amazingly my friends were just too polite to say something bad about it. But I lost all of my weight by having good diet once my doctor took me off the medicine. That's all. Still though, I felt quite depressed about it back then.

    By contrast, my parents are actually happy that now I have "some meat" on my body. They're happy seeing my cheeks gotten chubbier. icon_biggrin.gif I guess they didn't like me looking skinny. They told me not to change my diet.
    But it's alright. i still wear the same size of clothes. I think it will be easy to lose all this weight once I don't have to take this medicine anymore.

    Any similar story?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2015 3:04 PM GMT
    You should have been more upfront with your boyfriend. I take it you too aren't serious if you are on medication that has drastic effects or your body and appitie as well as not being able to lift weights by doctor's orders and you don't feel the desire to keep your guy informed about your health. As far as your parents, parents tend to care about their children when they leave the house. In their eyes an angular face means you aren't eating enough because they aren't providing for you anymore. Gaining just a few pounds just put there mind at ease. After all studies show a slightly elevated amount of body fat is healthy. Since they aren't looking at you in a sexual way a few extra pounds means something different to them than to your boyfriend.

    I ended up hurting my back a year ago. Even though the weight I gained was my fault. I could barely walk straight for three months. I had just recently lost 96lbs. The guys around town who had suddenly started talking to me in a cordial manner stop just as soon as I gained some of the weight back. Its good that I went through that though. Getting in shape won't go to my head now, seeing how fickle gay guys can be even when it comes to common kindness. I'll also be mentality prepared for injuries in the future. Looking at my clients I see that people who are highly active are very prone to injuries associated with their chosen activities.
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    Dec 31, 2015 3:22 PM GMT
    I would never criticize a boyfriend for gaining some weight. Yeah, maybe if they gained lots, then it would become a medical concern.

    If you're in a long term relationship or marriage, they really have to understand the "for better or for worse" part. Getting sick is one of them. And everybody will age, so what happens to your relationship when your looks start to mature?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 31, 2015 4:17 PM GMT
    It sounds like a temporary weight gain. Maybe the bf is just nudging you to keep on track? Parents can't be trusted when it comes to diet. By and large, most parents don't take responsibility for childhood obesity. Their ancient parental instincts just say to fill bellies. They are not adapted to the modern treacherous food landscape, and they are criticized by our backwards culture if they fat shame on any level. Your bf may also be criticized by people who are sensitive about their own weight insecurities, but that's beside the point. It can't possibly be good for your physical or mental health to let yourself gain several inches around your waist. Bottom line, if my hubby develops a Buddha belly I will love him and kiss him and take away his beer and cookies and harp on him to get healthy, because I am the one who's there for him in sickness and health. No one else cares as much.
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    Jan 01, 2016 6:56 AM GMT
    Is the medication you're taking an antidepressant?
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    Jan 01, 2016 7:22 AM GMT
    bachian saidIs the medication you're taking an antidepressant?

    I was hospitalized because of peptic ulcer.

    MrFuscle saidYou should have been more upfront with your boyfriend. I take it you too aren't serious if you are on medication that has drastic effects or your body and appitie as well as not being able to lift weights by doctor's orders and you don't feel the desire to keep your guy informed about your health.


    Yes I should have been more upfront with him. He was actually upset that I didn't tell him about it. I only didn't tell him about the side effect. The weight gain didn't start until a few weeks ago because I actually have been eating less since the medication. I knew I would gain weight. I guess at some point I just let it go.
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    Jan 01, 2016 9:56 AM GMT
    ^

    I asked this because I've experimented with many orexigenic drugs. I've learned that when it comes to libido and appetite, it takes two to tango. You can take an appetite increasing drug, but it still needs your collaboration to work ("work" means extra food consumed) There's nothing the drug can do if your mind says NO. Weight gain is not a mandatory side effect if your appetite increases.

    Food compulsion alone is a big problem that only gets multiplied by such drugs, so in terms of dealing with the weight gain, perhaps the focus should be on eliminating this compulsion (psychotherapy?) rather than stressing over a drug that exposed it.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 02, 2016 12:07 AM GMT
    This is nonsense. People do not suddenly become fat. It is a gradual process. People think that just one or two pounds will not matter, and they are right. However, the aggregate does matter because those one or two pounds adds up to a lot of pounds.

    If people have a tendency to gain weight they should resolve not to exceed a certain weight and as that point approaches, take corrective action. It's easier to avoid gaining weight than it is to lose weight.
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    Jan 02, 2016 12:36 AM GMT
    FRE0 saidThis is nonsense. People do not suddenly become fat. It is a gradual process. People think that just one or two pounds will not matter, and they are right. However, the aggregate does matter because those one or two pounds adds up to a lot of pounds.

    If people have a tendency to gain weight they should resolve not to exceed a certain weight and as that point approaches, take corrective action. It's easier to avoid gaining weight than it is to lose weight.


    He could've been retaining water, which might've made him look puffy. That isn't what happened here, but it's an example of relatively sudden weight gain...
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    Jan 02, 2016 1:57 AM GMT
    I think a lot of you are so anti fat you aren't even comprehending the OP.

    1. He did not get fat. He gained 10 pounds or less.
    2. He did not gain weight because he was over eating due to an increased appetite. He clearly mentions that he was eating less.

    At less than 10 pounds a lout of this could be that the medication affects the way he retains water. He gained 25lbs the first time this happened but only 10 pounds the second which could be attributed to to his eating less. OP I am happy you and your boyfriend are now handling this together. I also recommend that you disgust the side affects with your primary care physician and come up with a plan that will allow you to continue to take the medication as long as it is beneficial while not changing your quality of life. The change in your quality of life puts you at risk of not adhering to taking your medication and neither you or your doctor want that. take care.
  • Pompous

    Posts: 6

    Jan 02, 2016 2:23 AM GMT
    S2Ki saidI would never criticize a boyfriend for gaining some weight. Yeah, maybe if they gained lots, then it would become a medical concern.

    If you're in a long term relationship or marriage, they really have to understand the "for better or for worse" part. Getting sick is one of them. And everybody will age, so what happens to your relationship when your looks start to mature?


    I agree. Now a little extra weight gained would be okay but if they're just throwing on the pounds like it isn't nothing then I would probably sit down and have a talk before the weight gain getting out of control.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jan 02, 2016 6:17 AM GMT
    You gained weight from being in the hospital, where the hell is the reality check on people? Your boyfriend sounds completely like a jerk for bringing that up after a surgery. I cannot even begin to express my awe-- and from an invasive surgery a few months is not always enough to be fully recovered. This is a big flashing warning light to me.

    While it may come across as harsh, I think you need to evaluate if you're with someone who is dangerously superficial. Are you looking for a temporary fling? Maybe a year long relationship until you find someone more suitable? My sincere advice is that if your boyfriend is this superficial that any plans you had for a long-term should be squelched.

    "Oh but why? I'll just be skinny!" because looks do fade, people get older and more tired, people realize they aren't as medically "perfect" as they did during their 20s and if "Hey I actually just found out I have a heart condition honey" doesn't send 95% of superficial men away then little else will.

    If anything, the fact you were so bugged by this that you decided to come to Realjock to post about it-- you should be speaking OPENLY, CLEARLY, and HONESTLY to him about what he wants and needs. If you can't even do that then there was no relationship in the first place.
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    Jan 02, 2016 7:42 AM GMT
    Thanks for the concern.
    But I have to say, he's a nice guy and always supportive. It was just a comment, not really a serious one. One time only. The fact that I felt bad was not all because of him. He didn't know about the side effect of my meds. I posted this thread because there's similar topic on the forum, I just thought I would post it.
    To be fair my parents and brothers made a lot of fun of me when I got fat two years ago. Poking my belly, stroking it like I had a bun in the oven and stuff. But I just laughed it off. Because I knew they loved me and it was just a friendly banter.

    I didn't have surgery. But I was hospitalized because of the intense pain that I had, I couldn't do anything at all including eating and drinking without having any pain. I was dehydrated. And even so they only gave me the medicine for the pain two times a day, they didn't want me dependent on medication. And during all those times, he was always supportive.

    I guess what's been suggested is right. It has a lot to do with stress. But the medication is sure to make me want to eat more. A lot. I didn't realize how bad it could be two years ago, that it could make me gain lots of weight, and fast. Before the medication, I basically could eat anything that I wanted, as much as I wanted, without getting fat. But it's changed now.
    Now that I'm wiser, I can control it more.
    It's just that a few weeks ago I started to care less and ate a lot. And it shows now. But only a little. And now, I guess I'm back to watching my diet. And I'm doing so because I want to. For me.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2016 3:51 PM GMT
    ^My husband is 37 and he had to go on blood pressure medication last year. His job is extremely stressful. His nickname at work is Stress. I entirely blame his career for his need to be on BP medication at such a relatively young age. His medication can lower his metabolism. Interestingly, healthy eating and exercise not only combats the side effects of the medication, but it combats stress and causes him to need less of the medication. His health and sanity are far better off if he doesn't gain weight. He was never really fat either, he was just hovering at fit/normal. Now he's superfit. And, yes, on a superficial level, his body looks sexier, but I guess that's generally beside the point.